Surviving Love (3 page)

Mrs. Fields sets Mia on the floor next to a basket of toys and then turns her attention to me. Dreading every word coming from her mouth, I close my eyes to get my emotions under control, yet again. I feel a warm hand clasp onto my forearm, and when my eyes open, Mrs. Fields is holding me. Her arms are tight around my waist and her body is frail. She’s a lot smaller than I remember, but I embrace her right back.
 

For the first time in my life, I’m feeling what it would be like to be held by a mother. It’s overwhelming and comforting all at once. I’ve needed someone like Mrs. Fields my entire life. I have needed the touch only a mother could give to a child who’s surrounded by pain.
 

I hold her tightly and let the tears bubble and fall from my eyes. I release all the pain and sadness onto this woman’s shoulder as she rubs my back and whispers words of comfort in my ears.
 

After several minutes, I calm myself enough to pull away. I’ve broken down so much over the last ten days that I’m honestly tired of doing it. My eyes hurt and my body aches, yet for the first time since Presley has died, I feel like I can finally breathe again. Not completely or without pain, but there’s a small sentiment of hope that I will be fine someday.
 

“I’m always here if you need me, sweetheart,” Mrs. Fields speaks through her tears and pulls me at arm’s length, looking directing in my eyes.
 

“Thank you,” I look down to my feet then back up to her eyes. “I’m… I’m okay.”
 

“You’re strong, honey. A lot stronger than you give yourself credit for, I’m sure. When I lost my husband, I was young. I had just celebrated my thirty-fifth birthday, and just like that, a heart attack takes him from me. Then I was left to raise our teenage daughter on my own. So I know how you feel.” She picks up my hand and cups it between hers. “It does get better. You just need to give your heart some time to heal. But I promise, it does get better.”
 

I nod in acceptance then move to Mia, who’s completely distracted by a puzzle, and lean down to give her a kiss. When she stands, handing me a puzzle piece, I place it in the designated spot then pick her up in my arms.
 

“Goodbye, sweet girl. Daddy will be back soon.” Mia places her hands on my cheeks and leans down to my face, so our foreheads are touching. I pucker up my lips and she does the same then I give her a swift kiss. “I love you.”
 

I hand Mia to Mrs. Fields and leave the apartment. One emotional breakdown over; now it’s time to go to work and hope no more tears surface today. I’m so tired of crying. I’m simply fucking tired of it all. I’m just so tired. So damn tired.
 

***
 

When I pull into the parking lot, I take a deep breath and release it before quickly walking to the main building and punching in my timecard. The plant manager must have been waiting for me because, as soon as I run my timecard, he’s pulling me into his office. Great, breakdown number two coming right up.
 

Rich is an average height man with a big belly and receding hair line. He is also the most impatient, hard-ass I’ve ever worked with. I really like him. I often wonder if this is how Reggie will be when he hits his fifties, but I doubt Reggie will ever let himself get a gut or lose his bad-
ass physique. However, the hard-ass persona will undeniably be a Reggie trait.
 

“Drake, I wanted to let you know I spoke to your brother, Reggie, after everything happened. I want to assure you myself that human resources are the only people who know what your absence was from.”
 

Confused at why he’s telling me this, I nod in acknowledgment.
 

“The guys think you were out on vacation for the last couple of weeks. So when they ask, you’ll know what they’re talking about.” Rich reaches his hand up to my arm, but he soon tucks it into the pocket of his jacket.
 

“Thanks, Rich. Am I still working in crane three?” I ask, just wanting to get this awkward conversation over with.
 

Rich’s smile peaks for a second before he’s back to business as usual. “Yes. Now get your ass to work.”
 

I happily head out of the building and walk quickly to my crane. After climbing in the cab, I get myself situated in the seat and fire the equipment to life. And for the first time in ages, I begin to feel normal again.
 

Chapter 3
 

Drake
 

It’s Friday, and this week at work has been better than I’ve originally expected. No one even cares why I’ve been gone or even mentions it to me. I sit in my crane and concentrate on moving metal from one area of the plant to the other. I don’t let my thoughts run away with me, finally feeling somewhat normal.
 

After dropping Mia off at Mrs. Fields apartment the first day, I was sure it was going to be weird. To my surprise, it’s like nothing has changed. She talks to me about Mia’s day and doesn’t give me looks of pity or grief, which I’m grateful for. I think it’s because Mrs. Fields knows from personal experience how I feel. She knows how much harder it is to move on with life if you always have to see the looks of pity coming from everyone around you.
 

After lunch, I head to my car to put my lunchbox in the trunk and check my cell phone. Darcie’s number has been blowing up my phone, making my heart freeze inside my chest. Darcie is watching Mia for the day while Mrs. Fields goes to an appointment. She knows I can’t check my phone during the day, so why hasn’t she called the plant directly? My gut instantly drops to my feet. I can see I’ve already missed six calls from her. Something horrible has happened. I can feel it.
 

I swipe my finger across the screen and listen to her phone ring on the other end. An eternity passes by before she picks up and I immediately hear Mia sobbing in the background. “Drake! Oh, my God. You need to get home!”
 

“Why? What’s happened?” I scream into the phone and start to climb in the front seat of the Chevelle.
 

“The DEA is here. They’re tearing the house apart, looking for drugs. Jake’s probably going to get arrested. He started beating the shit out of them.”
 

Anger slams into my heart as I fire the Chevelle to life and fly out of the parking lot. “I will be there as soon as I can.”
 

I punch the accelerator to the floor, propelling myself forward. I have no idea why the hell DEA agents would be raiding our home, and right now, I really don’t care. I just need to know if my baby is okay.
 

It takes no time to get to our street, and from three blocks away, I can see police cars everywhere. The street is flooded with cars and officers are surrounding the house. Reggie pulls up behind me and we both start running up the driveway when we’re immediately stopped by DEA agents.
 

“What the fuck is going on?” Reggie’s face is flushed red as he screams to the officers holding us back.
 

I’m trying to look for Mia. Breathing a sigh of relief when I see Darcie holding her on her hip. She doesn’t appear hurt. My anxiety lowers slightly knowing Mia is okay.
 

Before I know what’s happening, Reggie is placed in handcuffs and ushered to where Jake is sitting, also handcuffed and sitting on the ground with police surrounding him. Some of them are battered. Damn! What the hell is going on?
 

I stand frozen as I watch Reggie argue with officers while Jake smirks with pride. I then quickly shuffle to Darcie to take Mia out of her arms. I give her a once over, looking for any sign of injury, but she’s fine.
 

Just when I’m about to ask Darcie why the DEA is here, Jeremy opens the garage door and walks to the Challenger. When he pulls the backpack from his trunk, I feel my world once again getting pulled out from underneath me.
 

“There’s nothing in the house. Here’s what you’re looking for,” Jeremy says and is soon handcuffed with the rest of my brothers.
 

This is not what I’m seeing. I am not standing in the middle of my driveway, hearing my brother confess to being a drug dealer. I am not seeing packages of heroin scattered on the concrete. This has to be a nightmare. Jeremy wouldn’t do this to me or to any of us. It’s when his eyes connect with mine that I know. With that one glance, Jeremy’s admitting his guilt. I’m angry. I’m worse…I’m outraged.
 

I toss Mia into Darcie’s arms and scream, “What is this? You’re a fucking drug dealer?”
 

My body is boiling with rage. I can feel the hate traveling its way over every inch of my body, making my muscles rigid and taut. As I step to Jeremy, the color red is blinding my vision. I don’t see anything but red. Nothing else exists except for the overpowering urge to annihilate Jeremy. I want to destroy him. I want to plow my fist into his face then wrap my palms around his throat and watch the life escape from his body. I want to KILL him!
 

Presley’s dead body flashes into my mind—the crimson color of her blood is everywhere. There’s so much red. On my hands, soaking through her shirt, painted across her skin…it was everywhere.
 

Then Carter’s face invades my thoughts. Could Jeremy be working with him? The night Presley was killed, I really don’t remember what Jeremy was doing, but I
do
remember coming out of the house seeing him and Carter in a heated discussion. Mother. Fucker!
 

Reggie instantly recognizes my furious state and tries to keep me from moving. He begins speaking, but all I see are his lips moving. Nothing else is registering other than the unrelenting fury toward my brother.
 

“Are you the other supplier? Were you the other dealer working with Carter?” I push my way toward Jeremy as the only thing I’m focused on is killing him. Police officers swarm me, but I push against their human wall. “You asshole! You fucking killed her!”
 

As swiftly as I can, I force my hands and arms though the army of officers. If I can just get one hand on him, just get one hand to grip around his neck, I will squeeze the life from his body. I push harder, yet the more I press against the wall of officers, the more resistance I meet. I just need to get close enough to touch Jeremy. I ram my arms forward with all my strength before they are being yanked behind my back. The cold steel of the cuffs cuts into my hot, angry skin.
 

Pain begins to register in my shoulders, but I let it fade as the hate takes over once again. I shout through my rage, still only seeing red. I need him to feel every ounce of loathing I currently possess. The hate he put inside my body. “You goddamn fucking piece of shit!”
 

My body has a mind of its own as the hate replaces all the hurt. For the last few weeks, my body has been aching from loss, but that is all gone. From the moment Jeremy came out of the
garage, every ounce of loss has been replaced with hate. I loathe my brother. That I’m completely sure of. I despise Jeremy.
 

I. Hate. Him.
 

I need to get to him. I want to kill him, and I know I can. I push against the officers again, trying to take them off guard, however they stop me short. The next thing I know, I’m being drug backwards toward the chain link fence. The metal of the fence clanks loudly as I’m slammed in to it.
 

“You fucking killed her!” I shout. “You fucking killed her!” I scream then scream it again. “You fucking killed her!” I can’t stop. He killed Presley and now he’s killed this family. Jeremy has singlehandedly destroyed our family, and it will never be what it once was. I will never forgive him. I can assure that. I will only hate. Because the minute I saw the bundles of white powder fall from his backpack, every shred of love, trust and devotion dissolved only to be replaced by hate, doubt and apathy.
 

***
 

Several minutes go by, hell, maybe even hours go by. I don’t really know. All I know is that, from the moment my brother admitted he has been working as a drug dealer with Carter, betrayal and hate have become the only emotions remaining inside of me.
 

After the officers confirm I’m was calmed down enough, they take the handcuffs off my wrists as well as Reggie’s. The three of us—Reggie, Darcie and me—stand in the middle of the driveway completely dumbfounded and shocked. There are no words to say because no words can even come close to explaining how unreal the last hour has been.
 

I take Mia from Darcie’s arms and hold my sleeping baby against my chest. The anger reappears when I think of what Jeremy has done to my daughter. He knew what he was doing when he got involved with Carter, and now he’s taken a mother from her child. I am so mad that I can feel my skin heat and tense as the rage begins to boil under the surface. Turning my body toward the backyard, I take deep breaths in and out, expelling the rage slowly.
 

I can hear Reggie in the background; he’s on the phone with his lawyer, Tom Willington, explaining the situation. I try to get a grip on myself. I can’t let my baby see me lose it anymore. This poor child has been through so much in her short life that part of me is concerned she will grow up with issues. I know she’s small, but will she be mentally scarred from the trauma? The thought disgusts and worries me all at the same time. I don’t want her to be fucked up like the rest of us. All I want is for my baby to be happy and loved.
 

“Mr. Evans? Drake Evans?” I turn around to see two police officers are surrounding a short, older woman with ratty hair and wearing clothes from the 1980s.
 

Clasping Mia tighter in my arms, I’m immediately concerned. “Yes?”
 

“My name is Charlotte Raines. I’m with Child Protection Services.” She hands me her card. My gut clenches and my heart races. The boiling anger is surfacing again, but I do my best to keep it at bay. “I’ve been called by the local authorities to remove this child from her home. They alerted our department of the unsafe living conditions and possible neglect while she lives in your care.”