Substitute Daddy (7 page)

Her mother’s voice soured her mood but, still, Grace tried. “The baby is doing well. She’s up to four pounds already.”

“Where are you?” her mother asked.

“I have a house now. Lilah’s dad had an insurance policy and stuff to take care of her,” Grace explained. She wouldn’t elaborate because it would just feed her mother’s fire. “I have a job too and things are falling into place.”

“That means that white man has you as his house whore and you’re getting paid,” her mother snapped. “I taught you better, girl.”

“Mama!” Grace gasped, outraged. “It’s not like that at all.”

“Please. It’s just as Reverend Porter was saying when he spoke your name last night. Girls like you use your sex to tempt men.”

“Wait, it’s Tuesday. Why would you be at the church? There’s nothing there on Tuesday, and that schedule never changed in twenty years.” Realization bloomed in Grace. “Mama, he’s married!”

“Not anymore. We’ll be getting married in a few weeks. This is why I was trying to help you and bring you home, back into the fold,” her mother said. “A good family setting so you can get your life straight.”

“Or so Reverend Porter could have his cake and eat it too with both of us in the house. Hell no!” Grace laughed incredulously. “You’re actually condemning me and doing the thing you always accused me of. Real nice, Mama.”

“Two righteous people who love each other is nothing compared to the filth you do,” her mother said haughtily and then softened her tone. “You said the baby’s father left you good. You may want to make a donation to help build the sanctuary for the new church. That would go a long way toward that and our wedding coming up.”

Grace laughed at her mother’s brazen attitude. “First I’m a whore. No, wait, first I’m a bad parent, then a whore, and now you want money? Why would you want anything that I apparently earned on my back?”

“Grace, we say things in anger—”

“Then you’ve been angry all my life because that’s all I ever heard from you.” Grace sighed. “Why did I even bother to try? I should’ve known we could never be anything better.”

“Because you’ve always been a bad child. I don’t know what broke in you but I suspect it is your father’s blood that put it in you,” her mother said viciously.

“I think maybe his blood is the only thing that kept you from breaking me,” Grace answered. “Mama, I have to love you because you’re my mother, but this is poison, and now I have Lilah to think about. I will do my damn best not to ever have the relationship with her that we have. This is it, Mama. Even if I fall flat on my face you’ll never know because all I’ve ever got from you was this cruelty. I won’t be calling you again. Be blessed, Mama.”

Grace pressed the button to disconnect the call and took a deep, shaky breath. She closed her eyes to hold back tears because in her heart she knew she could never call her mother again. Their relationship had never been good, and no matter how much she tried to please her mother or fix their relationship, there was no step forward. It just seemed that the foundation was never there or it had crumbled before she was even born. Did her mother hate her for being born? It wasn’t like she had a choice in the matter.
Stop it, Grace. You’re a thirty-year-old woman. Big girl panties time. You knew this was coming.

She looked out the window and saw Matthew’s royal blue SUV coming up the secondary driveway. She got her purse together and got the blanket she finally finished for Lilah out of the simple nursery she created in the second bedroom. Matthew would honk his horn and she’d go out. He hadn’t come inside since she took up residence in the house. She thought he was giving her space and she appreciated it, but she honestly missed him and his company. The air was more chilly than usual for Nevada, so she grabbed her coat and pulled it on just as he honked the car horn. Grace sighed and opened the door to go outside. She locked the door behind her and went down the steps quickly.

“Hey, ready to go?” he asked when she got in the car.

Grace smiled and held up the package. “I finally finished her blanket, washed it last night, and it’s ready for her.”

Matthew touched an end poking out of the gift bag gently. “It’s soft. Do you want to make me one?”

“I’ll get started on it, but you may need to give me a few months,” she answered with a laugh.

“I was just kidding. You don’t need to make me a blanket,” Matthew said as he reversed and headed down the driveway.

“I don’t mind. It’s the least I can do for all you’ve done for me,” Grace said.

“I did nothing but give you what was rightly yours in the first place,” he answered. “Let’s not keep thanking me, okay?”

“Okay...” She drew the word out and then went silent. He was either having a bad day or was tired of chauffeuring her around.

“Can you drop me off at a reputable car dealer after the hospital?” Grace said. “I’d like to get a car, that way when Lilah can come home I can pick her up. Besides, you have better things to do than drive me around.”

“It’s fine, Grace, it’s not a bother. If you need to drive somewhere there are at least four cars in the garage,” Matthew said.

“I’d like to get my own, please. You seem to be bothered, and I don’t want to be a bother,” Grace said stiffly.

“Fine,” he muttered and then added under his breath, “because you don’t need anyone.”

She heard him clearly, but decided to keep her mouth shut. Either he was spoiling for a fight or something had made him upset that morning. She wasn’t about to ask which one it was. Her conversation with her mother had rubbed her raw enough. Going through another bout with him was something she wasn’t ready for. The ride to the hospital was made in silence, and when the building came into view she breathed a sigh of relief. He dropped her off at the front and went to go find a place to park. She was glad for the reprieve and hoped by the time he came up to the neonatal unit he was over whatever it was that was bothering him.

The unit worked in a system, and areas were designated depending on how sick the premature baby was. Even though Lilah was never in critical care and her case was not as dire as some others, Grace always made sure to look in the critical care unit and say hello to the parents there and offer them a smile and maybe a hug or lend an ear if they needed someone to talk to. Lilah was now off her feeding tube, and when she came off the oxygen she never needed to go back on. But there were some parents whose children couldn’t even be held. They had to reach their hands through holes in the incubator to stroke their tender skin and let their son or daughter know mommy and daddy was there. She realized she was lucky, and she prayed for every child in there.

After she went through the sterilization process she walked over to Lilah’s incubator that was in the area of the room designated for healthier children. Lilah lay there kicking tiny hands and legs that were filling out as she gained weight. Grace swore her baby knew exactly when she got there because of the small angry cry that escaped. It was her “feed me” cry. Grace was allowed to breast feed her now, and she looked forward to it. She was glad she kept pumping her milk to keep the production going. She loved the bond it formed with her daughter. It was two days before Christmas and the decorations and Christmas stencils on the intensive care ward walls gave it some cheer. Still, like every parent there, she wished her baby was home with her when Christmas morning came.

“Hey, honey pie,” Grace crooned. “Mommy’s here, and your presents will stay under the tree till you come home. The tree and every decoration will also stay up so you’ll have your first Christmas.”

“She’s doing so well,” the nurse said as Grace got settled in the rocking chair and was handed the baby.

“I bet she is,” Grace said as she took her. “I brought you a blanket, baby. Mommy made it just for you.”

“She’s hungry so I’ll let you feed her. Oh, and Dr. Malone wants to talk to you,” the nurse said.

Grace’s heart started to beat faster. “Is everything okay?”

“Everything is great. He just told me to let him know when you came in,” the nurse said.

Grace sat back and got Lilah onto her nipple for her to begin nursing. She smiled as the baby sucked hungrily and placed her tiny hand on the globe of her breast while looking up at her. She didn’t know how a heart could feel so much love and not burst. Looking down at her daughter, Grace felt all her worries fall away. Her mother, Matthew’s attitude, none of that mattered because Lilah was happy and healthy.

She saw Matthew come in and she met his gaze. His eyes traveled from her face to where Lilah suckled, and his nose flared before he quickly looked away. Something flickered in her belly, more intense than she had ever felt before. Did he find her attractive? Grace covered her breast quickly with the soft burp cloth as he strode over.

“How is she today?” he asked. Grace noticed that he tried to look everywhere but directly at her.

“The nurse said she was doing wonderfully, but Dr. Malone wants to talk to me, and I’m worried,” Grace answered.

“Should I leave?” Matthew asked.

She looked at him quickly and with surprise. “Why would you? You’ve been here every day with me.”

“You said the doctor wanted to talk to you, so maybe I wasn’t included. I didn’t want to presume,” he replied.

“What’s going on with you?” Grace asked. “Do you need to go back to the ranch and feel like we’re keeping you here? I can get around by myself, Matthew. We’re not a ball and chain around your leg.”

“You would think that.” Matthew shook his head. “I’m fine, business is fine. I don’t need to be anywhere. Don’t worry about it. Focus on Lilah.”

“I am, but as a friend I’m worried about you too,” Grace added.

His eyes darkened, but he said nothing, and before she could question him again, Dr. Malone came in and made his way over to her. He was a tall, thin man with wire-rimmed glasses. Looking at him made you think professor or librarian not pediatric doctor, but she’d learned over the last few weeks that he was one of the gentlest, most knowledgeable, caring men that you could ever want to treat your child.

“Hi, Grace. How is the little firecracker today?” Dr. Malone teased. He’d given Lilah the nickname because of her angry cries when she wanted to be fed or changed.

“She’s drinking strong today.” Graced beamed. “You wanted to talk to me?”

“Yes, I do. How would you like to take your baby home?” Dr. Malone asked.

Grace gasped, and tears filled her eyes instantly. “Really? She’s not five pounds yet. Will she be okay? I can take her…now?”

Dr. Malone laughed. “One question at a time. You can take her home tomorrow afternoon for Christmas Eve. I want one more night of monitoring her just as a precaution. But every one of her vitals have been holding steady for days now.”

“I’d hug you if I could, but I’m holding my precious bundle.” Grace couldn’t help but grin.

“I’ll do it for you.” Matthew grabbed the doctor in an embrace and clapped him hard on the back, making the thin man cough just a bit. “Thanks, Doc. You have made her Christmas miracle come true.”

“Now, she’ll have to come in weekly so we can monitor her weight gain, growth, and look for problems,” Dr. Malone warned. “But I don’t foresee her doing anything but continuing to be a healthy, active baby.”

“Whatever needs to be done,” Grace agreed readily.

“Well, I’ll let you have your time with her. I have no doubt you’ll be here bright and early to pick her up,” Dr. Malone said with a laugh.

“You’ll be lucky to get me to leave,” Grace teased.

Dr. Malone laughed and patted her shoulder before he left. Grace tried to persuade her racing heart to slow. Nothing was better than hearing she could take her baby home. If someone offered her the stars from the sky, not even that would compare to knowing her daughter would be home with her soon. Matthew looked as happy as she did even though she still saw turmoil in his eyes. He sat with her as she cared for Lilah and when asked if he wanted to hold her, he nodded. He held the baby who was still tiny at four pounds, three ounces like she was made of spun glass. It seemed much too soon when it was time for them to leave. Grace couldn’t help but kiss the baby’s tiny head repeatedly and vowed to be back as soon as she could in the morning to get her. Grace thought how lucky it was that she had already bought the car seat unit from online. Now she needed a car so she and Lilah could get to her various doctor appointments. She wanted to make sure Lilah never missed one.

“Can we still go by a car dealer and look around? I looked it up and there is a Carmax outlet close by Southern Hills,” Grace said when she climbed into his SUV and got her seat belt fastened.

“I told you, Grace, use one of the cars in the garage. It’s fine,” he practically growled.

“I understand, and thank you, but I’d prefer to own what I drive,” Grace answered. “Also, since Grace is coming home, I can start working in the office and earn what you advanced me. Josef has been giving purchase orders, and I’ve been filling them from the computer at the house, but it will be nice to go into the office and see the filing system and get used to everything. I can put Lilah in the carrier and bring her into the office with me.”

“Fine.”

That was it. One terse word and he drove silently toward the car place she had requested. There, he stood back as she picked a vehicle she liked. Grace decided on a small, silver SUV manufactured by Nissan and made arrangements to have it delivered early the next day. All this was done without any input from Matthew who just stood around and did things on his cell phone.

After all arrangements were made and paperwork filled out, they got back into his vehicle, and he pulled away from the car dealer and headed for home. The ride was tension-filled and so thick she felt like she could cut it with a knife. Finally, the ranch came into view, and she breathed a sigh of relief when he pulled up to the house she now called home. She got out but didn’t close the door. Matthew sat behind the wheel staring ahead and saying nothing.

“Do you want me to leave? Are you regretting the offer you made of us living here?” she asked bluntly. “It’s your home. If you want me to leave, just say so.”