Swim Again (3 page)

“I changed” was on repeat in my head after I called it quits on my studies in the last fifteen minutes.  What did he mean by that because by the way he was going, I thought he’d never change?  The accident and the rehab he went through after sure didn’t slow that aspect of his life down. 

I had to stop.  I didn’t know why I allowed myself to think about Kaz in that way—wanting him, needing him to touch me.  To kiss me.  Yes, his eyes were alluring.  His smile pulled me in.  And he was a little more caring. But I knew him.  If anything were to happen between us it would serve as his entertainment for a night or two.  Then he’d be gone again, physically at least.  It would be like the time when we locked lips at that party when we were teens.  I thought maybe our friendship had changed, but the next day it was as if it didn’t happen.  History repeated itself after graduation.

Wasting my time wasn’t fair to Brayden either, who had just walked into the door.  The few people who were in the front of the store were happy to take pictures with him, receive autographs, and wish him well on the up and coming games.  When I saw him bending down to talk to one of the kids, give her a hug, and pose with her, I closed that chapter on Kaz again.  With Brayden I had a future.   

“Hey,” I said to Brayden when the people had cleared.

“Best part of your day, right?” he said.

“Yeah, I’m tired of studying.  I don’t know how I’ll get through tomorrow.”

“I meant seeing me.”  A corner of his mouth lifted.

“I know you’re joking but serious at the same time.”

“Don’t worry.  Just about everyone feels the same way as you do.  Look around next time.”  

“Why did I ever agree to go out with you?”

“Because you like seeing me as much as I do.”  He chuckled.

Smiling and shaking my head, I was reminded of how there was nothing else I could say.  A couple of girls took a few cautious steps to us.  Brayden was more than happy to bask in the attention again.

We were lucky to escape the store without anyone else coming up to him.  In the many years before, I had seen Brayden and Kaz signing autographs so many times that I thought the whole town had met them already.  But new fans showed up from the college campus side of town every year.  It was fun to see how excited people were to meet the guys or express how Brayden and Kaz inspired them.  Moments like those always got awkward for me when the people were big fans of swimming and knew who I was.  The question I frequently got was, do you plan to come back?  When I said I wasn’t sure, to cover up my outright “no,” they reminded me how close I was to medaling or making the Olympic team.

Red and low to the ground, Brayden’s fancy ride stuck out among the trucks and less luxury cars.  I had practically begged him in the past to please bring one of his many other cars when he came to pick me up.  If he wasn’t the way he was, I would have blamed his dismissal of my feelings on him trying to mess with me.

Brayden never opened the door for me.
  That was all I could think as I lugged my backpack off of my shoulders and dropped it onto the floorboard. 

Kaz would have helped. 
Brayden was already comfortable in his seat, flipping through songs, waiting on me.  I squatted down to get in and straddled my legs around my bag.  Uncomfortable, I moved my backpack to my lap. 

“Where do you want to go?” Brayden asked.

“Home,” I said.  “My home.”

“
Your
h
ome?
  I’ve been waiting all day to hang out with you, and you want to go back to your apartment?”

“I’m so tired Brayden.  I have exams Monday.”

“Yeah, but that’s Monday.  You have another day to get some sleep.”

“It’s not about sleep.”

“Alright, we can pick up some barbeque, at that place you like, and we’ll go home.  But why don’t you come over to my house.  My bed is a lot more comfortable than yours.  If you
have
to study, use the guest room.  K?”

“Brayden—”

He raised his eyebrows.

“Fine,” I said.

“I knew you’d come around.”

The Q Shack was packed.  The bars and seats were full of people shouting and having fun.  The light was so dim that I didn’t notice a group of four women sneak up to Brayden’s side, ready to grab his attention.  As soon as he was finished ordering, they were extra touchy feely and continued the behavior when taking pictures with him.  Didn’t have any regard for me at all. 

Thankfully, Brayden didn’t try and make a case to stay at the Shack to eat even though the women invited him.  More often than not, we’d end up hanging out for at least a few hours.  And sometimes, depending on the personalities, I’d have to position myself in between the girls and him.  I did that or wound up watching the ladies figure out how to slide their hands across his thighs. 

Done with the situation, I headed for one of the, reserved for take-out, wooden style bench like tables to take a seat.  I covered my face with my hands.  A few minutes later, Brayden joined me.

“You alright Marui?” he said.

“No.”

“You’ll get used to it.”

“I don’t know about that.”

“I’m not trying to be with them, and you know that.”

But what about his coach, Dakota? She sure does like to flirt with him and rub up against him every time she has a chance.  I don’t ever see him pushing her away.

“We’ll be out of here as soon as—” Brayden said.

“Hometown!” someone shouted in a country accent.

“See,” he said.  “All ready to go.”

The barbeque was still nice and hot as we chowed down back at Brayden’s house.  When we were done, he was the one being touchy feely—sliding his hands along my skin, trying to remove my clothes in between lip locks I kept pulling out of, attempting to escape.

“Mauri, come on,” he said and unbuttoned my jeans.

“I don’t know about this.  Maybe another time.”

“You don’t have to do anything,” he said in a low tone.  “Trust me.  You’ll feel more relaxed.”  Twice, he kissed me.  Once on my lips and once in the nook of my neck.  “You’ll feel better after.  And you’ll want me again, and again, and again.  I’ll go slow.  I Promise.”  He unfastened his belt to let his jeans drop to the floor.  His shirt and boxers came off after.  “Still don’t know.”  He chuckled, knowing that I couldn’t deny that he was a fine specimen.  The waters were good at helping to chisel his body.  He grabbed hold of my shirt and removed it then pulled me back to his chest.  “You can’t say no to this.”

It was hard to push him away at that point.  I hated that he knew it.  I slid my hands, over his hips, feeling the distinct curvature.  His hands cupped my face. “Go on,” he said.  “You have to start somewhere.”

I closed my eyes.  “Brayden—”

He stopped me mid-sentence with his lips, followed by his tongue.  He pulled back a few moments later.  “Fine.  I’ll give you a pass for today, but Monday—”

I shot my eyes back open.  “I have a test!”

“Tuesday.  You don’t have anything the next day.”

“I’ll still be studying.”

“You can’t take a break?”  He went back in for my neck and my chest.

“No.  I need to concentrate and not be thinking about you.”

“We’ll see if you have that same opinion after I give you this massage.”

“Don’t you want to put your pants back on?” I said.

“I don’t.  I’d rather be free.”

“Then you’re going to try something.”

“I won’t.  I waited this long, why would I do that to you?”

“You’re tired waiting.   Hometown waits for no one.”

“No, he doesn’t, but you’re an exception.” 

I didn’t want to leave Mauri, but the situation would have become stranger if I stayed for a while to watch her.  What was I thinking?  She was the same sweet girl I left behind with the exceptions of new reservations about me, of course.  I don’t know why I had to hurt her like that.  She was my best friend.  Still is, from my point of view.

It was fun that day, messing with her and watching her gush over me.  In the past, I thought there were some feelings there, but she was more hung up on Hometown.  I shook my head.  If he only knew, but I was glad that he didn’t.  The chance that he’d date her just to get at me was high.  He had tried everything he could to throw me off of my game.  And it didn’t help that we once shared the same coaches, were from the same town, and he knew a lot of my secrets.

Around eight, I decided to head back into Staden after sinking onto the couch and watching TV for a few hours.  I was on a mission.  A list of restaurants that no other town could produce were at the top of my “to go to” lists.  They were places that not only had the best food, but were the best for hanging out.  I crossed out Mrs. Joan’s.  Next was The Q Shack.  Mauri loved that place too.  It was funny because I always seemed to run into Mauri there. 

When I arrived, I surveyed the place.  No sign of her there.  If I said I wasn’t a little disappointed that would have been a lie.  I ordered what she got me hooked onto, the brisket sandwich with a side of the mac and cheese, and went to the bar.  I said hi to some old friends and was in the middle of talking to Dusty and eating when he said, “Bro, that’s Mauri over there.  Have you seen her?”

“Where?” I said, shooting my attention all over the crowd.

“She’s ordering.  Right next to…”

The next thing I heard was my heart beating loudly in my chest.  My jaw clenched. 
Hometown.  That…
I huffed.  He
was
as bad as I thought.  Always going after what was mine.  But how could she?  She knew him almost as well as I did.  She saw how he ran around with a different woman every other day. 

“You alright bro?” Dusty said.

“How long has she been this absent minded?”

Dusty chuckled.  “A few months.”

“You see the way those women have their hands all over him?  He welcomes that.”

“I had a feeling that you liked her.”

“She’s like my sister.”

“Whatever you say bro.  So are you just going to stare at them or put him in his place?”

I turned around, back to the bar, so Mauri wouldn’t accidently see me.  I could see the discomfort she was acting through, but she could have gotten upset if she noticed me there, staring at her.  I didn’t want to be accused of stalking.  Hometown would catch on and use that to force us to part ways.

“Man, what are you doing?” Dusty said. 

I shook my head.  “He still works out with Dakota huh?”

“Of course.  Like he’s going to let that fine woman go.  What are you planning?”

“Nothing,” I said.  “If she wants to be with him, I’m not going to get in her way.”

“You totally want her bro.  It’s best you admit that and go get your woman before it’s too late.”

I took another bite of my sandwich.

“You totally have something planned,” Dusty said.  “You wouldn’t sit there with nothing to say.  Bro, what are you going to do?” 

Monday exams, check.  Tuesday tests, over.  Tuesday night I was right back at my favorite café, going in circles around the same page of notes that wouldn’t let me memorize them.  I tried to break them down into little pieces, understand how they worked together; tried mnemonics, drawings, nothing was working. 

I sighed and found a street lamp to stare at out of the picture window.  In a few more days I’d be rid of the place for good if I wanted to be.  But Sam made me promise to stop by every once in a while.  I didn’t know what possessed him to always look out for me.  He was such a nice guy. 

“Surprise, surprise,” I heard Kaz say.  He pulled out the other chair, joining me at my little table.  The guy had his hat pulled down so far over his eyes that it was hard to recognize him.  I figured the black khaki pants and blue polo shirt he wore were to help pull off his disguise.  “I brought gifts.”  He slid over what appeared to be another two coffees.  “Do you want to stay awake or relax?  Don’t worry; I’m not trying to persuade you to stay up all night.  It’s not mocha.”

I collapsed my head into my hands.  “I don’t know.  I’ve been sitting here for hours, and I feel like I just can’t anymore.”

“So don’t.”

“But I have to get these concepts.  They’ll be on the test for sure.”

“You know what you sound like?”

“What?”

“You need to rest.”  He grabbed the taller cup.  “I’ll take this one.  I wanted to have them in red and green cups, so I could ask if you wanted to be enlightened or not, but they don’t make those around here.”

I smiled and folded my arms on the table.  “So if I chose to be awakened, what would you have put in that cup?”

“The tea.  It’s Camomile.  Your favorite knock out juice.”

I bit down onto my lip.  I was not about to laugh.  “If I recall correctly, I was already fluttering my eyes and the tea made me close them for good faster.”

“Wrong.  You were wide awake and wouldn’t stop talking during the movie, so I made you that tea, and you were out, cold, in my lap.  In record time.  I think it was about two minutes.  I had to haul you off of my lap fast because your mom was coming down stairs, and I didn’t want her to get the wrong impression—”

“But she saw you struggling.”

“Yeah, and I was expecting her to say something, but she didn’t.  She smiled and went into the kitchen.  I didn’t want to bring it up because that’s embarrassing.”  He laughed.  “I thought she would have said something, but to this day.  Not one word.”

I laughed.  “Oh, but she did say something.”

“What? “ Kaz said.  “You never told me.”

“It was after you were gone.”

“So what did she say?”

“Well, we were talking about my choice in men.”

“She refers to them as men?  The last time your likings were discussed all were boys.”

“They still are.  All of them other than Kaz.  Kaz is the only man she knows.”

“And this is why I love your mom.”

“But that’s not the best part.”

“Go on.”

“I’m kind of embarrassed to say this, but she said perhaps I should have sealed the deal.”

Kaz cracked up.

“Shh,” I said.

“Alright,” he whispered.

“I said, ‘Mom, what are you talking about?!  You did not just say that.’  She shrugged.  So
I’m
the one who ended up being embarrassed.”

“Wow, I love her more and more each second.”

“You should,” I said. 

“You think I could persuade her to make that sweet potato casserole for me?”

“Should you be eating sweets?  You did say you’re trying to make a comeback.”

“On cheat day, yes.”

“Well, I don’t doubt that you could get anything you wanted from her.  You are her golden child, not me.  And I’m her only one.”

“What about your brother and sister?”

“They don’t count.”  I pointed at Kaz.  “In fact, I may need to send you to get some money for me.”

“You need some money Mauri?”

“No, I need my birthday money that she held hostage.”

“OK,” he said and rested his hand on his chin.  “What’s the story?”

“She said she wouldn’t give me any of my cards from my relatives, or from my dad, until I chased you down and presented her to you.”

Kaz chuckled again.  “She’s something else.  And you live with her.”

“Correction,” I said.  “I live on campus because it was too much to stay at home.”

“You live twenty minutes away from here.”

“Exactly.”

Kaz shook his head.  “I guess I’ll have to let you present me.”

“One of these days,” I said.  “But until then, it was nice seeing you again, and you got to go.  I’ll take that coffee.”  I reached out my hand.

“No,” he said and took another sip.

“You think I’m afraid of your germs?”

“Oh,
now
I’m OK to drink after.”

“Hand it over.”

“I knew you were working too hard,” Kaz said and tilted his hat up a little.  A bit of the light caught his eyes, which made them begin glistening again. 
This dude and his tricks.
  I was going to have to get rid of him before I slipped up and kissed him like I wanted to in that moment.  My arm was suddenly weak and dropped to the table. 

“I figured you need to relax and get some sleep,” Kaz continued, reminding me to listen to what he was saying.  I couldn’t give him a whole host of jokes about the coffee shop.  “So wait until you get home then take a sip.  You have all day Wednesday to study.  That is if you’re not distracted by your boyfriend.”  He took another sip of the coffee, torturing me as usual.  Kaz hadn’t changed that much.  “Where is he by the way?”

“So that’s how it works?” I said.  “You come back out of the blue and already are up in my business?  And won’t give me the coffee I deserve.”

“I’m making sure you’re alright.  That’s all.  And the warning about the drink is for your own safety.”

“Well, he’s respecting my wishes, leaving me to study.”  I raised my eyebrows.

“Oh, so we’re back to subliminal messages aren’t we?”

“We’re not back to anything at this point.”

“Ouch. 
Again.
  You’re a prickly one now aren’t you?  I have to be the boyfriend to experience the softer side.”

“Don’t say literally.”

“I wasn’t going to.  But you wanted me to.”

“Bye Kaz.”

My phone buzzed.

“That’s the same guy isn’t it?” Kaz said.  “Your boyfriend.  He has impeccable timing.”

“He’s making sure I’m alright,” I said, picking up my phone.  “Excuse me.  Hey, sweetie.”

“Sweetie?” Kaz mouthed and narrowed his eyes.

“Who is this?” Hometown said.  “You’ve never called me that.  Want me to come over?”

“No, I’m alright,” I said.  “I’m just about done, and I need to get some sleep.”

“Right, the reason you didn’t want me to come by,” he said.  “Sleep.  You can sleep tomorrow.”

“I can sleep tonight,” I said in the lowest voice possible, acting like Kaz still couldn’t hear me although he was a couple of feet away.  “I have to go.  I’ll see you later.”

“You want me to pick you up?  I want you to be safe,” Brayden said.  There was no way he didn’t wear a wide grin on the other end of the line.  He thought he could use safety as an excuse to sleep over.

“I have a ride,” I said.  “One of my friends—”

“Sam,” Brayden said.  “Alright.  As long as he doesn’t try anything.  Goodnight.”

“Bye,” I said and hung up.

“So you’re ready to go,” Kaz said.

“Yeah, I guess,” I said and peeked outside.

“It’s too late to walk,” he said.  “I’ll drive you.”

“Alright.”