Sweet Christmas Kisses (100 page)

“No,” they answered in unison.

“You’ve had them all day,” Jim said, shifting a quick glance at Cecilia. He didn’t want to be alone with her. Not yet. Not after what she’d told him. But maybe she wouldn’t want to spend the evening as family. “I’d like to see what’s going on in Lucky Break.” He looked at Cee. “If you want to stay here….”

“I’d like to go,” she said.

Doreen looked from one to the other of them.  Jim flinched when he saw the concern in her eyes. She must sense the tension between them. But she summoned up a smile.

“Wonderful. Okay if we all ride in your car?”

 They finished dinner and quickly cleaned up the kitchen before heading into Lucky Break. Dark had fallen and the town was twinkling with lights. A warm, welcoming glow enveloped the streets, drawing them in.

After Jim parked the car, Ryan and Yvonne took Cecilia in tow and dragged her away to pet the reindeer. Jim and Doreen followed more slowly, stopping in front of Franklin’s Emporium to admire the Christmas display.

“Oh,” Jim said after studying it for a few seconds. “It’s labeled ‘Christmas Village,’ but it’s really Lucky Break.”

“Yes, with its glad rags on for the holiday.” Doreen smiled. “Red and Zoe change the décor every month, but the town basically stays the same – with added bling and glitter.” She glanced around to where some high school kids were setting up a booth. “My daughter-in-law Billie trained a couple of our local teenagers to take family photos. Kyndra and Brian are doing a great job and the proceeds go to the high school photography club. You should have a family photo taken before you….”

Her voice trailed off when he gave her a swift look.

“Maybe,” he said in a noncommittal tone.

“Jimmy, you might not want a memento, but your kids might. They’re having so much fun. It’s a time they’ll probably want to remember. Even if you don’t.”

It sounded so much like something Cee would say that he wondered if the two women had been talking about him, about his reluctance to keep anything from his past.

Doreen waited for a few seconds, then changed the subject back to the window display. “The fact that this window, and really the whole of Christmas Village, is tastefully done is all thanks to the influence of the Fina brothers,” she said. “Zoe’s taste used to be way over the top, but she’s mellowed out.”

“The Fina brothers?”

Before she could respond, Lucas Ramsay hurried up. “Hi, Jimmy. Are you going to be around for a while? I want you to meet my wife, Maggie. She’s helping her cousins out by modeling Christmas wedding fashions over at their gym.”

“Her cousins?”

Doreen grinned. “The afore-mentioned Finas. I’ll have to introduce you. They’re three brothers, each approximately the size of a school bus, who moved to town a few years ago and started a gym. Along with that business, they are also volunteer firefighters and wedding planners. Very tasteful and elegant weddings, I might add.”

“They’re opening the wedding planning business in what used to be Lynda’s Ladies Wear. Remember that place, Jim? Remember when we were about ten and we sneaked in, hoping to catch some lady in her underwear, and my Uncle Roscoe caught us and made us volunteer to clean the place every night for a month?”

Jim grimaced and nodded while Doreen snickered. “Even I heard about that,” she said.

Laughing, Lucas turned away with a wave. “I’ll come find you when Maggie’s free. We can get some cocoa for your kids and hot hard cider for the rest of us. Assuming you still hate eggnog.”

“I do,” Jim answered, surprised that his old friend would have remembered such a thing.

“That probably had more to do with you boys swiping my husband’s supply of rum and adding it to the eggnog than it does with the eggnog itself,” Doreen said as Lucas dashed away.

“Yeah.” Jim nodded. “We were three sick puppies. Though the rum was Cam’s idea. I wasn’t sure I wanted to try it because of the way my mother….”

“But you discovered you didn’t like being sick over alcohol, didn’t you?”

“Well, yeah.”

“Have you ever had a drinking problem, Jimmy?”

“No, of course not. I’ve got a family to take care of and I would never have burdened them like that. Especially not Cee.”

Doreen reached out and took his hand, squeezed it. “There is nothing in you that is like your mother, Jimmy. She was broken down and defeated by life, and there’s nothing you could have done to save her. But you’ve made your life exactly what you wanted it to be. There is no one in this town who would remind you of what your early life was like, because you’ve obviously overcome it.”

He stared at her, shoved his hands in his pockets, and shook his head. “This town has really changed.”

“More than you know, Jimmy.” Doreen reached up and touched his shoulder. “You don’t have to do that anymore.”

“Do what?”

“Hunch your shoulders like that as if you’re trying to ward off the whole world. You’ve done it your whole life.”

He pulled his hands out of his pockets and straightened his shoulders. “I didn’t know I was doing that again.” He glanced around. “It’s being back here. I guess if I’d come back to visit Gus once in a while, I would have seen the changes, but….” His voice trailed off.

“He told you to stay away, Jimmy. He told you to leave and never look back. He was afraid that otherwise you’d never be able to leave your past behind.” Doreen paused. “In retrospect, that might not have been the best idea, and I think he realized it. I think that’s why he made you executor of his estate. He wanted you to come back and see how things have changed. Jimmy, there’s not a person here who would throw your mother’s reputation in your face anymore. You’ve defeated all of those old bullies by becoming a success.” She pointed up the street to where they could see Cecilia and the children standing in line to pet the reindeer.

“And you’ve got your own family now, a wonderful wife and two great kids.” She patted his cheek. “You’ve won, Jimmy.”

Guiltily, he looked at her. “Doreen, Cee and I are—”

“I know, Jimmy. Your kids told me. It doesn’t mean you can’t change it.”

Jim nodded. “I’m beginning to see that.”

Doreen glanced around. “Oh, there’s Martha Pangburn. I need to talk to her about the gift baskets we’re putting together for local foster families. I’ll catch up with you later.”

She hurried away, leaving Jim alone to survey his old home town. The streets were the same. Most of the buildings were the same, though many housed new businesses, new paint jobs, new pride of ownership. The town was the same, but the atmosphere was different. But how?

He stepped back, leaning against the wall of Franklin’s Emporium, and observed the people. Many were visitors, but he recognized some folks: Mrs. Fallon, his high school English teacher, and Rick Fernandez, who owned the gas station and convenience store out on the highway. Jim had already noticed that Rick had upgraded with new paint, new signs, and the addition of a pizza kitchen probably drawing new customers in.

“It’s
hope,”
he whispered, straightening. What this town hadn’t possessed when he was a little boy, and even into his teen years, was hope. Hope that some day things would get better for this dusty little mining town and its decidedly odd citizens. The season of Christmas had added a layer of joyfulness to Lucky Break, but the bedrock, the fundamental change, was hope.

That’s why no one cared about his past, he thought. They were too busy moving into the future. And if this whole town could forget his past, then he could, too.

Pulling away from the wall, he turned toward the reindeer corral, where he’d last seen his family. He smiled when he saw them, then realized that Cecilia was stumbling toward him, carrying Yvonne. “Cee?” he called in alarm, sprinting towards them. 

“Jim.” Cecilia stumbled up to him, nearly dropping Yvonne. He made a lunge and grabbed his daughter before she could fall from Cee’s arms. “She’s having an asthma attack. I think she must be allergic to reindeer. We’ve got to get her to the emergency room.”

Jim turned to look for Doreen, who was already rushing back to join them.

“Don’t worry about Ryan,” Doreen said. “Lucas or Maggie will take us home.”

Calling their thanks, Jim and Cecilia hurried off with Yvonne. The ER was in Sierra Vista, the next town over, and long before they arrived Yvonne was slumped over in her seat, Cecilia beside her. Jim could hear Cee whispering words of comfort and encouragement to their daughter.

Jim was grateful he remembered where the hospital was. He whirled into the emergency room entrance, then jerked the car door open and pulled his daughter out. He ran inside, calling for help, his wife at his heels. A nurse directed him to an exam room, and within seconds, a team of doctors and nurses surrounded Yvonne, who was on the verge of passing out. One of the staff gently urged Jim and Cecilia toward the waiting room, where they filled out paperwork, handed over their insurance information and sat down to wait.

Jim clasped his hands in front of him and leaned forward, his forearms on his knees, contemplating the pattern in the carpet. He’d done all he could for his little girl, getting her to the best medical care available. Now all he could do was wait. And pray.

“I should have kept her inside,” Cecilia fretted, chewing her lip. “We should have stayed at Doreen’s. But she seemed better.”

“She
was
better. You didn’t know this would happen.”

“I’ve never seen her get so sick so fast.” Cecilia’s voice shook. “One second, she was fine, petting the reindeer, picking up a handful of hay to feed it, and the next, she was wheezing so bad I thought she was going to stop breathing.” She placed shaky hands over her face and choked back a sob.

“It’s probably a combination of things,” Jim said. “Being in a different place, all the excitement, along with the hay and the animals….”

Cecilia nodded, but he could see tears leaking from between her fingers. His heart clutched. It hurt him to see her in pain, to see her wracked with guilt.

“But I knew she was at risk. She’d already been struggling to breathe,” Cecilia choked out. “Yes, she was better after she used her inhaler and took her medicine, but—”

“Cee, you know better than anybody that sometimes there’s a point where we can’t do anything and we have to bring her to the emergency room. How many times have we done this? How many times have
you
had to do it? Alone?”

“I…I’ve lost count.”

“Stop beating yourself up, Cee. We’ve done all we can. Now we have to wait.”

****

Cecilia met her husband’s gaze, grateful for his calm assurance. Rustling in her jacket pocket, she found a tissue to wipe her eyes and blow her nose. As she pulled it out, the report cards and academic awards she’d found in Gus’s house flipped out. She scrambled to stuff them back before Jim saw them.

She could have saved herself the trouble. “What are those?” he asked, reaching for the papers.

She lifted her head and stuck out her chin. “Some things I found that I’m going to show your children. No matter what you say.”

He sifted through the items, then lifted his gaze to meet hers. “Why are these so important to you, Cee?”

She looked into his solemn eyes for several seconds, seeing the bullied, unhappy, humiliated little boy who had grown up to be the driven man she had married. Tears started into her eyes, this time for him. “Because I’ve been married for ten years to a man I didn’t really know, that I didn’t understand until today. Because I don’t want my children to not know their father, to not know what he overcame to become the man he is.”

Tenderly, he reached up and swept away her tears with the touch of a finger. “I never understood until today what it meant for me to keep my past from you. It’s been a wall between us that’s only grown taller and wider over the years. I’m sorry, Cee. And I’m seeing things so differently now.” He told her about his conversation with Doreen, what he’d discovered about his hometown just this evening.

“I like Doreen. She’s wise and….” Cecilia searched for the right word. “Compassionate. I’m so grateful she and Gus looked out for you when you were a kid.” She searched her husband’s face. “You seem….” She searched again. “At peace.”

“Yeah. I am.” He nodded and repeated it. “I am.”

Cecilia reached up and touched his cheek. “I don’t know about you, but I can feel that wall between us starting to crumble.” She paused, bit her lip, then went on. “About me getting pregnant on purpose….”

One side of his mouth kicked up. “Were you really crazy in love with me? From the beginning?”

“You have to know that, Jim. From the first day we met. I’m sorry I wasn’t honest with you about my pregnancy. But I don’t regret having Ryan.”

“I don’t either. I wouldn’t change anything…. Except maybe the time I’ve spent away from you and the kids.” He slipped his arm around her shoulders and whispered. “I’ve been crazy in love with you since the first day, too. I always will be. Cee—let’s forget about this divorce business. Let’s start over again.”

She nodded against his chest. “Yes.” She took a deep breath, lifted her head and repeated it. “Yes.”

He kissed her then, long, slow and sweet. She felt the walls between them crumbling into dust and the break in her heart begin to heal. “I love you, Jim. I don’t care anything about your past except that it made you the man you are.”

“I love you, too,” he responded, kissing her again. Cecilia clung to him, reveling in the feel of his arms around her, giving in to the feeling she’d been denied for so many months.

“We’ll have to go back to Gus’s house, finish sorting through everything,” Jim said into her hair. “We can take my trophies home. They can gather dust in our garage just as well as they can in a landfill.”

She pulled back and looked up at him, grinning and nodding her approval, just as a nurse approached them. “Mr. and Mrs. Warwick? You can see your daughter now. She’s going to be fine. You can take her home.”

Yvonne was sitting up in bed and drinking a glass of juice. She smiled when she saw her parents. “Can we go now? I wanna pet the reindeer some more.”