Authors: Allison Van Diepen
Her family and I were in and out of the ICU day and night. Her parents requested that I be able to see her even though I wasn't immediate family. I guess they thought Jessica would want me there.
At some point Tasha and Mom showed up. Mom said things like, “Don't worry, honey, she'll be okay,” and “She's a strong girl, she'll pull through.” Like my mom could know. Her words were the same as always: empty. As for Tasha, she didn't make any false promises, she just said, “I'm here for you.” Yeah, right. It took balls for her to come here and offer me support. I didn't need either of them, and I told them so.
Vinny left several messages on my voice mail. When I didn't return his calls, he left another message saying they were replacing me until I was ready to come back.
Was
I going back?
I had no idea. Part of me wanted to stay in the game. I wasn't afraid for my life anymore. My life didn't mean shit when Jessica was fighting for hers.
But Jessica had wanted me out of Tony's business more than anything. And if this was my chance to get out without Diamond Tony being suspicious, maybe I should take it.
The Price
The cost of war can't be measured
In dollars or in cents
Why do the good ones
Always have to pay the rent
For crimes they don't commit
For things they haven't done
When bullets start flying
There's nowhere to run.
I
woke up to find White Chris in the chair beside me, eating a bag of chips. I didn't know what time of day it was.
“How did you . . . ?” I rubbed my eyes. I couldn't remember if I'd called him or not.
“Tasha messaged me on Facebook. She told me what happened. Said you could use some support.”
That was Tashaâalways sticking her nose in. But I had to admit, it was good to see White Chris. I should've contacted him myself.
“Thought you might be hungry.” He handed me a bag of chips and a bottle of Pepsi.
“Thanks.” I couldn't remember the last time I'd eaten anything. I shoved some chips into my mouth.
He looked at me with his good eye. “How is she?”
“There are all these complications. They want to keep her in a coma.” Even as I said it, it didn't feel real.
“How are you holding up?”
“When I know she's okay, I'll be okay. That's all.”
“Take care of yourself, Darren. The last thing she needs to wake up to is a smelly boyfriend.”
I raised my eyebrows. “I stink?”
“Let's put it this way: Eau Sauvage doesn't smell better on the third day. Now eat your chips. She wouldn't want you getting scrawny, either.”
“You're harsh.”
I finished the bag of chips, then washed them down with the Pepsi. We sat in silence for a while. With the food and drink in my system, my mind felt clearer. But it only made the guilt worse.
“I'm the reason she's in there, Chris. Me. I shouldn't have been standing with her outside the club. Not when there's a turf war going on. It was stupid.”
“Jessica works at Chaos. She would've been there with or without you. Torturing yourself won't help her.”
“I can't help her. That's the problem.”
“Actually, you can. She's going to pull through this part. And when she wakes up, she's going to need you. Remember when I was laid up with a smashed eye, and instead of playing violins, you were bitching at me to finish the songs we were working on?”
A reluctant smile pulled at my mouth. “What was I supposed to do? You were using the eye thing as an excuse not to write.”
“I was so jacked on pain meds, none of my lyrics made sense. But you made me keep at it anyway.”
“Damn right. Remember when your aunt told you that girls loved eye patches because it reminded them of Johnny Depp?”
White Chris chuckled. “You said that was the biggest pile of bullshit you ever heard. And that my only prayer of getting a girl was becoming a rich music producer.”
“It's still true.”
“Point is, you helped me out.” He paused, shaking his head. “And I had no clue you were plotting revenge against Jongo the whole time.”
“It had to be done.”
White Chris glanced at me warily, as if he was wondering if I had another scheme up my sleeve. “It's over, right? This whole thing?”
That was one question I couldn't answer.
M
ore days passed. I didn't know how many. And then I got a text from Vinny that I couldn't ignore.
DT wants 2 C U. 24 Wind Terrace.
It was decision time.
I knew I had to move quickly or Diamond Tony would be gone when I got there. He never stayed long in meeting locations.
Within half an hour, I showed up at the address on the northeast side. I'd been here before. It was the boarded-up town house with the cushy living room where I thought I'd be murdered but instead was promoted to lieutenant. I went up the steps and was met by the Cuz.
“Don't take it personal, but we gotta pat you down,” Tyrell said.
“We do it to everybody these days,” Remy added. “Tony's orders.”
I spread my arms and legs for the pat down.
Then I stepped inside. I walked down the dingy hall into the living room. Tony and Vinny were waiting.
“Darren, my man.” Tony came up to me, grabbing my hand and giving me a back pound. “How's Jessica?”
The sound of her name on his lips made me sick. I wanted to kill him right then and there. “Alive.”
“Good. Vinny gave me your message.”
I didn't give a fuck if I'd pissed him off. I'd meant every word. That bullet should've hit him instead of Jessica.
“You were right,” Tony said evenly. “That bullet was meant for me. And your girl took it. I respect your sacrifice.”
I stared at him blankly. He made it sound like Jessica took the bullet to save his life. He was totally deluded.
“I know this has been a hard time for you, Darren. Has been for all of us. You heard about Kamal and Pox.”
“Yeah.”
“In times like these, we have to stick together. You feel me?”
Now would be the time to tell him I was done. I wanted out. But before I could say anything, he spoke again. “I've lost good
soldiers, Darren. But I have a business to run. I need to promote two lieutenants to executive positions. Ray-go has agreed to step up. And both he and Vinny recommended you.”
It took a second for his words to register.
I wasn't sure what to say. I needed to think, but I couldn't think with Tony watching me.
“I know you're wondering why I haven't dealt with the Bloods who did this yet. I promise you, I will. Our revenge will be brutal and complete. It will be a Blood bath.” He smiled.
My gut twisted.
“I need a decision from you, Darren. Being an executive is a privilege. Vinny can tell you all about it. But you've got to devote yourself to it. I need to know you'll be on your game even though your girl's in the hospital.”
When I hesitated, he went on. “If you become an executive, you can be a part of the retaliation against the Bloods.”
My mind spun. If I turned down the position, I'd be giving up my best chance to put him away. I'd be giving up my chance to avenge Jessica, Prescott, and everyone else Tony had hurt or killed.
It was now or never.
A smile came to my lips. “I'm in.”
I
stood next to Jessica's bed, holding her hand. She'd always been beautiful when she slept, and she still was, even hooked up to those machines. Her face looked peaceful, but I knew that inside her, it was a different story. She was fighting to come back, I could feel it.
I tried to think of something to say. “You should see Kiki these days. He's all about his keyboard. He knows which buttons to press for which beats. He tries to do some beat boxing, but he just ends up spitting everywhere. It's so cute. I've got a video on my phone. I'll show you when you wake up.”
Her lips twitched, unless I was imagining it. She always reacted
when I mentioned Kiki. Part of me wished I could bring him in here, to see if she'd react to his voice. But Kiki wasn't allowed in the ICU, and it was probably best. He'd get upset if he saw her this way. And I wouldn't want Jessica to hear him cry.
Tears burned my eyes.
“I'm sorry, Jessica. Sorry I got you involved in all this. I'm gonna make things right. No matter what, I'll make things right.”
I squeezed her hand. I couldn't be sure, but she might have squeezed mine back.
T
o the new execs!” Vinny lifted his champagne flute.
Ray-go and I clinked glasses with the others. We'd been executives for all of two days, and the party had never stopped. These guys played hard. I wasn't sure if they worked hard too.
I sipped my champagne. It was the expensive stuff, but I could hardly tell. Vinny was bragging about how he got with three girls in one night, and everybody was loving the story. Even the girl sitting on his lap seemed to enjoy it. Maybe she'd been one of them.
We were at the Rockefeller, an upscale lounge downtown. The doormen had ushered us in like celebrities.
“Congrats, Darren,” said the girl to my right. She was just like all the others who hung around Tony and the execsâsexy and eager as hell to be someone's girl. Judging by the way Ray-go and I had been pawed over the past couple of days, we were fresh meat.
“How does it feel being big-time?” she asked, batting her fake eyelashes.
“Good.” I took a sip of champagne.
She didn't recognize me, but I recognized her. Tamara Knox had been a senior when I was a freshman. I bet every guy in the school had fantasized about her. She reminded me of Nicki Minaj with her pink wig, big bootie, and annoying voice.
“Let's dance,” Tamara said, taking my hand and massaging her thumb in my palm.
Why not? My face hurt from smiling at their stupid stories. I needed a break.
I could hear the other girls snickering as Tamara led me away. The dance floor was packed with couples juggling drinks and dancing sexy. Tamara's arms snaked around my neck. “I didn't tell you my name, did I? I'm Jayda.”
I knew she wasn't, but I didn't care. She could be whoever she wanted.
“You move nice,” she said.
Actually, I was hardly moving at all. “You too.”
She flattened her body against mine and grinned like a cat. “This is nothing. You should see what else I can do.”
I felt a shot of anger. She must've known my girl was lying in a hospital bed. But she saw this as her chance to get with one of the new execs.
Vinny came onto the floor with two girls. They seemed happy to sandwich him between them. He nudged me with his elbow and shouted over the music, “Don't get better than this!”
But it
did
get worse. How long did Vinny think he could stay on top?
Speaking of on top, TamaraâJaydaâwas all over me. It was time to cut her loose. I told her I had to go to the bathroom and I'd meet her back at the table. When I returned, I sat by Ray-go instead. She looked mad enough to spit.
I poured myself another drink, just for something to do, and said to Ray-go, “I thought being a lieutenant was it. But being an exec, man, this is ridiculous.”
“I know. It's like every door is open. Nothing's off-limits. This is how it should be.”
I studied him. “You always knew you'd get here one day, didn't you?”
“Yeah, but not this soon. You?”
“No way. I got lucky.”
“Some things are meant to be. And if we play our cards right, we're here to stay.” He took a sip of champagne. “Don't forget, the kingpin's going to pass on his crown one day. And you and me, we're the new generation.”
I
t was my first executive meeting.
Mom would be proud.
We sat around a polished table in a swanky cribâwhose crib, I didn't know. The room was long and rectangular with dark hardwood floors and real artwork on the walls. It felt like a cross between an upscale boardroom and a classy dining room. We drank whiskey as we waited for Diamond Tony to start the meeting.
I'd learned more in my first few days as an executive than in months of street dealing. Tony's executives were no different than the executives of a Fortune 500 company. We were the leaders of the organization, the advisers to the CEO. All the dirty jobs went
to the underlings. The closest an executive ever got to the street was when he took his turn running the stash house. Otherwise, it was white collar all the way.
So far, my main job was to drop off cash at businesses that laundered money for Tony. Vinny came with me. We stopped by a beauty shop, a pawnshop, a deli, a bakery, and Chaosâno surprise there.
Problem was, I didn't see Tony's name on anything. Every transaction was in cash and every agreement was verbal. Tony had no formal ties to the business owners. I bet he hadn't even met most of them.
“It's time,” Diamond Tony said.
Everybody hushed. His mood was intense today. I was pretty sure I knew what the meeting was about.
“We've had a lot of business to lock down these days, but everybody did their part. Even our newbies.” He nodded toward Ray-go and me. “I want to catch you up on the plan for dealing with the Bloods.”
Marcus took it from there. “We've got a snitch in the Bloods. He's going to tell us the location of their next meeting. Then our guys will go in with guns blazing.”
Ray-go frowned. “That could be a while, right? I doubt they'll be getting together this soon after the shootings. They'll be lying low.”
“Lately they've been meeting in busy public placesâbars, restaurants,” Marcus said. “They feel safe there.”