Sympathy for the Devil (58 page)

"That's the way we do things in our organization, sir. We want you to be happy with your decision, one way or the other."

Vito stood right up. "Well, I just made my decision--let's go!"

Dennis too. "I'm with you. Pilot Hill, here we come."

Rae looked at me and then stood up slowly. The Brothers did too. Only I stayed where I was sitting. To emphasize that fact even more I crossed my arms and went humph.

"What's the matter, Bill?"

"You know damn well what the matter is, Rae! This whole thing is nuts. The three of you are going out the door with these screwballs because they dangled some free money in front of you. Dangled but didn't give. Well how about this: I'll come too if you give me my thousand dollars right now, Brothers. Not later--this second. I'll give it back to you when we get there if I'm so convinced you're right."

"I'm fine with that, sir. It's no problem," Brooks said and without one second's hesitation peeled ten crisp new hundred-dollar bills off his Big Mac. "Here you go." He crossed the room and handed them to me.

"Hey, I want mine too if he's getting his now!"

"Me too."

"Yes, me too please." Rae said that. She is a shy, kind woman who doesn't even complain when someone big steps on her toe at the market. But now here she was wanting her thousand dollars up front just like everyone else. I was setting a bad example, but at least we were all a thousand dollars richer for it.

Then an evil thought came riding in. I looked suspiciously at the money in my hand. Maybe it was too fresh, too new? Was real money really that green? "How do we know this isn't fake? That it's not counterfeit or something?"

Brother Zin Zan was counting off hundreds while Brooks was handing Vito his share. "Oh we can stop at a bank on the way and have it checked if you like. But I guarantee you it's real."

I looked at my money like it might have something to say. This whole thing was so crazy, why shouldn't we just accept it at face value? Four thousand dollars was being handed out in that room and everyone was as cool as cucumbers about it. Like it happened to us every day and now was just the payoff hour. Rae wore a smile that was somewhere between happiness and crime.

"How do you want to go over there?"

"What do you mean?"

Dennis waved his hand around the room. "Well there's six of us. You want us all to go in your car?"

Zin Zan shook his head. "We don't have a car."

I shook mine. "We got a little Hyundai. We can barely get the two of us into it. It wouldn't know what to do with six people."

"It'd have a heart attack," Rae said, and it was like the first joke she'd made in five years.

All the guys smiled at her and I felt pretty proud to have a wisecracking wife. First she's putting out a greedy hand just like the others for a thousand dollars and now she was cracking jokes. She was suddenly a completely different woman from the one I knew, but I kind of liked it.

"Then I say we all go in the truck."

"What truck, yours? And ride in the back with the rest of the appliances?"

"Naah--you and your wife can sit up front with Dennis. Me and the Brothers will get in back."

Brooks and Zin Zan nodded to that and so did Rae. Who was I to argue? We put on our raincoats and waded out into the storm. Where I looked left and right but didn't see any furniture truck. "So where is it?"

"Right there. Right in front of you."

Right in front of me was a red truck. But on the side of it was a picture of a smiling white pig wearing a black baseball cap. The poor little guy was being roasted on a spit. Now I ask you, why would you put a baseball cap on a pig you were cooking? Even more, why would the pig be smiling while it died? Above that dumbass picture was written "Lester's Meat." Which, when you thought about it, didn't sound very appetizing either. I made myself a mental note never to buy Lester's Meat.

"That's a meat truck."

"It's my uncle's. He lets me use it to make deliveries sometimes."

"You deliver appliances in a meat truck?"

"It's been known to happen." Vito and Dennis grinned at each other like they knew something we didn't.

"This is too weird. My new refrigerator was in there up alongside a side of beef?"

"No, the truck's empty now. He only lets me use it when it's empty."

"Yeah, but is my fridge going to smell of raw meat now?"

"I'm afraid we're going to have to walk," Brook said.

"Walk? Why?"

"Because members of the Heidelberg Cylinder are strict vegetarians. Not vegan but strict vegetarian. We don't eat anything with a face. We avoid contact with any form of meat."

"What the Hell are you talking about? You're not having contact with meat. We're going to Pilot Hill, like you wanted."

"I'm sorry, but we're not allowed contact with anything to do with meat. If there's a remnant in that truck it could contaminate us. No, it's out of the question. Brother Zin Zan and I will walk up to Pilot Hill and meet you there."

"It's three miles away. It'll take you an hour to get there! Look, I got a better idea. You guys get in the front and we'll all get in the back. I don't mind being contaminated by meat. Rae?"

She nodded. The Brothers looked at each other and shrugged that the idea was okay with them. Which is how we ended up standing inside a cold empty truck holding on for dear life while getting real intimate with the smell of fresh beef and etcetera. Then about three minutes after the ride began, the only little light bulb back there that lit anything flickered-flickered-flickered and went out. Poof--total blackness.

"Real cozy back here, huh?" Vito said from somewhere nearby in the blackness.

"I can't see a damned thing."

"Not much to see. Just a bunch of empty space."

"Bill?" Rae's voice was small, like she was far away.

"Yeah?"

"I'm scared now. I don't think I want to go."

"Why's that? You were fast enough taking their money," I threw in with a little twist-of-the-knife in my voice.

"I know, but I gotta bad feeling now."

"Why?"

"Because those men are so sure of themselves. They've got pockets full of money and can give away a thousand dollars just to prove they're right."

"Four thousand dollars."

Vito made his whistle again. "Four thousand smackers. Did you ever carry four thousand dollars in your pocket? From the way they talked, it sounds like these guys do it every day. Kind of tempting when you think about it, you know?"

The darkness felt like it was suddenly heavier. So did the silence that followed what he'd said.

"What's your point?"

Vito tried to sound light but I heard the rats gathering on the other side of his voice. "Well, there's twenty thousand dollars sitting up there next to the driver. That's a lot of money."

"Bill--"

A hand touched me on the elbow and I assumed it was Rae's. I patted it until I realized it was too damned big for her hand and that it was Vito's instead.

I gave him a fast hard poke that couldn't have felt good. "Just what the Hell are you doing?"

"Nothing, man. Take it easy. It's dark in here, in case you didn't notice. I'm just trying to get my bearings.

"Well, get them away from me."

Why was he touching my elbow in the dark like that? And why was he making suggestions like maybe we should do something criminal about the twenty thousand dollars sitting in the Brothers' pockets at that very minute?

"Bill?"

"What Rae?" I said it pretty harshly, and angry voices are not that woman's favorite music. Sure enough, her answer came back at me like a flame-thrower.

"Don't you talk to me like that, Bill Gallatin! I don't like any of this. I want to go home. They can have their money back. I don't care. I just want to go back home now."

"Well honey, wait till we stop and they let us out. There's not much we can do till then."

"But we should be there by now. It's not that far. How come we haven't gotten there yet?"

I took a deep breath and licked my tongue back and forth across my lips, which is usually my procedure when I'm trying hard to stay calm. When I was sure I had my temper back on its leash I spoke. "I don't know why we aren't there yet, sweetheart. Pilot Hill's on the other side of town, remember. It takes a little while to get there."

"I want to get out of this truck right now; it's creepy and weird."

"Well sure it is. It's pitch black and we're standing in the back of a meat truck!"

"I don't mean that."

"Well what do you mean, Rae?" I lost my composure and my voice came out sounding damned irritated.

The next thing I know, my good wife's crying because she's scared, while at the same time I'm realizing this is all my fault, basically. I was the one who invited Brother Brooks and Zin Zan into our house not one hour ago. Before them everything was fine--we had a new refrigerator, we were shooting the breeze with the movers, and finishing our coffee.

Before I had a chance to say anything more, the truck began slowing. Then it stopped with a jerk that sent us all flying, judging by the sound of things around me. Vito yelled "Hey!" and Rae squealed, but I was quiet because it was all I could do to stop from falling on my face. My mother used to say never try standing up when the bus is going around a corner. Now I had one to add to that--never try keeping your balance in the dark. You need to see stuff so you can judge angles and tilts. At that moment I couldn't see anything so I was groping out with my hands, basically reaching for whatever would have me.

Unfortunately I found something.

What's warm and furry and licks your hand in the dark? A dark that had gotten ten times darker because all of a sudden it was totally silent in there except for the sound of me being slurpy-licked by an eager tongue.

"Shit!" I yanked my hand and body back like they'd been in fire and doing so, lost my balance after touching something warm and furry. I didn't know where I was falling because it was whoa-whoa-whoa backward. But still it was away from the tongue and that was all that mattered.

I fell on my ass. One of those breath-death drops where you land bullseye on the tenderest part of your spine. It sent an atomic jolt of pain up to the tips of my ears and then shivered back down my body, gradually looking for a place to stop.

When I could breathe again around the pain, I said "Rae?" Nothing. Then I said "Vito?" Silence. Nothing but me, the dark and whatever thing had licked me.

"Mr. Gallatin? My name is Beeflow. I'll be your guide now."

The voice was right next to my ear. Right next to it. I was on my ass, remember. It was a nice voice--smooth and low--but without warning hearing it so close to me in that all-out darkness, know what my first thought was? The very first one?

Is it little?

Is this thing standing up, or bending down to talk into my ear? How big is it? Not what is it, or how did it suddenly get two inches from my ear. How big is it?

Then I tried sliding away from whatever it was.

"Don't be afraid."

"Get away from me! Where are the others? Rae?"

"You needn't worry; they're fine."

"Prove they're fine."

"Bill, we're fine."

"Rae?"

"Yes, sweetie, don't worry. I'm in Los Angeles."

"What? Where? What?"

"Yes! I'm at the Universal Studios tour with Vito. We're about to go into the
Back to the Future
ride. I'm so excited!"

Her voice sounded like she was talking on a telephone. In her background was a lot of noise--kids shouting and laughter, some sounds I didn't recognize. Then to my amazement, I heard the bold theme song to
Back to the Future
. I recognized it right away. We owned the video and would pop it in the machine pretty often because it was one of our favorites.

"Bill? We're going in now. I'll talk to you later, honey, and give you a full report. Do you have the tickets, Vito?"

"Got 'em right here."

The son of a bitch! Ever since we got married six years ago Rae and I have talked about going to L.A. and especially to the Universal Studios Tour to take that ride because we like the movie so much. Now here was some moving man I didn't even know accompanying my wife instead of me.

I was so angry at the thought that for a few seconds I forgot where I was and what had been going on.

"You see Mr. Gallatin, everything is all right. By the time your wife's ride is over, you'll know everything and the two of you will be back home again. But in the meantime she can be having the time of her life. Do something she's always wanted to do. Isn't that super? We try to make everybody happy."

"No it's not super! I was supposed to be there with her! How come Vito gets to go while I'm here with a sore ass talking to you in the dark? Who are you anyway? Can't you turn on some lights?"

"You wouldn't want that. You don't want to see me." He said it quietly and kind of to-himself sad.

"Why's that?"

It was quiet a minute. Then he said something that slammed shut every door in my head. "Do you ever look in the toilet after you go?"

"What?"

"Sneak a peek at what your body didn't want. Check to see what your stomach set free?"

"For God's sake! That's disgusting!"

"Tell the truth now, son."

"You're not my doctor! Why should I tell you that? I've had enough. I want out. How do I open this door?"

"If you open it you'll see me and that will be the end for you." The tone of his voice said this is the truth--don't doubt it. "I asked about looking in the toilet because in a way that's what I am. I'm everything about yourself you don't like, Mr. Gallatin. I am the shit you look at in the toilet. Once a delicious meal, now just brown stink."

I would have laughed in his face if I could have seen it. But since it was so dark, I barked out a loud phony one to give him the same effect. "You're nuts. And why did you lick me? What was that all about?"

Now he laughed. "That wasn't me--it was your old friend Cyrus. Who's right next to me. Remember him?"

"No. Who's Cyrus?"

"Why he's your soul, Mr. Gallatin. Don't you recognize it when you are touched by your own soul?"