Sweet Hope (Sweet Home #4) (28 page)

The crowd roared as the players took their positions. Levi was in sight. Just before he put on his helmet, his gray eyes sought out Austin and Lexi, a smile pulling on his lips… until they wandered to Axel in Austin’s arms. Those gray eyes that were normally so sweet and guarded, suddenly blazed with contempt.

I wasn’t sure Axel and Austin had seen it, but I had. When I glanced to Lexi, the sadness and stress on her face told me she had too.

My stomach sank.

I wasn’t sure this was going to go as well as I’d hoped.

*****

The game came to close with the Huskies up by ten. Levi had played amazingly well. He scored two touchdowns and was named MVP. I couldn’t have imagined a better day for Axel to watch his little brother play. But although Levi had played so well, he’d also been aggressive. Overly aggressive. He fought with other players, stormed up and down the touchline. The entire time, Austin cussed at his brother to calm down.

Only once did Axel look to me during the game, and I could see regret in his expression. He was regretting our coming here.

As the crowd began to disperse, the four of us sat and watched Levi stand central in the field, crouched down on one knee with his head cast down. His teammates and coach all passed by him, but they all left him alone.  Levi and the four of us seemed to be the only people left in the large stadium.

We all knew Levi was livid that Axel and I were here without his permission. I couldn’t help but think that whatever was between them had to be confronted finally...

“We better go down and see him,” Lexi eventually said. Austin agreed, though with hesitation in his voice.

“We’d better get going,” Axel said, and I sighed. He and Levi had barely interacted the whole time he’d been out of prison. Hell, Levi stopped seeing Axel in prison after only a few visits, so they’d pretty much not spoken a word in over five years, unless it was Levi tearing Axel apart.

The tension between them was palpable. It was horrible to be around.

Silence followed. Austin, who was leaning his elbows on his knees, looked to his left and said, “He knows you’re here, Axe. You both have gotta face this someday… why not now?”

“Fuck, Aust,” Axel rasped. Austin dropped his head in his hands, breathing hard.

Eventually, Austin looked up at Axel, his dark eyes filled with emotion and said, “I want the three of us to be brothers again. I want all this fucking hatred between y’all to stop…” Austin rolled his lips together, his nostrils flared and tears filled his eyes. On a ragged breath, he added, “It would tear Mamma apart if she could see her sons acting like this. All she ever wanted was for us to have each other… think of her proud face as she watched us all together, Axe, and tell me that ain’t the truth.”

I blinked rapidly so I wouldn’t breakdown. I could only imagine how a statement like that would affect Axel. His mamma and Levi were the remaining two walls to fall from around his heavily guarded heart. Axel’s arm around my shoulders pulled me in closer and as our gazes met, I could see the severity of his hurt staring back at me.

I knew he wanted my support, so I gave him a smile and nodded my head, “It’s time,
querido.
”

“Okay,” Axel said in a broken voice, as his attention went back to Levi who still hadn’t moved from his position in the middle of the field.

Austin released a long relieved sigh. Together, we walked toward Levi.

As we approached, Levi’s head snapped up and his gray eyes locked on Axel who was holding my hand. We stood behind Austin and Lexi.

“Good game, Levi,” Lexi said trying to be upbeat. Levi ignored her, having eyes for one person only.

Axel’s hand was tight in mine. As Levi continued to glare at Axel, his hand adopted a slight shake. I closed my eyes briefly anticipating how this was going to go down.

Levi rose to his feet, dropping his helmet on the field. His sandy colored hair was in disarray, his face still flushed from the exertion of his game. Towering to the same height as Axel and Austin, his torso slightly leaner, Levi looked every inch a Carillo.

“Lev,” Austin said cautiously, “I knew Axe was coming, I helped plan it. He wanted to see you play. Nothing wrong with your brother wanting that, is there?”

Levi’s face beamed bright red and his lips tightened. “Yeah, but it all depends which brother, don’t it, Aust? You, or the fucking loser.”

Axel flinched at the venom in Levi’s tone. Austin shook his head in annoyance at his little brother. I almost said something myself as Axel kept his silence. But Axel suddenly released my hand and stepped forward.

Lexi threw me a panicked look and I quickly moved beside her. Austin stiffened as he watched Levi prep himself for a fight.

I had no idea what Axel would do if Levi lashed out.

Axel walked slowly to stand just a few feet from Levi. Levi fumed, legs unable to keep still.

“Back the fuck off, Axe,” Levi snapped, but Axel didn’t move.

“I ain’t going nowhere,
fratellino
. You’re my little brother and I wanted to see you play.”

Levi scoffed and inched forward. “Yeah? You wanted to see me play? You wanted to see me play the same way you wanted to see me in your precious crew.”

“They ain’t my precious crew, Levi. I get that now.”

Levi laughed in Axel’s face. My blood ran cold at his condescending tone. “You get it now? Mr fucking Heighter of the century, gets that those fuckers he did anything for are poison? Tell me, Axe, why couldn’t you fucking get that before you made me shoot someone!”

Axel paled, then went to say something. Levi cut him off. “No! You’ll fucking listen to what I’ve gotta say!” he screamed, his voice echoing around the stadium. “You, my big brother, the brother I looked up to, the one who should’ve had my back, made me shoot someone! I was fourteen and you made me shoot him! Do you realize how much sleep I’ve lost remembering that night? How many nightmares haunt me, torturing me as I wonder if I killed him?” Levi ran his hands down his face, tears streaming from his eyes. “Shit, Axe, you stood behind me pushing me do it! What the fuck kind of brother does that? I killed someone because you told me to. I worshipped you,
trusted
you and you made me kill someone! But now? Now I fucking HATE YOU!!!”

Axel dropped his head. I pictured the sculpture with the daggers; ‘Exsanguination’. Every one of Levi’s words were a dagger he couldn’t remove, cracking him slowly. I could see the pain in Axel’s face. Levi stepped closer still, and this time his fists clenched as his body pumped up… he was gonna fight Axel.

“Nothing to say,
fratello
?” Levi spat, the word
‘fratello’
sounding like a gunshot on his lips. When Axel said nothing in response, Levi launched forward and pushed square on Axel’s chest. “Speak, Goddamn you!” Levi shouted and pushed at Axel again. “FUCKING SPEAK!” Levi bellowed. Then I saw something snap inside Axel.

Whipping his head up, Axel grabbed the neck of Levi’s football pads in his fists and shook him, then slammed him to his chest. Levi went ashen as Axel’s face met his. “Don’t fucking push me, Lev, don’t fucking push me.”

Then to my surprise, Levi smiled, but there was pure rage behind  that fake smile. “Why, Axe? ‘Cause you’ll kill me too, ruin me too?” Levi leaned forward until their noses almost touched, then whispered coldly, “Well it’s too fucking late. I fucking died when I was fourteen… when I lost everything because of you!”

Axel, reacting like he had just been burned, dropped his hands from Levi’s pads and staggered back a few steps. Levi laughed at seeing Axel so defeated. He continued, “Aww, what’s the matter, Axe? You feeling sorry for yourself now? Is the great ‘Axel Carillo’ pitying himself?”

Axel breathed in and out to control his breathing. He, then looked to Levi and rasped, “I’m sorry, Lev. I’m so fucking sorry for what I did to you… what I made you do. I’m so fucking sorry.”

Lexi gasped beside me and reached out to hold my hand. Austin dropped his head, and I realized that was probably the first time Axel had ever apologized for his past choices.

Levi’s teeth were gritted together with fury. Suddenly, he staggered back like he’d been shot. His gray eyes showed panic at Axel's confession.  His gaze fell on the rest of us and he raked his hands through his hair.

“Don’t,” he warned Axel. “Don’t you dare apologize!”

But Axel moved forward, his hands held out in surrender, and repeated, “
Fratellino,
I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for everything. I love you, Lev. I love you so fucking much.”

Tears ran like rivers down Levi’s cheeks. He choked back a sob, his fists clenching again. “No! Don’t tell me that, Axe. Back off. Back the fuck off!”

But he didn’t; Axel strode forward. “I love you, kid. I always did. I fucked-up, but I love you, I’ve always loved you, more than my own life…”

Levi raised his head to the darkening sky and screamed.

He stormed to Axel and pushed him back. “I said don’t say that! You don’t love me, you love no one but yourself! You never put us first! You fucking led us to hell!”

Axel stood his ground, his chest wide and repeated. “I know I did, but I do love you… so fucking much…”

Levi snapped, his body shaking. Tightening his fist, he drew back his hand and rammed it straight into Axel’s jaw. Axel stumbled back, but he didn’t retaliate.

Levi’s eyes darkened. “Fight me! Fight me, you fucking pussy!” Levi boomed as he struck Axel again. Axel’s head snapped back; then he took blow after blow. Levi’s actions became frantic as Axel refused to fight, and he screamed, “I’m big enough now for you to face, so fucking fight me!”

Blood ran from Axel’s lip, but he kept his hands by his side. He coughed out through his bruising mouth. “I love you, and I’m sorry, Levi.”

Levi struck Axel again and I openly wept as more blood ran from Axel’s lips and nose. Austin, at last, jumped forward, but Axel, on seeing his approach, held out his open hand to stop him. “No!” he shouted, as he bent over spitting out blood.

“Fuck!” Austin hissed and planted his feet on the ground in front of us… he was breaking apart watching his brothers fight.

Levi’s cries were low and loud, and he paced in front of Axel like he couldn’t stand all this emotion, like it was driving him insane. As Axel, bloodied and beaten, approached him again, Levi roared and took another swing, but Axel dodged it this time. Instead, Axel wrapped his arms around Levi’s waist, refusing to let him go.

Levi thrashed around, trying to throw off his brother, but Axel was stronger and kept a tight hold, repeating, “I’m sorry, Lev, I love you,” over and over. Each time Axel said those words, Levi’s face contorted in pain more and more, his sobs becoming louder and louder.

“I love you kid, I fucking love you so much…” As Axel bellowed those words into Levi’s ear, something suddenly changed in Levi. Losing all fight, Levi sagged against Axel who held up his baby brother in his arms.

Levi’s eyes squeezed shut as his cries consumed him. After resisting for as long as he could, Levi suddenly wrapped his arms around Axel. The emotional impact caused Axel to fall to the ground with Levi still in his arms. Axel was crying his heart out too.

Unable to fight back a trapped sob in my throat, I put my hand over my mouth and cried with them. Austin and Lexi did the same.

“Axel,” Levi cried and squeezed his arms tighter against Axel’s neck, “You left me, you fucking left me,” he said brokenly. “You left all of us… we needed you… and you left us... alone…”

“I’m sorry,” Axel wept, “I’m so fucking sorry, kid…”

“And Mamma…” Levi said breaking as he said her name, “Mamma needed you there when she passed. She loved you. You were her eldest, her heart… and you left us all alone… you left
her
alone as she faded, as she laid there dying wondering where you were… you never got to say goodbye to her… you never got to kiss her goodbye… to pray with us… to kiss her cheek…” Levi wailed. Axel broke down further.

Axel sagged against Levi as he completely fell apart and Levi, feeling this, sat back and cradled Axel in his arms. Their roles suddenly switched. Obviously unable to take it anymore, Austin ran to where his brothers sat on the ground and wrapped his big arms around them both. The three Carillo brothers were purging their pasts and healing through their shuddering tears.

“Oh God, Al…” Lexi whimpered beside me, burying her face in my side.

I looked up at the clear night sky. The stars shone brightly but I closed my eyes. I thanked God that tonight had actually happened. I looked down at the three Carillo boys, shrouded in pain, but finally... together.

Then I heard the sweetest sound of all…

“I… I love you, too, Axe… I forgive you,” Levi said quietly as the brothers’ sobs turned to soft cries, “I’ve missed you so damn much… nothing was ever right with you gone…”

Sniffing, Axel raised his head. Holding the back of Levi’s head, he pressed a kiss on his younger brother’s forehead, then Austin’s. For the first time since I’d met Axel, he looked like he could breathe, as if his ton of burdens had been lifted from his soul.

Axel wrapped his arms around Levi, and Levi looked up with red-rimmed eyes. The adoration I saw in Levi’s stare almost brought me to my knees.