Summer of Seventeen (26 page)

As we walked to the car, I couldn’t help asking, “What did she say to you?”

Yansi’s eyes were soft as she spoke. “She said you’d look after me—that you were good at looking after people.”

Well, fuck.

I didn’t know what to think about that. My head was spinning with so many thoughts, and my body was like an electric cable that kept shorting, sending sparks rushing through my blood, threatening to detonate every second I was with her. I didn’t want Yansi to go home; I didn’t want her to be away from me ever again.

The short drive to Yansi’s house was made in silence. I turned the radio on low, but neither of us were listening to the music. I could see Yansi’s profile as she stared out of the window, white, black, white, black as we drove past the streetlights, her fingers drumming nervously on her thigh.

I put my hand over hers and she looked at me.

“Yans, we’re in this together, okay? If they give you a hard time, you’re coming home with me.”

She gave a small, worried smile, her gaze shifting subtly under the flickering light.

Mr. Alfaro was waiting in the driveway, and I heard Yansi’s sharp intake of breath as we drove up.

Her expression was terrified and defiant all at the same time.

I cut the engine and climbed out while Yansi sat frozen in the passenger seat, staring at her father through the windshield.

I opened her door and leaned in. “Together,” I whispered.

She nodded stiffly and held my hand as she let me help her out of the car.

“Anayansi,” he said, his voice gruff.

“Papi?”

He held out his arms and Yansi gasped, then ran toward him and buried herself in his chest. His arms wrapped around her and he whispered something to her, making her nod frantically. I could see that she was crying again, and I wanted to go to her and take her in
my
arms, but I couldn’t. It wasn’t the right time; this was about Yansi and her dad, and no matter how much I hated it, I had to stay out of it.

Mr. Alfaro looked at me over the top of his daughter’s head, unblinking, his face impassive again.

I stood up straighter and stared right back.

He nodded once slowly, then turned and steered Yansi inside the house where Mrs. Alfaro was waiting anxiously in the doorway.

I shoved my hands in my pockets and looked away as the door closed, but a second later the front door flew open again and Yansi came running out, throwing herself into my arms.

“I love you,” she said, kissing my lips firmly.

I only had time to kiss her back before she turned and ran inside the house again.

I drove home happy-sad or sad-happy, but not quite either, and not quite whole, because Yansi had taken part of my heart with her, and that sucked.

I lay in bed unable to sleep.

Even though I’d changed the sheets, my room still smelled of Yansi. My brain and body were reliving the afternoon, and when I closed my eyes, I imagined her moving under me and on me and around me.

I was painfully hard again, and the smart thing would have been to think of something else—anything else. But at the same time, I didn’t want to let this moment go.

The wind was beginning to pick up, and I could hear the surf crashing onto the beach, making me restless. In a few hours it would be light, and I’d be heading to check out the waves.

But until then, my mind was with Yansi. I didn’t know what was going to happen between us, but I knew I wasn’t going to let her go. I’d fight her parents every step of the way, if that’s what it took.

It would be harder on her because I knew she loved them. I wished again that I’d taken her to meet Mom. I wanted to go back in time. I’d say, “Mom, I met a girl. She’s special. She’s so fucking beautiful. She’s funny and smart and she’s totally kick-ass.”

But you don’t get do-overs in life, no matter how much you want them. Life is too short to wait for the perfect moment: take what you can get and get what you can take, and then work your ass off to make a perfect moment, because sometimes one chance is all there is.

I lay awake listening to surf pounding the shore, my brain pounding with too many thoughts, blood pounding in my body, and my cock pointing north like a freakin’ compass needle. God, Yansi—my beautiful addiction.

I knew I had no chance of sleeping while my body was vibrating with memories, the sounds and tastes and colors of her body spread out beneath me.

I could get myself off or…

I sat up suddenly, checking my phone: 2
AM
. Yeah, this might be the only chance I had.

I jumped out of bed and dressed quickly, stuffing the boner into my jeans, which was just as uncomfortable as it sounds. Moving quietly, I crept down the stairs, scooped up Julia’s car keys from where I’d left them on the kitchen table and headed out via the backdoor before she heard me.

Marcus’ van was parked outside and his bedroom light was off. That meant he was home, but I had no idea if he was alone or had company. None of my business.

The roads were empty as I drove, but I was nervous. If the police stopped me at this time of night, I was pretty damn sure they’d run the plates. If they woke Julia and asked about her car, she’d find an empty space where she usually left it—and she wouldn’t be too worried about leaving my ass in a police cell over night for taking it without asking. Plus, I was still jumpy from my run-in with the cops the other night.

But there was no one around, and when I arrived without being stopped, relief washed over me.

I parked a short distance from the house and made the rest of my way on foot. It was a one-story house, so at least I wasn’t risking my neck breaking in.

I was hoping the windows would be open, but I wasn’t that lucky. A/C, of course. I’d gotten so used to living without it, I forgot that 90% of Floridians thought it was something written into the Constitution.

I tapped on the window and waited. And waited.

Getting impatient, I kept up a low level tapping until I saw a light snap on.

“Open the fucking window!” I hissed.

After a moment, I saw the curtains pulled back and the window slid open.

“What the fuck, man?” said Sean sleepily, squinting from the dim light on his bedside table.

He stepped back to let me in, and I swung a leg over the window sill and jumped inside, catching the faint smell of tobacco and weed.

“Thought I’d drop in,” I grinned.

A pale smile flashed across his face.

“You’re crazy! How the hell did you get here?”

“Borrowed Julia’s car.”

He raised his eyebrows.

“Borrowed? Sure you did.”

“Whatever. How’s life in jail?”

He frowned and flopped back onto his bed while I made myself comfortable on the couch.

Sean’s room was three times the size of mine, and tricked out like one of those fancy hotel rooms that you see in online ads.

He shrugged. “Sucks. I can’t even take a piss without someone breathing down my neck.”

My smile faded. “You still grounded for life?”

“I don’t know. Probably the rest of the fucking summer? They don’t tell me shit. They don’t speak to me—we just have uncomfortable silences all through dinner. It’s like they can’t believe Son Number Four is such a fuck up, like they don’t know where the hell I came from. If I didn’t look like my asshole of a father, I’d be searching for an adoption certificate.”

He caught my expression but didn’t look away.

“Having a dad isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.”

“At least he cares,” I said.

Sean shook his head. “Not about me: he cares about his reputation. He keeps going on about how much I’ve embarrassed him. That’s all he fucking cares about. Mom’s just as bad—half the time she looks straight through me.”

I was silent, trying to imagine how that felt. Mom might have kicked my ass sometimes or scared the crap out of me when she yelled because she was pissed about something, but she always saw me.

“I hate it here,” he said, his voice dropping to a whisper. “You don’t know what it’s like. Dylan graduated magna cum laude; Aidan was in the top 2% of his class; even Patrick’s going to be a fucking rocket scientist. But I’m not like them. The only thing I’ve ever been good at is screwing and surfing—and in the ocean you can whip my ass any day of the week with one hand tied behind your back. Have you any idea how much that sucks? Being a huge fucking disappointment all the time?”

Sean shook his head.

“Sometimes I think I can’t take it much more. I just want to check out, you know?”

I nodded slowly. “Yeah, take a vacation from your life. I get that. When Mom … I just wanted the world to stop turning for one freakin’ minute. Just get all the noise out of my head.”

I knew Sean understood. Because that’s what it means to paddle through a swell, turn your board around and catch that mofo wave coming towards you. All the noise, all the voices, all the questions go away. It’s just you and the wave moving together, like you’ve got a purpose.

“I can’t get away from any of that now,” he said moodily. “I can’t get away from all the shit in here,” and he pointed at his head.

We sat there in silence as I tried to think of something to say. But what could I say? I understood what he meant, and it explained all the drinking and drugs and partying, because it’s a quick and easy way to stop yourself from feeling or thinking. But I’d also learned that actions have consequences, and what looks like quick and easy just isn’t.

“I can’t get away from
them
even for one freakin’ second,” he groaned, flopping back on his bed.

“Is Patrick still being a prick?”

Sean smirked, easing some of the tension in the room. “He was born a prick and just got bigger.” Then his smile slipped and he sat up, looking serious. “What happened with you and him? I’m not supposed to know, but I heard Dylan talking to Dad.”

“Oh, yeah. I was coming to see you. They were driving past and figured out where I was going. Patrick, he kind of said what happened at the pier was my fault. I was walking away, but he tried to sucker punch me. He missed, and I got him in the gut. Twice.”

Sean smiled, the first real smile I’d seen since I’d climbed through his window.

“Nice,” he said.

“Yeah! Felt good.”

I rubbed my sore knuckles, enjoying the memory. Then I remembered I had a message to deliver.

“Hey, when were you going to tell me about you and Lacey?”

Sean looked confused. “What about her?”

“She was down at the pier today. She was pissed because you weren’t answering your cell. She probably thought you were blowing her off, but I told her you were grounded. She said she wants to speak to you.” I raised my eyebrows and grinned at him. “So … are you guys dating now?”

He shook his head. “That’s a hell no! I hit that when I want to get some, but we’re not dating.”

“Oh, okay. She just looked … I dunno, upset.”

He shrugged. “What can I say? She’s missing the action. I’m an animal in the sack. When a woman’s been with me, she knows she’s been rode hard and hung up to dry.”

“Except you keeping going back to tap that,” I reminded him.

He laughed, and it was like having the old Sean back. I’d missed him being an asshole.

“How’s it going with you and Yansi, stud?”

I didn’t answer, but I guess my grin said everything.

His eyes widened.

“Outstanding, my friend! About time! How was it? Worth waiting for?”

I shook my head. “Fuck you! I’m not telling you that!”

He laughed again. “That good, huh?”

We were silent for a moment, then he slapped my leg. “I’m stoked for you, man. The look on your face—like Thanksgiving and Christmas just showed up in July!”

“Yeah,” I agreed. “She’s pretty amazing.”

“Was she screaming your name or mine? Because I taught you everything I know.”

I threw a cushion at him and he ducked, laughing his ass off. But then his expression turned serious again.

“You really love her, huh?”

I dipped my head, embarrassed by the emotion I knew he’d see on my face. “Yeah,” I muttered.

He nodded slowly. “Thought so.” Then he paused. “What’s it like?”

I looked up, confused. “What’s
what
like?”

He shrugged. “Love. Being in love.”

How do you answer a question like that?
Even if I had the words, if you’ve never been in love, it’s impossible to understand.

“When she’s not there … it’s like part of me is missing,” I tried to explain. “When we’re together, I can breathe again and it’s … right.”

I screwed up my face, searching for the words.

Sean looked away. “I’ve never felt anything like that.”

Yeah¸
I wanted to say,
I know, but you will
. I didn’t say it, because I would have sounded like a pussy. Or like I was patronizing him.

“I envy you,” he said, so quietly I wasn’t sure I’d heard him. “I’m not being funny, bro, but how fucked up is that? You don’t know your dad, your mom died, you’re working two shit jobs all summer, and you’ve got some ball-buster for a girlfriend.” He gave a hollow laugh. “And I envy the fuck out of you.”

“Sean, I…”

I don’t know what I would have said, but Sean interrupted anyway.