Sweet Seduction Sabotage (9 page)

"No."

"How long have you known him?"

"About eight months."

"What set him off, do you think?"

And so the questions went.

Ryan didn't exactly hound me, but he certainly managed to get a pretty solid idea of the situation by the time he left. Leaving me exhausted, embarrassed, and a little mad at the world right then. I didn't need this complication; filing a report, pressing charges against an ex-lover, knowing it would probably go to court and I'd have to make an appearance. If there was ever evidence to prove my lifestyle had taken a decidedly unhealthy turn, this was it.

I'd made an absolute fuck up of my world since Friday night, but if I was honest with myself, it hadn't really started then. I was beginning to understand the correlation between my past and my present. And I didn't like it one bit. But it had been
my
choice to become what I am; what I have been until today. I chose this path, it was all on me.

Well, no longer. It was time to face up to my history, acknowledge my mistakes, and maybe,
maybe
, try to find a healthy way to deal with what happened back then. I was thirteen when it all went to hell, such an impressionable age. My life changed, in ways I didn't know how to handle. I have been walking this path since. That's a long time to act a certain way. Could I change that easily?

I was scared that I couldn't. I looked over at Gen, who was watching me silently, and wished I was as strong as she'd become. Sure, she'd had her moments. Brett Elliott, her loser ex, was not one of her finer choices. But she'd grown so much since then. A real woman, with a beautiful life ahead of her. Part of me wanted that too. Part of me wasn't sure I deserved it. And another part, just thought I would never change, never overcome the need for adventure, for pushing my limits, for excitement and the thrill of the next hit.

How the hell was I going to do this? Cold turkey seemed the only way.

A knock sounded out on the door and before either of us answered Drew walked in. His soft grey eyes landing on me. He must have known Gen was there, but he didn't act as though he did. He just looked at me, sucking all air from the room like Dominic does. It must have been a lawyer thing. He was dressed in a charcoal suit and silver tie, which only made those fucking eyes stand out even more. He looked concerned, genuinely worried. But he hid it well, Gen probably couldn't even see those small lines that bracketed his mouth and eyes and let me know he was on edge.

He cleared his throat, and finally acknowledged Gen with a smile and nod of his head.

"Do you mind if I have a word with Kelly?" he asked.

"Of course not," she replied, standing up and coming directly over to me. She leaned down and hugged me fiercely, then whispered in my ear, "Just call. I'll be outside. I'm here for you, remember that." Then she squeezed my hand in hers and slipped past Drew out the door.

We stared at each other, his jaw flexing as he ground his teeth. A bit like at the Sky Tower when I was sure he wanted to say something, but he chickened out in the end.

I had to make this quick. Get this over with. The more emotion he showed towards me, the harder it was going to be to cut him loose.

I'd thought he'd be the last I would let go. Spike then him. Holding on to something I couldn't even name, let alone recognise, for as long as I could. But it was now or never. Delaying this would be monumentally bad.

"Drew," I started, but he held up a hand, palm up, for me to stop.

For some reason I obeyed the motion, my heart beating a little faster in my throat.

"I know there's one more in your group of men you haven't scraped off yet," he said, surprising the fuck out of me. "Phone him now and do it."

What? I stared at him. He held my incredulous gaze with a calm and steady one of his own.

"Why I should I do that?" I demanded, and to hell with the fact that I had already planned to get in touch with Spike this evening. Today had been fucking awful, one more conversation letting one more of my guys down wouldn't make it any worse than it already was.

But I was doubting that now.

"Because I have a proposition for you," he explained, which didn't clarify anything.

"So?" Petulant I could be.

He offered a crooked smirk, my stupid heart increased in speed.

"So," he said slowly, drawing the one syllable word out. "I won't make it, unless you're free from all your previous commitments."

"What if I'm not interested," I argued, giving a flick of my hair in signature don't-push-me Kelly Quayle style.

His smirk turned into an appreciative grin.

He took a seductive step towards me. I stopped breathing. From no more than a foot away he spread his jacket and placed his hands in his trouser pockets. A typical Drew Kline stance that I'd seen a hundred times before now. But for some reason it was impossible not to look
there
. Not to see if he was hard. Hungry. Like I realised I was for him.

Ah, fuck it. Good intentions meant nothing when faced with a Drew erection in front of my eyes.

I was a lost cause. I needed to end things with him, and here I was contemplating if we could have a quickie before anyone knocked on the blasted door.

"Kelly," he said, his voice lower than before. "Make the call."

Still, I pushed back. I couldn't help it. It's just me.

"Why?"

He could have said any number of things. Sexy, raunchy, or debauched. Challenging, confrontational, or provocative. I would have responded to any of those. He was familiar with them, we'd bantered enough for him to know what pushed my buttons and how.

But he didn't choose that route. He said, instead, "Because I'm going to help you."

What the fuck?

He leaned down, placed his hands on either side of my body on the couch, caging me in, and said, "Because if I don't, I'm afraid you may be lost forever. And that would be a crying fucking shame."

What the fuck?

A stand off existed between us. For several moments neither of us willing to give an inch. Silence reigned in that little office, thick and heavy, weighted in more than just the challenge he'd set or the surprise he'd just delivered.

Finally I muttered, "I'm not fucking phoning him in front of you."

And where the hell had that come from? Was I really considering doing this? I mean, I had made the decision to phone Spike and not make a personal appearance. Enough already with the face to face breaking up. I'd had my fill and most of it had been horrendous. So the phone was definitely the way to go.

But to say it aloud right now, in the middle of a battle with Drew, was tantamount to conversational suicide.

He rocked back on his heels, letting his smug smile have full rein.

"I'm not leaving until it's done," he countered, hands still in his trouser pockets, package still discernible through the fabric of his pants.

I almost asked him to put it away, not that it was out or anything, but that would have given him too much to smugly smile about.

"Well then, enjoy the wait," I offered coolly, settling back into my seat.

He stared at me, those spellbinding grey eyes just watching. Something was working behind them, though. I was betting it was his next scheme to get me to comply. Drew liked a challenge. He liked butting up against me. He constantly pushed for a reaction when we were together, entangled and on the edge. Oh, he liked being in charge, evidenced by his haughty command I phone Spike in front of him right now. But Drew got something out of me fighting back. I could see it in his respirations, in the fluttering of his pulse at the base of his neck.

When I resisted, when I offered him a fight, Drew got turned on.

Finally he said, "What do you want out of life, Kelly?"

The question surprised me so much I answered.

"Fun. I want fun." And then I forced myself not to cringe at the admission, one that was firmly within the old Kelly Quayle's world, not mine.

"Is that all you want? Think about it for a second. Really think. What is it you want most in your life right now?"

I wanted this conversation to be over. I wanted him to leave me alone to lick my wounds. I wanted to bury my head in the sand a little longer. Pretend that my life wasn't so screwed up.

And then, I wanted to be normal. To not need that adrenaline rush so much. To be like Genevieve, and have a future. To be happy.

I wanted to be happy.

"I want to be happy," I whispered, unsure why I was answering him.

Maybe it was the way he asked. Maybe lawyers just have a knack for getting you to open up.

Or maybe it was just him.

"Good," he said, as though I'd accomplished a miraculous thing. "How do you envisage being happy?"

What a question. I had no idea how to be happy. Other than lose myself in the moment, in the body of the man I was currently with. But that was a false happiness, wasn't it? Because afterwards I'd feel... empty, disappointed, sad.

"I don't know," I murmured.

"Yes you do," he pushed, and I crossed my arms over my chest and offered him a glare. He laughed, the bastard. "Do you think I haven't seen what's been happening? What you've been doing?" he admitted, voice soft and careful now.

"What do you mean?" I asked, dreading the answer, but strangely being drawn to it. What had Drew Kline observed?

"You're cleaning house. Wiping the slate clear. Starting over. Someone only does that if they're unhappy with what they've got, who they are. If they're trying to find a new path. But there's a danger," he whispered, making me lean forward to catch his next words. Or maybe I was just mesmerised by his voice, or the story he was about to tell. The secret to all my problems.

Come on, Drew. Save me.

I held my breath. Partly because of the tension, mainly because I'd just realised I wanted his help.

"You lose yourself completely," he continued, in that same soft, enchanting voice. "You get rid of some of the good along with the bad."

He suddenly moved the last of the distance between us, standing over me for a split second and then lowering himself to his knees in front of mine.

My breath rushed out of me in one quick push.

"There are parts of you that are miraculous, Kelly Quayle. Parts of you that truly shine. From the moment I laid eyes on you, I saw it. A unique and dazzling ability to
live
life." He said 'live' like it meant more than the word actually should. "You've gotten a little lost along the way, mistaken some of that intensity you inherently have for something entirely else. And now you're floundering. Decided it all needs to go. But it would be a regrettable shame if I let that happen. If I let you disappear along with the rest. Just because your life needs a clean up, doesn't mean that you have to forget who you are. You're irrepressible. Unquenchable. A take no prisoners, liver of life."

Take no prisoners
. Isn't that what Gen had also said?

"You do know how to be happy," he added, his hands somehow massaging the sides of my legs on the couch. I hadn't realised he'd gotten that close. I'd been blind-sided by all of his words. "You just don't know how to do it in a safe and secure way."

He paused, I got the impression it was on purpose, to lend weight to his next words.

"I can show you how, while keeping you protected from harm. Help you find yourself, find that happiness, and get out of this with some of that spectacular I see, still inside."

Holy fuck. He was good at this, wasn't he? He must really wow them in court.

"Now phone your last man," he said, steadily, almost challengingly, "and take the first step on your new path, knowing I'll keep you safe throughout."

I just stared at him. He stared back. Not a single word passed between us, but I swear I had never felt more connected to someone before in my life.

I'd always thought Drew had seen inside of me, seen past the fluff and sparkles, seen a little of what was inside. I had never, in a million different imaginings, considered he'd seen all of that.

Was any of it true? Gen had asked me to be careful of what I culled. She'd inferred there was good in me, even though right now I felt like it was all black. And now Drew, almost the same words, in fact the 'take no prisoners' were the very same words Gen had used. There was something about me they liked, despite the lifestyle I'd chosen to live. Something they felt the need to protect in some small way. Gen by pleading with me to be careful how I reinvent myself. Drew by taking on the responsibility to help me get to the other side still intact.

"I don't understand what's in it for you?" I asked, staring hard into those dove-grey eyes.

He blinked, sucked in an almost imperceptible breath of air, then flexed his jaw. It was his tell. I was beginning to see. When he was reluctant to admit something, or ask something that was on his mind. In this case, he wasn't sure how much to show me of him.

"I've already said," he finally answered. "It would be a regrettable shame if I let you disappear along with the rest."

"So, this is your good Samaritan moment for the year?" I asked, incredulously.

His lips quirked, one side higher than the other.

"Oh, don't get me wrong, Kelly. I intend to enjoy myself while I help you find your way to the other side. With the knowledge that I don't have to stand in line behind another four men. So, phone your last one, cut him loose. Then, for the duration in which I help you find a happy medium in all of this, you will be just mine."

"Exclusivity," I said, sounding the word out on my tongue. I had never been in an exclusive relationship before.

"Do you want to be happy? Live life in a safe and secure way?" he asked.

"Yes," I whispered.

"I can get you there. I can show you how. I can make it happen. But to do that, you need to choose just me. Part of the whole safe and secure thing is sticking to one person you can trust."

He held my uncertain gaze.

"Look at today," he whispered, using my hideous Monday to prove his point and back up his claim. "Were you happy?"

I closed my eyes, knowing where he was going with this.

"Answer me, Kelly. Were you at all happy today?"

I shook my head to say no.

"Were you safe?"

I sucked in a deep breath and shook my head again.

"Were you secure?"

"No."

"I promise I can give that to you, for as long as you need it. All you have to do is phone the last one and say goodbye."

I opened my eyes and took a leap.

"I've never done this before." And I wasn't talking about calling it off with Spike. I'd certainly proven today that I could break up with a guy. Or two.

But Drew understood my meaning without even having to try.

"That's why you're losing yourself right now." And I was. I was so damn lost. "Let me guide you, let me show you how good it can be. Exclusivity does not mean the end of creativity. The end of excitement and thrills."

I frowned. Wasn't it the thrills, the hits, that led me astray?

Drew reached out and cupped my cheek tenderly.

"There is
nothing
wrong with wanting that feeling," he said fiercely. "Just how you get it, that's all."

"You think what I've been doing is wrong? Bad?" It was a nasty question, I knew it as soon as I said it. And part of me was appalled I'd voiced the words at all. Did Drew judge me? I just had to know.

He didn't even hesitate. "It got you through the last decade, didn't it? I'm guessing there's a reason why you chose this lifestyle and for a while it helped you get by. So, no, there is no wrong or bad to it. But I'm here now, and you've already decided it's time for a change. Let me show how good it can be, how much fun can be had, how much happiness an exclusive relationship can bring."

The world closed in to just us, just his words, just his soft touch on my cheek. Was this real?

"Kelly," he said, voice suddenly husky. "Do you think I won't fuck you against the wall at Dom's house anymore?" It was real.

Then he pressed close enough for me to feel his arousal, which by the looks of it hadn't abated at all. He wanted this. He wanted me to himself. He was arguing the case of his life.

"Sweetheart," he murmured, and my heart stuttered to a stop.

Dominic called Genevieve that. A term of endearment from the heart. But Drew wasn't offering me his heart, he was offering me his guidance and protection while I found myself again.

I liked the word slipping off his tongue, though, as he looked at me with slightly hungry and desperate grey eyes. But did I like the idea it was said without true love?

Who was I kidding? I was a fucked up mess. True love didn't exist for me, but maybe happiness of some description could.

"Phone him," Drew urged softly. A plea in his tone that I don't think he even heard.

He was a good man, Drew Kline. He was sexy and hot and an adventurous lover. Of all my five guys, he was the one I had wanted to hold onto 'til the end. There was just Spike left now. Before I had to face cutting off Drew. And if I was honest with myself, even after culling Spike this evening, I'd had no intention of breaking it off with Drew.

Not today. I would have found a time tomorrow, probably. But for today I was clinging to him for as long as I could.

And now this. A way to hold on to him whilst still searching for an answer to all of this mess. The question was, though, was Drew a part of what made me fucked in the head? Or was he just a by-product of my life, a random coincidence? Someone who just happened along at the wrong time, while I was losing myself.

If I had met Drew at any other time, say a year from now when I plan to have my head screwed on right, what would have happened? Would he have asked me out, like a regular guy? Courted me, taken me to dinner, introduced me to his mum and dad? Would we have gone on double dates with Gen and Dom? Would he have sent me flowers? I've never received flowers. The types of liaisons I've had don't encourage that sort of thing. A quick "thanks" and "until next time" and that's about it.

Would Drew give me flowers?

I wanted flowers. I wanted stupid boxes of chocolates and those ridiculous stuffed teddy bears hugging plush hearts. I guess that's something most people grow out of when in their teens. In
my
teens, I'd been fucking three guys at the same time. Well, two of them had been at the exact same time, one had been around the same time, on alternate days. But soft toys and sweets and roses were not on the cards for any of them.

Would Drew give me flowers?

I wanted to find out.

But I was shit scared to admit it.

We'd been staring at each other for several drawn out minutes, while questions and doubts and hopes had swirled around inside my head.

"What are you afraid of, Kelly," he finally asked. "That you'll find happiness and actually like it?"