Sweet Christmas Kisses (167 page)

Now, however, raw, real emotion shimmered behind the tears forming in her eyes.

“You’re right,” Noelle said, suddenly aware of a hundred pairs of eyes trained on them. “We should go outside.”

She led Alicia out to the courtyard. Someone had strung paper garland around a small tree, but half of it had fallen off.

“I still don’t get why you tracked me down at the church in the first place,” Noelle said as she set to work repairing the decorations. “Why have an audience?”

“Because I knew if I put off a meeting, I’d never be able to face you,” Alicia said.

Noelle nestled the garland back amongst the branches. “Rip it off like an old bandage?”

“I guess. I practiced what I would say the whole way over here, but I couldn’t come up with anything that didn’t sound horrible and completely self-serving.”

“I can imagine.” Another row found its place. “What did you settle on?”

“I’m sorry. I am so, so sorry.”

“You came all this way, and the best you can come up with is
I’m sorry?
” Noelle asked, without turning away from her task. “Maybe you should have written a note. You’re good at sending letters.”

“I know there’s nothing I can say to explain myself.” Alicia blew out a frustrated breath. “Can you please stop playing with that tree and look at me?”

“I don’t know how to anymore,” Noelle said, focusing on a branch as her vision blurred through tears. “When I look at you, I see my best friend who was always there for me. Then I remember you betrayed me in the worst way, and all I can see is a note. A little scrap of paper that blew my whole world apart.”

“We were such cowards.”

Finally, Noelle did turn to face her friend. “Why?”

“I loved him,” Alicia said. “I’ve always loved Doug, but I was dumb enough and immature enough to think there might be someone better.”

“I get that you loved him,” Noelle said, fighting hard to stay in control. “If I thought you’d stolen Doug for kicks, I would have punched you in the face last night myself. I’m asking why you
ran off.
Why did you let me go to the church and put on the dress when you knew the wedding wasn’t going to happen? Why did you let me be humiliated in front of the entire town? Do you have any idea how people have looked at me since that day? How many
poor girls
and pats on the head I’ve had to endure? I nearly left town a few weeks ago. I’d be gone now if it wasn’t for my father’s heart attack.”

“Try being looked at like you should have a giant
A
painted on your chest,” Alicia said. “I wasn’t kidding about people in this town circling the wagons around you. Now that you’re saving Christmas, it’s like you’ve morphed in Santa and all the angels combined.”

Noelle refused to feel sympathy for her friend. “You still haven’t answered my question. Why didn’t you tell me what was going on?”

“I guess I couldn’t bear to watch your love for me disappear,” Alicia said as her own eyes filled.

“When did you realize you still wanted Doug?”

“Once he put a ring on your finger,” Alicia said, her voice hushed.

“So you decided you wanted Doug only after I was with him?”

“It wasn’t like that. I’d been living such a lie while I was away, thinking it wasn’t possible to find real love so young. Who marries their high school sweetheart anymore?”

“How could you agree to be my maid of honor if you felt that way?”

“What choice did I have? I thought you and Doug were in love, and I didn’t feel I had a right to come between you. If it makes you feel any better, every part of your engagement was sheer torture.”

“Boo-hoo for you,” Noelle said, hardening her heart again. “When did things change?”

“A week before the wedding. I went with Doug to help pick out his groomsmen’s gifts.”

“And shopping led to a declaration of love?”

“It’s when I realized Doug still loved me, too.”

The jabbing pain of Alicia’s admission sank to Noelle’s core. She dropped onto a stone bench, barely feeling the cold steeping through her clothes.

“He admitted it? Right there over the sterling silver cufflinks?”

Alicia shook her head. “He never said the words, but I could see it in his eyes.”

“What did you see?” Noelle asked, leaning forward.

What had she missed? How had Alicia known?

“It was like he never wanted to look away. Neither did I.”

Like Ethan Thomas with Addison. The way Seth gazed at Julia. “So a week before the wedding you both knew, and yet you still didn’t say anything?”

“I think we were both in denial, and Doug said he was committed to you. He had to go through with it because he didn’t want to hurt you.”

The uppercut landed in her solo plexus. “So I was an obligation.”

“I am explaining this so badly.” Alicia groaned softly and closed her eyes. “I didn’t mean it that way. Doug loved you, too.”

“No need to soften the blow,” Noelle said, wondering if the day would come when she wouldn’t feel like a punching bag every time she thought of Doug. “He didn’t love me. Otherwise
we
wouldbe married.”

“You know we didn’t set out to hurt you.” Alicia walked closer and sat on the bench. “I would have done anything to protect you.”

“Except leave my fiancé alone. When did you plan the getaway? As I was getting dressed that morning? Did he call over breakfast and say,
“Babe, let’s run for it?”

“Doug approached me at the restaurant after the wedding rehearsal. We realized the truth too late, and we didn’t know any other way to stop a disaster from occurring.”

Noelle reeled at the sheer gall of such a statement. “My wedding would have been a disaster? Nice.”

Alicia buried her face in her hands. “Maybe I
should
have written a letter.”

“No, no I get it.” She jumped up from the bench and started pacing. “Stopping a disaster gave you a convenient excuse. I mean, I bet you talked yourself into believing running away with Doug was best for
me
.”

“It was better for you.” Alicia dropped her hands and sat up. “Would you want to be married to a man who loved someone else? You’re my best friend, and you deserve to be more than an obligation. You deserve someone who adores you and who can give you his whole heart. Even though Doug and I went about things in a horrible fashion, we deserved to be happy, too.”

“
Are
you happy?” Noelle asked, searching the truth. She couldn’t bear knowing she’d suffered over a stupid fling.

“We are. Doug is my whole life.” Alicia said, her face serene. “Our biggest regret is that we had to hurt everyone to find our happiness. It’s not just you. We’ve been cut off from our families and friends because we knew coming back would cause you more pain. You don’t understand what it feels like to carry such guilt around every day. We couldn’t live like that anymore, and that’s why we’re here, to beg your forgiveness and see if we can all finally heal. We need that, especially now—”

She stopped, biting her lip.

“Why especially now?” Noelle asked. “Why
did
you suddenly come home after all this time?”

Alicia’s hand went to her stomach, and Noelle’s heart took another beating.

“Because I’m pregnant.”

****

Michael decided to give Noelle space in the morning. He stayed away from the church, knowing half the town would be there packing up toys. By now, everyone would be aware of Doug’s return. No need to give the neighbors more gossip to chew on over the stuffed animals. Instead, he and June worked to put out new merchandise. Well, he worked. June mostly glared at him and muttered under her breath.

Michael ignored the soft diatribe until he’d finally had enough. “What?” he asked across a table of ball caps.

June continued folding T-shirts. “I didn’t say anything.”

“You’ve been saying plenty all day,” Michael said. “Just not loud enough for me to hear it. Go ahead and say what’s on your mind before you blow a gasket.”

“Fine.” Her stare could have singed the hair off his body. “What are you doing here?”

He made a show of turning his head to take in Good Sport. “This is still my store, right? I still sign your checks?”

“Don’t be sassy with me.” She shook a T-shirt at him. “Why aren’t you at the church fighting for Noelle? Are you giving up because your brother decided to waltz back into town?”

“She said she needed time.”

Her snort said louder than words what she thought of such a lame excuse. “Forget time. Forget being sensitive or metrosexual or whatever you boys call it these days. You should be going after her, now more than ever. You should be reminding her who is the better man.”

“I’m not sure I’ll ever convince her to give me a chance. Especially now that Doug is here to remind her of everything she lost,” he said, giving voice to his real fear. With his brother home, he might have lost his shot at a future with Noelle.

“Then you should remind her of everything she could have if she stops being such a ninny.”

“Noelle is not a ninny, and who even uses that word anymore?”

“I do, and I also say if you don’t get your impressive behind to the church and do some serious damage control, you will regret it.”

Only he didn’t have a chance to get his impressive behind anywhere, because Noelle stormed through the door.

“She’s having a baby!”

He blinked, concerned about Noelle’s wild eyes and pale skin. Something had thrown her into a tailspin. “What?”

“Alicia is having my baby.”

The words slammed into him like a bull. Not the pregnant part. A baby could only be expected at some point. No… he heard the most important distinction and Noelle’s
my
chilled him to the bone.

“June, can you give us some privacy?” Michael asked, glancing over at his manager.

Noelle gasped when she saw the other woman. “I didn’t even see you over there.”

“Don’t worry about me,” June said, attempting a comforting smile. “I was about to go grab a coffee.”

June seemed to develop wings as she hurtled toward the exit.

“I’m so sorry,” Noelle said. Her cheeks were no longer white, but pink with mortification.

“What was that about your baby?” he asked, ignoring the apology.

“Alicia is pregnant. That’s why she and Doug came home. To try to make amends for the sake of their future offspring.”

“I got that part. You said she was having
your
baby.”

She swiped a hand over her face as fresh tears streamed down her cheeks. “It was
supposed
to be my baby!”

“It’s been a year and a half. You had to know children would become part of the equation sooner or later.”

“You don’t understand,” Noelle said. “Do you have any idea how long I imagined having children with Doug? How often I pictured our children? Opening presents on Christmas, birthday parties, pony rides, school pictures. Now that’s all gone.”

“Noelle, it was gone a long time ago,” Michael said, temper sparking. “When are you going to get over it?”

“Get over it?” She reared back as if she’d been slapped. “Get over having my heart broken? Get over being humiliated and tossed aside like yesterday’s trash?”

“Yes, yes, and yes.” Three quick strides brought him across the room. “I realize your heart was broken, and you were humiliated, but your life did
not
end in that bride room. You could have everything you want if you’d stop feeling sorry for yourself and open your eyes.”

“To what?”

“To me,” he shouted. “I am right here. Did you forget what I said yesterday before my brother showed up?”

She paused, taking in a deep breath, and her eyes softened. “I haven’t forgotten, but don’t you see? This is what happens when we try to go against our instincts. Isn’t that why we fought so hard to stay away from each other? Doug’s ghost will
always
be between us.”

“Only because you won’t let him go. You’d rather hold on to your broken heart than take a chance.”

“Michael…”

He pulled her closer. “Why can’t you let him go?”

Before she could say another word, he swooped down and captured her lips. Gentleness disappeared, overtaken by the urgency to make her see the truth. She let out another gasp, but he couldn’t let her go now. Instead, he softened the kiss, coaxing rather than demanding.

Soon she melted, her body nestling against his.

Yes!

“What is going on in here?”

Lightening might have bolted them apart they moved so quickly.

Doug stood in the doorway, eyes narrowed as he took in the obvious truth. “You’ve been busy, big brother.”

“Get out, Doug,” Michael said between clenched teeth.

His brother said a word that called into question his paternity.

“No, I think that word is reserved for a man who leaves his bride at the altar.”

With a low growl, Doug launched himself across the room, fists swinging. The blow snapped Michael’s head back. Searing pain lanced from his cheekbone to his ear. The heat of his own anger lessoned the agony, and he charged his brother. They crashed into a display of jerseys, sending the metal rack flying. Clothes exploded across the floor.

Noelle screamed over the melee, but Michael barely registered the shout. His right hook crashed into his brother’s chin, and he took great satisfaction in the pained grunt.

Doug tried to land another blow. “How long did you wait before you moved in on my fiancée?”

“Noelle is not your fiancée. She’s not your
anything
.” He pounded his fist into the taunting sneer. “You ran off, remember?”

“Because you told me to!”

For a moment, Michael froze. Let down his guard long enough for his brother to connect with his nose.

“That’s enough!” A second strident voice entered the fray.

He and Doug looked up to see Alicia barreling toward them.

“I never should have allowed you two in the same room together,” she cried. “What is wrong with you? You’re brothers, and you haven’t seen each other in over a year!”

“Well, my dear, saintly, judgmental brother deserves to have his clock cleaned,” Doug said, gingerly touching his swollen lip. “He’s been busy seducing Noelle.”