Swoon (13 page)

I had no idea what had just happened.

Steph walked away, a bounce to her step that drew the attention of every male in here, especially in her stupidly short shorts.

Turning back to my computer, I started to open it, then stopped myself. My concentration was effectively shot, and I didn’t care about the latest racing news. I’d only come here because the inn I was staying at had a broken coffeemaker in my room, and they didn’t serve anything until about three hours after I was normally up.

I sighed when I glanced at my watch and saw it was only seven. I had hours until I needed to pick up Steph for Thomas’s party, and I had no idea what to do with myself. At home, weekends were our quieter days, but there was always activity. I lived on my family’s farm in a cottage strategically placed just far enough away to keep it private.

Of course, that was a relative term if you were talking about my sisters. Somewhere between seven and eight, there was usually a knock on my door and my niece and nephew from my oldest sister would clamber in. Abby was four and Taylor was three, and they went nuts for some uncle time. Jeanine would wait at the door until she heard that I had them, or they had me, and then quietly close the door, sneaking back to her house to have a quiet breakfast with her husband. That was what I told myself anyway.

I’d play with the kids and make them breakfast, then they’d come with me to “help” check in at the barns. I’d take them back to their house to nap. On Sundays, I’d have an hour or so to myself before the whole family gathered at the main house for my mom’s Sunday supper. It sounded so old-fashioned, but we did it anyway. My parents had instituted the tradition when Shane deployed for the first time. We all rolled our eyes for years, making excuses but ultimately showing up and having a good time. When he died, all the grumbling stopped. And no one would dare to make excuses.

Shaking off the thought, I stood up from the table and stretched. A run would kill some time, so I headed back to my room to change and burn off some energy. Mostly I thought about Steph. All the possibilities, all the challenges, all the memories. All the things running through my head because we seemed to be reconnecting. And after all this time, it terrified me.

* * * *

I pulled up to Steph’s house a few hours later and tapped the horn twice, determined to keep my distance. There was no reason to meet her at the door, despite the fact that an ache settled in my chest while I waited behind the steering wheel, tapping my thumbs.

I watched her trot through her door, swinging it shut behind her. She was wearing a bright yellow halter top that dipped low in the back and a pair of black lacy shorts with flip-flops. Her dark hair was loose and curling wildly, and I loved it. And I hated it.

She slid breathlessly into the passenger seat of my truck and smiled at me in greeting.

“Hey,” I said.

“Hi. Thanks for the pickup.”

“You ready for the festivities?” I asked, trying to keep things light.

“I think I can handle a one-year-old’s birthday party,” she answered with a smile as she buckled her seat belt.

We rode in a mix of easy and expectant silence the several miles to Ethan and Lissa’s house. Almost to their driveway, I got stupid.

“You still with pink-tie boy?” I asked.

“Uh, no. That was over… that night. It was pretty bad.” She laughed, sounding more and more like her old self.

“You ever hear from Paul?”

Her eyebrows scrunched together and she pursed her lips, nodding slowly. “He got married, actually.”

I started coughing and laughing as I parked in the front driveway, shutting off the engine.

“It’s not that funny,” she said.

“It’s kind of funny.”

“What? It’s funny that I’m such a pain in the ass that men flock to whomever they meet after me?”

“No, queenie. It’s funny that Paul decided to saddle himself with some skank who could never measure up.”

“Don’t call me queenie,” she shot back, agitation laced in her voice.

I groaned loudly and tossed the keys on the dashboard, leaving her behind before I throttled her or kissed her or said something really regrettable. I loped my way to the front door and swung it open to greet my friends.

“Sugar britches!” I hollered as I extended my arms around Lissa, swinging her around and stomping into the kitchen without putting her down.

Ethan was standing against the counter, arms crossed over his chest, glaring somewhat good-naturedly. So I winked at him, giving his wife an extra squeeze. You wouldn’t know she’d had a baby a year ago, except her tits were bigger. Probably I shouldn’t admit that I realized that. Especially to the tattooed badass glaring at me with a less than good-natured look right now.

“Put my wife down, you ass.”

I gently set Lissa on her feet and greeted Ethan with a clap on the back, then looked around. “Where’s the birthday boy?”

“He’s with his girlfriend,” Lissa said.

“He has a girlfriend already?” I shook my head solemnly. “Boy should know better than to mess around with women.”

“They were right out there a minute ago.” She pointed behind me, but we heard the creak of the front door open and Steph chatting with someone as she walked in.

Lissa swiveled around and darted out of the kitchen as soon as she heard her friend. The girls hadn’t seen each other in a while, which must have been hard for them. I could hear them squealing and jumping around while I started to cram chips in my mouth, working on my attitude toward Steph before I made things more awkward. Her prickly self just pissed me off.

“Hey, Lawry,” Steph called out, walking into the kitchen. “Thanks for leaving me out there.”

I rolled my shoulders to regain my sense of humor. “You were too slow. I had to see my sugar britches. And don’t call me that.”

Steph rolled her eyes but laughed. “He’s ridiculous.”

Lissa introduced me to Jennifer, the therapist they were working with for Thomas. She seemed nice, and she was cute as shit. Not really my type, but I could appreciate. I flirted a little, knowing Steph was watching. I was such an asshole.

But I did get Thomas to crack his first smile at me. He was a funny little guy, very attached to his momma, but he seemed a little happier than he had in the past.

Once we were all hanging out on the floor with Thomas, I maneuvered myself to Jennifer’s side.

“Did these guys tell you how we all met?” I asked, gesturing to the room.

When she shook her head no, I began the story of meeting Lissa that cold morning and how Ethan was a whiney bitch. It felt good to laugh at how everything had shaken out. Clearly it all worked out. For them.

Apparently no one else was coming to this shindig. In fact, I wasn’t sure Lissa had any friends with kids anyway. My gaze couldn’t help but sweep over Steph with that thought. She’d look great knocked up. She had a golden summer tan that made her cheeks glow and her hazel eyes sparkle. There was faint smattering of freckles across her nose and cheeks that I couldn’t stop thinking about kissing. I needed to stop.

After we’d all caught up with each other and eaten more food than we should have, Lissa and Ethan cleaned up while Thomas played in Jennifer’s lap. I watched from across the room, lost in thought, just watching the little guy interact after Lissa had told me more of what they’d been going through as a family, as a couple. I couldn’t help but think of their marriage, how they’d stuck it out against the odds. That was a lot of shit to get thrown at you in your first year of marriage, or ever. They were strong.

Steph sidled over closer to me. “Penny for your thoughts?”

I glanced at her, thinking a moment. “I’m just realizing what a challenge this kid has been. That sounds stupid, but I’ve only been down here a couple of times since he was born. I haven’t spent much time with him since he just cried all the time and Lissa was always so frazzled. I just tried to stay out of the way and not add to her stress. She and Ethan still seem really good, despite everything. Really good.” I ran my hands over my head. “You know, you think that with two young, healthy people having a baby, that they’d have a… well, a healthy baby.”

She smiled a little sadly. “Yeah that’s what you’d think. It’s just not always the way it goes. There’s a lot in life we have no control over.”

I nodded, looking down at my hands. “That used to be something you helped with. That was something that you… cared about. I saw it.”

We were both quiet for a minute. I sucked in a deep breath and let it out. Her eyes searched mine intently, and I wasn’t sure yet if I wanted mine to reveal the depth of how much I cared. So I chewed my lip and tried to think of something else.

The moment was interrupted by “Happy Birthday” as Ethan and Lissa walked in from the kitchen, singing. We all joined in, happily watching Thomas who was wide-eyed at all the noise and attention. It was pretty evident from his face that he couldn’t decide if the attention was good or bad. Collectively, our voices lowered so we weren’t startling the little guy, and his forehead smoothed.

I could see the hopeful look on Lissa’s face as she and Ethan blew out the single candle on Thomas’s cupcake for him. The kid just looked at the smoke wafting up into the air and back to his mom. She crouched down and took him in her arms, then gently took his finger and dipped it into the frosting and touched it to his lips. He grimaced but didn’t cry. And didn’t smile. It was like he was frozen, waiting for it all to go away. Lissa had a smile plastered to her face, but her eyes were slowly filling with tears, watching what should have been a joyous milestone turn anticlimactic.

In a split second, Ethan reached his face down to grab a bite of cupcake, making a huge spectacle out of smearing frosting all over his mouth. Lissa laughed, we all laughed, as she passed Thomas over and he stared at his daddy with wonder. I felt like an intruder on this poignant family moment, Lissa watching her husband like he’d hung the fucking moon. And he just did. She kissed him passionately, inappropriately licking the frosting from his face and not caring that we were all watching. They were so in love in that snapshot that it made my chest twinge with longing. I was completely aware that it made me a pussy, but the family in front of me was everything I wanted. Guys weren’t supposed to think that way, but more of us do than you’d think. I could whore it up anytime I wanted, and I have. But watching my friends, witnessing their connection in a day and age where we tend to brush it off and embrace independence and freedom and selfishness, I wanted what they had.

Steph, also recognizing the moment, was snapping pictures of them on her phone. I watched her laughing, her eyes misting, her features soft, and I wondered if the transformation from three months ago was as real as it seemed.

* * * *

The next day, when ten o’clock finally rolled around, I way too eagerly swung the door to my room open when Steph knocked, right on time. Despite itching to learn what she had planned, I took my time in looking her over. A mass of brown curls was piled on her head, pieces sticking out every which way; she had on a loose and somewhat sheer blouse hanging over a crisp pair of black shorts. Her tan legs extended down to a pair of the most bedazzled flip-flops I’d ever seen. My eyes widened.

“Those are jazzy.” I pointed down to her feet.

Her face lit up in a smile, making me blink.

“Aren’t they? I love them.” She wiggled a foot in the air, light catching on all the bling. “Come on. We have work to do.” She spun around to her car, which was parked right in front of us.

“How’d you know which room was mine?” I asked as I opened the passenger door and folded myself in.

Her eyes rolled. “Haven’t you spent enough time in this town? All I had to do was ask.”

I shook my head. “That’s terrifying.”

She just laughed at me and started the engine.

“So, where are we going?”

“You’ll see,” was the only answer she gave. She turned up the radio and started singing, so I settled back in my seat, resigning myself to wait.

Twenty minutes of her singing later, I couldn’t take it anymore, so I reached forward and shut off the music.

“Hey,” she whined.

I held up a hand. “My ears can’t take it anymore. Where are we going and how much longer?”

Her eyes flicked to the dash. “Just another hour, hour and a half?”

I slumped back. “Steph, do you have any idea how much time I spend in a car to get here and home? Why the fuck would I want to drive another four hours in a day?”

“You’re gonna feel really bad about saying that once you find out what we’re doing today.”

“So tell me!” I threw up my hands.

“Did Shane have a girlfriend?”

I blinked a few times at the subject change, then laughed as I thought back. “Yeah, Shane had a lot of girlfriends.”

“Okay, bad example.” She chuckled. “But he must have had some friends with families back home, right?”

“Yeah, we met a few of them. Tough gig.”

She nodded her head, more hair escaping and bouncing down around her cheeks. “Toughest on the ones left home sometimes.” She reached to turn the music back on, softly this time. “There’s this big farm down in Charlottesville. The owner is ex-military, an older guy. Whenever he can, he invites families to a sort of retreat. It’s a way for them to reconnect after long deployments without the stresses or worries of home, or paying for a vacation. About a year ago, he came to meet with my old boss about arranging something at the center for the families. It obviously didn’t end up working out, with everything that happened. But then, after seeing you again, I started thinking about it and wondered if he’d ever started something. So I contacted him to find out and to see if there was a way I could help. I’ve been coming the past couple of months.”

She shrugged like it was no big deal. This girl, this woman, she continued to surprise me.

And she was right. I did kind of feel bad. “What sorts of things do you do?”

“I take care of the kids. First I feed them, then I bring out a little project of some sort, based on what they like. It’s a pretty small group so I can tailor it. It lets their parents spend a little alone time together, and the kids have fun.”