Take Your Time (Fate and Circumstance #2) (28 page)

It ended up being a good thing that I’d gone over there that day. Not only did I find a few sweaters that held good memories of my mom, it also gave us the perfect opportunity to talk about everything, and I was able to help him through the excruciating packing process. A week prior to that, he seemed happy, and it had led me to believe that he’d gotten to a better place in his life. After talking to him, though, I learned his illusion of happiness was no different than my own. But the smile he wore at the barbecue
was
real, because having his family together again meant the world to him. That was something I began to understand. Bentley’s advice to me about family coming together often to ease the burden of tragedy made so much sense, and it became a new goal of mine. I needed my family—all of them.

My dad and I had reached a good point over our time together, although I think he might’ve been a few steps ahead of me to begin with. Not only had I become idle in my suffering following my mom’s death, but now I also had a broken heart left shattered by Bentley. My heart was in no way healed, but it did feel stronger. I still thought about him every day, and would occasionally tear up over losing him, but I knew it was for the best. Each day I felt a little stronger than the last, and I knew it wouldn’t be long before I’d be in a place where I could make the decision to see him again.

Bentley hadn’t reached out to me just as I’d asked of him. Ever since walking out of his house that night, I hadn’t heard from him nor seen him. I eventually boxed up his belongings from my house and stored it in Bree’s old room, believing there’d come a time when I would be able to return them. The box of belongings had become my inevitable excuse to see him again. And even though there were times I wanted nothing more than to reach out to Luke to find out how his cousin was, I refrained from doing so. It was imperative to my healing process that I kept my end goal in sight, and didn’t become sidetracked by things I couldn’t control.

The Thursday before Bree’s wedding, Clari and I took her out for dinner and then came back to my house for a movie. We did mud masks and soaked our feet in pedicure tubs while munching on junk food in sexy lingerie. When Clarissa had asked why we weren’t going to bars and getting drunk, I played the victim card and told her I wasn’t ready for that. It caused a little tension between us after she called me selfish and accused me of hindering the bride’s last night of fun, but Bree backed me up and told her she only cared about spending time with us, not about getting drunk. She later thanked me in private and admitted that she was happy I knew about the pregnancy, otherwise she’d never be able to explain why she didn’t want to go out for drinks.

“At least this way no one will end up nearly drowning in a lake in the middle of the night,” Bree said with a giggle as she reclined back on the couch.

“Who ended up drowning in a lake? I feel like I’m missing something.” Clarissa sat next to her, propping her feet up on my coffee table as we all got comfortable for girl talk.

I sat silently in my seat, feeling very much like a fly on the wall in my own house. It was no secret that these two had grown considerably closer in my absence. But at least we were all together, laughing, talking, and having fun. That was the important part. I couldn’t allow what I’d done in the past to affect the relationship all three of us could have.

“Nothing, don’t worry about it.” Bree’s quick dismissal piqued my curiosity, but before I could ask for more details, Clari beat me to the punch, not relenting until Bree gave us something. “After your bachelorette party, Clarissa, I went to that lake out by the motel. You know the one in the field Axel takes me to sometimes? I don’t really remember too much about that night, but I do recall standing on the dock and watching the moon reflect off the water. The surface was so still it looked like glass. I was entirely too wasted to form rational thoughts, and for some reason, I thought I could walk on water. So I stepped into it. I honestly don’t remember anything after that. But unbeknownst to me, Axel had been there and pulled me out. Imagine waking up the following morning on some strange couch, wearing men’s clothes, and staring into the face of a ghost from your past.”

“Didn’t we drop you off at your car that night? How did you expect to drive home if you were so drunk?” I asked, trying to think back that long ago. It’d been less than a year, but with everything that had happened since then, it felt like several lifetimes ago.

“Yeah… I don’t even want to think about what would’ve happened had I gotten behind the wheel of my car.” She shivered and stared at the wall behind my TV, probably thinking about the horrific scenarios that could’ve taken place.

“Wait…Axel was there? You said he came back into your life the day Dad got in that accident. That was
after
my wedding.”

Bree waved Clari off and filled her mouth with a scoop of ice cream.

“Oh, no. If you think I’m gonna let you off the hook that easily, you’re sadly mistaken. It’s bad enough I had no idea who he was when he came back. I think it’s about time you fill in some holes for me.”

Bree glanced my way, rolling her eyes. I’d known the entire story ever since Bree came to live with us, but it was never my story to tell. It did, however, surprise me to hear that with as close as my sisters had become, Bree hadn’t ever told her the real truth. I sat back in my seat and listened as Bree started from the very beginning, going back to when she walked into her classroom after Christmas break and found her future husband sitting behind the teacher’s desk. I could’ve listened to that love story a thousand times and it would never get old.

We had a good night with each other, talking and laughing about anything and everything. It felt like old times again. And for the first time in weeks, I hadn’t thought about Bentley or spent too much time examining the depths of my pain—which had grown considerably shallower. It proved to be exactly what I needed.

“I know I’ve asked this a million times, but please just answer me once more to ease my panicked brain…you
are
on vacation next week and watching Ayla for us, right?” Bree stopped right before walking out the door and spun around. The moment she opened her mouth, I knew that’s what she wanted to ask me. She had, in fact, confirmed it about a million times.

“Yes. Everything is taken care of. Stop worrying.” The first time she’d asked—which had only been days after I told her I had the time off and was looking forward to keeping my niece for a week—I’d lied and said Marlo wouldn’t give me the week off. Then it took almost thirty minutes to calm her down. I learned after that not to joke around with her about anything going wrong in regards to her wedding or honeymoon.

“Good. Just double checking.”

“Bree, double checking was like fifteen times ago. I don’t even think there’s a word to call what it is now. Oh, wait…yes there is. Paranoia.”

She rolled her eyes and turned around, heading for her car, but I heard her laugh as she walked away. I’m pretty sure her obsessive worries annoyed her just as much as everyone else that had to deal with them.

Once I had the house cleaned up, I changed out of the black lingerie we’d worn for our girls’ night and slipped into one of Bentley’s T-shirts that I’d kept out of the box. The only reason it stilled smelled like him was because I’d spray his cologne on it to keep it fresh. Then I crawled into bed, ready for my nightly routine. Every night before falling asleep, I counted off three positives for the day. They couldn’t be the same as the day before, and had to be something that had happened since waking up that morning. Then, I had to think of one negative thing that I’d work on improving the next day. It was something my dad and I came up with when we made our quicksand survival guide. It sounded lame to begin with, but after a few days, I had to admit it felt good to do it.

On my list that night was time with my sisters, laughing with Bree about Axel’s poor grammar, and convincing a client to go darker instead of lighter—it was a hard sell and smart decision. The negative moment I’d work on the next day was not telling Bree I loved her before she left. That was something I tried to be very conscious of: always telling my loved ones how much they mean to me before parting ways, whether it be on the phone or in person. It was my way of rectifying the guilt I’d harbored over never saying it to my mom before she went to her room the last time I saw her awake.

Sleep no longer evaded me, and the moment I closed my eyes, I drifted off peacefully.

If Bree ever taught me one thing, it was to never get married—or at least never have a ceremony. More accurately, never have a ceremony while being hormonal and pregnant. No matter how hard we tried to keep her calm, nothing worked. She turned into a raging bitch to the wedding staff, and a sobbing mess around Clari and me. Granted, the staff deserved it since they couldn’t seem to follow simple instructions. I even offered to handle them for her, but she wouldn’t let me get two words out before speaking over me. So I finally gave up trying and let her deal with them.

Everything seemed fine up until we made it to the chapel. That’s when all hell broke loose. The wrong flowers had been delivered, and the streamers they brought to decorate the aisle were nowhere close to the color she’d picked out. To top it off, another wedding party was still there when we arrived to get ready in the choir room. It was bad enough I had to drive us to the chapel because there had been some problem with the limo she’d ordered and they hadn’t found a replacement in time. It quickly became easier to list the things that had gone right.

But once we had her in her dress and every last button had been fastened, everything became surreal. Not a word was uttered as she stood in the center of the room, all eyes upon her. The only sounds to be heard were our gasps of awe and the shutter on the photographer’s camera as it clicked rapidly, capturing the perfect moment.

Never had I seen a more beautiful bride in all my life.

Luckily, we didn’t have any issues with the makeup or hair crew. Otherwise, Bree might’ve decided to cancel the wedding and elope with Axel. And after spending years listening to her talk about him, and then witnessing them find each other again, there was no way in hell I’d miss their wedding.

And, of course, the ceremony didn’t start on time. Our dad came into the back where we were, and to keep from crying, he joked around about the hold up being that nobody could find Axel. It was a good thing they were already running behind, because it took us a while to calm her down after that one. But she eventually cooled off, shared a few private moments with her dad, and then we were instructed to line up.

Being the maid of honor, I had the best seat in the house to watch Bree walk down the aisle on her proud father’s arm. But the best part was the look on Axel’s face and the tears he never bothered to hold back as she walked to him. There wasn’t a dry eye in the house. Their love was felt all around, and no one deserved happiness as much as those two did.

Even their tender vows earned a few sobs from the pews.

But nothing hit me harder than the words Axel said to his bride. “Bree, fate has a way of testing us, challenging our resolve. When we first met, I had everything going for me, and you had everything against you. But regardless of the different places we were in life, we managed to fall in love. That was our first test, and we passed. The second test came when you practically fell into my lap. That time, you had everything going for you, and I was the one with my back against the wall. But despite the changes in our lives, our love was still there, and just as strong as ever. We proved society wrong. We defied circumstance. And in the end, fate won out. I will never question my love for you, or your love for me. I will never doubt the future that lies ahead of us, because I know we have fate on our side.”

Even through the sniffles, Bree still managed to say, “Lay.”

Axel tilted his head, confusion showing in his pinched brow.

“The future that
lay
ahead of us.” She kept her voice low, but it was loud enough for a few people around her to hear, all of which snickered as Axel rolled his eyes. “Sorry,” she whispered and glanced around, smiling at those of us who’d heard it.

Even though there were a few people laughing around me, everyone distracted by the interruption, I stood frozen in place, not even a hint of a smile on my lips. I replayed his words in my head, his talk of fate. And it instantly brought my thoughts to the man who was supposed to be my guest at the wedding.

I glanced around at the faces in the pews. I knew he wouldn’t be there, but it didn’t stop me from holding my breath, hoping I’d see him out there waiting for me. That fate might have brought him back to me. But I didn’t see him. And for the first time in weeks, I felt so alone. I stood in front of a roomful of people, next to my sister as she took her vows, yet I’d never felt more alone in my life. It didn’t make sense, considering I’d been more isolated before meeting Bentley than I had since walking away from him. But I think it had more to do with witnessing the love between Axel and Bree than it did the amount of people currently in my life.

Having Bentley on my mind made it slightly difficult to engage with everyone properly. After the wedding, we all stood in a line at the front of the church and greeted the guests as they walked out. I made sure to keep a smile on my face and speak to everyone as they passed, but it didn’t brighten my mood or lighten my heart. Even while we posed for pictures I couldn’t seem to get it together. The last thing I wanted to do was ruin their wedding photos, so I smiled as best as I could and tried to push thoughts of Bentley from my mind.

The guests were already at the reception by the time we arrived, mingling and drinking as they waited. The DJ announced our small wedding party by name, and then we all stood around the makeshift dance floor while Bree and Axel took their first dance together. As I watched them lovingly stare into each other’s eyes with raw hunger while swaying back and forth to the music, I grew lost in the hopes of one day having this same thing. A love this strong. And it did nothing but leave me mystified.

When I’d told Bentley that I never wanted to fall in love, it hadn’t been a lie. At that time, I truly had no interest in putting myself in the position to be hurt again. The thought of loving someone, only to be abandoned and left behind scared the shit out of me. I thought I could be content all alone. But then meeting Bentley had taken me by surprise. My love for him wasn’t one of those slow-moving kinds, the kind of love that builds over time. Neither was it insta-love. It was the kind that starts off like a pot of boiling water, heating up below the surface without any indication of something happening. You don’t pay attention to it, calling it what it is—a pot of water—and move on with what you were doing. Small bubbles form on the bottom, you see it, but it doesn’t mean anything to you. Just bubbles. Nothing serious. But when you aren’t looking, those small bubbles grow bigger, the water turns hotter, and the next thing you know, it’s boiling over. That’s how my love for Bentley was. Unnoticed. Unpredictable. Completely out of nowhere.

And it left me with third-degree burns.

We all die at some point, so my rationalization over never loving again seemed rather extreme. And it was. But at that point in my life, I needed that impetuosity to hold onto. I needed it because I hadn’t reached the stage of acceptance yet. And while trying to find my way there, I ended up falling for Bentley, using his presence in my life as my own personal drug. My love for him became a mask—it hid the pain and depression that lingered beneath the surface. When that mask had been ripped away, everything hidden behind it came back again. But it also gave me the opportunity to see my love for him in a different light. It allowed me to analyze it, pick it apart, until I could see for myself how real it’d been. My illusion of happiness may have been just that…but my love for him was a certainty.

Watching the way my sister gazed into her husband’s eyes, the way he held her like the most valuable jewel on earth, forced me to come to terms with everything. I wanted
that
. I no longer feared what would happen when it ended, because like Bentley had once pointed out, it’s not about that. Love is about the journey you take, it’s about the lesson, no matter how long or short it lasts. It’s about the bond you share with another person, the support and strength you offer each other. And for a very short amount of time, I had that with Bentley. He’d given me his strength when I needed it and offered his support even when I didn’t ask for it. I had exactly what I saw in Bree and Axel. I had
that
kind of love.

And I’d have it again
.

I made up my mind right then and there that once they came back from their honeymoon and picked up Ayla, I’d go after Bentley. I figured it wouldn’t be easy and I’d have to fight hard to win him back, but that’s what he’d done for me at the beginning. I had pushed him away so many times, yet he never left. Now that I was stronger, there was no way in hell I’d let him push me away.

A gentle hand came to rest on my shoulder, breaking me out of the deep thoughts that had engulfed me. When I spun around, I found my dad standing there, a smile on his face, red rims lining his eyes from tears that had since dried on his cheeks.

“Are you okay, Dad?”

He quickly nodded, easing the worry before it had the time to hit me. “Yeah, Sarah Bear. I’m good. Really good, actually. I know your mom is watching this right now. I feel her all around me, and it’s a good feeling.”

I wrapped my arms around his waist and pressed my cheek to his chest, soaking up the comforting scent of my dad. “I know she is. Bree had ordered calla lilies for the wedding, but they delivered hydrangeas. And she’d picked out this yellow-colored ribbon for the pews, but they brought lavender.” I pulled away and laughed softly to myself. “Leave it to Mom to help Bree plan her wedding from Heaven, and pick out all of her favorites.”

“I thought Bree picked those herself?”

“No. She threw a fit about it before the ceremony because the entire order had been messed up. As soon as I heard what they brought instead, I knew it was Mom. Had it only been the flowers, then I could chock it up to coincidence, but then the ribbon they brought was Mom’s favorite color. I wouldn’t be surprised if they cut into the cake and find strawberry instead of chocolate.”

My dad’s eyes misted over again, his smiling lips quivering. I knew the emotion running through him, because it mirrored my own. It wasn’t sadness, quite the opposite. It was this sort of contentment that started as heated tingles in your chest, spreading out until your entire body is alit with soft flutters. It was comforting. It was calming. And above all else, it was the epitome of unconditional love. With or without my mom’s physical presence, I still felt her love living inside me.

When the song ended, Bree came over to us and gave her dad a hug. Then he excused himself, leaving me alone with my sister for a moment. I knew we wouldn’t have many opportunities to ourselves, considering she was the bride and the center of everyone’s attention.

“You seem sad. Is everything okay?” It was her wedding day, yet here she was, checking up on me again.

“I’m not sad. Actually, I’m really happy.”

“You’ve seemed down since the church. You’ve had me worried.”

I waved her off with a smile. “I think I just got caught up in it all. You know how emotional weddings are. But I’m not sad, I promise. I mean, I wish my mom was here to see you in your dress, but I know now that she doesn’t have to be sitting here in the flesh to see us all. She’s in a good place where migraines don’t exist. She never has to suffer again, and for that, I’m happy.”

She pulled me into her and hugged me tight. “I’m so happy to hear that, Sarah. You have no idea.” When she released her hold on me, she backed up and gazed at me with her soft, bright eyes. “I’ve waited a long time to have my sister back.”

“I know, and I’m sorry for everything I’ve put you through. You’ve been so good to me. Everyone has. I wouldn’t have been able to make it through everything without all of you.”

“You just needed a push.” Her eyes glistened, and I worried she was about to cry. I knew how emotional she was when she was pregnant with Ayla, and if this pregnancy was anywhere close to that one, it wouldn’t take much for the waterworks to start.

I wagged my eyebrows and changed the subject before the bride began to ugly cry. “So…? Have you told Axel about the baby yet?”

The glow on her cheeks brightened, turning a deep shade of red. “Yes. I told him last night as he was leaving the house to go stay at Joel and Clarissa’s.”

I grabbed her hand and began to bounce on the balls of my feet. “Tell me! I’ve waited weeks for this!”

Her bare shoulders shook as she giggled and glanced around the room. “He was leaving, so Ayla and I walked him to the door to say goodbye. He gave Ayla a kiss first, and then me. When he was about to grab his bag and turn away, Ayla told him not to forget to tell the baby goodbye, too. I hadn’t expected his reaction, though. I mean, he already knew about it, so I wasn’t expecting anything dramatic. But he teared up and hugged me for like fifteen minutes. I had to push him out the door.”