Tainted Legacy (YA Paranormal Romance) (26 page)

He didn’t want to hurt her but he knew he was going to have to. It was the best thing for her.

Ava ducked around him to the side of the counter where she’d left her enormous box. She slid a few containers clearly marked “Chicken Parmigiana” into the freezer. Some more marked “Beef Stroganoff” went in on top of it. Ignoring him, she continued to stack containers, nice and neat, one on top of the other.

“Just stop, okay? You need to get out of here. I don’t
want
you here!”

She flinched at the sincerity of his voice but wouldn’t look at him as she kept working.

Gabe’s stomach growled in irritation. He had eaten while he was out much earlier in the day—after his text from Ava—but he had not remembered to stop to buy himself any groceries. He refused to go to the main kitchen, not wanting to run into his brother. He’d been left to scrounge up what measly bit he could. All he’d found in his freezer were the enchiladas he’d thrown in a few days ago and a half eaten carton of Butter Brickle ice-cream that he’d gotten because it was Ava’s favorite flavor. It was pathetic, he knew it. He didn’t particularly care. His cupboards only offered a bag of cheese curls and a box of crackers the housekeeper had bought. They were low in fat, low in salt and low in flavor. Under normal circumstances he’d have tossed them but he’d devoured the whole box in a matter of minutes.

His lack of food, and therefore fuel to help his body regenerate, was part of the reason he was still feeling so rotten. He was lightheaded, achy and nauseous. He watched as Ava piled the food in, his hunger growing more intense by the second.

She turned, after having shoved the last of the meals into his freezer. “There. Done. Was that so bad?” She hoisted the empty box filled with the emptied bags and took a step toward the door.

“Bad? No. A waste of your time? Yes,” he said as he went to the freezer and grabbed an armful of the meals. He walked to the garbage and stepped on the foot pedal. When the lid flipped up, he dumped them all inside. “I thought I made it clear to you, I am not your concern. I don’t want to have anything to do with you. That means I don’t want you here and I don’t want your crappy food here either.”

A crimson stain crept up Ava’s neck, splashing across her cheeks. She managed to keep the same anger out of her voice. “Fine. But you don’t need to be so rude about it. I’m not naive enough to expect a thank you or anything, but you don’t need to be so nasty.”

“Nasty?” he asked with a mirthless laugh. “Oh, honey, you have no idea just how nasty I can be.”

“You know what?” she asked, slamming the box back down on the kitchen counter. She took a step toward Gabe, grinding her fists into her hips. “I’ve spent the last few months getting to know you. I know you bought Joshua a new bike today and told him not to tell. But you obviously don’t know a thing about kids because they are horrible at keeping secrets. I also know that you dropped off a whole box of toys for him and his sister. I know you….and…and I know
it wasn’t for show because you had no idea that I would find out. I think you did it because you wanted to and I think you liked being that person. And I think it scared you.”

“Do I look scared?” he asked with a smirk. He wouldn’t tell Ava that he
had
liked it. But not for the reason she thought. The kid’s smile and even his hug, which took Gabe completely by surprise, had not made him all warm and fuzzy as Ava had implied it might. It had, however, made him feel something he had rarely felt before. He felt pleased with himself. What had made him feel even better was the knowledge he had done something his father would not approve of. He had made his own choice.

And that felt good.

“No. You don’t look scared. You look grumpy. You need to drop the attitude. I get that you have daddy issues, mommy issues, big brother issues and Lord only knows what other kinds of issues. I think you’re so used to feeling rotten about yourself, neglected and like no one cares about you that the minute someone does, it has you freaked out. So you’re pushing me away because what’s happening between us? I think it’s so far out of your comfort zone that you can’t handle it. So you’re running away so you can go back to being lonely, miserable and just plain pissed off at the whole world.”

“Damn Ava, don’t hold yourself back,” he sneered but it seemed forced, even to himself. “Why don’t you tell me what you really think of me?”

She closed the distance between them and shoved him back, hard. He landed on a bar stool and she stood nose to nose with him. “You want to know what I
really
think of you? I think you have the potential to be kind and caring because I’ve seen that side of you so I know it exists. Maybe you faked it at first but I think a lot of it was genuine. And I know that I probably shouldn’t tell you this but I think you
need
to hear it whether you
want
to or not.” Her voice changed from angry to simply matter of fact. “I’m pretty sure I love you. And if you don’t like it,” she said with a shrug, “you don’t like it. I don’t expect you to say you love me back. That’s not what this is about. I just want you to know that someone cares about you. You deserve to know that. You deserve to be told that.”

Gabe recoiled as if her words were verbal acid. An expression of shock, nearing horror settled across his features. He knew that he loved her but he had not wante hew Romaed to accept the possibility that she loved him back. It would be so much easier if she didn’t. The feelings he felt from her, he had downplayed them in his mind. Told himself that it was just pity she felt. Or even empathy. That what she felt was lust because surely someone like Ava could not love someone like him. It just wasn’t right.

“You do not love me,” he told her. It sounded more like a command than a denial.    

She shook her head. “You are so damaged. But don’t worry, I’m leaving now,” she told him. “And if you decide anytime soon to grow up and get over yourself, you know where to reach me. Until then,” she said as she stepped closer, brushing her lips across his forehead, “I suggest you go pluck those meals out of the garbage and make yourself something decent to eat.”

Chapter 18

Ava’s turkey tetrazzini wasn’t bad. It was actually one of the best things he’d ever eaten. He’d waited until she left, her taillights disappearing with no chance of coming back before he’d rescued all of the dinners from the trash can. He’d eaten four of them and had contemplated eating one more but as soon as his hunger was satiated the enormity of his problems took precedence once again.

He was feeling better now, physically, anyhow. His head was still a mess. Maybe even more so now than before. After seeing her, he realized there was no getting over her soon. Possibly not ever.

He wondered if she’d really meant all of the things that she’d said. That she really wouldn’t abandon him. That he could count on her. The fact that she’d said these things to him after he’d shown her a sliver of the truth about himself was hard for him to grasp. He’d given her a glimpse, granted only a small glimpse, of what he really was like and she had not flinchede hewore. She had managed to see the good in him anyway. He had been so sure that if he ever let on to the truth, she would be gone. His problem would solve itself. But it hadn’t worked out that way. That was why his head was even more messed up than before.

She knew that he wasn’t the perfect person he had been trying so hard to portray. And she wanted to be with him despite that.

And now, because of that, he wanted to be with her more than ever. The pain that resulted from being in the church was nothing compared to the pain he was now overwhelmed with. His throat constricted painfully, cutting off his air when he thought of her death. His heart clenched excruciatingly in his chest. His very being was vibrating with horror at the thought of losing her.

The terror he had always felt when he knew he would have to answer to his father was nothing compared to the terror he felt now. He realized that he would willingly offer himself up to whatever torture his father wanted to bestow upon him if only Ava would be safe. It was a wasted revelation because his father would never make that trade. Not when he was in control and he could demand both and give nothing.

Crazy thoughts had started entering his mind. Each one crazier than the last. Maybe he could talk Ava into running away with him. But what good would that do? The problem, undeniably, was that there was nowhere that would be far enough. His father would find them. There was no hiding from him. Not where Gabe was concerned anyway. His father as good as owned him. Sure, he may be able to make a few decisions here and there but when it really mattered, his father could control him.

Yet, now that he had made a few of his own choices, he hungered to make more. This was not a life he had asked for. It was a life he had been born into. A life of being controlled. Of being manipulated and tortured. There was no escaping it. No escaping who,
what
he was.

For the first time in his life, someone had made him question how he felt about this. The truth? He hated it. He loathed his father and what he was. His brother, too. He had not thought much about the life they had led. It was what he knew. It was all he had ever known. But having known Ava changed all that.

What it didn’t change was that he was still stuck.

His father had a control over him that he could not break. In the past, he hadn’t fought it because it had been pointless. But now? Was it possible he had something to fight for?

And to hear her say she felt the same?

I’m pretty sure I love you.
 

No one had ever said those words to him before. No one had ever made him feel he was worth anything before. His family reciprocated his feelings of loathing, abhorrence and contempt.

Now he was expected to destroy the one person who had evsonce ander shown him respect, loyalty and given him a semblance of...self-worth. The feeling of self-worth was fragile but it was there.

I’m pretty sure I love you.
 

Those words echoed around in his head like a lone voice bouncing off the walls of a deep, secluded cave. Run away with Ava? Who was he kidding? Ava would never leave her family. Not that it mattered. She was as good as dead.

A rage boiled up in him. Rage over being trapped, without hope. Rage over the hopelessness of thinking maybe, just maybe she truly did love him, too. Rage at himself for simply…
being
. The fury surged up, clouding his senses. It mingled with the scorching dread that consumed him. His body felt as though it had been set ablaze. He grabbed the steak knife beside him and plunged it into his hand, pinning it to the table like a butterfly pinned to a board.

You are so damaged.

Oh, she had no idea.

That was like simply saying the sun was yellow.

He started to laugh as the blood pooled out, like a spilled can of paint.

He withdrew the knife, the serrated edges tearing the wound into a jagged mess.

He was damaged.

By his father.

By his brother.

By the woman that had no right to call herself his mother.

It was only when he was with Ava that he felt hope that he could repair and regenerate whatever it was that was broken and missing inside of him.

He looked at his hand, splayed out on the table. The blood had already clotted. The edges were already knitting themselves back together. He was healing. On the outside. Not where it mattered. Was Ava the only chance he had at fixing whatever it was inside of him that was so damaged?

He knew in his heart that she was.