Sweet Christmas Kisses (106 page)

“I saw the family name when the house was rented.” He shrugged. “Had to be the same Dawson’s.”

“You could’ve said something sooner.”

“That was the plan. Didn’t know what I was walking into. Had a crazy idea that some of you might remember me on your own.”

She had more than one memory of him, and more than one apology was owed for a wrong done long ago. He’d probably forgotten about it before summer was past, maybe even before the dust settled behind their tires. They were kids back then, after all. No reason for him to hold a grudge.

Jess felt guilty anyway. She tried to think of how to express it, but chickened out. How much did it matter, really?

She shifted her stance. “I’d better get inside. See if Rob has called.”

“If you need a hand with that tree, or the door, you let me know.”

He started walking away. Leaving.

She could do the same. Pack up and go home. Walk away from this whole botched holiday non-event. But now quite yet.

“Wait,” she said.

He stopped.

“I doubt I’ll be back here. Ever. There’s something I’d like to say.”

He tilted his head. “Yeah?”

“I owe you an apology.” Inside, Jess cringed. She was going to say it.

“No worries.”

“No, I mean I really do. I’ve owed it for a long time.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I do remember you and I’m sorry you had to remind me.”

“You don’t owe me an apology for that. It’s been way too long to even want to count the years.”

“No, that’s not the apology I meant.” Jess walked slowly along the sand and Drew joined her and kept pace. “That last Christmas we were down here, I accused you of stealing. I told my parents you’d stolen Rob’s wallet.”

“It was a long time ago. I’d forgotten.”

“Did you?”

“Long time gone. Besides, it wasn’t an intentional lie. You thought I had. You were mistaken.”

“That’s it, you see. I really was mistaken.” The image of the sand below the far end of the porch popped into her head. “When we were leaving, I saw it in the sand. It must’ve fallen off the porch. It was mostly covered by sand. I didn’t tell anyone. I left it there.”

“Did you? Why?”

Jess shrugged and shook her head. “I was embarrassed.”

“You didn’t like to be wrong even back then.”

“Again, I’m sorry.”

Should she be more embarrassed about something she’d done years ago or over the fact that she’d so easily packed the memory away and put it out of her mind?

“Are you limping?” he asked.

“What? Oh, I’m fine.” She shook her foot. “Sand in my shoe, that’s all.”

“You could take your shoe off and–” He reached toward her.

“I’m fine, I said.”

“Sure. Okay. You might regret it later, though.” He shrugged. “So back to your apology. Don’t worry about it. I don’t blame you. I don’t think you liked me, well, sort of moving in on your family group.” He looked at the high, thin white clouds moving across the blue sky. “Plus, you were mad at me for another reason.”

Jess didn’t want to talk about that, but the least she could do was stand in silence and give him a chance to have his say. She shifted position. Her feet were cold.

But he didn’t pursue the thought. Instead, he moved on. “So. What should we do about it? You want to go tell my mom, or what? Get me out of trouble?”

Jess didn’t need to see his face. She heard the lilt in his voice. She was off the guilt hook that easily? She tried to match his light, joking attitude.

“I guess I’m the only one who cares?”

“Hey, I was the one who was grounded. I think I’m owed something for that at least.

She tucked her hair behind her ear and looked at him sort of sideways. “What did you have in mind?”

“It’s been a quarter of a century. Give me some time to think about it.”

“As you wish,” she said.

His voice dropped and he stared at a seabird flying by. “Besides, I don’t think you were angry so much about me being around as because…”

So he wanted to say it aloud after all.

“You don’t need to toy with me.”

“I think I do.” He grinned. “The way I remember it, you tried to kiss me.”

“Alright, I’m humiliated. Then and now. You have your revenge. Satisfied?”

He didn’t answer. He moved on as if the conversation had never gone there.

Jess was both annoyed and embarrassed. He’d given the memory life by speaking the words, but was now dropping the subject, unfinished, as if it didn’t matter at all. She bit her lip.

“I wish I could’ve said hello to your mom when she stopped by. I didn’t want to intrude. I thought I’d have time. I remember her. Very nice lady. I remember your father, too.”

“He’s gone. Almost a year.”

“I’m sorry. He was a great dad, I mean, what little I knew of him. Your parents were kind. It would get so quiet here in the winter. It was…compelling…magnetic to have other kids so close in age to me nearby. I’m sure I was a pest, but they never made me feel that way.”

“Heart attack.”

Drew nodded.

“Totally unexpected. Probably would’ve survived it if he’d received medical help right away.”

“But?”

“He was hanging wallpaper. Like he was still a teenager or something.”

“Like a teenager?”

“You know what I mean. He wasn’t a kid and shouldn’t have been up on that ladder.”

“I assume that’s what he enjoyed, wanted to do.”

“He did it because my sister had moved into a new house and asked him to help. And if he hadn’t been left alone while she went shopping…. It doesn’t matter now. What’s done is done.”

“So it’s all over except the forgiveness?”

She put her hands over her face, then through her hair. “You overheard Lila.”

“Yep, you Dawson’s are loud people. She was a baby when I knew her. Cute kid, as I recall.”

“The baby of the family. Where do you get off lecturing me about forgiveness?”

“I forgave you.”

“For something I did as a kid many years ago.”

“You are so…touchy. Worse than I remember.” He kicked at the sand. “So what about Rob? I was looking forward to saying hello. I bet he’ll remember me even though
some
people didn’t.”

“His kids are sick.”

“They do that. Too bad. Well, maybe next year.”

“There won’t be another year. This is the last.”

Her fingers were chilly. Jess put her hands in her pockets. “My sister is angry because she says I blame her for our father’s death.”

“Do you?”

“I can’t imagine how she’d even come up with that. I guess some people feel better about themselves by putting the fault on others.”

“Do you blame her?”

“No, I don’t.” She cringed at the strident tone in her voice. She tried again. “I don’t.”

“I believe you.”

“Nice of you.”

“No, seriously. You wouldn’t be the first person to hold a loved one’s death against someone else whether it made sense or not. People get crazy when it comes to grief. Did you tell her?”

“I did. I’m pretty sure she didn’t believe me.” Her voice drifted off across the ocean. She said louder, “She doesn’t believe me.”

“You’re tough on her sometimes?”

“Tough? Please.” Jess laughed, but not happily. “Why am I even talking to you? You don’t know me. We aren’t friends. Not even acquaintances. I knew you, what? For a few days twenty-five years ago? How could you understand how I feel about anything?”

“I don’t have any siblings and I’m still single. I don’t know anything about anything.”

“Well, you’re certainly very free with your judgments and your opinions.”

“I am.”

A chill breeze brushed past, touched her face. “My cheeks are cold. I should’ve brought a scarf or mittens.”

“Want my coat?”

“You’re just giving me a hard time, aren’t you?

Drew said, “Somebody has to.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I haven’t seen you in twenty-five years, at least not until a few days ago, but you haven’t changed.”

The amusement in his voice was unmistakable.

“That’s ridiculous. I can’t imagine why I’m talking to you. You know nothing about me.”

“I know you rented a house and invited your whole family and the only ones who showed up took off almost as quickly as they arrived.”

Her chest went tight. She dragged the air into her lungs, then forced the words out. “I love my family.”

“No doubt about that.”

Words failed her. She turned away.

“I’m sorry. I went too far.” He touched her shoulder.

She shook his hand off.

“This was stupid of me. Again, I’m sorry. I’ll leave you alone.” He started to walk away.

Jess called after him, “I do everything I can for them. Everything. I’d give up anything for them.”

He stopped and turned around. He came back only a step or two. “What about you?”

“About me?”

“Giving up your life, I mean.”

“I have a great life. A great house. Excellent job. I do very well, thank you.”

“Not what I meant.”

“Are you asking if I got married? Marriage isn’t everything, you know, but yes, I did. Right out of high school. It didn’t last. We didn’t value the same things. Even so, we parted well. My life has been great.”

“Great.”

“That’s right. Great.”

“Yeah, I meant…that’s what I meant. It’s great you have a good life.”

“Why am I being cross-examined anyway? What about
your
life?”

He shrugged. “No secrets. Not much to say.”

“Well, then,” Jess said with all the spite she could dredge up. “Maybe that’s why you’re so interested in mine.”

“Actually, I was a little interested given the past, but you’re the one who invited me into your family affairs. You brought up blaming your sister for your father’s death, not me.”

“I don’t blame her.”

“I believe you.”

“Alright. Fair is fair. You’ve made me feel terrible. Tell me something bad about yourself.”

“Bad?”

“Really bad.” She sounded about ten years old. Correction, twelve. “Really, really bad.”

“Like prison time, maybe?”

Her heart stilled. It had the effect of cooling the worst of her temper. She would never intentionally demean anyone, or put them in the position where they would do it to themselves. She should apologize. Before she could, he spoke again.

Drew added, “Not that I’ve been to prison, but is that the kind of thing you were hoping to hear?”

Her feet were suddenly getting very cold. Her ire had diminished and she didn’t want to play this childish game any longer.

“No, I’m done. You win. Whatever it was you were after, you win.” Jess walked past, keeping plenty of distance between them.

“I live with my mother.”

Huh? She couldn’t help herself. He was the feather and she was the fascinated cat.

“What?”

“Sure. No self-respecting man my age would want a woman to know that. Or anyone to know, for that matter. You could embarrass me.”

She shook her head. She felt inside-out and twisted around. Never in her life could she remember a time when she felt her world was this upside down and whirling to boot. Not even when she let her marriage die.

“It’s kind of like neither of us left home,” he said.

Jess shivered. “I’m exhausted. Next time don’t be so helpful, okay? I might not survive it.”

She stumbled through the dry sand, abandoning the last of her pride wanting only to escape.

Drew called out, “Hey, my mom’s cooking tonight. She’s pretty good. I’ll pick you up at five p.m.”

“No thanks.”

“You owe me, remember? You can confess and get me off the hook. Might even change the course of my wayward life.”

Confess? Oh, he meant she could confess to his mother about the lie she’d told. Whatever.

“Sure.” Her head was spinning. Dinner at five with his mom? Somehow it seemed like the least she could do to atone.

****

For the Dawson children, Drew had been a sort of disembodied kid—no past, no future—a local. In some ways, he was greatly to be envied
because
he was a local and this was Emerald Isle, the beach. What a fantastic place to be a local at. But their relationship was short-term, finite, not like social interactions in a neighborhood or church or school that grow over time. He was a local kid and they were vacationers.

The Dawson’s were also a family unit. A solid core. Team Dawson. Any extraneous attachments were easily left behind upon departure for home.

So now, many years later, having been reminded that he had, indeed, existed, and that she’d tried to kiss him—no more than an innocent peck on the cheek, of course—and he’d embarrassed her and then she’d accused him of stealing…

Young love had its hiccups. Maybe it was no wonder she’d put Drew, along with her own bad behavior, out of her mind.

Jess assumed dinner was casual. She took her hat and scarf thinking she might need them for the drive or the walk. She had no idea how close he lived, but when he was a kid, it must’ve have been fairly nearby since he’d hung around here during the day, every day.

He knocked on the door at five p.m. sharp. Jess greeted him, took pains to make sure she had her purse and jacket and to lock up, and he led her next door.

“Your mother’s here?” She paused before crossing the threshold. “You said we were having dinner with her.”

He cleared his throat with a small cough. “I said my mother was cooking.”

Jess frowned. “Is this some kind of trick?”

Drew started to answer, but was stopped when the door opened wide. A thin, petite woman asked, “Are you two coming in or not?”

He ushered her inside. Jess breathed deeply. She looked at the woman and asked, “What’s that?”

“Smothered pork chops. Hope you like pork?”

“I do.” Whatever she’d smothered it with smelled heavenly.

Her hair was a faded, silvery blonde. “When Drew told me we were having company for dinner, I went through the freezer. Just happened I had enough of the pork chops to go around.”

“Lucky me, I’d say.” She smiled and extended her hand. “I’m Jessie Dawson. Please call me Jess.”

“Pleased to meet you. Call me Kathy. Take your jacket off and make yourself cozy. I’ll get back to the kitchen.”