Taking Heart (7 page)

Only fifteen minutes into their hike, Ren stopped walking. “Can we take a
break for a second?” she asked, clutching at her side as she panted. “I’ve got
to drink some water.”

He pulled out two water bottles from his backpack and held one out to
her. “You feel okay?”

She shook her head. “I’m way out of shape, apparently.”

“You’re doing fine,” he said, slightly out of breath himself. “Honestly,
I needed a break too. I blame the thin air and
not
the fact that I
haven’t worked out consistently in three months.”

Ren took a big gulp of water, eyeing him sideways. “You know why I
haven’t worked out in several weeks. What’s your story?”

He shrugged. “Just major heart surgery.”

Her eyes rounded as her eyes flicked down to his chest. “I’m sorry to
hear that. I guess the surgery went well?”

“Yeah.” He took another deep breath. “I feel like a different person. It
makes me wonder if they put the right heart back in.”

Ren’s eyebrows furrowed. She said nothing else but looked at him oddly,
even after they continued the hike.

“What?” he finally asked.

Ren blinked a few times before averting her eyes. “What
what
?”

“Why were you looking at me like that?”

“I wasn’t looking at you like anything,” she said and moved ahead.

“Whatever. You were too.” He caught up and tried to mimic the expression
she’d been wearing for the past few minutes.

“Okay, now you’re freaking me out,” Ren said and edged away. “You’re not
going to go all psycho and murder me out here in the wilderness, are you?”

He threw his hands up in the air. “Thank you! See? You were giving me the
exact same look a few moments ago.”

“Sorry. I didn't notice.” She grinned sheepishly. “I was just wondering
if your tastes have changed after your surgery.”

“Sure, some things. Why?”

“I’ve heard of that happening,” she said with a nonchalant shrug that
came across as anything but. “Do you happen to like chocolate?”

Eric didn’t know where she was headed with this line of questioning, but
he guessed she was working towards a point. At least, he hoped she was. “Yes,
but I didn’t care for it much before the operation.”

Her eyes lit up. “Really?”

She seemed excited about something, so he decided to keep talking.
Anything was better than those psycho looks. “You know, now that I think about
it, I used to like salty things before the operation. And now I like sweet as
well.” The shift in his taste palette had been almost imperceptible, so much so
that he hadn’t even thought about it until just now.

“What about peanut butter? Do you like peanut butter?” she asked,
stepping over a small, fallen tree.

“Who doesn’t like peanut butter?”

“Olives? The green ones with the red things in the center?”

He paused. “Uh, no.”

Her face fell and he got the distinct feeling that the magic she’d been
busy spinning had suddenly run out of thread. “Oh.”

“I like dried cranberries,” he offered like a peasant trying to appease
his queen. “And Nutella?”

A small smile formed on her lips. “Everyone likes Nutella,” she said with
a begrudging tone, but for the moment, he knew she was satisfied. He still
didn’t know what had just happened, but it left a peculiar feeling in his
stomach, as if something important had been established but he’d been too slow
to comprehend.

chapter
five

Ren could not stop herself from staring at Eric, even as the trail got
steeper past the timberline and her feet began to move like lead weights. Even
though he was acting slightly off—a little less generous with
words—she now saw him through different colored glasses. And, finally,
her feelings of guilt were allayed as she realized there was a perfectly good
explanation as to why she felt an inexplicable pull towards him.

He had been given Ben’s heart.

She remembered distinctly the conversation she'd had with Ben’s father
about what they had done with Ben’s body after the accident. She had hidden her
dismay behind her façade of strength, but had been horrified at the thought
that Ben was to be cut up into a dozen or so pieces like wild game and
distributed to different parts of the country. He was healthy, the doctors
said, and healthy organs were almost always in short supply.

But now a piece of Ben had found its way back, had willed the body in
which it was encased to find her, to meet her here in Colorado and woo her once
again like he’d done once before. She felt absolutely giddy with the
possibilities.

Ben was back.

“Ren, you’re acting weird.” Eric set down his backpack on a sizeable
boulder and pulled out the water bottles again. “Are you feeling dizzy or weak?
Nausea?”

She climbed on a nearby boulder and sat down, a wide Cheshire-cat grin on
her face. “Nope, nope, and nope,” she said and took a drink of water.

“Are you feeling dehydrated?” He leaned closer, possibly to inspect her,
and she grabbed his cheeks and planted a smacking kiss on his nose. He pulled
away, startled. “Uh…”

Ren stood up on the rock, realizing that they were actually already at
the peak, and held her arms out wide. “I’m feeling freaking fantastic!” she
yelled, expecting an echo, but her words were bled dry by the wind. She turned
to Eric with wide eyes. “
Byer’s Peak rocks
!”

“We’re not at Byer’s Peak yet. This is just one of the false summits,” he
said, holding his arms out to steady her. “Hey, careful. That’s one hell of a
fall.”

She looked around, feeling as if she were floating above herself as the
entire jagged mountain range unfolded before her and faded off into the gauzy
horizon. One could almost imagine flying off…

“Okay, Ren, come down right now.” The worried tone in Eric’s voice caught
her attention and she spun on her heel to look down at him. With a nod she
jumped off the rock and threw her arms around his neck. “Drink some more water.
We’re leaving,” he said, pulling away awkwardly.

She took a jubilant gulp of the refreshing liquid. “What? Why? We haven’t
even reached the real summit yet!”

“Because you’re worrying me. I think the altitude is messing with your
head. We need to get you back down.”

“No, you couldn’t be more wrong,” she said. “I'm perfectly lucid and for
the first time in a long while, I can see things clearly.”

“And what is it that you’re seeing clearly now?” He tapped the bottom of
her bottle and she obliged by drinking more.

“You.”

Eric didn’t move a muscle, but merely stood in place and fixed his
blazing blue eyes on her. “What do you mean?”

Ren smiled, as widely as her lips would allow. “I see now that you’re a
really great guy. That my attraction to you is rational so it’s okay to embrace
it.”

But the news was not received as she’d hoped. “Okay, you are definitely
suffering from altitude sickness. Come on,” he said and pulled her hand as they
slowly descended from the clouds.

“How are you feeling now?” Eric asked about a mile down the trail.

Ren shrugged, feeling much the same. “Fine. Like I was fine earlier.”

“You were not fine before. You were jumping and delirious.”

She felt the loss the instant he released his gentle grip from her hand.
“I had a moment of clarity and it made me giddy,” she said.

“So you’re saying you’re actually admitting that you have feelings for
me?” he said dubiously. “This coming from the girl who was in agony only a few
hours earlier over her dead boyfriend’s engagement ring?”

Ren frowned, the tip of his words stinging in just the right place. “So?”

“I’m just having a hard time reconciling the two personalities,” he said.
“Which is why I figured you were suffering from lack of oxygen to the brain.”

“Well, fine then,” she said, stomping off. “I must have been under real
duress to think that I would have feelings for anyone other than Ben.”

He grabbed her elbow and turned her to face him. “Why are you getting so
angry?” His eyes searched her face and she searched his.

“Please let go of my arm.” She felt his grip release. “I don’t like being
grabbed.”

He took a small step backwards. “I’m sorry. I’m just trying to understand
what happened up there.”

“Nothing happened up there.”

“You know something did.”

She rolled her eyes, still walking one step ahead. “Whatever it was,
apparently took place because my brain was lacking in oxygen.”

“I feel like we’re talking in circles.”

“We are!” she cried in frustration. “You either think I was sick or you
believe what I said. You can’t have both.”

He stared at her. “I’d like to believe that you were sober when you said
those things. But hope is a treacherous thing and won't hesitate to betray you
the moment you feel content.”

His words floated around them like fireflies. She knew that it was the
truth, but up on that mountain, hope was all around in the stained blue sky and
the gentle caress of the breeze. Up there, on top of the world, believing that
your dead boyfriend’s heart could find its way back home was not only a possibility,
but an inevitability, and the idea of disappointment was easy to dismiss as it
lay miles down at the base of the mountain.

“Well, I guess that’s up to you then,” she said with another wide smile
that no doubt left him even more bewildered.

“That… but… wait up,” Eric said, following closely as Ren led the way
back down. From the corner of her eye she saw him shake his head and smile.

“What?” she asked.

“You’re driving me nuts. It’s like someone flipped a switch and suddenly
you’re this happy-go-lucky girl who’s not afraid to tell a guy she likes him.”

“For your information, I wasn’t always such a sad sack. You try losing
the love of your life and see if your personality doesn’t change just a little.
So this,” she said, motioning to herself, “is me finally starting to let go of
the sadness that has been my life for the past few months and living my life a
little.”

“Well, I’m happy that you’re finally letting some sadness go. But, still.
You’re not bipolar, are you?”

Her laugh echoed, scaring some birds away from a pine tree. “No. Hey,
you’re not acting yourself either. At first you’re all,
We
’re
soul mates, I feel like I’ve known you forever,
and now you’ve done an
about-face.”

A change came over him as his features eased and his mouth quirked up in
a grin. “The soul mate comment was a joke.”

“So you say.” She pinched his arm playfully. “Can we stop for a moment? I
really have to pee because
someone
made me chug a whole bottle of
water.”

“Well, there are no toilets around here…”

“I know that. I’m just going to pop a squat behind that tree.” Ren walked
several yards off the path and was glad to see Eric turn his back without being
asked.

“Do you want me to whistle or something?” he asked, his hands in his
khaki shorts pockets.

“What for?”

“In case you’re self-conscious about peeing.”

She laughed as she squatted behind a tree, making sure to face downhill.
“No, I’m good.”

“Well, good,” he called back. “Because I can’t really whistle anyway.”

She pulled up her shorts and returned to the trail. “What do you mean you
can’t whistle? Even my three year old niece can whistle.”

“I just can’t. I don’t know why,” he said with a shrug. “Are we ready to
go?”

She moved closer. “No. Wait. Do this,” she puckered her lips and he
followed suit. “Now slide your tongue to the roof of your mouth. Then blow.”

But only a whoosh of air escaped from Eric’s mouth. He grinned. “See?”

“Don’t blow so hard,” she said. “And move your tongue closer to your
teeth.”

This time, they were rewarded with another whoosh with a few faint high
notes in between. “You almost got it,” she said, but she realized, as he licked
his lips, that his mind was no longer on task.

He leaned forward, and whispered huskily, “Could you show me that again?”

Ren puckered once more and closed her eyes. A long-suppressed sigh
escaped the moment his lips touched hers. The kiss began tentatively, but he
grabbed the back of her head and the kiss deepened. She came alive in his arms,
as if he was breathing life back into her tired body.

When they pulled away, she blinked up at him, unable to say a thing.

Eric stared at her with a bewildered look, his blue eyes flicking around
her face. He licked his lips once more as he continued to frown.

“What?” Then it dawned on her: he didn’t know about Ben’s heart. How
could he know that his second-hand heart had led him to this very place, this
very kiss? No wonder he was confused.