Summer of Love (16 page)

‘It’s lovely. But –’

‘It’s not really you,’ Cora chorused along with her. Flopping onto the bed beside Lily, she sighed. ‘We’re getting nowhere, here. So, tell me. What would be you? New you, I mean.’

Lily shrugged, and poured some more wine. ‘If I knew that, I wouldn’t be in quite the mess I am.’

‘If you had the right outfit?’ Cora shook her head. ‘I think you’re placing too much responsibility on my wardrobe.’

‘Not just that. I just…’ Lily sighed, searching for the words. ‘If I knew who I wanted to be, maybe I could act like her. Until it becomes second nature.’

‘Fake it ’til you make it?’ Cora nodded. ‘Okay, then. So – think it through. Who do you want to be?’

Leaning back against the headboard, Lily twirled the stem of her wine glass around in her fingers. ‘I don’t want to be the Lily I was with Edward. I don’t want to live my life to fit his – or anyone else’s – ideal.’

‘That’s a good start,’ Cora said, encouragingly. ‘We’re narrowing it down. Of course, at this rate you’re going to this wedding naked, but still…’

‘Shhh. I’m trying.’ Lily closed her eyes, willing a picture of the person she really wanted to be to appear. No dice. She opened them again and sighed. ‘I want to be my own person. A grown up. Someone who can take responsibility for their own life, their own future. I don’t want to have to rely on anyone.’ It wasn’t quite right, she knew, but it was close. Surely it was enough to help her pick a damn dress.

Cora leapt up from the bed. ‘I have just the thing!’

Lily smiled. Whatever else might be crazy in her life right now, having a dependable best friend with her best interests at heart certainly gave her an edge over the competition. She leant forward, and waited for Cora to emerge from the closet with her new life, in dress form.

* * * *

‘Wow.’ Perhaps he should have tried for something more eloquent, but the smile on Lily’s face told him that his instinctive reaction worked just as well. Cora, however, was giving him warning looks from behind her, so Alex decided that it was time to get the just-wedding-buddies show on the road. ‘You ready?’

Lily nodded, picking up a bright red bag that looked far too small to hold anything useful. Turning to Cora, she said, ‘I’ll see you later?’

His cousin looked like she wanted to say something. Probably “Don’t sleep with Alex.” But she bit her tongue, which he appreciated.

The Avalon Inn wasn’t far out of the town, but given Lily’s sky-high red heels, Alex was glad he’d brought the car. He’d leave it at the inn overnight, he decided. They could catch a taxi home, and he’d walk out and pick it up tomorrow. The fresh air would probably do him good at that point.

‘You really do look fantastic,’ he said, admiring the way the strapless dress clung to her slender curves. The white fabric, emblazoned with more than enough red roses to ensure she wasn’t mistaken for the bride, was miles away from the boring beige shift of the last wedding, or even the plain navy dress of Mabel’s nuptials. But even so, he couldn’t help but feel it wasn’t quite Lily. Too brash, too showy, however great she looked in it.

‘Thanks,’ she said, flashing him a smile as he opened the car door for her. ‘It’s Cora’s. She decided this was the dress to define my new, single life.’

That explained it. If Cora were suddenly single and defiant, he could absolutely see her wearing it. ‘Well, it looks great.’

Lily’s uncertain smile told him she still wasn’t sure. But whether it was the dress for her or not, the sight of her pale, bare shoulders in the sunshine was more than enough to make Alex’s day. He wondered what outfit she’d come up with for the next wedding…

‘So, are we going?’ Lily asked, and Alex finally remembered to start the car. He could almost feel Cora’s glare from where she waited on the doorstep as he pulled away.

The Avalon was already packed to the rafters by the time they arrived. Carrie and Nate were a popular pair locally, and too nice not to invite everyone who’d been involved in their life together, and the success of the inn itself. Alex recognized a lot of faces from the opening party, last winter, and found himself greeting people before he’d even stepped through the doors. As the Avalon’s accountant, he supposed he was a familiar face himself, even if he’d only officially moved back a month ago.

He shouldn’t have been surprised that Lily knew so many people there. She’d lived in the town her whole life and, with a mother like Evelyn, he imagined she knew most people. Still, it was interesting to watch the way people approached them to say hello. Some were enthusiastic, some a little confused to see them together, and some clearly just looking for the gossip. But whatever they wanted, they were still all a lot more pleasant than Lily’s family had been the week before.

Lily’s mind obviously ran on a similar track. ‘Bit different from the last couple of weddings we’ve been to, huh?’ she said as Stan Baker, one of the regulars at the inn, joyfully handed them each a glass of champagne.

‘Why wait until after the ceremony on such a wonderful day?’ Stan said before wielding his tray off towards another clump of new arrivals.

‘Service is better,’ Alex said with a smile. ‘But the company’s still wonderful.’

She flushed a little at that, the colour in her cheeks clashing with the flowers on her dress. ‘So, tell me about Carrie and Nate. How did you get to know them?’

Alex followed the change of subject without objection, explaining how he’d started doing the accounts for the Avalon when Carrie took over, while he was home looking after his dad on the weekends, and got drawn in to the inn family just as surely as everyone else involved had. ‘They’re good people. Nate was the gardener here when Carrie’s gran ran the place, held the place together when she got sick, by all accounts. Now he runs it with Carrie.’

‘And they’re sickeningly in love.’ Alex turned to see Ruth, Carrie’s pregnant cousin, smiling at him. ‘Couldn’t even spend last night apart, despite the tradition, and all my best persuasion. Hello, Alex.’ She bent forward and offered him her cheek, which he kissed.

‘You’re glowing, Ruth.’

‘I’m fat and hot and I can’t even have any champagne, thanks to this honeymoon baby,’ she said, but she sounded happy enough about it. ‘So introduce me to your date.’

‘I’m not really –’ Lily started, but Alex decided to nip that one in the bud.

‘This is my very good friend, Lily. We’re wedding buddies this summer – keeping each other company at the many, many weddings we have the good fortune to be invited to.’

Ruth gave Lily a curious look before turning back to Alex and saying, not particularly quietly, ‘Wedding buddies. Of course you are. Lily, you and I are going to be having a chat later. When you’re as married and pregnant as I am, you have to get your romance fix vicariously sometimes. And I think there’s a story here.’

Fortunately, that was the moment Carrie and Nate appeared at the top of the wide, main staircase, the bride beautiful and the groom looking as if he couldn’t believe his luck, saving Alex from having to find a response to Ruth’s comment.

As Ruth bustled off to welcome her cousin, Alex watched Nate, taking in the incredible joy on his face. That was how he wanted to look on his wedding day. Like every dream he’d ever had was suddenly reality, with even more wonders in sight beyond. That was the marriage he wanted.

Lily tucked her arm through his, and he wondered if she was thinking the same thing, that this was why it never could have worked with Edward, because they didn’t have that kind of love.

But then she said, ‘I hope Cora’s wedding is like this,’ and he remembered she didn’t plan to get married at all.

He must try to remember that more often.

* * * *

It really was a beautiful wedding. For all that Lily had uttered those words at every wedding she’d ever attended, ever since she was a four-year-old flower girl at her dad’s sister’s third wedding, this was the first time she’d really, truly meant the words. And she didn’t even know the bride and groom.

That was kind of sad, actually.

But after the moving – but short – ceremony, and after the fantastic dinner, and after the heartfelt speeches that had several guests snuffling into their handkerchiefs… After all that, the groom had taken to the stage and serenaded his new bride with their song. Which was when Lily came closest to losing it.

‘You okay?’ Alex asked, nudging her with his shoulder as the watched Nate bend the microphone stand off the edge of the stage to sing directly into Carrie’s eyes.

‘I’m fine.’ Lily blinked a few times to try to get rid of the tears threatening in the corners of her eyes. Good grief, was new Lily really this sentimental? Maybe she could blame Cora’s dress.

Alex wrapped an arm around her waist. ‘Come on,’ he said, leading her around the dance floor to the folding doors that led onto the terrace.

‘What are we doing out here?’ she asked, as the door shut behind them.

Alex moved past her to lean against the wooden frame of the terrace. ‘You looked like you needed some air. All the romance getting to you?’

‘It’s just hay fever,’ Lily lied. ‘Or something.’

Alex rolled his eyes. Hard to see in the darkening light of the terrace, but Lily could tell anyway. When had she learnt to read him that well? ‘Come here,’ he said, stretching an arm along the terrace rail.

Against her better judgment, Lily did as she was told. Leaning against his arm, she felt his hand wrap around at her waist, tugging her in against his body. She reminded herself for the twentieth time since he’d shown up in that suit that morning and looked at her like he wanted to strip Cora’s dress off her, that they were just friends. Just wedding buddies, like he’d told Ruth. Nothing more.

Something that became harder to remember every time he touched her.

‘It’s okay to feel that way, you know,’ he said, and Lily wondered briefly if he’d taken up mind reading in his spare time.

Just to be sure, she asked, ‘Feel what way?’

Alex sighed, and kissed the top of her head. How much wine had he had with dinner anyway? He wasn’t usually this affectionate. ‘You just ended a very long-term relationship. You’ve shaken up your life completely. Honestly, you’re allowed to feel pretty much however you want. But I meant… I know it must be hard, being surrounded by this much romance, in the aftermath of a break-up.’

The words hit her like a stone in her middle. Was that the problem? She’d been with Edward for seven years; it was inevitable that the split would leave her feeling like there was something missing.

‘I didn’t really feel it until today,’ she said, realization dawning. ‘It was so easy, at Mabel and Beatrice’s weddings, to focus on how lucky I was. How much I didn’t want what they have. But today…’

‘Yeah. Carrie and Nate are pretty sickeningly perfect together.’

Lily turned a little, to look up at his face in the fading light. ‘Is this what you want? Not just someone to settle with, but this kind of love.’

Alex glanced away, shadows stealing her view of his eyes as he replied. ‘I guess it is. I thought it would be easy, you know. Just find someone who made me happy, that I thought I could see myself growing old with.’

‘I think you’ll find that part’s harder than you think,’ Lily said. Although, for the first time, she could almost imagine him truly going after it. Alex might not seem like the settling down type but, if he went for it, Lily could well believe that he’d hold out for absolute perfection.

‘Yeah. But that’s not even all of it, is it? I don’t want someone who’ll do. I want what my parents and my brother have. What Nate and Carrie have.’

‘And that’s rare,’ Lily finished for him. ‘Makes me glad I’ve decided never to get married.’ Because what if she found that person, or thought she had, only for them – or her – to change again once they were all legally bound? What if she found herself tied to a person who barely resembled the person she thought she’d married? Yeah, divorce was easy these days, but who went into a marriage relying on that? If there were children… then their father, whoever he was, would always be in her life. Even if he changed beyond all recognition.

It was too much of a gamble, especially now, when she didn’t even know who she was this moment, let alone who she was going to become. Hell, she’d even needed Cora’s help to figure out what New Lily wore, and they still hadn’t got it quite right.

No, marriage – or any decision requiring that amount of commitment – was firmly off the cards for the time being.

Alex shifted, and suddenly Lily found herself up against his chest, rather than his shoulder, his eyes watching her face, his mouth ever so close to hers. ‘Do you really mean that?’

Lily shrugged, as best as she could with his arms around her. ‘Seems… easier, doesn’t it? Less heartbreak. Less misery when it all goes wrong.’

‘What if it didn’t go wrong?’

‘No one has that kind of guarantee.’

His eyes darted away for a moment. ‘Maybe not.’

Lily pressed a hand against his shirt, feeling the warmth of his chest underneath. Could she feel his heartbeat, or was that just her imagination? ‘Look. I don’t want to change your mind about this, or rain on your quest for true love. I just don’t think it’s for me.’

‘True love?’ Alex’s eyes found hers again, his lips quirking up in a half smile. ‘How can you know? You’ve never tried it.’

The man had a point, not that she’d admit it. Edward hadn’t been true love, in the end, she knew that now. And sure as hell none of the guys before had been either. But before she could muster a decent argument, Alex’s lips were closer again, too close, too dangerous. And she should step back, she knew she should. He’d been drinking, and the atmosphere was so wildly romantic, of course he would latch onto the nearest warm body. She should move away, stop this.

Except she really wanted to know what it felt like to kiss Alex Harper.

Breath caught in her chest, she waited long, long seconds as Alex bent his head to hers. Giving her a chance to move away? Probably. But she couldn’t. Not when she was this close…

The terrace door banged open, and Alex’s head jerked back, his lips beyond her reach again. Damn it.