Sweet Affliction [Sweet Awakenings 4] (Siren Publishing Classic) (17 page)

“You! You did this! You made me leave him! I hate you! I hate you! I wish you’d died!”

He wrapped his arms around her as she continued to pound her fists against him. He ignored the pain both her words and blows caused. He’d expected this and would take anything she gave him as long as it helped her cope with her grief.

“Say something! Damn you! I hate you! Why did you have to come? Why did you…Why?”

Despite the force with which she was striking him, he could feel her tiring, both emotionally and physically. He kept his arms wrapped around her back, holding her to him as she pummeled him.

Several moments passed. Her shouts were no longer understandable. Her grief was overpowering and taking hold of her emotions. She continued to beat against his chest as her tears drenched his T-shirt.

He wasn’t sure how long had passed before she finally stilled in his arms. Her breathing was erratic like she’d just run a marathon. Wrapping his arms further around her, he pulled her into him. With one hand he gently pushed her head into his chest and rested his chin atop it. He wanted to completely surround her, make her feel safe and cared for. He wanted to take away her pain.

She didn’t say anything, nor did she push him away or fight him. Her body curled into his, and she allowed him to comfort her. The simple gesture on her part meant so much to him.

They would have to call the local coroner and make plans for whatever she wished to have done with the body. It was something they hadn’t had a chance to discuss in their short time knowing each other. That could wait just a bit longer, he decided. Right now all that mattered was holding her and making sure she knew she wasn’t alone.

It was no longer about him wanting her. It wasn’t even about his promise to Liam. It was about her. She was what mattered. Whatever he had to do for her to help her through this awful part of life, he would do. AJ Harwood was too important to him. She was now his responsibility. He loved her, and nothing or no one would come before her.

She was his. She just didn’t know it yet.

Nick paced anxiously in the cellar. He could still hear voices upstairs and what sounded like wheels rolling across the floor. From what he could tell, the island’s coroner had already left with Liam’s body. He wanted to be upstairs with her when she dealt with one of the hardest things a child would ever have to endure. It pained him to think of all she’d been through in the short time since he’d come into her life.

He finally heard the door shut, followed by a few steps and then silence. He waited for a minute, not moving so that he could clearly hear what, if anything, was happening upstairs. Still no sounds could be heard.

Quietly he took the steps one by one, careful not to step in the center where he knew they squeaked the loudest. When he reached the top he slowly turned the handle and opened the door. Through the small opening he was able to see AJ sitting at the kitchen table. She was hunched over it, her arms laid out while her head rested on them. He flung open the door and took three long strides to reach her.

He placed a hand on the back of her head. “AJ, are you okay?”

She turned her head just enough to see him. Her eyes were swollen and red from her tears. “I can’t believe he’s gone.”

No sound escaped her as a tear fell from her eye. It was as if someone had just turned the tap to her emotions on, releasing more anguish.

“Oh, sweetheart. Come here.”

He didn’t allow her the chance to protest. He sat in the chair next to her and pulled her to his lap. Cradling her in his arms, he was so grateful when she didn’t fight him. Her arms wrapped around his neck without hesitation.

They sat there in the kitchen for the longest time. He held her tight as she just curled up in his embrace. She never once removed her hands from around his neck, nor did she say a word. They were in silence. He didn’t need words and was sure she didn’t have the energy to talk. All he cared about was being there for her, giving her strength and trying in any way he could to take away some of her pain.

It had long since turned dark outside. The window above the kitchen sink was open, and a cool ocean breeze flowed through the room. The moon shone through onto the worn tile floor in an almost peaceful sight. He wondered if that was Liam sending him a message, thanking him for taking care of his little girl. It would be an unnecessary gesture, because there was nowhere he would rather be at this moment than having her in his arms.

“His body will be flown back home to the States sometime tomorrow.”

Her soft voice broke through the silence and interrupted his thoughts.

“Where’s home, sweetheart?”

“San Diego.”

He kissed the top of her head when she let out a sigh of exhaustion. It dawned on him them that he didn’t remember her eating a thing all day long. It was well into the night now.

“Jesus, have you eaten anything today?” He lifted her face with his forefinger, gently rubbing his thumb along her chin.

Shaking her head, she responded. “I don’t think I could eat if I wanted to. I’m so tired, Nick.”

He knew she wasn’t exaggerating. She had been going on little sleep and adrenaline for days. It was a wonder she was able to function at all.

“Please eat something? Just a little something and then you need to rest.”

“Nick…I just don’t think I can eat. I feel sick to my stomach.”

Lifting her up and off of his lap he helped her sit in the chair next to his. “Just wait here.”

Rummaging through the kitchen, he couldn’t find anything that wouldn’t take time to make. He knew as tired as she was that she wasn’t going to be up much longer. Deciding on a bachelor’s meal, he made her a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, then grabbed a glass and poured her some milk.

He returned to the table and set the plate and drink down in front of her. “You have to eat.”

Again she shook her head and pushed the plate away. He refused to let her win this argument though. She was both physically and emotionally exhausted. Unless she got some protein in her body she would end up running herself down and getting sick.

“Come on. It’s got peanuts for protein, jelly for fruit, bread for grains, and milk for dairy.” He persisted while pushing the plate back in front of her.

She gave him an annoyed glare. It was one he understood. He always hated when people tried to force him to do things he didn’t want to. Hell, his mother was the worst at trying to force food down his throat every time she saw him. His mom. Now more than ever he wished she was here. She would have liked AJ. They were a lot alike, the first to take care of others before themselves.

“I’ll take a few bites, but I really don’t feel well.”

He sat next to her, picked up the sandwich, and handed it to her. “That sounds fair to me.”

Unable to resist, he ran his hand down the back of her hair, smoothing it as he went. He needed to touch her in any way. Just to feel her and know she was with him. It made it seem so much more real, like he hadn’t dreamed her up in some fantasy of the perfect woman.

She had taken a couple of bites and swallowed a few drinks of the milk before pushing the plate away. “Nick, I just can’t eat anymore.”

With her elbows on the table she rested her forehead in her hands. “I just can’t believe he’s gone. I told myself when the time came that I could handle it. That I would be ready.”

She shook her head then and looked at him. Tears started to fall again, and her voice cracked. “I wasn’t ready though. I want him back.”

When her cries became audible it was his undoing. He stood from his chair and bent down, lifting her up in his arms. His side burned unbearably as the extra weight and strain was put on it. No amount of pain could have stopped him though.

With his arm wrapped underneath her knees and his other holding her back, he held her close. Walking from the kitchen, he flipped off the light switch with his elbow and carried her down the hall and past the room where her father had passed.

When he carried her into her bedroom, he didn’t switch on the light. He walked to the bed and sat down on the edge. She was still cradled in his arms. He could feel her hands holding on the back of his neck firmly, and he prayed she wouldn’t let go. Whatever she needed he would give her.

“Nick?”

“Yes, sweetheart?”

“I’m so sorry for earlier.”

“Shh…don’t you worry about that. You need to get some sleep. Do you think you can rest?”

She didn’t say anything for a moment. He waited for her to argue and say she couldn’t, but she surprised him.

Looking up, she asked. “Will you stay with me?”

“Wild horses couldn’t drag me away.”

He softly kissed her forehead and lay back on the pillow. She was still in his arms, but she loosened her hold around his neck and nestled next to him, curling up alongside him.

“Are you comfortable? Do you need a blanket?” he asked.

“No. I mean…I am comfortable, and I don’t need a blanket.”

Her voice was filled with fatigue. He wanted so desperately to somehow make everything better for her and just erase all the pain she was feeling. It was an impossible wish, but if he could he would do whatever it took to make that happen.

He ran a hand up and down her arm that was draped on his chest. Her skin was so soft and felt so good under his fingertips. With his other hand he gently massaged the back of her neck. The action was as much for him as it was for her.

Something had happened to him when he shared those final moments with Liam. A week ago, falling in love was the last thing on his mind. All he wanted to do was finish his last month of service, maybe buy a house somewhere nice and sunny. He figured he would look into his options for future careers, but was in no hurry. He had enough money saved up where he could probably not work for several years if he was smart with what he’d set aside.

Sure he had thought of maybe someday meeting the right woman, getting married and starting a little family, but that was so far off in his future. He never gave it more than just a passing thought. Yet here he was, lying in bed next to the woman he was in love with, a month away from retirement, which technically he couldn’t take part in because he was for all intents and purposes dead.

Boy, fate sure dealt you a hand, Slater
. The thought amused him as he continued to hold AJ. Wherever fate took him next, he knew he would be just fine as long as he had her by his side.

AJ woke to the smell of coffee. Her head was pounding, and she felt weak. The small amount of sunlight slicing through the tiny openings the curtains provided was still too much for her sensitive eyes. She squinted and covered them with her hand. A tapping sound caught her attention, and she lifted her head just enough to see Nick sitting on the edge of the bed, with her laptop.

He must have had eyes in the back of his head, because without turning around he said, “How did you sleep?”

“My eyes hurt, and my head is killing me.”

He kept typing. “Give me just one second. Almost done.”

She heard a few more taps on the keyboard, and then he closed it and turned to face her. “Okay, all done.”

“Is everything all right?”

Setting the computer down, he came around to her side of the bed and sat beside her. His large hand cupped the side of her face as his thumb brushed along her cheek bone. She wanted to close her eyes and get lost in his simple gesture.

“I think I should be asking you that. How are you feeling besides all that?”

His masculine features, which at times made him look so serious, seemed to soften as he asked her the question. It would be so easy to fall for him. Lying in his arms last night was the first good night’s rest she’d gotten in months. Ever since her father had been diagnosed it had been a long and hard road. Her worry and sleepless nights only increased when his body stopped responding to treatment. It seemed so unreal that he was gone.

“It doesn’t seem real. I feel like I should go check on him…but I know he’s not there.”

“I know, sweetheart.” He shook his head and pulled her up to him.

He wrapped his arms around her so tightly and comfortingly, it was impossible for her not to nuzzle into his chest and just breathe a sigh of relief. She felt safe with him. Despite the grief of losing her father and all the worry she’d been facing, somehow when she had his arms around her that all seemed to disappear.

“I can’t begin to tell you how sorry I am you weren’t here. I tried to…Jesus, I’m just so sorry.”

He sounded so sincere when he said it. It was hard for her to believe that this man, who had so much to deal with, would even care about how she felt, but the inflection in his voice made it hard not to believe it to be true.

“It’s not your fault, Nick.”

“I sent you away. If I hadn’t made you leave then, you might have been here when…”

“He was very sick. I knew the time was coming. I don’t blame you. I know I said I did, but I…” She pulled away from him just enough to look up at him. She felt horrible for the way she’d treated him when she returned last night. “I wasn’t ready to let him go. I guess I was looking for someone to blame.”