Sweet Seduction Sabotage (7 page)

"OK," I said, defeat a weary passenger in my tone.

"Sweetheart," Dom cajoled. "We're almost done here. I'll be home within the hour and then I'll turf the interlopers out and run you a bath. Bubbles?" he asked, I could hear the grin in his voice.

"Bubbles," I replied, miraculously smiling.

"Good girl," he whispered, then, "I love you."

"I love you too," I whispered back and the line went dead.

When I returned to the party things were in full swing.

Including the old and familiar Kelly Quayle.

I sat down on the armchair and watched the antics fly, realising it was me sitting in the shadow now, all on my own. I smiled when I needed to. I spoke when spoken to. I laughed when something funny happened.

But it wasn't until Dominic arrived and tossed all the guests out, that the sun shone and the darkness truly receded.

But who would shine on Kelly?

Who would bring
her
out of the dark?

Right now, it looked like it wasn't going to be me.

And that crushed me. Broke my heart and made me want to cry.

Kelly

Monday was the absolute worst day of my life. Which is saying something, 'cause my life's not been a bed of roses lately.

The party had been a success yesterday. Well, most of it had. There'd been moments when I almost blew it. Thankfully, Kelly Quayle is nothing if not an actress. And I acted my little butt off.

Dom returning early seemed a bit strange. But, Gen was tired and I could hardly blame the daddy-to-be for his protectiveness. I packed up after the guests left and took myself home. To my empty house. With my empty chest and empty body.

Which only served to reinforce the changes I needed to make.

I phoned Dan, to organise a get-together, only to find out he had an unscheduled night shift planned for tomorrow night. So we arranged to meet at Sweet Seduction at four, just before he'd head off to work. Not the best idea, but I was getting a little frantic, and the need to clean house was all that I could see.

If I could just simplify things, if I could just pare it all back to the basics, then maybe, just maybe, I'd be able to make sense of all the mess that was me.

I threw myself into work on Monday morning, sure that by that evening I'd be down to three in my little sex-team. Gen kept sweeping concerned looks my way, which made me jumpy and twice I dropped a tray of drinks Lucas had given me.

I was meant to be making things better, getting my life on track. But I just seemed to be making things worse.

That blackness inside was about to swallow me whole, I just knew it.

But at ten to four on Monday, it wasn't Dan who walked through the door, but Kane.

Ever seen a possum staring dumbly into the oncoming headlights of a car, knowing they're about to be squashed to smithereens? Well, that was me. Kane was the headlights, and in ten minutes, Dan would be the car.

"Hey, babe," Kane said, as he approached my stunned body at the chocolate counter. I just gaped.

Part of it was the no nookie at work rule I'd always had. And the guys had always been aware of that fact. Dan coming this afternoon would have already guessed something was up. But Kane? Why the fuck was he here?

"Wondered if you'd had your afternoon tea break yet? Wanna come check out my new wheels?"

I blinked slowly, looked at the sexy smirk that graced his plump lips. The glint of mischief that threaded through his deep blue eyes. He was dressed in his signature torn, faded denim jeans and muscle shirt, showing off a glorious set of biceps and about twenty hours worth of ink on his arms. His chin length, rock-star black hair curved at the ends, framing a young-boy face; quite apt for a man who had never grown up at all.

"You sold the Holden?" I asked, dumbly. I'd liked the Camaro, I'd particularly liked what we'd frequently done in there.

Kane's thing was the back seat of muscle cars. Who was I to deny him? It brought back some of the happier memories of my teenage years.

"Picked up a sweet ride at the market on the weekend, wanted my girl to christen it with me."

I glanced over my shoulder to see if anyone had heard Kane's words, but Gen was serving and Lucas was banging the portafilter; no one paying attention to us.

My eyes swung back to Kane's. Any other time, at any other place in my fucked up life, I would have jumped on the suggestion, already envisaging how Kane would make me feel
alive
. Even knowing I had another hook-up in ten minutes time, I would have grabbed Kane's singlet, and hauled him out that door. But I just stood there, staring. Didn't even ask what type of car he'd bought. Just stared. Numb on the outside. Numb within.

This
was my life?
This
is what I had become? One quick hook-up before another quick fuck? I'd thought I was being carefree, so vibrant and full of life. Alive.

But what I'd been could not be called
alive
.

I frowned down at the floor and ran a hand through the curls on my head. I was drowning here. I was neck deep in self-recriminations and self-doubt. Who am I?

What colour am I?

Black or red?

My eyes came up to see Kane's brows furrowed. He'd expected me to behave like Kelly Quayle always did.
Sure, Kane. Let's go steam up the windows. Christen your sweet ride.

"Babe?" he said, as the worst possible thing that could happen happened.

Dan walked in the door.

Followed by the ADK team. Dominic waving out to Gen behind the counter. Finn Drake, one of his partners, smiling a mile wide and a grey eyed, suit wearing Drew.

Oh, fuck.

My hand covered my mouth and my eyes darted from one man to the next to the next.

I have hard and fast rules within my free and easy lifestyle. No nookie at work. I never meet up with one of my guys here. They never visit. Except Drew. He can hardly get out of afternoon coffee sessions with his law firm partners without giving away we were connected. Him being here was acceptable, unexpected sure. They usually arrived at two-thirty and were gone by half past three. Clearly they'd all been held up at court.

Oh, fuck.

"Kels?" Kane asked.

Right. This was happening now. This was me drowning, about to go under. This was where my choices had led me. Right here. Right now.

A quick glance around the room and, not surprisingly, several pairs of eyes were on me. Dan and Kane. To be expected. Genevieve and Drew. Not a shock. But also Dominic, a steady, calm look in his eyes.

I'm twenty-eight years old. I'm an adult. I live an adult's life.

Oh, fuck this sucked.

"OK," I said, almost to myself. "Hold on just one minute." I held a hand up to Kane and then hustled him over the pillow pit, which thankfully happened to be devoid of slouching High Street customers sipping lattes right now. Then I turned and hurried over to Dan, who was in his uniform ready for work.

I'd chosen him first, because I knew he would be the most straightforward. Dan's laid back, free and easy, like I used to be. He held my gaze as I approached, no doubt registering there was no sway to my hips at all. His big hands were spread out on the table in front of him, where he'd taken a seat when he noticed a showdown was about to transpire. Dan's not stupid. He could see the writing on the wall. The request to meet here was signal enough.

"Hey," I said, slipping into the seat opposite. His eyes darted over my shoulder to where I knew Kane was watching. Probably with a scowl on his face. Kane was not laid back. He liked fast cars and faster women. But he liked them to be his and no one else's.

Bad choice for one of my stable, but he drove such a sweet ride.

"Hey yourself," Dan returned, automatically reaching over to grasp my hands in both of his. I pulled them back. Then closed my eyes. It had been instinctive, natural to pull away. I'd already said goodbye to Dan in my heart. I just had to let him know now.

When I opened them Dan was leaning back in his chair, eyes on me, arms crossed over his chest.

Not so easy then.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, and why do people start with that line when they're about to let someone down? Of course you're sorry, saying it just sounds like a cop-out.

"I figured as much," Dan murmured. "You've been pulling away for months now."

Months?

"Is it him?" Dan nodded towards where Kane waited. I shook my head, frown in place. "Can I know his name? The one who's caught Kelly Quayle."

"No one's caught me." And that was the wrong thing to say.

"So, it's just me." He didn't sound hurt. He sounded angry.

I fidgeted in my seat.

"I'm not hanging around for a public execution," he added, shoving his seat back and making those eyes, that weren't already watching, turn to us at the screech.

I didn't know what to say. It wasn't him, it was me. But that's another of those lines, isn't it? It might be true, but it would still sound like a cop-out.

So, unbelievably I said, "I'm sorry." Again. Could I make this any worse?

He started walking away and then stopped at my shoulder, his big hand coming down and resting there. I noticed, out of the corner of my eye, Dominic and Drew stiffen. I couldn't see Kane. Dan squeezed once and then left my life for good.

A weight should have been lifted off my shoulders, metaphorically speaking that is. But I knew what awaited me in the pillow pit. A bubble of hysterical laughter spewed out of my mouth. Hell, maybe I could go for a hat-trick today, and follow this all up with Drew.

My body felt a million years old when I stood to my feet. My heart heavy, my bones weak. My head a mixture of blame and torment and a darkness so black I couldn't think.

I turned and there was Kane, right there. His head cocked, his eyes narrowed, his hands in fists.

What had I ever seen in him?

What had I seen in any of them?

Without conscious thought my head turned so I could see Drew. His grey eyes met mine, a question there I hadn't expected to see. He raised his eyebrows, moved in his seat as though to stand, reinforcing his offer of help.
Do you need me?
He wasn't judging this monumental fuck-up that is my life, he was asking if he could step into it, further than he already was.

I gave a soft shake of my head and watched as he sat back into his seat, Dominic offering him a frown from the side.

"Kane," I began, only to be interrupted.

"Was that dude in uniform one of the others?" he demanded.

I sucked in a breath and said, "No. Not any more."

"What do you mean by not any more?"

"Exactly that. I just broke it off with him." I thought this would be a good way to start, giving Kane enough information to put two and two together and realise he was about to be cut loose too. But Kane doesn't think like that.

"That's good, babe," he said all smiles and jaunty attitude again. His whole body relaxing, his hand snaking out to clasp me behind the neck.

When Drew does that I become instantly turned on, alive, ready, eager. When Kane does it, I tolerate it, accept it and work myself out of that hold as soon as I can. Now, I just jerked away.

The fists came back, the scowl returned.

"What the fuck?" he demanded, taking a menacing step towards me.

Sometimes, I like it rough. Sometimes, I want to feel the pain. Kane was for those times. Back seats and hoods of cars, in his garage covered in grease. I'm not sure why I wanted to slum it, for want of a better word. Why I wanted a rough diamond who, more often, took rather than asked. I'm the one who chooses when and where and how, but sometimes I
chose
Kane. Why?

Getting rid of my stable of guys was meant to make things clearer, not confuse the fuck out of me. Not make me wonder what the hell had I been thinking? I hadn't expected this. I'd thought by cutting myself off from the addictive hits these men gave me, I'd finally see the real me. But what if the real me is still fucked up? What if after I clean up my lifestyle,
I'm still fucked up?

What then?

"Kelly, let's go get in my car and take a ride. I think you need a little Kane type lovin'."

Did I hate myself so much, that I'd let a man like this in my bed, between my thighs? Was I so ashamed that I felt like I needed this kind of treatment? A punishment of sorts. Why?

I knew why, and it just made me fume to be reminded. I'd buried all that shit a long time ago, why the fuck was it coming unhinged now?

"Kane, it's been fun, but we gotta go our separate ways." Strength can be found at the most unexpected of times. I was facing a major life crisis, looking into the angry eyes of a soon-to-be ex-lover, who solved his problems with his fists.

Kane had never hurt me, no more than I had asked him to, but looking at him now I wasn't so sure of my safety. Standing in my workplace, surrounded by the public, friends, colleagues, a group of lawyers and video cameras linked to the top security firm in Auckland, I felt unsafe.

I took a step backwards and heard a series of chairs scrape as men stood up around the room.

Some of them were customers, just wrong place wrong time situation, but still they stood when a woman was threatened before them. All three ADK lawyers were on their feet, Drew at the front of the pack about to charge. Lucas had even rounded the coffee machine, apron still on, but the heavy portafilter in his hand.

Time stood still, I flicked my glance over my would-be protectors, and then looked into Kane's hard eyes. He hadn't even registered the hostility on the air, hadn't even bothered to acknowledge that there were other men in the store who could do him harm.

He simply reached froward and wrapped his meaty hand around my shirt collar and hauled me against his chest.

Pandemonium erupted. Voices rang out demanding he release me, Gen screamed, as did some of the other women in the shop. I could hear Dominic and Drew yelling, getting closer, but Kane, the stupid, crazy, lunatic of a Neanderthal, just dragged me from the store, slamming the doors wide open, almost making the rounded glass in the frames crack and fall to the paved concrete pathway below.