Surrender (The Forbidden Series Book 3) (9 page)

I hold his gaze, and I think we understand each other now. ‘I love her. And I know she doesn’t really love me back, but, I love
her
. So looking after her, that’s a given. She’s gonna be fine. I’ll make sure of it.’

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a card. ‘Here.’ He hands it to me and I take it. ‘Call me. I want to know how she is, and I want to hear that from someone else, not just her. She’ll tell me what she thinks I want to hear to stop me from flying over here to check on her. She’ll do that, so I need to hear how she’s really doing. From you.’

I look down at the card. It’s a business card, and a pretty smart looking one, too. I’m guessing that whatever this guy does, he’s pretty good at it.

‘I’m never in one place for too long,’ he continues and I look back up at him. His voice is quieter now, but he’s still nervously running that hand along the back of his neck. ‘The nature of my job determines that. But every chance I get I’ll be back here anyway just… just don’t tell her that. OK?’

He smiles slightly, and I return it. ‘Yeah. OK.’

I hear him take a deep breath and his eyes once more meet mine. ‘Her life needs to stop being complicated, Neal.’

‘I can’t guarantee that, Kris.’

And I can’t. How can I? I’m one of those complications, and I’m not going anywhere.

He doesn’t say anything, and I guess he realises that was just wishful thinking on his part.

‘She’s gonna be fine. I promise. Before Jon turned up we were good. We had
some
kind of order in our lives, and I should have fought harder to keep it that way but I…’

‘I think we’re all done with the if onlys, Neal.’

He holds out a hand and I take it, shaking it, and when his stare locks with mine this time I think we really do get it now.

‘Stay in touch. OK?’

I nod and let go of his hand, watching as he strides back across the room towards Joey.

This is it.

This is the night Kira Blu came back to me.

The night we all start over.

The night my fucked-up world started turning again.

Kira

It’s a while before I even think about coming out of Joey’s bedroom. For a good few minutes I just sat there, on the bed, flicked on the TV and watched a cookery show. It gave me time to get my head together because the numbness is still there. I still can’t quite believe what’s happened. But I’m ready to go out there now and face it. Whatever it is. Whatever might be waiting. I’m ready to go out there. I’m ready for Neal Cannon to be back in my life. In reality, he should never have left it.

I head into the kitchen and pour myself a glass of wine, leaning back against the counter as I take a long and welcome sip, the alcohol hit going straight to my head because it’s been a while since I ate anything. A while since I felt hungry, but I’m ravenous now. It’s quiet, here in the kitchen, and I’m glad about that, glad of the few extra minutes of peace, but I can hear voices and laughter coming through from the main sitting room and I know I should get out there and join everyone.

I look down, and I realise my glass is already empty so I pour myself another one, taking smaller, slower sips this time.

‘His taste in wine has got better, don’t you think? Since he met me.’

I look up and my smile is instant as Neal approaches, all sexy-as-hell swagger, those ice-blue eyes of his never leaving mine. ‘Well, he certainly seems to have stopped assuming that just because it has a cork in it it’s drinkable.’

He laughs, and briefly bows his head.

‘I’ve missed that laugh.’

He looks up, and his eyes lock back on mine. ‘I’ve missed a lot of things, Kira.’

I break the stare and take another sip of wine, and for a beat or two nobody says anything. But the silence, it isn’t uncomfortable. There’s no awkwardness, how can there be? Just an hour or so ago he was fucking me and I was taking him deep and not regretting one wrong, sordid second. And then he takes the glass from my hand and sets it down on the counter and I turn my head to face him.

‘Hey.’

He smiles again, and I feel my heart skip a million beats, yeah, it’s that clichéd. My heart’s skipping and my head’s spinning and I’m still wracked with a guilt I know will take time to shift, but this is where I want to be. Here. With him. The life I love.

‘Hey back,’ I whisper, and he moves a little closer, close enough for me to feel his breath on my neck as he leans in to me, his mouth resting lightly against my ear, his hand gently touching my hip.

‘I’ve got something you might like, Ms Blu.’

I can’t stop the laugh from escaping, and when he joins in it’s like my whole world shifted once more, back to the day this man walked into my life. Or did I walk into his? I don’t think it matters now. We found each other. We lost each other. We made a mistake and we rectified it. We came back – to each other. We came back – to us.

‘I’m going to like it, huh?’

His hand applies a touch more pressure against my hip, his mouth resting against mine as he speaks, and it’s like he’s breathing into me; breathing
life
into me. ‘Keep your eyes open, beautiful.’

I gasp quietly as he drops his hand, sliding it up and under my dress, and when he touches me I automatically widen my stance, opening my legs a little further, and he laughs again, a deep, throaty laugh that I know has got me wet.

He pushes me back against the counter, his eyes on mine all the time, I’m not even sure I’ve blinked in the past few seconds, the intensity is terrifying. I’d almost forgotten how utterly devastating his presence could be, but I’m remembering now. And when his fingers gently slip inside me it’s all I can do to stop myself from crying out, but I bite down on my lip instead, and he pushes into me that little bit harder, his thumb lightly circling my clit and I am aching for him; for this. Aching to feel him touch me and take me any way he wants to, I am his, totally. Completely. Any fucking way he wants me.

I breathe in deep and then wonder if that breath will ever escape as his fingers continue to play with me. I’m burning up, I’m sure I am, and I ache for the release he’s about to give me as my body gets ready to react. But then he pulls out, and he smiles, and I groan quietly as he rests his hand against me, moving it slowly back and forth as he stares deep into my eyes. It’s crazy, and beautiful, and every reminder why I made this decision. The pain, the heartache, the guilt – that’ll hurt, for a while. I’m not made of stone, I’m not some insensitive bitch, and I hate what I’ve done. I hate that I’ve hurt people, but this – this is what I need. What I want. This will make the pain go away, eventually.

Neal Cannon will make me the woman I need to be.

In the world I need to live in.

Neal

‘Did you play with
her
like this?’ she whispers, her eyes still staring into mine.

‘Never,’ I murmur, my mouth touching hers and I fucking ache to kiss her, but that ache is feeding this game. ‘I never wanted to.’

She laughs quietly, and I gently push my fingers back inside her, groaning quietly as they sink into the warm, wet heaven I’ve craved for so long. Too long.

‘Never?’

‘Never,’ I repeat, lightly rubbing her clit with my thumb and it’s hard and throbbing; it’s telling me she’s almost ready so I push my fingers that little bit deeper into her, press my thumb a little harder against her and I watch as the ride begins. She knows I like to look at her when she comes, she never forgot that, and I feel my heart start to beat so hard it’s like it’s gonna come crashing right through my ribs but I don’t break the stare. I never break the stare, not when she’s this close.

‘Neal…’ She moans, and I feel her sag slightly in my arms as her body starts to convulse in gentle spasms, her inner muscles gripping my fingers tight as she comes.

‘It’s OK, baby, I’ve got you,’ I whisper as I continue to thrust into her, and she’s spilling out over me, Jesus, my hand is freaking soaking wet! ‘I’ve got you.’

She throws back her head and cries out, and I let her close her eyes now, I’ve seen what I needed to see. I looked right into her, and I saw what I needed to see.

‘We’re gonna be OK, Kira.’

She looks at me, and she’s all flushed and beautiful and I have never wanted anyone or anything more than I want this woman, and a life with her.

‘We’re gonna be OK.’

I carefully pull out of her, sliding my hand onto the small of her back as she falls into me, and I can feel her chest rising and falling against mine, her breathing ragged and fast.

‘We’re gonna be OK.’

I kiss the top of her head and I feel her fingers clench my shirt; feel her sigh quietly as a beautiful, peaceful calm descends.

We’re gonna be better than OK.

We’re gonna be fucking amazing…

Nine

Kira

‘White? Seriously?’

‘It’s a white jacket and tie, angel. I’m hardly flouncing up the aisle claiming to be the world’s most dedicated virgin.’ Joey takes the jacket from me and slips it on, looking at himself in the mirror. ‘You know, sometimes I frighten myself with how handsome I actually am.’

I smile, because I know he’s got his tongue planted firmly in his cheek. I hope. ‘Yeah. It’s terrifying.’

He turns to look at me. ‘Talking of terrifyingly good-looking people… any reason why you didn’t want to go back with him last night? Back to his apartment?’

‘It’s too soon, Joey.’ I lean back against the dressing-table and look at him. ‘Helen had barely had time to pack her things and move out; I’d just said goodbye to the only man I’ve ever loved… Going back with Neal, it felt – I don’t know. It felt like the wrong thing to do.’

‘Second thoughts?’

‘Always.’

‘And you’re OK, are you?’

I shrug, because I don’t know if I am. I haven’t had all that much sleep, because once I was alone, in Joey and Benni’s guest room, I couldn’t close my eyes. Sleep wasn’t going to come. I’d just walked out on a life I’d honestly thought was the one I wanted and now I’m left with nothing but the suitcase of clothes I’ve brought with me for the wedding. I don’t want to go back, to Maine. I don’t want to collect anything from that life, I can’t do that. I have to start over – again. All over again. And realising that, it meant sleep was never going to come. ‘I will be.’

He smiles, and that makes everything that little bit better. It always does. ‘I missed you, angel.’

‘You didn’t have time to miss me.’

‘Talk to Benni. He’ll tell you how much I missed you.’

I go over to him and hug him from behind, resting my chin on his shoulder and he turns his head slightly to kiss my cheek.

‘Get make-up on this jacket and I’ll make sure you don’t catch my bouquet.’

‘That’s an empty threat, mister.’

‘Just watch me, kiddo.’

I give his waist a squeeze and return his kiss before letting him go. ‘You nervous?’

‘I never get nervous, angel.’

‘Liar. You used to sweat buckets just at the thought of entering The Playroom.’

He turns to look at me, and I know what he’s going to ask. It’s an obvious question, now I’ve mentioned the club. ‘Are you going back to all of that?’

‘You know I am.’

‘And you’re sure about everything?’

I nod, because I am. I’m sure. It’s where I belong, that world. It’s what I know, what I do. It’s where I belong. I’ve come home, I know that now.

‘He’s not making you…’

‘Come on, Joey. You know Neal better than that by now. You know he can’t make me do anything I don’t want to do.’

‘I’m well aware of that, angel, it’s just…’

‘I need to get back to normal. OK?
Our
kind of normal, because that other kind – it was nice. It was good, for a while. But I need
this
back now. I need
this
kind of normal.’

‘Like the past year never happened, huh?’

I look down, at my fingers gripping the edge of the dressing table. ‘It happened, Joey. And maybe it needed to, you know? Maybe all that crap actually had to happen to make me finally realise what it was I really wanted.’

‘Have you spoken to Jon? Since last night?’

‘I spoke to him this morning. He’s back in Maine now and he’s… he’s OK. And I needed to know that; that he was OK.’

‘And…?’

I look up. ‘And, that’s it. It’s over. We’re done. For good this time.’

‘And you’re sure you’re alright?’

‘I will be.’

He sighs, but it’s a good natured one, I can tell by the twinkle in his eyes. He’s not mad or frustrated with me anymore, or if he is he’s hiding it well. But Joey doesn’t really do hiding, so I think we’re good. ‘You don’t make your life easy, do you, kiddo?’

‘An easy life isn’t an exciting one, Joey.’

He raises an eyebrow and throws me a small smile, but I know he’s silently agreeing with me.

‘Anyway, come on, Joey Princess. I do believe we have a wedding to go to.’

He holds out his arm and I take it. ‘You still giving me away?’

‘Honey, I am ready to
throw
you at that man of yours.’

He squeezes my arm and kisses me quickly. ‘It’s good to have you home, Kira Blu.’

‘It’s good to be back.’

And it is.

It’s good to be back.

Home…

Neal

As far as weddings go, this one’s been a blast, so far. Joey and Benni sure know how to put on a party, and right now, as Bam-Bams is taken over by an array of guests so eclectic it’s almost difficult to get my head around, that party is well and truly underway.

‘All alone, Mr Cannon?’

I swing around and catch her waist and she laughs as I pull her against me. ‘ Not anymore, Ms Blu.’

I lean in to kiss her and she responds, slipping her arms around my neck and her tongue inside my mouth and, Jesus, I’d forgotten how much I needed this shit. How the hell I got by for over a year without this ache, these constant urges; had I gone back to being dead inside? Had I? And just not realised it?

‘You look incredible,’ I whisper, gently nibbling her ear lobe and she squirms in my arms, laughing quietly again as I push her against me. And she does look incredible in a dark-grey dress that hugs each and every curve of her beautiful body, her dark-blonde hair piled up on top of her head, and her legs made to look endless in heels so high I have no idea how she can even move in them, let alone walk. But I fully intend to make her keep them on when I fuck her later. I want her legs and those heels wrapped around me as I thrust into her, and I’m gonna enjoy every hot freaking second.

‘But you’d prefer me in nothing but the heels, huh?’

She smiles, and it’s my turn to laugh. Yeah. This woman, she knows me so well.

‘Baby, I’m not sure there’s a man – or a woman – out there who wouldn’t.’

‘Yeah, and speaking of which, when’s Kandi getting back from L.A.?’

‘Thursday. And I expect to get a welcome home present from the both of you, you got that?’ Man, my cock is on edge just thinking about
that
reunion.

She rests her mouth against mine and laughs a laugh so deep and so low it vibrates right through me. ‘Oh, you’re going to have to ask nicely if you want
that
to happen.’

She’s making me work for it. She’s right back in the game. ‘I have to
ask
now?’

She looks at me, and every cell in my body is crying out for her. ‘Nicely.’

I smile, my hand dropping to her ass and she doesn’t even flinch. ‘You’re hard work, do you know that?’

‘It’s not my job to make your life an easy one, Mr Cannon.’

‘I wouldn’t want it any other way, darlin’.’

My mouth falls onto hers and I kiss her slow and deep, keeping my hand on her ass, and I can feel her perfect tits pressed hard against my chest, Jesus, I need this woman so freaking bad!

She pulls back slightly and rests her forehead against mine, her fingers lightly stroking the back of my neck. ‘You’re going to have to tell Barry, that we’re back together.’

Yeah. He isn’t really gonna be a problem anymore. Because I’m giving him exactly what he wants now.

‘I’m out of the art game, Kira. For good this time.’

She frowns, but it’s OK. I loved that world, I can’t lie. I felt comfortable there, it was my thing. And I was damn good at what I did. But then
she
walked into my life and nothing was ever gonna be the same again.

‘I want to concentrate on
us
, Kira. On the club. I want to open more, create an empire…’ I grin, and she laughs, but I’m only kinda joking. I
do
want to open another Playroom. Why else would Kandi be over in L.A.? She’s scouting out premises, checking out the scene; she’s my eyes and ears over on the West Coast because that’s where I want us to head next.

‘Are you sure, Neal?’

‘Things have changed, Kira. And we ain’t ever going back now, are we?’

She briefly lowers her gaze before her eyes lock back on mine, and she smiles. ‘No. We’re not.’

‘And, I think, maybe, it’s time to open that
other
playroom again, don’t you?’

Her smile widens, and it’s like she never went away.

‘We really are gonna be OK, Kira.’

‘I know,’ she whispers, and her mouth gently touches mine as she speaks, her fingers tangling in the hair at the back of my neck. ‘I know we are.’

We’re gonna be OK.

Because she isn’t going anywhere ever again.

It’s a new year. A new start.

And she isn’t going anywhere.

Not without me…