Sweet Obsession (18 page)

One afternoon, I was walking with the queen to the tearoom, and I felt a little light-headed. I placed my hand on the stone wall for support, but I could not hold myself up. The room was spinning, and I fainted. Next thing I knew, I was in my bed with a hovering queen mother above me. She looked concerned as she sat on my bed, not saying a word. Someone had placed a wet cloth on my forehead.

“What happened?” I asked, worried, trying to find answers in the queen’s eyes. She simply smiled. “Nothing, my dear. You will be fine. You fainted. That’s all.” Again, that smile on her face was there.

I looked at her suspiciously. I knew she was hiding something from me. “Your Majesty,” I croaked, “is there something you are not telling me? A secret perhaps that you should be sharing with me?”

The queen wiped the smile off her face and sighed. She pushed my hair strands away from my face and asked softly, “I have noticed that you scarcely touch your meals and you nap many times throughout the day. Loula dear, have you fainted any other time before today?” she asked sweetly, eagerly waiting for my reply.

I needed time to process her questions before I answered her. I had never given it any thought. But now that the queen had brought it to my attention, I did remember feeling dizzy a few times. There were days when I threw up, and I had just forgotten to mention it to her. My eyes widened in realization. I looked at the queen, and she smiled at me from ear to ear.
Oh my Lord! Could I be pregnant?

I tried to get out of bed, but the queen gently pushed me back down. “Now, now, child, lie still. You need your rest. It is my grandchild you may be carrying, and I will not have you bouncing about the palace,” she chimed happily.

I placed my hand on my belly, still unable to comprehend the realization that I could be pregnant.
Could it be true? Could I be pregnant with Nidal’s child?
I was overwhelmed with happiness. Happy tears rolled down my cheeks, and it must have been contagious. The queen was crying too. She bent down and gave me a warm hug.

“Congratulations,” she said excitedly.

“Your Majesty,” I said, wide-eyed, “don’t you think that it’s premature to congratulate me now? I have not gotten a confirmation yet from the doctor.” The possibility of being pregnant with my lover’s child already excited me.

“Loula, call me Mother, please, from now on,” she said sweetly. “I know enough about pregnancy to know when someone is with child. I don’t need a doctor to tell me something I already know!” she said proudly. “But that doesn’t mean that I will not call for a doctor. As a matter of fact, he is on his way as we speak.” She took the wet cloth off my forehead and gave it to the servant to refresh it.

The doctor came right after that and asked a thousand questions. Finally, he confirmed the pregnancy. I was overjoyed. It was one of the happiest days of my life. My hand automatically went back to my stomach, and I cried a river of happy tears. The doctor told the queen that I needed lots of rest. The queen assured him that she would make sure of that, and they walked out of the room, closing the door behind them. I could hear their voices echoing throughout the halls as they walked away until finally it was quiet.

That was when I allowed myself the luxury of crying my heart out. They were happy tears. I laughed and cried at the same time.
Nidal’s baby!
I was pregnant with his child. I desperately wanted to share the news with him. I wanted to feel his arms around my stomach. I wanted him to feel the love I already felt for this love child. I cried out his name as the tears flowed down my face.

The proud grandma-to-be pampered me, saying it was her duty to see to it that I was comfortable while I carried her grandchild in my womb. She personally fed me, clothed me, and held my hand as we walked outdoors to the gardens. She was so attentive, and it was a delight to be around her. Every chance she got, the queen placed her hand on my stomach and sang lullabies. She had the finest seamstress in the country come to the palace and design maternity clothes for me, and she even ordered some designed clothing for the baby. I was so happy.

Chapter Ten
Loula

T
hree months had passed since the day Nidal and his army had left for the war. The queen and I were sipping our tea in the tearoom by the huge windows that overlooked the water fountain. The rain pelted on the glass hard as the lighting flashed everywhere across the dark sky. I looked out and saw a man on a horse riding toward the palace. My heart pounded rapidly.
Could it be Nidal?
The queen turned and looked in the direction I was looking, and we both stood and ran to the window at the same time.

The rider got closer. We noticed it was not Nidal. It was a soldier from Nidal’s army. We raced down the hall and ordered the servants to open the palace doors. The man entered, dripping water everywhere on the multicolored marble stone floor. The servants quickly took off the man’s boots, and the queen, after greeting him, told him to follow the servants to the other room where he would find dry clothes to change into.

The wet man thankfully followed the servants. Minutes later, he came out of the room escorted by the servants and was brought to the tea room, where we sat patiently for him to tell us some news of the war. He started by telling us that, thus far, there were no casualties. Upon hearing those words, I was so thankful to God for taking care of the king, Billal, all the men, and, above all else, my Nidal, the love of my life. The queen and I hugged each other and cried happy tears, and then we started asking a million and one questions at the same time.

The man, Jafar, said he was sent back to us to let us know that they were safe and not to worry. He then told us that the war was dragging out across Persia, and it would be months before they returned. My heart sank at the news of this.
How am I supposed to live without Nidal for so long?
I wanted to share the news of our baby with him. I wanted Nidal to hold me in his strong arms again. I wanted to lie in bed with him and make love to him. Feeling emotional, I cried out loud, not caring who witnessed it. I was heartbroken. I wanted Nidal to come back now.

The man looked uncomfortable. His finger combed his short, black beard thoughtfully as he sat quietly in his chair. He did not know how to respond as he looked down at his cup and added a few more sugar cubes into his tea. When he finally looked up, I saw him look at me with respect and adoration as he sat there without saying a word, allowing me to cry my heart out. His eyes looked sad. I wondered if he too had someone for whom his heart ached for.

The queen was concerned for my welfare and came and sat next to me, trying to comfort me. Neither one of us told the man that I was expecting. Except for the doctor, the seamstress, the queen, and me, no one else knew. I wanted Nidal to find out first before we told anyone else. When the time came that I could not hide my pregnancy anymore, the servants would be sworn to secrecy.

The man hesitated for a few minutes, and then said, “Nidal has led his countrymen to the other side of the border, where they met their allies. There they rested, and then they joined forces with the Turks, and continued on their way to fight the Persians. That was weeks ago,” Jafar said carefully, as he tried without success not to alarm us. “By now they are probably in the midst of war.” He sighed and his shouders slumped, and my heart went out to him. “Your Majesty, I have to leave first thing in the morning. It will take me about three weeks to catch up to them. If you will excuse me now, I will go and get some much-needed rest.” He rose and walked over to where the queen sat and bowed before her.

The queen smiled smiled up at him. “Jafar, go get your rest. We will see you in the morning.”

Jafar followed the servant to the guest room. As he walked away, I noticed that his posture was terrible. His shoulders were slouched, and he walked with a limp. Clearly this man had seen better days in his life. My heart went out to him. I wondered if he had a wife and children.
Does someone cry for him to come home, as I cried for Nidal’s return?

I looked at the queen with a worried face. “Mother, do you think they are fine?” I asked when we were alone again, hesitating only a few seconds while I searched her face for reassurance. But I found none, for she too was just as worried as I was.

“I can’t stand it anymore, Mother,” I cried. “I want Nidal to come home now. I miss him terribly!” I choked back a sob.

“Now, now, don’t get too emotional. It is not good for the baby,” said the queen with concern as she raced up to me and hugged me. “Our men are just fine, Loula. Soon they will come home, and we will celebrate their return!”

She was a miserable liar.

We comforted each other a while longer until we got tired, and then we said our good nights. It was a long night. I was tossing and turning and thinking and crying. The last words Nidal had said to me right before he left were playing in my mind over and over again.

When morning finally arrived, the queen and I had breakfast with Jafar. He ate with a huge appetite, but the queen and I picked at our food with our forks. We did not feel hungry. The queen told the servants to pack up food and wine for Jafar’s trip back. When it was time for the man to leave, we walked our guest outside to his horse and said our good-byes. He rode away, but not before reassuring us that our country would find victory in this war and they would return soon. But even as he spoke those words, we all knew, including Jafar, that the outcome was in God’s hands alone. I stood there watching a stranger ride away, not knowing if we would ever meet again.

The queen and I walked back inside the palace, and I noticed that the servants were bustling about, cleaning the marble floors, and sneaking peeks at me with curiosity. They knew I was keeping a secret. They just did not know what it was.

Today during brunch, I thought of the children at the orphanage, and I asked the queen if I could resume my teachings there. She smiled and agreed that it would be a good distraction. The children were so excited to see me again. They all came running to me and hugged me. The queen, worried about the baby, pulled the children away from me, but I reassured her that it was all right. I needed their hugs because I missed them greatly. Little Natalie was sitting by herself in the corner. She was the only child who did not come and hug me. When I looked her way, she put her head down and cried softly.

I walked up to her and asked her if she had missed me, and Natalie nodded her head sadly without looking up. She swung her legs back and forth. Natalie was by far the most adorable child I had ever laid eyes on. My heart went out to her. I reached for her, and she slid off her seat and jumped in my arms. Her Majesty immediately put a protected hand between Natalie and my stomach. I smiled and told her that was not necessary. It was only a hug.

Five ladies attended to the children day in and day out. They cleaned, cooked, and dressed the children. They were nice, and they did their job well. But it was just a job to them. They lacked the mother’s touch that these children desperately needed. I was glad to be back. I would give them what they craved. The queen made it her duty to come with me every day to the children and keep an eye on me. She wanted to make sure I was not overdoing it.

I noticed that the queen had taken a special liking to Natalie, as I had.
What is it about that child that draws us to her? Could it be that she reminds the both of us of Nidal?
Those blue eyes were captivating. The queen loved all the children, as I did, but we both shared a special interest in Natalie that was different from the way we felt about the rest of the children. They were all special to us, but little Natalie stole our hearts.

The queen made sure I did not exhaust myself with the children at the orphanage. She made sure I had enough rest, ate all my vegetables, and exercised every day. She drove me nuts, but I loved every minute of it. I knew she would lay down her life for my baby and me. It made her very happy to occupy her time with me, so I allowed her to spoil me rotten. I needed the distraction, and I also desperately needed a mother figure in my life.

The days turned to months, and the baby bump was showing. The queen rounded up all the servants and told them that I was pregnant with her grandchild. I heard all the gasps, and then they all congratulated me, one by one. The queen told them that no one was to leak out the information. It was to remain confidential. No one outside the palace should know. They were all sworn to secrecy, and then they went about their daily chores.

One day as the queen and I were sipping our tea, I felt a little flutter inside my stomach. I quickly put my hand on my stomach and sat in silence, not breathing. The queen’s eyes popped open, and she ran to my side.

She too put her hands on my stomach and asked excitedly, “Loula, did you feel the baby move inside you?”

“Yes, I did, Mother,” I cried happily.

As I said that, the baby fluttered again. The queen could not feel the fluttering, and she stepped back, disappointed. “I can’t wait for my grandchild to start kicking. Loula, you have brought me so much joy. Thank you, dear.” She smiled.