Susan Spencer Paul (17 page)

L
illis stood in the great hall and peered through a crack in one of the window shutters, watching the never-ending downpour of rain. All of the castle windows had been tightly shuttered in order to keep the cold and wet out, and the dwelling had taken on a gloomy cast. Fires and candles were kept continuously burning in an effort to provide warmth and light, but it was not the same as sunlight.

She sighed. Would the weather never clear? Would she never be able to get home to Wellewyn to see her father? She thought of him constantly, wishing she could be with him, caring for him and making him well. How worried he must be! Alexander had been very kind on that first rainy morn when they had been supposed to travel to Wellewyn. The day before it, when they had ridden together and enjoyed their meal by the river, had been beautiful. There’d been no sign of rain then, but sometime during the night it had begun to pour, and Alexander had refused to take her anywhere in such inclement weather. But he’d commiserated with her quite sweetly, and had offered to send one of his men to deliver a missive to Wellewyn, if she wished to write one. It was the first time he had offered her a chance to communicate with her father, and Lillis had gratefully written the letter, spending more than three hours pouring all of her love and concern into it. Alexander had sent his sturdiest knight on his way within minutes of her handing it over to him. She’d felt guilty about sending the poor man into such bad weather, but her worry for her father had outweighed her guilt. The courier returned the next day with no reply. His only report was that her father had accepted the missive with shaking hands and had taken to his bed soon after reading it.

More than a week had passed since then; a week both confusing and wonderful. She saw little of Alexander during the days, as he steadfastly remained busy with the running of his estates, but he continued to stop work every hour or so to come and visit with her, though he was no longer content to simply sit wherever he found her. Instead, he would dismiss her guards and draw her away to someplace more private, where they would spend several minutes alone, walking up and down the halls, talking quietly. Sometimes he would hold her hand as they walked, and sometimes he would pull her into the shadows and kiss her. As confused as Lillis was by so much sudden affection from the husband she knew didn’t love her, she found herself unwilling to make him stop. In truth, she looked forward to his visits. Indeed, she counted the hours between each one.

When it was time for the evening meal Alexander would put his work aside and devote himself to his family and to her. Once the meal was finished he would take her to a certain gaming table set in front of a fireplace in one corner of the great hall. There the rest of the family would follow and relax while she and Alexander played chess or backgammon. A servant would bring hot spiced wine for the women and tankards of ale for the men. Aunt Leta and Edyth would sit before the fire, working on their embroidery, either enjoying a comfortable gossip or entertaining the children. The twins, dutifully becoming proficient on the lute, would sit on the rushes in front of the flames, practicing their instruments. Willem would sit by Lillis, whispering advice to her about how to outmaneuver Alexander at chess and teasing his older brother whenever she beat him.

John and Barbara were there, as well, settling themselves by Edyth and Aunt Leta and conversing comfortably with everyone in general. Barbara worked on her embroidery and spent a great deal of time surreptitiously watching Alexander. Other times she would stare into the fire as though no one else were there. Lillis never missed the glances that Alexander spared his beautiful cousin, for he didn’t realize how openly he looked at Barbara. The concern for her that was written on his face was as clear as a blue summer sky, and Lillis wondered why he didn’t spend more time with the dainty creature than he did. He seemed always to be with Lillis, instead, and always he insisted that he wanted to win her trust.

He’d won more than that, Lillis thought, pushing from the window and walking back to where Edyth sat teaching the children some simple mathematics. The twins had refused to be taught but somehow always ended up hovering around in the background, learning in spite of themselves. She stopped and leaned against the coolness of the wall, watching as Hugh suddenly came alive. He knew the answer to a problem Edyth had posed and was very excited. Lillis smiled, remembering how good it felt to finally understand something you were trying to learn.

Her gaze wandered from Edyth and the children to the other end of the hall where Barbara and Aunt Leta sat with their women, gossiping and sewing, as they always seemed to do, especially now that the rain kept everyone indoors.

Her days with Alexander had been wonderful, but Lillis had come to live for the nights. She’d lain awake that first night after he had taken her to his bed, and after an hour or two he had quietly unbolted the adjoining door and come to get her again. He had come every night since then, carrying her to his bed and lying beside her, his arms holding her close. He told her each night that he wanted to make love to her but that he would wait until she wanted that, too, and then they would talk for a long while before falling asleep. He told her of his childhood, and about his parents, things that were difficult for him to speak of. Lillis, in turn, told him of her own childhood, of the the joys and sadnesses, telling Alexander things she had never told anyone else.

She had come to know him during those conversations, to understand him and to love him. How sad she had felt when he had told her of his father, a great, powerful man who’d never had much time for either his people or his family, save the twins, whom he’d notably favored and spoiled. Alexander always sounded so wistful and longing, telling her how he had loved his father but how hard it had been to admire the man. When he’d died, Alexander had felt lost and afraid. Gyer had had so many problems, its people held so many demands, and at the age of nineteen he was burdened with caring for all of them, as well as his family. His mother, whom he’d loved deeply, had died just after Candis had been born, and all the joy had gone out of his life for a long time.

“I suppose every boy thinks that his mother is the most beautiful woman in the world,” he told her one night as they lay together, warm and comfortable, “but I think perhaps my mother really was. She was the kind of person who could light up a room whenever she entered it, like a living candle. She and my father fought a great deal, but they always made up in the end. I used to think, sometimes, that he didn’t love her enough, or not as much as he should have, but he was always so relieved whenever they resolved a disagreement that I finally realized just how much he did love her. He couldn’t stand to be kept away from her, even for one night, though sometimes they spent months and months apart.”

“You still miss her, do you not?” Lillis murmured.

He nodded against the top of her head. “Not as much as I did at first, but I do miss her. After she died we went about living day to day, yet never really lived. Does that make sense? My father was hardly home after she died. He spent most of his time at court or at some of his other estates. He disdained Candis as though she were to blame for Mother’s death. But she had nothing to do with it. My mother died of the chill, during wintertime. She suffered long and terribly before finally dying.”

“I’m sorry, Alexander.”

He squeezed her. “You’ve no need to be, my lady. It was difficult at the time, but we have lived through it. I think perhaps it was hardest on Willem and the twins. They were so young then, and needed her so much. Justin was only three and didn’t really know what had happened. Candis has no memory of our mother at all. And I had Barbara to help me get through. She and John came to live with us just before my mother died. We were already betrothed then, though she was only a little girl. After my mother died Barbara spent a great deal of time with me, trying to cheer and comfort me.” He chuckled at the memory. “She was such a tiny little girl and I was a nearly grown lad who had no use for her. I was just beginning to learn about women, you see, and here was this little girl following me around everywhere, trying to get my attention. She was persistent though, and I grew to cherish her. Everyone loved Barbara. She was such a sweet, beautiful child, and was my greatest delight in those days.” He yawned and shortly fell asleep, but Lillis stayed awake for the remainder of the night, thinking on his words. She had never been happier, or more miserable.

“My lady.” The sudden voice made Lillis jump in surprise. She turned to see John standing beside her and forced herself to smile. Where had he come from? The man never made any noise at all.

“What a fright you gave me, John. I wish you will cease doing that.”

John grinned apologetically. “Forgive me, Lady Gyer. I didn’t mean to startle you. I thought perhaps you looked far away. Do you think of your father? I know that he is ill. How you must worry for him! I’m a good listener if you would like to talk.”

Lillis shook her head. “No, I thank you, sir. I should be getting back to Edyth. It isn’t fair to make her do all the work with the children.”

John’s handsome face fell. “But how unkind, my lady! I’ve finally caught you alone and now you say that you will run away. Will you not spare your lonely cousin even a few moments of your time? We’ve not yet had a chance to get to know each other.”

Lillis looked at his sincerely unhappy expression and wondered what she should do. She didn’t wish to be rude to the man, yet she didn’t wish to be alone with him, either. The last thing she wanted to hear at the moment were more veiled comments about how much Barbara and Alexander loved each other. He must have seen that she was trying to make up her mind, for he suddenly smiled most charmingly and held out one arm.

“Come, my lady. Walk with me to the solar and back, that’s all I ask. Will you? Please?”

She couldn’t refuse him now without appearing ill-mannered. With a sigh she set her hand on his arm. “Very well, sir, but only to the solar and back. It will be time for the midday meal soon and I must make certain that Candis and Justin are washed up before then. Even being kept indoors they somehow manage to get quite dirty!”

“From running around in the kitchen and getting into the ashes, no doubt.” John patted her hand and led her down the length of the great hall. Her two guards followed at their normal polite distance. “I wanted to thank you for your kindness to Barbara, my lady, and for your understanding of her circumstances. She’s been so much happier of late.”

Lillis looked at him in surprise. “Has she? I must admit that I had not thought so. She seems very sad to me a great deal of the time. Indeed, I had thought to speak with her to see whether she is feeling well.”

“Oh, she is quite well, I assure you, my Lady Gyer, though you are kind to worry over her. It’s only the stress of the situation, and the waiting. I fear she’s not happy with Alex for spending so much time with you, though of course she understands completely that he must do so in order to keep up the pretense of your marriage in front of the others.”

Lillis felt a surge of anger and looked at him sharply. “Does she? I must tell you, John, that my husband has told me he has no plans to keep Barbara with him once I have left Gyer. He has assured me that he intends to find a suitable husband for her.”

John smiled at her indulgently. “Yes, I imagine he would tell you such a thing. Alex can play the tyrant whenever it pleases him to do so, but more often than not he makes an effort to spare the feelings of others, at least as best he can. I must admit, however, that I have begun to wonder whether you might not be right, my lady. After all, I had thought you were to be allowed to go free once the king’s approval of your marriage came, and since you are still at Gyer it may very well be that Alex does indeed intend to set Barbara aside.” He shook his head. “If that is so, then this game he is playing with my sister is quite cruel.”

“But I am going to be set free when the king’s approval comes,” Lillis told him. “Alexander promised that I may go home as soon as it arrives.”

“Hmm,” John intoned thoughtfully. “Is it the weather, then, that has kept you at Gyer?”

Lillis laughed. “What? No! It has kept us from making a visit to see my father, but that is all. And if it were up to me we would have gone to Wellewyn in spite of this rain, but Alexander refuses to take me until it stops. I’m still his prisoner, you see, until the king legally recognizes our marriage, and as you said, he can be tyrannical when he wishes to be. If the king’s approval had come, I assure you, nothing would have kept me from leaving for home. Not even this wretched weather.”

John stopped walking and turned to look at her. “But, if that is the case, then why—? My lady, did you not know?”

“What?”

“About the king’s approval. It arrived two days ago, brought by one of the king’s own regents. Didn’t Cousin Alex tell you?”

Lillis was shocked. “No! He didn’t. The king’s approval arrived? Two days ago?” She could feel the hot flush that swept across her cheeks. “Then that means...that I’m free!” She was elated. “Are you sure of this, John Baldwin?”

“Yes, quite sure. I promise you it is true. But I think perhaps it was a mistake for me to speak of it. Alex obviously didn’t wish you to know, and I fear I may have brought his wrath upon myself by telling you. I beg you’ll not tell him that it was I who gave you this information.”

“How foolish!” she chided. “Of course he meant for me to know, he was just—” she cast about for a plausible reason “—he was simply waiting for the weather to clear, that’s all. He didn’t realize that I would wish to leave right away.” Although how he couldn’t know was a mystery to Lillis. She thought she’d made her desire to go home as soon as she possibly could quite clear to him. Dear Lord! The impact kept hitting her anew. She was free again! She could come and go as she pleased, she could move freely and make her own decisions—she could walk without having to constantly look over her shoulder to see whether her guards were following her.