Summer Rush (7 page)

“A customer… we met last summer. He came in a couple of times then and again tonight. Nothings ever happened. We just, uh…”
How do I say this? How do I tell my boyfriend I’ve been infatuated with someone I’ve barely know for over a year?

“Tell me, Hope. You just what?” He says with a little more firmness in his voice, moving his head down a little to look at me in the eyes.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I swallow the bile that’s trying to make its way back up my throat, and mentally prepare myself to tell Trent the excruciating truth that’s been eating at my insides since last summer.

“We just had an instant attraction. I’ve tried to fight it, I really did.” I can feel the tears start to prick my eyes again. “Oh God, Trent. I didn’t want any of this to happen…I want to be with you, I really do, but I just don’t know how to be anymore,” I confess, losing control over the tears that have been welling in my eyes.

Inhaling deeply and removing his arm from my shoulders, he rests his head and back on the wall and closes his eyes. The silence is almost unbearable, and I need to know what’s going through his head. “Please talk to me…tell me what you’re thinking.”

Turning his head to the side, he opens his eyes and looks at me with a questionable look. “We made love…you made love to me on Christmas…”

I stare at him blankly, knowing what he’s about to say next.

“You had feelings for another guy when you made love to me, Hope?”

Knowing that he deserves the truth, I shamefully nod my head yes.

“Unbelievable,” he murmurs, shaking his head in disbelief.

With a sickened yet painful face, he removes his gaze from mine and stares expressionless at the floor.

 “I better go,” I whisper, feeling as though I’ve worn out my welcome.

Without saying another word or glancing in my direction, he nods his head yes in agreement.

“Trent, I–”

“Just go,” he interrupts me, still focused on the floor.

I wish there was something more I could say or do to comfort him, but there isn’t. I’m the reason for his pain. I’m the reason for his heartache. So instead, I bite my lower lip and make my way towards the door, giving him one last glance before walking out.

Waking up this morning, my eyes are red and swollen from crying so much. I fell asleep last night crying and have tears in my eyes as I wake up today, recalling the series of events from last night. The image of Trent staring down at me with immense pain in his eyes when he woke me from my intimate dream with Joey is one that I can’t seem to erase.

For the first time in a long time I don’t even feel like surfing this morning. My mind, body, and soul are numb and lifeless. Instead, I lay in bed and drift in and out of sleep until I hear a knock on my door, startling me awake.

“Sweetheart?” My dad inches his head around my door. “Are you feeling okay?” he asks, knowing that I never sleep in.

Rubbing my eyes, and looking at the time, it reads twelve o’clock. It’s Saturday, so they’re probably wondering about lunch.

“Yeah, I’ll be right out,” I grumble.

Using every ounce of energy, I pull myself out of bed, and without even looking to see if it matches, I grab the closest shirt and shorts available. Not bothering to comb my hair, I throw it up in a messy bun. After stopping quick to brush my teeth, I make my way out to the living room where my mom and dad are waiting for me.

“Trent called. Said he’s sorry, but he won’t be able to make it to lunch, that he’s got a lot going on,” my dad tells me as I enter the room.

Hearing Trent’s name makes every bone and muscle in my body ache with sadness.

“Yeah, I don’t think you guys will be seeing much of him for a while.” I look at the ground, not wanting to see the confusion and disappointment on their faces.

“Is everything okay?” my mother sweetly asks.

“Um, not really. We actually broke up last night,” I admit in a whisper, taking a seat on the couch, feeling the numbness take over my body again.

“Oh honey. I’m so sorry.”

“Yeah, me too. I know how much you guys love him. I just…I just didn’t have the same feelings for him as he did for me. I’m sorry.” I stare at my hands and pick at my nails, trying to channel my nervous energy somewhere.

“Sweetheart, you need to do what’s best for yourself. You being happy is all that your mother and I care about. Yes, Trent’s a nice guy, but you’re our little girl. We’d never be disappointed with you for following your heart,” my dad says, sitting next to me and squeezing me to his side.

Having my parent’s support and having the comfort that just a simple hug from my dad provides, makes me sigh with relief. I really have the best parents in the world and would be lost without them.

“So, your mom and I are starving. Wanna go get some lunch?”

Lifting my head off of his shoulder and smiling with silent appreciation, I respond, “Sounds like a plan.”

Taking a deep breath and placing my truck in park, I prepare myself to do something I’ve been dreading to do all day–walk into work. There’s no denying my nervousness, wondering if Trent will be here for dinner or if I even have a job still.

With my anxiety through the roof and shaky hands, I swing the door to Sheila’s open. No different than usual, Sheila is standing at her regular spot behind the front counter.

“Hey pretty lady!” She greets me.

“Hi Sheila,” I casually respond.

But what catches my eye, making my heart stop and my nerves run wild, is seeing Trent sitting at his usual table, eating dinner. Although this is nothing out of the ordinary, I’m a little surprised that he still came in. Though, whether I expected to see him here or not, he’s here, and I’m going to have to face him. So, taking a deep breath and ignoring the sudden urge to run in the opposite direction, I walk towards Trent, picking up a stack of napkins and silverware on my way, then take a seat across from him like any other night.

“Hey…” I softly greet him, feeling a knot of tears moving up my throat.

“Hi,” Trent responds, focusing on the plate in front of him and avoiding eye contact with me.

Taking the hint that he’s not interested in making any conversation with me, I sit there in silence, rolling the silverware. I glance up periodically, but he never looks my way. He hates me. He can’t even stand to look at me, let alone converse. I guess I can’t really blame him.

When I finish wrapping the silverware, I start to bundle it all up to put in the bin.

“I don’t hate you,” Trent softly says as I stand from my chair.

“Huh?” I ask, barely able to hear him.

“I don’t hate you. I just don’t know what to say.”

Letting out the breath I didn’t know I was holding, I answer, “Okay,” with a smile.

Standing there for a moment longer, forcing a smile while he just stares at me blankly, I try to think of something to say next. I’ve never gone through anything like this before and I’m pretty sure there’s no instruction manual for how to interact with your ex after breaking their heart. Before I can open my mouth to say anything he gives me a quick half smile, then looks back down at his plate to continue eating his dinner. Realizing that this conversation is over, I turn and head towards the waitress stand with the bin of silverware.

“Um, talk about awkward,” Kelly whispers as I approach her.

“You’re telling me.”

“Problems in paradise?”

“Yeah…we broke up,” I respond, looking up to the ceiling, trying to focus on something to push back the tears.

“What all happened?” she asks, oblivious to the pain and heartache I’m struggling with.

“We just broke up. It wasn’t working out. Can we drop it?” I respond, a little more snarky than I was anticipating.

“Hope, two at table one,” Sheila interrupts, having impeccable timing.

Peeking over the divider, I yell “okay, thanks!”

Wrapping my apron around my waist and grabbing my pen and notebook I had placed on the counter, I head to my first table. Luckily it’s my cute little old couple who don’t involve any thinking, and are totally predictable–everything my life was. Before I know it, the restaurant starts filling up with its busy Saturday evening crowd. I purposely avoid Kelly at all costs, not wanting to talk about anything.

The thought of Trent, the sound of Trent, the mention of Trent–it’s heart wrenching and brings instant tears to my eyes.

“G’night girls, I’m headin’ out,” Sheila announces from the front as Kelly and I clean up from the busy night.

Even though Sheila has acted unaffected by the break-up, I do want to discuss it with her and make sure everything is good between us.

“Sheila!” I yell, catching her just before she opens the door. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”

“Oh sweet girl, please tell me you’re not quitting!” Sheila asks with a frightened look.

“No…no. It’s the opposite actually. I just want to make sure it’s okay with me working here after Trent and I…you know, broke up?”

“Oh, thank you, baby jesus!” she breathes out with a sigh, placing her hand on my shoulder. “Hope, what goes on between you and Trent is your business. Yes, he’s takin’ it hard, but that boy of mine has broken so many poor girl’s hearts that he’ll be just fine. In no time, he’ll be back there fishin’ in that pool of single women, I’m sure.”

Although, I don’t care to think about Trent with another girl, I know it’s going to happen eventually. Of course, I want him to be happy, but thinking of him with someone else is enough to make my insides curl.

Being thankful for her understanding, I force a smile. “Thank you.”

“You’re a sweet girl, Hope. Hearts get broken, it’s a way of growin’ up. All you can do is follow your own,” she says with a sincere smile. “See ‘ya Tuesday!”

I watch as she turns and walks out the door.

Weeks have gone by since Trent and I broke up. Although I feel like a weight has been lifted of my shoulder, the guilt still lingers. Joey hasn’t been back to the restaurant and every night I cry myself to sleep, lost and lonely without the comfort of Joey or Trent.

How am I ever going to forgive myself for what I’ve done to Trent and the future I could have had?
And for what–for a guy I barely know? For someone I’ve never even carried on a full conversation with.