Swept Away (26 page)

Lilly’s stomach flip-flopped as that one word walloped her in the gut. Her chin fell to her chest, and tears sprang to her eyes as a new reality assailed her thoughts. Jason wasn’t the man she thought. He was selfish. He didn’t have her best interests at heart. He didn’t care what she wanted. He. Didn’t. Love. Her.

Looking at the note again—as though it might somehow change—Lilly slumped against the row of lockers, deflating as she slid to the floor. The bell rang, but she didn’t move. She’d be late for class, but so what? What mattered anymore? She’d lost the love of her life because she was too immature to do what it took to keep him.

No. That’s not what happened
.

Lilly shook her head and sat up a little straighter. She
had
done the right thing, the difficult thing—the mature thing. Jason acted like the immature one. More importantly, he proved he didn’t deserve to be the love of her life. Surely God had someone already picked out for her who would honor her wishes and respect her body. Someone who would appreciate it when she wanted to do the godly thing rather than fight her about it. Someone who would be her one and only. Jason was not that person—obviously.

A realization slammed into her. She’d been headed down the same road her mom had walked. She had clung to Jason and almost given up her own values, just as her mom had clung to Stan and silenced her own voice in the process. Lilly had refused to see the wrong in any of her actions because she wanted so desperately to be loved and part of a whole.

She raised her knees up to her chest and hugged her legs as she put the pieces together. Lilly wished she could go back and change her reactions—say different things. She’d love to tell her mom she understood. It would be so great if she could tell Stan she respected him for his changes. Well … why couldn’t she? Yep. That’s what she had to do. She’d tell them how she felt.

Wait. Lilly looked up and down the deserted hallway. Where were all the students? She glanced at her watch. Twenty minutes late for class. Too late to just walk in, she’d need a pass from the office. She grabbed her books and strode toward the front of the school. Passing the hallway nearest the office, she sensed someone was watching her. She slowly turned—it felt like one of those movie moments when the slow motion signaled that something very important was about to happen—and locked eyes with Jason who sauntered toward her.

He held her gaze—not a flicker of a smile, not a nod of recognition. If anything, he smirked. Lilly focused on the coldness in his face for so long, she almost didn’t notice the girl at his side who stared up at him with adoration and a private promise. He had his arm aroundher shoulders and gripped her upper arm tightly, possessively. Lily’s heart trembled as the final reality hit her. Jason was a jerk.

With her hand on the office door, Lilly paused.
Thank You, Lord, for protecting me from myself and for showing me the truth
. Then she went inside and walked straight to the nurse—the students usually found her far more sympathetic than the secretary. “Um. Excuse me, Mrs. Thomas. I’m late for class, and I wondered if you could give me a pass.”

“Are you sick, dear?” The nurse laid the back of her hand across Lilly’s forehead.

Lilly shook her head. “No. My problem was more … um … personal.”

“Oh.” The nurse nodded and went to a metal cabinet. “Do you need some feminine products, then?”

“Oh. No. Not that.” Lilly didn’t want to lie to the nurse, but she didn’t want to tell her everything, either. “I had some personal … um … relationship problems, and I kind of spaced out in the hallway for a little bit, thinking things through.”

The nurse looked at Lilly for a few moments. She clucked her tongue. “Miss LeMure, I hope you know we can’t have this kind of disregard for our school schedule. But since you don’t make a habit of being late, I’m going to give you the pass this one time. In the future, you need to keep your personal troubles out of school. Okay?”

“I understand. Thanks so much.” Lilly reached for the pass, but the nurse held on to it.

She smiled at Lilly. “I hope everything turns out okay with whatever was bothering you.” She let go of the pass.

“Everything’s going to be fine. Thanks.” Lilly grinned and scurried off to class.

“Mind if I join you?” Lilly smiled at Sam as she slid onto the metal bench beside her.

Sam slid her lunch down to make room. “‘Course not.” She smiled and popped a french fry into her mouth. “I heard you and Jason broke up. You okay?”

Lilly shrugged. “Wasn’t really the best weekend of my life, but I’ll live. Definitely for the best. Much rather find out who he really is now than after it’s too late.”

“Uh-oh. Sounds like there’s a story there. Want to hang out after school?”

“That sounds good.” Lilly took a drink of her Arizona Green Tea. “Oh wait. I can’t. I forgot I have an appointment with my mom and da–Stan. How about I call you after dinner? If it’s not too late, we can hang out—otherwise we’ll chat on the phone.”

“Sounds good.” Sam’s voice dropped to a whisper. “Looks like we have company.” She tilted her head toward the space above Lilly’s shoulder.

Lilly startled when she glanced up to find Jason standing there. What did he want? Why didn’t he say something? She raised her eyebrows and waited.

“Can we talk?” Jason shifted his feet and shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans.

“I guess.” Lilly turned to Sam. “Can you scoot down a little bit?”

As Sam slid over, Jason shook his head. “No, let’s go over there.” He pointed at an empty bench along the far wall of the lunchroom.

Lilly rose and picked up her lunch tray. Having suddenly lost her appetite, she dumped the entire contents into the nearest trash can. Stepping over book bags and maneuvering around clusters of students, Lilly followed Jason over to the bench and sat down on the edge of the seat beside him.
Now what?

He looked down at the tops of his shoes.

“Listen. I wanted to apologize for that note in your locker. My pride stung a little bit.”

What did he expect her to say? Lilly forced herself not to respond, not even to flinch. If he thought the note was the big problem …

“I’m also sorry for having my arm around Stacie earlier. I only wanted to make you jealous.”

I can’t believe he’s saying this
. Lilly shook her head.
Digging a bigger hole for yourself, Jason
.

“I guess what I’m trying to say here is that I’m willing to give you a second chance.”

Lilly sputtered as she tried to gain control of her laughter. “You’ll … give
me
… a second chance?” Maybe she’d lost her mind, but she couldn’t stop laughing.

Jason rolled his eyes. “Well, I can see you haven’t grown up at all.” He stood up to leave.

She swiped at the tears running down her cheeks. Hilarity mixed with relief—what a joyous combo.

Obviously flustered, Jason stormed off. Probably to go find Stacie or someone equally mature.

Lilly wiped her eyes with her sleeve and sat back to catch her breath. She surveyed the lunchroom like a general looking on a battlefield after a victory. Proud of herself.

Free
.

Dr. Shepherd tapped her pen on her teeth. “Let’s try a little exercise. You’ve had a little over a week since
the incident
to sort things out. Now that you’ve had time to think, I’d like you each to tell me the one thing that disappoints you most about your own actions, and then tell me the one thing that upsets you most about what someone else did—someone who’s here in this room. Stan, we’ll start with you.”

“Hmm.” Stan appeared to be considering his words carefully. “What disappoints me most about myself is that I haven’t been a good enough stepdad so Lilly would have known she could call me for help without being scared of my reaction. What makes me upset about someone else is that Jason—”

Dr. Shepherd held up a finger. “Nope. Someone in this room, remember?”

“Oh, right.” He stared at the ceiling for several moments and then shook his head. “I’m sorry, I’m most mad at myself. I don’t have an answer to this one.”

“Okay, that’s fair. How about you, Peggy?”

“I’m disappointed in myself that there was so much going on with Lilly that I was unaware of—out of touch. And what most upsets me about someone else is that Lilly lied to us. When I think of what could have happened that night …” She put her elbow on the armrest and rubbed her forehead.

“How about you, Lilly?”

“There are so many reasons why I’m disappointed with myself. I blew it. Big-time. There’s so much I would change. I guess I’d go back to the beginning and not lie. That would have solved the whole thing.” She bit a piece of dry skin off her lip. “Now, what am I most upset about in someone else?”

Dr. Shepherd nodded.

Mom’s eyes traveled between Stan and Lilly.

Stan looked up and put his hands behind his head, exhaling deeply.

Lilly shook her head. “You know what? I prefer not to answer this. We all know what I would have said six months ago. But that’s history. If people change and ask for forgiveness, shouldn’t we let that stay in the past?”

Mom grinned at Stan, who sighed in relief.

Dr. Shepherd sat back in satisfaction. “I think we’ve gotten somewhere here, folks. Lilly, how do you feel about relationships now? What do you think of when you consider marriage?”

“I used to think I didn’t want to be married … ever. Jason made me feel like maybe I did. Then he changed, and the thought of marriage made me cringe again.” Lilly rubbed her chin. “I guess I’ve learned that marriage can’t be about someone else being perfect. It’s kind of a choice you make—a commitment—and then you let God work out the rest. I mean, no one’s ever going to be perfect right?”

Dr. Shepherd nodded. “Exactly—”

“Take my mom and Stan, for example. I used to use them as the what-not-to-do example for why I never wanted to marry. Now I sort of see them as an example of patience and commitment, and proof that anyone can change if they set their mind to it. But as for me, I guess I don’t know if I ever want to get married.” Lilly furrowed her eyebrows. “I don’t need to know right now. Do I?”

“Absolutely not.” Dr. Shepherd put down her pen and shook her head. “It really has nothing to do with your life right now. Your purpose right now is to be a daughter, soon a big sister, and a student. God will lead you where He wants you to go in your future if you let Him.”

Dr. Shepherd looked at Stan. “I want to remind you all that the only place you’ll find true unconditional love and acceptance is in the arms of Jesus.” She moved her gaze to Mom. “Once you find fulfillment there, your needs and expectations of others will diminish and you won’t suffer such disappointment when other people fail you.” She turned to Lilly. “Then, when He chooses to,
He’ll
love
you
through someone else, and He’ll love that person
through
you.
That
is when you find out what true love
really
is.”

Lilly nodded. It made perfect sense. Someday she’d know true love if God brought it to her. It wasn’t something she had to search for. True love would come from God.

“Peg, you okay?” Stan sounded concerned.

“I’m not feeling too well …” Mom rubbed her belly. Her eyes widened, and she scooted forward on her chair and sat still for a few moments.

“Are you sick?” Stan’s eyebrows furrowed.

“We can stop if we need to,” Dr. Shepherd offered.

Mom shook her head, her body seeming to relax. “No, no. This is really good. I think we’ve made some great headway. I’ve been cramping throughout the day. It’s part of the stretching that’s going on to make room for our little guy.” She smiled softly and patted her tummy.

“Okay then.” Dr. Shepherd flipped a page in her notepad and continued. “I planned to help you recap the growth that you’ve all experienced as a way of remembering how far you’ve come these past few months.”

“Oh boy.” Mom’s eyes grew wide, and she clutched her stomach.

“Or … not.” Dr. Shepherd looked at her watch as she strode to her desk and picked up the phone. She punched in one number and waited. “Hi. Dr. Shepherd, here. It looks like I have a woman in labor.”

Lilly’s mouth fell open, and she dropped off the chair to her knees at her mom’s feet. “Mom? Really? This is it?” Lilly looked up at Stan who broke into a grin.

“I wondered.” Stan went to Dr. Shepherd. “Do we need to call an ambulance?”

Dr. Shepherd held up one finger to Stan. “I’m guessing about five minutes apart from the looks of things.” She nodded. “Okay. We’ll have her ready.” Dr. Shepherd hung up the phone and hurried to Mom’s side. “Okay. We’re all set. Transport will come to get you and zip you over to the hospital. Your water hasn’t broken, so you should have plenty of time.”

Mom panted and clutched her stomach. She had paled, and her knuckles were white.

Lilly turned to Dr. Shepherd. “She doesn’t look so good. Is something wrong?”

“Wrong? No.” Dr. Shepherd laughed. “She’s having a baby. It’s hard work. Your mom will be fine.”

Every minute or two, Mom started panting—slowly at first, then building to the point where she sucked the air in and blew it out with intense force every few seconds. Could she hyperventilate doing that? When it seemed like the pain reached a crescendo, Mom grabbed her belly and scrunched up into a ball—or at least what might have been a ball if her belly weren’t in the way. The moans went right through Lilly. Could it really hurt
that
bad?