Summer Rush (18 page)

“Just stop. I’m so done with this, Hope. I’m so over being second best for you,” he confesses, exhaling in defeat. “I’m done playing these games,” he continues before walking out of the room.

Feeling the tears trickle down my face again, I curl my legs into my stomach and let it all out.

When did I become this god awful person?

Hearing the shower turn on in Trent’s room, I get dressed and gather my things. Walking to the front entrance I take one more look around Trent’s living room before opening the door and making my way out of Trent’s house for the very last time.

Luckily Trent’s house isn’t far from my own, but it feels like the longest walk of my life and seems to go on forever. Fortunately, when I get home my dad’s car is gone. They must have gone out to dinner. I’m really in no mood to explain anything, not to mention that I’m not looking forward to the disappointment on their faces when I have to explain Joey’s past to them. I have no clue how much they know, or what Trent told them. From the way Trent was belittling Joey, I can only imagine how much worse he made things sound to my parents.

A cold shiver runs down my spine as I walk into my house, down the hall and into my room. Standing in the middle of my bedroom, hugging myself to stay warm, I look around and try to figure out what to do with myself. I feel like I’m lost in my own house with nowhere to go. I could surf, but my board is at Joey’s house where I’ve been keeping it. I could walk the beach, but that’s where Joey lives and I don’t want to take the chance that he’d see me.

I’m just stuck.

Deciding to face the music, I hold down the power button on my phone to turn it on. My stomach is in knots and my breathing is irregular as I nervously wait for the verdict, to hear what Joey has to say. The screen brightens and I have five missed calls, two voicemails, and three text messages–all from Joey. Not ready to hear his voice, I open up the first of three messages.

First one,

Second one,

Third one,

Heartbroken and aching from head to toe, my thumb hovers over the green key on my cellphone, wanting to call him. Joey’s the last person I called, so I’d only have to hit the button once and he’d be on the line. My brain teeters back and forth, trying to decide what to do, but what would I say? What would it prove? I can’t be with him, I can’t be with someone like that.

What if he falls off the bandwagon again?

What if something like this happens again?

Or worse, what if I’m in the car when something like this happens again?

I can’t put my parents through something like that again. I’d be dumb to stay in a relationship with someone like him, especially in my situation.

Deciding against it, I throw my phone on the bed.

Why do I care this much?

Although we’ve only been dating for a few weeks, Joey has been manipulating and taking over my life for over a year. Any hope that I had of a future with him is crashing down around me, like a tidal wave. This isn’t like any other break up. It’s not like our feelings or attraction for each other ran dry. It’s all there and in full effect. It’s the past that’s haunting the present and any chance of a future.

Realizing that I never submitted my online quiz, I decide it’s better late than never and pull out my laptop and notebooks. Maybe this will take my mind off the situation at hand, and hopefully I won’t fail my class for handing in a late quiz.

That
would
be my luck right now.

When I wake up the next morning, my head is pounding and my eyes are almost swollen shut. I don’t feel like I’ve slept a wink. The wheels in my head wouldn’t stop turning all night, no matter how many times I tried to turn it off. Thoughts of Joey kept jumping in my head–our morning surfing sessions, our walks on the beach, the sunsets, his smile, his eyes. It all keeps flashing in my head, tearing my heart apart. I miss him. I miss him more than I ever thought I would.

Having nowhere to be, and no surfboard to use, I roll over on my side and stare out my window, wondering if he is still going to surf this morning. Maybe he’s hoping that I’d still show up, even after everything that has happened.

Stop Hope! Stop doing this to yourself.

What if I just sit in the parking lot, and don’t get out? What if I just watch from a distance? He’ll never see me. Moving forward with this idea, I jump out of bed and throw on some shorts and a t-shirt before making my way to the bathroom. I quickly brush my teeth and put my hair up. When I walk out outside, my stomach drops to the ground. My surfboard is in the bed of my truck and there is a note under my windshield wiper.

Quickly looking around to make sure no one is here,
Joey
, I slowly walk towards my truck. With my heart pounding out of my chest and my stomach twisted in the biggest knot imaginable, I pick the note up off the windshield and open it up.

Reading it over and over again, the tears that have been filling my eyes are trickling down my face. The knots that were twisting uncontrollably in my stomach are moving up to my throat, threatening to make me burst out into a hysterical sob. He misses me just as much as I miss him.