Taking Chances (5 page)

“Hello?” Harvey answered.

“Hey, are you guys ready?” I asked.

“Um, I am almost done. I fell asleep and just woke up a few minutes ago.”

“Is Natalie ready?”

“She went to the shop downstairs to get something that she forgot at home,” he said.

“She should have asked me. I’m pretty sure I’ve brought my whole bathroom with me,” I said. My entire carry-on was filled with makeup, medicines (just in case someone has an allergic reaction, diarrhea, or gets the flu— you never know), my hair products and special shampoo/conditioner for curly hair, and a few other things.

“You and Greg are ready?” he asked.

“Yeah, except I’m sitting here waiting for Greg. He’s at the shop too getting some aloe, but he’s taking a while.” For a split second, I had the familiar suspicions creep up on me again, but I quickly squashed them.

“Well, I’m gonna finish up here. We’ll call you when we’re done.”

“Sure, bye.” I went to the window and saw that the sun was setting. The sliding door on the other side of the room opened to a spacious balcony, and I sat outside wishing Greg would hurry so we could watch the sunset together. It was a majestic sight as the sky painted itself in rich hues of pink and orange, then blues and purples as the sun dipped over the horizon. There was music down below from the pool. It stopped, and the silence was broken by some playful shouts by the pool, but also by a loud conversation happening right below my room. The speakers were out of sight, but my heart hammered in my chest as I recognized the familiar female and male voices.

“I have tried,” she said desperately. “I don’t think I can take it anymore. You look like you have forgotten all about me, about us, and it’s just impossible for me to see you two act as if you’re so happy. You weren’t happy with her all those times you came to me, were you? What’s changed now?”

“I told you all of this before Chicago,” the man said, much more quietly than the woman. I had to almost throw myself over the balcony to hear him, but I still could not see them. “I enjoyed our time together, but it had to stop. It’s not fair to Audrey. Or your husband. So, yes, I have forgotten about us because I have to, and you have to as well.”

“You know what’s not fair? This isn’t fair. I have to put up with this whole charade— the four of us having a grand time— me watching you giggle and play in the sand with your
wife
while I can’t even stand to be in the same room with him. That’s not fair. I can’t take it anymore.” She was getting rather loud now.

“Please, be quiet,” he said.

“Whatever,” she said, much more quiet than before, “let’s just go to dinner and keep on pretending you never fucked me.” Angry heels drifted away, and I sat there on the balcony letting the silence overwhelm me. Shock is a mild word for what I was experiencing at the moment. It was like I was kicked in the stomach and then kicked again.

What do I do?
I thought frantically. He will be here any minute and I either confront him or pretend I heard nothing. I’ve always been a mild-mannered person, non-confrontational. I don’t like to rock the boat, but I was having a very uncharacteristic emotion of absolute rage. This vacation was ruined, my marriage was ruined. What I wanted to do was dump the entire contents of Greg’s belongings over the balcony and then lock him out of the room. I was still sitting there on the balcony, though, letting all of these thoughts wash over me, when the door opened.

“I got the aloe,” Greg said. I stayed there, contemplating sitting through an entire dinner as if I hadn’t heard a thing. Walking inside, I saw he had applied it and was buttoning his shirt back up. He didn’t look as if he’d just been yelled at by his mistress, whom he was about to go have dinner with alongside his wife.

We went across the hall and knocked on Natalie and Harvey’s door and the four of us went downstairs together. I noticed that Natalie wasn’t hiding her feelings as well as Greg was.

“Natalie, are you OK?” I asked, putting my arm around her shoulder as we got out of the elevator. I wanted to rip the sleek, non-frizzy blonde hair off her scalp.

“Yes, just tired I guess,” she said. If she hadn’t been screwing my husband, I might have really cared.

“What you need is a delicious dinner and a good drink,” I said with the most joyful smile I knew how to fake.

We had reservations at the hotel restaurant, and they sat us at once. I mentally apologized to Harvey for what I was about to do, but he would understand soon. He wanted to know the truth. I had us sit so that I was across from Greg, but sitting next to Harvey. When the waiter came to take our drink order, I asked for a piña colada.

“Are you sure?” Greg asked.

“Yes, we have to celebrate. Besides, I have my medicine upstairs,” I said, eyes and smile wide. When the drinks came back right away, I dinged my fork on the glass.

“So I’d like to give a little toast,” I said, looking at each one intently. I had their full attention. Natalie looked miserable, and Greg looked so awfully charming it was quite disgusting. “I’d like to toast to 15 years of friendship and three years of marriage, all down the drain. To the both of you. Thank you for screwing my life and each other.” I raised my glass and put it back down.

I saw both of their eyes wide and mouths open in surprise as I turned to my left and grabbed Harvey’s face, kissing him with all the passion swirling in me from the anger, hurt, betrayal, and indignation. Harvey pushed me away, but I was not sorry, even though I said, “I’m sorry Harvey, it was always true. I heard them from my balcony not 10 minutes ago as they were arguing. They’ve been sleeping together.”

Greg finally woke up and bolted out of his chair. He knelt down next to me and looked at me with his eyes full of emotion. I was almost moved as I don’t think I had ever seen Greg cry, besides our wedding day, but there were no real tears there. “Audrey, this is a mistake. It was all a mistake, I’ve loved you since I met you, and we can move past this together… past this stupid mistake of mine. Please, sweetie, let’s go upstairs and talk.”

Harvey stood up and walked away. I looked at Natalie, who had tears rolling down her cheeks. She looked so distraught, and I had no pity for her.

“Audrey— ” she started to say, but her voice cracked, and she sobbed. “Audrey don’t hate me.” But I did hate her. And I didn’t care if I never saw her again. I told her so, and then I stood up and walked away. Greg rushed after me, grabbing my shoulders.

“Don’t touch me,” I hissed.

“Baby, please. Listen to me,” he begged as I kept marching towards the elevator.

“I don’t want to hear a word. Nothing you say will fix this. Nothing. It’s unfixable. You’ve broken us, Greg, and destroyed anything that was good about us. I will move on from you and find my way back to happiness. But you… you will always be unsatisfied with your own life, sabotaging whatever’s good that comes your way. Just like Natalie. You two can self-destruct together now and leave me out of it.”

“I deserve all of that and more. I will take any punishment you think I deserve. Audrey, please, let’s just talk.”

The elevator door opened, and I swooped inside, barring him from following me.

“If you think of coming in the room, I’ll scream. Now let me go,” I said, much sterner than I’d ever been with anyone.

I went to the room, walked inside, and had a nasty cry. The room was so empty… my life was so empty. I cried until I fell asleep with all my clothes and makeup on.

I
woke up with a start
. Then I heard it again. Knocking— no, more like banging. I got up, trying not to trip over my shoes in the dark and went to the door, pulling on the handle.

“Greg, this is my room until I can get off this damned island. Go sleep on the beach.” But when I opened the door and let my eyes adjust to the light, I saw Harvey leaning against the doorframe. And he did not look good. His shirt was messed up and his hand had blood on it.

“Oh my god, did you hit him?”

“What do you care? Aren’t you done with him?” he asked, his words slurred. His breath smelled like a distillery.

“I don’t want either of you getting hurt, even if he deserves whatever he gets. Where is he?” I asked looking both ways down the hall.

“Hell if I know. I didn’t hit him. Some other guy,” he said as he stepped past me and into the room.

“What are you doing? Go to your own room,” I said following him inside. He threw himself on the sofa across from the bed and covered his face with the back of his arm.

“That bitch is there. Can’t stay with her.”

“Oh, Harvey, you can’t stay here. What are you gonna do? Sleep on the sofa?” He certainly wasn’t sleeping in my bed. When a few seconds went by and no answer, I repeated, “Harvey” several times. He had passed out. I shook my head and fell on the bed, trying to forget that there was a drunken man on my couch.

The next morning the light from the window woke me up. I’d forgotten to close the shades, and it was 7 am. Oh well, I’d gone to sleep very early, anyway. Harvey was still curled up on the sofa, and I decided to get up and get breakfast. There weren’t many people up so early on a Saturday morning, so I had almost the whole restaurant to myself. I ate whatever I wanted and then started looking up return flights on my phone, wondering what the fees were for changing my flight. When I looked out onto the ocean from the terrace view of the restaurant, I thought to myself what a shame it would be to miss out on this place.

I was going to come here anyway when I believed that the private investigator was going to tell me about the affair. Why didn’t the PI find something incriminating during their trip? From what I’d witnessed on the balcony, it sounded as if Greg had tried to put a stop to it before Chicago (too little, too late). Maybe they’d had an argument at that time or were just playing it cool around their colleagues. Who knows, and honestly who cares? The truth was out, and all I knew at that moment was that I would explore St. Thomas on my own. I put my phone away.
Why should I leave and go back to a big worthless house full of lies?
What would I do back home besides sulk? Here there were miles of adventures. The first one was getting Harvey out of my room.

I went to the room to change into beachwear, and this time the noise woke him. He grunted something about turning off the light and then fell asleep again. Or so I assumed. I went to the bathroom to change, and when I came out, he was sitting right side up.

“Hi,” he said.

“Well, good morning,” I said throwing my clothes on the bed. I was wearing my bathing suit and a cover-up. What I was missing was my hat, sunscreen, and sunglasses. I searched for those, feeling Harvey’s eyes on me the entire time.

“What?” I finally said, throwing my hands at my side.

“How did you find out?” he asked, his voice more rugged than usual from sleepiness and the hangover he was likely experiencing. I sat on the edge of the bed and sighed. The last thing I wanted to do was repeat what I’d heard, but I did it because it was the right thing to do.

“Shit,” he said, leaning forward.

“Yeah,” I agreed. “That’s why I’m going to go enjoy my vacation, because, you know, fuck it.” I grabbed my tote bag and threw a book in along with the sunscreen and walked towards the door. “See ya.”

It turned out it was still so early that I was the only one at the beach. The water was so calm and crystal clear it was like an optical illusion. I lay out my things on a complimentary beach chair and sat in the one next to it. The sun was not out in full force yet so I skipped the sunscreen for now, enjoying the peacefulness. It was such a contrast to the turmoil in my head. Hard as I tried, I could not turn off the noise in my brain. After a few minutes, I took out my book and tried to escape through someone else’s imaginary world. I had almost accomplished this when my stuff was pushed to the side, and Harvey plopped himself on the beach chair. He said nothing and closed his eyes.

“What are you doing?” I asked. Why didn’t he understand that I wanted to be alone?

“Why didn’t you tell me before you went ahead and caused a scene?” he blurted out.

I lowered my sunglasses to get a good look at him. He was in his swimming trunks, sprawled out on
my
other chair, also wearing sunglasses. His arms were lifted up behind his head as if he was sitting there enjoying the tropical paradise instead of asking me something I knew he didn’t want to.

“I did not cause a scene. No one around was looking. I was not
yelling
accusations and insults,” I defended myself.

“Right. You were just kissing other men that weren’t your husband.”

“You have a lot of nerve judging me. If you would’ve thought it bothered Natalie, you’d have done the same thing. You’re just upset that she wouldn’t have cared,” I said, feeling absolutely guilty for saying it right away. It was probably the truth, but I didn’t have to throw it in his face that way. Why was I getting so defensive with Harvey? We were both in the same predicament, and I should be sympathetic towards him.

“You’re right, she wouldn’t have cared, and that’s why this mess is much harder on you right now than on me. Deep down inside, I’ve known for months that our marriage is over. I guess I was hoping this affair was real so that it could finally seal the deal, and I could move on with my life,” he said.

“I would never have guessed you guys were in such a bad place,” I said.

“You didn’t know you were in such a bad place either,” he responded.

“How can I ever trust my own judgment again?” I asked, not really expecting an answer.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked again.

“It happened right before dinner, I didn’t have time to find you, and honestly I didn’t know what I was going to do until right before I did it. I’m sorry I did it the way I did for your sake. Perhaps it was a tad dramatic,” I said.

“I thought you were going to go all the way ballistic, but you kept it classy, I’d say. If I’d known ahead of time and not been so surprised, I might have actually kissed you back,” he said, smiling. He was still looking ahead at the ocean, not once turning his gaze to me, but I watched his facial expressions intently.

I laughed and said, “Well you sure pushed me away quick enough. I guess I’ll have to do a lot of practicing before my next prince charming comes around.” The idea of starting over again with somebody new was depressing— as if I had to climb a mountain that I’d already climbed before.

“Like I said, I was taken by surprise. And I’d just heard some news that didn’t really put me in the mood for a make-out session.”

“What do you suppose they’re thinking right now?” I asked, changing the subject.

“Well, I’d wager that they’re not thinking anything. I went into my room and your husband was sleeping on my bed, over the bedclothes, though. I guess they haven’t made nice since before Chicago, according to what you heard. Natalie was sleeping, too. I grabbed my things and took them to your room— if you don’t mind sharing with me for the rest of the trip.”

“You’re staying?” I asked. I didn’t answer his request.

“Why not? This place is gorgeous. If anyone wants to leave, they’re more than welcome to, but I’ve got my vacation to enjoy.”

Harvey fell asleep, and I continued reading my book as people started to lay out on the beach around us. I put on sunscreen and waded into the chilly water. I soon became accustomed to the temperature and went deeper in. I could see everything in the clearness of the water, down to the nail polish on my toenails. I faced away from the shore, letting the salt air flow through my lungs, embracing the scenery. After several minutes of watching the water flow around me and toward the cliffs, I turned to get back out. Harvey was no longer on the chair but standing on the shore, watching me.

“Let’s rent a jeep and tour the island,” he yelled.

“Yes!” I shouted back. I was ready for some adventure.

An hour later, we were in a topless Jeep. I was in the passenger seat trying to understand the map marked by a nice local at the tourist information center with the best beaches to stop at . I turned it up and around several times, and hoped I was finally getting it, except when I expected to see something to my left it was on my right.

“I might not be getting this right since we’re driving on the other side of the road,” I suggested.

“A map works the same either way. Let me worry about what side of the road we’re on, and you just look for Morgan’s Bay.” I found Morgan’s Bay on the map— that wasn’t the problem. I couldn’t relate the map to our geographical location.

“Ugh,” I groaned, “We’re never going to find it.” Suddenly, the hill we were climbing flattened out into a never-ending vista of hills and valleys and inlets. Sparkling aqua waters filtered into lush green bays with white sand beaches. I’d never seen a view so spectacular. Harvey looked over at me with a boyish grin, and I smiled back. I was glad we could find joy in a day that should have otherwise been miserable. It’s great to be in denial, I thought.

He pulled to the side of the road, and I took out my phone to take a picture, standing on the seat of the Jeep out over the roof.

“Stay right there,” he said, and crossed the road, taking a picture of me standing in the Jeep with the St. Thomas backdrop.

“I want that one,” I said when he climbed back in.

We drove downwards now, and soon we were parking in Morgan’s Bay. It was glorious. Exactly what I’d imagine a beach paradise to look like. We put our stuff down at the shore and went in. The mountains touched the water on both sides of me, creating the lagoon I was standing in. It was breathtaking. Harvey was floating by me, and I tried to float too, but I’m not the best swimmer. It was a peaceful few minutes until a family with a group of three kids came too close and interrupted my quiet time. They were throwing a ball around and soon it was headed in my direction, aimed straight at my face. An arm shot in front of me, and Harvey caught it, inches from my head. He threw it back to the family, the mom apologizing. I waived it off like it was no big deal, but mentally I was praising Harvey for saving my nose.

“Thanks,” I said.

“No problem. Let’s go over here where it’s safe,” he said and we waded to the shallow where we sat facing the lagoon.

“Do you think they’re at the beach together?” I asked.

“Audrey, if you’re going to torture yourself, leave me out of it,” he said. He looked over at me and must have seen me despondent because then he said, “No, I don’t think so. Greg will try everything he can to win your forgiveness, and so first he’ll try to cut off all association with Natalie. You’re a great catch, and he knows that losing you will be the worst thing that can ever happen to him.”

I started crying then— silent tears because I didn’t want to freak Harvey out. He put his arm around me, and I leaned into his side, comforted by any human touch. What I needed was my mother. If this was really the end of my marriage, which all signs were pointing to, then there was no reason to hide this from my mom any longer. When I got back home, I’d fly to her and my dad as soon as possible.

It angered me that I was crying while sitting in one of the most picturesque locations in the world. I sat up straight and wiped my face.

“No more crying,” I said. “I don’t want to waste all of this time mourning my dead marriage. It is dead, and I don’t know if I could be sadder than if Greg had died. He no longer exists as the sweet, thoughtful, and loving man I believed he was.”

“That’s harsh. But I get it,” Harvey said, letting out a sigh. “So let’s have a funeral for our marriages. Or like one of those divorce parties. I get them all the time at the restaurant. First time I heard about it I thought those middle-aged women were crazy, but now I kinda get it.”

“So we’re gonna go out, get drunk, and bash on men?”

“I was going to suggest we go to a strip club and get lap dances or something,” he said. I snapped my head to the side and narrowed my eyes.

“Are you serious?” I asked, not sure.

“Boy you’re an easy mark,” he said. “But I’d take you up on the offer if you were to give it.”

“How about we have a drunk night of dancing at a non-strip club? No men-bashing. Sounds like a compromise?”

“Kinda, but you’re taking the fun out of it when everyone has all their clothes on.”

I laughed. Then I noticed a voluptuous, curvy woman walking down the beach holding hands with her tattooed boyfriend. Her large behind was uncovered, thanks to the thong string bikini she was wearing. “Is that enough skin for you?” I asked, motioning with my head at the woman.

“Good God,” he said. “That will do.”

We laid on the beach awhile, me under a palm tree shade, Harvey trying to get a Caribbean tan, until we got hungry and went back to the jeep. I navigated us to the next beach, another mirage-like place, but this one had a restaurant right next to the parking lot.

“I’ll have a beer,” Harvey ordered, and then looked at me. While I wanted to try every frozen cocktail on the menu, I settled for a virgin piña colada. We ordered a couple of things and shared, trying to get a taste of the real island food and thoroughly enjoying it.

“That was amazing,” I said as we settled down by the water. I applied my SPF everywhere skin showed and put on my large straw-looking hat.

“It was good. But next time we eat somewhere we should order more food.”

“What are you talking about? I’m stuffed!” I said incredulously. I know guys eat a lot, but we had tons of food.

“Yeah, you must be. You ate most of it,” he said, pointing to my belly.

I gasped. “You’re kidding me, right?”