Take Your Time (Fate and Circumstance #2) (19 page)

Sarah

I pulled out of his hold, opened the door, and walked inside without bothering to look behind me. I knew he’d follow me in, and honestly, I didn’t have the strength to tell him no. My eyes were red and puffy after spending the entire drive home in tears, feeling like a part of me had died. My mind was jumbled and foggy, trying to put everything together and have it all make sense…but no matter how hard I tried, nothing fit together. And then there he was, at my house—of course he knew where I lived, I’m sure he knew way more about me than I could even guess. The moment my eyes landed on him, an uncertain, unexplainable peace filled me. I was pissed that he could do that to me—easily give me peace—but even more pissed that he’d lied to me, so angry over it I never wanted to see him again. But just the thought of that happening, of not ever being in his arms, seeing his smile, or hearing his voice again, broke me—completely shattered my soul. My chest tightened and threatened to squeeze my heart until it stopped at the idea of not having him in my life. So even though I wanted to close the door in his face, I didn’t have the strength to.

“Yes, I knew Luke dated your sister. I’ve known all along. Hell, he used to talk about her all the time when they were together. But that doesn’t mean I knew her. Or that I knew you. Or that
any
of this between us has
anything
to do with Luke or Clarissa.” Bentley followed me to the living room and cornered me behind the couch, making sure I wouldn’t walk away from him.

“And that makes everything okay? You were here in October. Were you here when he tried to ruin my sister’s wedding day?”

He shook his head adamantly. “I wasn’t here for any of that. I came after the fact. I came here at the end of October. After all that happened. Luke told me about it after I came to stay with him, but I wasn’t here when it happened.”

I had no idea what to say, so I just didn’t say anything. Instead, I stood with my back leaning against the couch and stared at him, my stomach twisting with so many different emotions, I didn’t know where to begin.

“And I never said anything bad about your sister. I don’t know the whole story, only what Luke has told me. They were together for two years, he bought her a ring, but before he could give it to her, she left him.”

“He bought that for her after she broke up with him.”

“No. He bought it two weeks before. He called me the day he bought it. And then he called me the day she broke up with him. He had planned this big surprise weekend thing for her, and was going to propose there. But she left him less than a week before that.”

I fell against the couch, and then stumbled to the front to sit, my head spinning and leaving me dizzy.

Bentley followed me and sat on the coffee table, leaning in toward me with his elbows on his knees, crowding my breathing room. “Did you know that your sister called him a month before the wedding?”

My head snapped up, his words catching me off guard.

“I didn’t think so. She told him that the reason she broke up with him was because she wanted more from him and didn’t think he was ready to give it to her. That’s when he told her about the ring, and how he’d planned to ask her to marry him.”

“She told me that
he
called
her
. And he told her about the ring, but she thought it was a lie. That he didn’t have it when they broke up.”

He shook his head. “I don’t know who called who, but they talked. He told her he’d give her anything she wanted if she didn’t go through with the wedding and came back to him. I guess she said she wanted him to be more stable, so he went out and bought a house—the one we were just at. He bought it for her.”

I thought I needed to sit because I’d felt lightheaded, but the more I sat there and listened to the things he said about my sister, things I never knew about, I became jittery, unable to sit still. So I stood up and moved around Bentley on the coffee table. I began to pace the room, back and forth, biting on my thumbnail as my mind whirled with jumbled thoughts, desperately trying to make sense of it all.

“Did you know who I was when you sat next to me at the bar that night?”

He sighed behind me, and I could tell I wouldn’t like his answer. “Yes.”

“So it
wasn’t
an accident that we met? You came looking for me?” I turned to face him, needing to see his eyes as he answered me.

“I knew who you were that night, but it’s not what you think.”

“Just tell me the truth…was this some way for Luke to get back with Clari?”

He stood up and took two forceful steps my way. “I swear, it had nothing to do with them. Yes, I knew who you were, but everything else has been the truth. I stayed here because I hated to see you so sad. I knew about your mother before you told me, I knew your name and little things like that. But none of this, none of my reasons for being with you had anything to do with Luke
or
your sister. I swear. It has everything to do with you, and how I feel about you.”

I turned my back to him, needing space. Needing a moment to breathe and center myself. Maybe it wasn’t as bad as I originally thought. If it truly wasn’t some kind of game for Luke to get to Clari, one where I was used as a pawn, then he at least deserved to be listened to. I had so many questions, but didn’t know where to start.

Bentley silenced my inner thoughts by pressing his lips to my shoulder, wrapping his arms around my waist and holding me so tightly against him, I could feel every bulge of his muscles at my back. It caught the air in my lungs and all words ceased to exist.

“Please don’t give up on me,” he whispered into my ear. “The reason I didn’t tell you was because I was worried you wouldn’t give me a chance if you knew. I didn’t want to chance losing you.”

I spun in his arms to fully face him, taking in his wild hair and clean face, the scent of a man’s shower gel—one that was now familiar to me—consuming the air around me. I shook off those distracting thoughts and took in his eyes, his deep, emotional eyes that captivated me and left me yearning for more. I leaned into him, taking his face between my hands before lightly pressing my lips to his. I didn’t know why I did it, but it just felt right. His worry had been real, and I could see it in his eyes. If what he said was a lie, I doubted he’d have this kind of reaction to the thought of me leaving him—the same reaction I had to the thought of him not being in my life.

I didn’t allow the kiss to linger, or transform into something more. No moans or aggressive hands made their way into the act, only soft, gentle, caring kisses. Then I pulled back, studying his contented gaze once more.

“I don’t know anything about you.”

He pressed his forehead to mine and slowly released a sigh, his breath fanning my face and soothing every quaking muscle in me. “Every night on the phone I told you things about me. They’re all true.”

“You told me funny stories of when you were a kid, things your brothers used to do to you. You talked about horses and growing up around them. All those things are nice to hear, but none of them tell me anything about
you
. About who you are now. Today. About your life past the age of sixteen.”

“What do you want to know? I’ll tell you anything.”

“You’ve never opened up to me about anything important. Why?” My words sounded like nothing more than whispered air between us, but I knew he’d heard them loud and clear.

“I’m trying to help you overcome this tragedy in your life. I didn’t see how my life or where I come from would have anything to do with helping you. This was never about me. It’s not about my family or what I did for a living. It’s always been about you. I guess I never even thought to share things about
me
with
you
.”

With my eyes locked on his, knowing I had his full attention, I said, “It has
every
thing to do with you, Bentley. You wanted me to let go. I did. You asked me to fall, and I have. I had faith in you, but now I feel like I’m falling for a guy I know nothing about.”

“When I asked you to fall, I didn’t mean for me.”

“Maybe not. But that’s what happened.”

His eyes roamed over my face, stopping just south of my nose, hesitating on my mouth. He licked his lips and then brought his attention back up to meet my gaze.

“Tell me, Bentley. Tell me you’re not the guy for me. That all this wasn’t some big cosmic force of fate. That meeting you—the cousin of my sister’s ex—on your last night in town, only for you to stay longer for me…tell me there’s another reason for that.” My desperate plea burned my throat, leaving my fingertips tingly and numb. I needed to hear something that would make sense and explain the things I couldn’t wrap my head around. I needed something concrete to tie myself to. And I needed it to come from him.

“You believe in fate?” His tone was light, soft, almost disbelieving.

I nodded, because there was a hard knot in my throat keeping me from responding.

“What about circumstance? Do you believe in that?”

“What’s the difference?” I felt a deep curiosity about where he was going with this, and I needed to hear what he had to say. I knew what I believed, but I wanted to hear him say it without me putting thoughts in his head.

He reached up and moved a strand of hair off my face, pushing it behind my ear and letting his fingers linger a few seconds, his touch scorching my skin. “Let’s just say fate put us together. It’s destiny that we end up in love, living our happily ever after together. Circumstance is what either gets us there or holds us back. What if six years ago we were both on the same plane, headed to the same destination, only separated by three rows of seats? But as we disembark the plane, the man in front of me takes too long getting his carryon from the cubby. And by the time I make it off the plane, you’re already on your way out of the airport. Two years later, we could be in the same grocery store. But one of your items rings up wrong, causing the line to back up, forcing me to use another register, completely missing you in the process. What if six months ago, we actually did meet face to face? What if we passed each other going into the same building? So close our arms brushed against each other, but some other circumstance happened at the same time, and took that moment away from us?”

“How many chances do we get before we run out?”

His fingers entwined with mine as he bit his lip, considering his answer. “I don’t really know for sure, but I believe that fate trumps circumstance. I have to believe that if it’s fate, it doesn’t matter how many chances come and go, how many times it takes us to get together. We will eventually get there.”

My stomach flipped, dipped, and came to life with active flutters, sending trembles throughout my body like I’d been immersed in ice water. But they weren’t bad shivers, they were the good kind. The ones caused by anticipation and overwhelming hopefulness. “So what are you saying?”

“I’m saying that it doesn’t matter what happens to us now or tomorrow. If this is truly fate like you say, it will happen one way or another. It doesn’t matter what I think, or what you think. You can find hundreds of things that can lead you to believe fate stepped in…or it could just be circumstance. Maybe there’s some other guy out there for you, and I’m the one that gets in your way. Maybe you’re
my
fate. No one knows.”

I closed my eyes, overwhelmed by his tragic declaration. A tear slipped past my lashes, trailing down my face, and then his warm finger wiped it away. I wanted to give in and let him comfort me like he’d done so many times before. I wanted to believe him and allow nothing else to touch me, only his sincerity and consoling words. But I didn’t want to believe that this had all been for nothing. That thought struck fear straight to my heart and left me empty and hollow inside. I needed the promise of something more to fill that void, that blank and dark space.

“Why are you crying?” he asked softly.

“My mom died, Bentley,” I cried, squeezing my eyes shut even tighter. “I want there to be a reason for it. I want there to be some purpose to losing her. I don’t want circumstance or any other bullshit.”

He pulled me closer to him, cradling my head to his chest. “There’s a reason out there somewhere. I’m sure of it.”

I wrapped my arms around his waist, pressing my ear over his heart. The easy, rhythmic beats lulled me into a calm state, enough to ease my sobs. “What good could possibly come out of her dying?”