Swim Again (2 page)

But it wasn’t a dream.  Through the police investigation, we found out that whoever beat me had a plan.  It started with eliminating my security system.  Two hours of prior footage didn’t exist.  Neither did the attack or the events after.  And the suspect had to have parked somewhere close because police were dispatched, and no one was found running anywhere.  No one found meeting the description.

Hometown had an alibi.  He had been at the party the entire night.  His and my parents were investigated too; they weren’t guilty.  Even my swim coach, Mark, and former other coach, Dakota, had to prove their innocence.  Other than a couple of guys I hadn’t gotten along with in high school and some more of my competitors, no one else was examined therefore no suspect was found.  That was the second part of my nightmare.  The one that tried to drown me in fear day after day.  The attacker was so good that they left without a trace.    

Present day

“Help!  Somebody help us!” I screamed.  Kaz was lying in my lap, coughing up blood, and moaning in between coughs.  I called 911 again and got another dead line.  “Help!  Please!”

“Mauri,” Kaz said, looking up at me, his lip curled. 

“What?” I said with a softened voice.

“I love you.”

Tears welled up in my eyes.  “I love you too but you gotta hold on.  You can make it.”  I waited for Kaz’s response but he took two breaths and was gone.  “Kaz?”  I said.  My voice shook.  “Kaz?”  I shook his shoulder and began crying again.  “Help!!!!”  The last street light went out, and I heard rustling in the trees. 
He came back to get me too.
  “Help!”  I couldn’t hear myself scream.  Kaz squeezed my hand.

I gasped and my eyes flung open.  I threw off my comforter and stayed still while my pajamas clung to my sweating body.   Two deep inhales calmed me.  That was the fourth time I had the same dream about Kaz.  Each time my ability to help him was a little different but they all ended with terror.  I had no idea what the dreams meant.  I hadn’t seen Kaz in over a year.

Rolling my head, I saw that the clock read 8 a.m.  It was close enough to go ahead and get ready for the day.  Usually, I liked to sleep in on Saturdays, but I needed to get going to shake the nightmare off.  I hopped up, jumped in the shower, then fought back tears as I pulled on some jeans and a long sleeved t-shirt.  I was so angry at Kaz, but still I felt like I should have tried harder. Not want to banish him; not let him leave because it left me to watch his entire career from afar—what we dreamed of when we were younger. 

I sniffled a few times then grabbed my backpack, hoodie, and keys to my little studio apartment.  The coffee shop in our bookstore was the first place I planned to study.   

Outside, it was a bit frostier than the day before.  Depending on what type of weather you liked, we were lucky or unlucky to not get snow yet.  Even if it had come, our “snow” was more like a sample or suggestion.  Most of the time, it melted not much longer after hitting the grass.  That or it would be gone in the morning. 

Every now and then we had to deal with ice.  A touch of it would make everyone go crazy, shutting down schools and all.  The great part was a day off from school; the drawback was being quarantined to home.  No one knew how to drive on ice, so it was more dangerous outside.

The coffee shop/bookstore was a couple of blocks over from where I stayed, so my walk wasn’t bad at all.  I had been able to find an apartment close to school, within walking distance, but also in the vicinity of life outside of it.  Living one hundred percent on campus as a senior was a no, no.  We had to have some freedom and not feel stranded.  But I preferred to be close so those early mornings weren’t so much of a drag.

When I walked into the shop, there was a little bit of a line. 
No!  Please have some seats left.
  I kept my eye on everyone, or tried to.  If no one planned on leaving soon, I’d have to hope there were some seats on the other side of the coffee bar.  That was my favorite place to sit— close to the shop, in the bookstore, with a view to some of the bookshelves and the world outside.  It also happened to be a very small section, so the library was becoming my only option.  Good thing it was a flight of stairs away, but the silence always distracted me.

“Maureen,” the cashier said as I stepped up to the counter. 

“Hey Stella,” I said.

“It’s good to see you,” she said.  “I never get to.  Sam—”

“Stella, I’ll take over for this order,” Sam, one of the managers, said, scooting Stella out of the way. 

“See you,” Stella said and shook her head as she smiled.  I waved.

“Good to see you today, and yesterday, and the day before,” Sam said.

“Same to you Sam,” I said.  “Have you even had a chance to study?”

“I’d get the distinct pleasure of staying after work if I studied like you.”

“Well, as you know, I’m not missing graduation in exchange of a little bit of laziness.”

“But you’re not marching until May so…”

“And it costs money to go to school for one semester so...”

“So you’re saying Superstar doesn’t support you like he should?” Sam said and smiled.  “I thought he became the world champion.  He’s such a showboat, blabbing about what he has and who he is.  At least he could help you with school.  I mean.  I’d do that.”  Sam put his hand over his heart.  “You know I’d take care of you.”

“
And
I know the people behind me would like for you to do that as quickly as possible.”  I curled my lips.  “They’d
love
for me to hurry up and get out of the way.”

“I thought you would have learned my magic tricks by now Mauri.  There’s no one behind you anymore.  Stella opened up the other register.”  He signaled in her direction.

I peeked around.  No more line.  “Right.”

“So have you figured out what’s next?  Once you finish school, in a few days, what are you going to do until you graduate?”

“Work.”

More joy spread across Sam’s face.   “You’re taking me up on my offer.  You finally get to call me boss.” 

“Actually, I’ll be working anywhere but here.”

Sam sucked in some air.  “Ooh, so cold Mauri.  I think your special friend is rubbing off on you.” 

“He’s not like you think,” I said.  “He’s nice.  And besides, I don’t want to work at the same places I like to visit.”

“Sure.”

“It’s true.  Just because you two don’t get along doesn’t mean he can’t be nice.”

“Well, if you come to your senses, or don’t find anything, the offer still stands.”

I smiled.  “Thank you.”

“No problem.”

“But I don’t think I’ll be coming to my senses any time soon.”

“Gotta always try.”

“I know, but you’ll find someone else better,” I said and whispered, “Stella is right there.”

“Anyway, so what can I get you?  The regular?”

“Yes,” I said.  Sam preferred to talk about me all day, but when the tables were turned, everything was back to business again.  I assumed the reason for the switch in conversation was so Stella wouldn’t be uncomfortable working at the shop.  But I had a feeling he was the reason she loved being there.  From time to time, she’d glance over. 

I reached into my pocket to pull out some change.

“Don’t worry about it,” Sam said.

“Sam, I want to pay.”

“You’re not paying.  As long as my dad owns this place—”

“Alright.”

“Got to let you hold onto a few dollars.”  He chuckled.

“Sam, he
really
is nice.”

“I
really
believe you,” Sam said.  “I
really
do,” he sang.

“
Sam
,” I said chuckling. 

“Be right back.”

I crossed my arms, waiting for him to return.   Sam wasn’t the only one who had something to say about my boyfriend, Brayden, the man who was one of my first two crushes.  The only people who were happy about us were his parents. 

My mom nearly cursed me out, talking about how Kaz was a much better choice, and that I should have spent time trying to find him instead of going out with Brayden.  She couldn’t stand his parents, due to the cattiness his mom exhibited when we were in the sixth grade.  His mom allegedly thought I wasn’t good enough for her son until I started winning my swimming meets.  But by then Brayden had moved on to all of the popular girls in school.

Although his intentions could be a little selfish, Sam mocking me was his way of trying to hold up a mirror.  But Brayden was nice.  Most of the time.  You just had to know not to mention certain people around him.  And he needed space sometimes because of the tremendous amount of pressure he was under.  He was a world champion.  He was under a microscope.   

“Here you go dark mocha with a little cinnamon and sugar,” Sam said, handing me my coffee.  “And just remember, I may not be a professional, athletic swimmer, but I sure can wade in the water.”

I laughed.  “Maybe your better selling point is that you can whip up some coffee.”

“I can do that too.  And save you a seat on the other side at your favorite table.”

My eyes perked up.  “You didn’t.”

“I did and it’s the one with the red—” Sam gasped and stared over my shoulder.  “No way!”

I narrowed my eyes, ready to laugh.  “What’s going on?”

“No. Way.  And I am
not
the one to be getting all excited about seeing this normally, but.  What the.  And he’s playin’ with the sugar.”

“Ahh!” a girl screamed, followed by others.  I pivoted around.

“No way,” I said.

“Did you bring him here?” Sam asked.  “Cuz this is awesome!  I looked up to him so much, mainly because he got to hang around you every day, but still.  He is a legend.  That record he set as a fourteen year old probably will never be broken.”

“Kaz?” I said.

Kaz was as joyful as could be taking pictures with fans and signing autographs.  Clearly he wasn’t the same person that I knew the last time he was around.  A handful of people dashed into the book store, straight for the sports biography section.  I thought about going over to say hello, but the crowd around him was too big, and I needed to study.  But I hadn’t seen him in more than a year. 
But I’d feel strange waiting for my turn to talk to him.

When Kaz glanced to check the size of the crowd, I spun back around to the counter and threw my hoodie over my ponytail.

“What’s wrong?” Sam asked, ready to pry further into the situation.  Part of his behavior was my fault.  Sam was an excellent listener and really friendly.  I may have cried on his shoulder more than a few times in high school then in college when Kaz and Brayden were too busy to listen.  Too busy “training for the Olympics,” code for chasing after, well, more like entertaining the flocking girls.

“I’m just going to go study,” I said focusing on the grey, stone counter.  “Thanks for the seat Sam.”

“Anytime Mauri.”

I grinned and hustled out of the shop area and around the corner to my chair.  Sam
was
the sweetest.  My favorite chair had a red backpack sitting in it, next to my favorite window to stare out of.  Why couldn’t I have fallen for him instead of the guys I did?  All were a disappointment, with the exception of Brayden, who I hoped wouldn’t force his way onto the list. 

I put the red bag in the other chair and sat mine next to it.  Out came my computer and textbook, notebook, and pen.  I was ready to study. 

Surprisingly, I focused with what fans of Kaz called “the original superstar” around the corner.  They were equally sad to see his career halted by the attack and more than happy to buy the book he had written.  My occasional glances to my left proved that they didn’t mind buying two and three more.

A few hours later, the chatter from the coffee shop died down, and I built up enough courage to face Kaz again.  I didn’t know why it was so hard when he was wrong.  I gathered my things, left the placeholder bag on my seat, and tip toed around the corner.  The majority of the seats were empty and Kaz was gone.  I sighed. 
I shouldn’t have done that.  I might not ever get another chance.

Unless…

Unless?

You find him.  He has to be around here somewhere.  Mr. Original, Extra Crispy, Superstar wouldn’t have skipped town without visiting his parents first.  And you have their number. 

So does my mom.

Mhum.

So, I’ll call my mom and put her to work.  She likes gossiping, and she will make sure Kaz stops by.  All I have to do is be there when he does.  And she’ll make sure I am.
 

Sounds good to me.

I smiled and put my hands on my hips, satisfied that my plan was fail proof.  Sam’s hands slid around my waist from the back.

“Sam!” I said, grabbing his hands to remove them. 
These hands are different, and I smell a hint of chlorine.  Shoot!  Brayden.  He’ll be after Sam.
“I was just—” I said and turned.  My mouth hung open for a little bit.  Kaz reached under my chin and lifted it with his finger.

“Hello, Maureen,” Kaz said with that seductive voice of his.  The kind that made me forget about avoiding his,
oh no
, eyes.  The ones that glowed, twinkled, or did some sort of magic trick with every second he had them on yours.

I forced my eyes shut for a second.  “Yeah,” I said and darted to the nearest set of bookshelves and hid in between them.  I practiced breathing and tried to calm myself.  My distractor caught up to me and ducked down so he wouldn’t tower the shelves.

“Wow, you’re fast.  I’m sure I looked crazy hobbling after you,” Kaz said and showed off his beautiful set of teeth.  Grandma always did mention how great his pearly whites were.  It was like nothing else about him mattered.  Not his impeccable muscles; not the fact that he was taller than me, which didn’t happen that often.  Not his warm, cozy hug, not his…
um what are you doing?  The man is staring at you.

“Is this a game?” he said.  “You’re staring into thin air, smiling.  You’re dating that ghost again aren’t you?”

“Whatever.” 
I was not doing that.

“You thought I’d leave without saying ‘hi’ didn’t you?”

“I didn’t know you were here.”

His eyebrows rose.  “Liar.  I saw you talking to Sam.  I have to admit, I was a little offended when I glanced up to see that you didn’t wait to get an autograph, hug, or something.”  There went that smile again. 

Was it me losing my mind or did he get even finer? 
Divert those eyes. 
“I um. I—”  My focus fell to the bookshelf.

“I know,” Kaz said.  “You’re sorry.  You want to make it up to me.”

I’m boiling hot right now.

“Look at you,” Kaz said.  “You’re blushing.”

“I’m not.  I don’t blush.”

“But you’re nervous.  Do I intimidate you now?”

“No, I.” 
I know, but you got to look him in the eye.
  “I’m surprised to see you that’s all.”

“That’s why you’re getting all anxious on me?  Acting exactly like some of my fans?  You know
I’m
surprised you finally got brave enough to hold some eye contact.”

“Why are you here Kaz?” I said.  “You moved away over a year ago.”

“I’ll tell you over lunch.”

“I have to get back to studying.”

“I know, but you have to eat sometime.  It’s been at least three hours.”

“I have snacks.”

“You have candy.  I know you.”

“That’s food.”

“It’s not nutritious enough.  How are you going to stay awake?  Sugar makes you sleep.”

“I need to go.”  I pointed at the bookcase in the direction of my seat at the window.  “Back.”

“Tell you what,” he said.  “I’ll go and pick up some of Mrs. Joan’s Cheesesteaks, and you’ll take a study break when I get back.  Deal?”

“That does sound good,” I said.  “I still have no clue what seasoning she uses or how she sautés those onions.  Then with that cheese and the homemade bread… I’ve attempted to make them a few times and failed.”

“Tasting one of those sandwiches was strong motivation for me to at least come back here to visit.”

“I totally understand.”

“So, I’ll be back.  Twenty minutes.”  Kaz cupped my hand and brought his lips down to kiss it.

“What are you doing?”

“Calms some of my fans down.”

“Shut up,” I said and snatched my hand away.

He chuckled.  “There she is, but you can only pretend like you didn’t like it for so long.”

“You know what I think?”

“Hmm?”

“All that fame has gotten to your head.”

“Never, but I do think you’re starting to appreciate me in ways you only dreamed of expressing before.”

I grinned.  “Be back in twenty minutes.”  I stepped around him, but he blocked me from getting any farther.

“Can I get your number?” he said.

“Why?” I said.

“So I can call you in case I get lost.  And when I get back, so I won’t have to come in here again.” 

“I don’t know Kaz.”

“I won’t call any other time unless you approve.”

“Alright,” I said and typed in my number.

“I’ll text you mine.  See you in twenty.”

“I’ll be timing you.”

“Can’t wait just to see me again?”

“Kaz!”

“Going,” he said as he backpedaled before he slipped out of the store.

I returned to my corner against the window and held my notebooks up to my face to try and submerge myself back into my studies. 
Kaz…

No, be quiet and get back into these psychology notes.

The psychology of Kaz.  What brought him here after so long?

No!  Concentrate…

Concentrate meant staring at the words on the page for a good five minutes, digesting nothing.  The Thoughts of Kaz campaign had to be blocked a few more times before I got back into a rhythm.  Fixated to my notes, I ignored the scratching sound I thought I heard.  When it happened five more times, I peeked up to investigate and nearly fell out of my chair.  Kaz, up to his silly ways, had bent down to my level and was staring straight at me.  Taking deep breaths I shook my head then narrowed my eyes at him.

He held up the paper brown bag.  “Break time,” he said. 

Glancing back over to my papers, I thought about how much more studying I had left.

“Mauri, come on.  I parked right behind me.  You can watch your stuff through the window.”

“Um.”

“Fifteen minutes.  It’ll help you focus.”

“OK, I’ll be out.”  I gathered my things and left the red bag again.

Outside, Kaz was posing by the passenger side of his double cab truck.

“I see some things stay the same,” I said.

He laughed, and opened the door for me to get in.  “Need any help?”

“Nope.”

I felt eyes on my behind as I climbed in.  Turning around, I saw that Kaz was still standing there.  “What are you doing?”

“Making sure you got in alright.  It’s a little ways off of the ground.”

“Right.”  Kaz never did that in all of the years that I knew him.  A couple of quick glances gave him the OK to close my door.  I questioned if I had woken up that morning as I waited for Kaz to climb in, close the door, and deliver my treat.

“So,” Kaz said, placing the bag in between us. “Ladies first.”

I took out a sandwich and sank my teeth into the warm bread.  “Mmm,” I said, savoring the seasonings and closing my eyes.  “I’ve missed this.”

“I don’t know how you could live here and not go every week,” Kaz said and tore into his.

Not speaking at all was customary when we got of those types of delicacies.  I should have asked him to get the brownies too because those were the best I ever had.  Kaz and I made a game of it, searching for bakers with a better treat, but no one stacked up.  Not even when he went to all of those various locations for competition.  I was able to tag along with him a few times and after he finished swimming, it was our mission to find the best bakery in the area.

“So,” Kaz said after we were finished.  He rolled his head to me.  “It didn’t feel right, stopping by Mrs. Joan’s without your favorite.  He reached into the back seat and brought out another bag.

My eyes lit up.  “You got my brownies!?” I said.

He smiled and handed me the bag.

“You did!  Wow Kaz, you
are
the greatest!”

“That’s exactly what I needed to hear.”

“Why?”

“Because you don’t tell me enough.”

I chuckled.  “Well, I have to get back to work.”  I took a bite into the brownie and smiled.  “I’m carrying this back in there with me.”

“I understand,” Kaz said and checked his watch.  “You were always good at timing.”

“That’s all I was good at,” I said.  “Unfortunately it wasn’t a substitution for speed, and I was left sitting on the sidelines to cheer all of y’all on.”

“Do you still swim?”

“Every now and then.” 
That may be a lie.

“That’s great.”

“Well, it’s good exercise.  It was nice seeing you today Kaz.”

“I’m glad I happened to stop by.”

Tell him how much you’ve missed him.  Say you never want him to leave you again even though there is no point because he’ll be back to his regular sleep around patterns.

“I’ll see you around somewhere, sometime.  I’m sure,” I said and opened the door.

No!

“How does tomorrow sound?” he said. 

Yes!  And the next day, and the next day, and the next.

“Tomorrow?” I said, whipping my head around.

The glistening in his eyes returned.  He knew he had me.  “Yeah, tomorrow.  I’ll bring you a coffee, wish you luck next week on your tests, and ask you what you’re doing for the rest of the month after school.”

“Wait a minute.  You’re OK with staying here for a month?”

“I hope I am.  I moved.”

I closed the door.  “
Here? 
Last time you said you’d never come back.”

“To Pinewood, down a few more sets of streets.”

“In a house?”

“No, absolutely not.  There’s plenty of security.  I’m on the top floor.”

“But why?”

Kaz sighed.  “There are some things that are very important to me that I missed.  I had to come back.  I had no choice.”

“Swimming,” I said.

“Yeah, and—”

“Specifically the pool that we spent so many hours training in.  You’re really going to try again?  Go for gold.”

“That’s the plan.  I got fifth place in the last competition.”

“Forget about the Olympics; do you think you can even qualify at trials?”

“If everything goes as planned, absolutely.  My leg has healed.  I’m ready to win again.”

I smiled and was about to say something when my boyfriend interrupted with his ring tone.  “Gotta go,” I said, remembering that he’d be there in a few more hours to pick me up for dinner.

“Boyfriend huh?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, see you around.  Somewhere, somehow, I guess.”  He surprised me with his best smile as I almost fell out the door. 

“You OK?” Kaz asked, after he grabbed one of my arms, preventing injury to the brownies and me.

“Yeah, I.  I got one leg safely on the ground now,” I said, hanging onto the brownies, seat, and the handle made to help people get into the truck. I slid my other leg out.  Kaz held on to me until I had both feet back on the ground.

“And you wondered why I had to watch your behind when you got in the car.”

“Ah, you haven’t visited your women yet?  Next stop?”

“No.  That’s not me anymore Mauri.”

“You’re kidding right?”

“I changed.”