Substitute (20 page)

They staggered back until she was pressed against the wall. She felt the withdrawal of his lips. Not too far, just a few inches, just far enough to let him look at her, look into her face. His eyes were on fire now, on fire for her. He was breathing hard; she felt his chest as he pulled in gasps of air.

She felt him press his cock against her, his hips forward as he bent his head over her. She moaned and he demanded her mouth again. He kissed her hard and she felt herself moisten in readiness for him. His mouth moved down to her throat, to the little pulsing vein in her neck, and he nipped it. Then he withdrew and stood back. She was shocked. Had she done anything wrong?

But he was looking at her again, really studying her. He moved backwards, pulling her towards him, and he sat back onto a low sill that ran along the bathroom wall. He was so tall, it made his head level with hers. He pulled her forward, and opened his legs so she could stand right up against him.

He kissed her again and she felt his hand unbutton her blouse. She moaned in his mouth as she felt the warmth of his fingers trace the top of her breast.

Then his mouth was moving down. His fingers pulled aside the lace of her bra and she felt his tongue run over her nipple. She gasped. Only that morning she’d been fantasising about his lips on her breast, and now here he was. This time it was real. Her fantasy had been a pale imitation of the pleasure his mouth was bringing. His hand palmed the other cup as his tongue worked its way around the straining tip of her breast. She wound her fingers into his thick, black hair and held his head to her chest.

His legs pinned her own together as he held her in front of him. She longed to free herself, to hitch up her tight skirt and sit astride him, to feel his erection right up against her cunt.

‘God, Alexia, I want you,’ he exclaimed.

Alexia thought the rush of juices would flood her flimsy panties. He had no idea how badly she’d wanted to hear those words. Was it real? Was this really happening? It had been so fast.

She looked down at his face, watching his tongue circle her nipple as his hand held the mound of her other breast. She watched the strong brow, the line of his dark eyebrows, the dark pink of his tongue as it flexed and flicked. She ran her hands over the sweep of his naked shoulders. His skin was warm and soft. She pushed her hips forward. Her need for him was agonising.

He lifted his head. His eyes were cloudy now, heavy with desire. His hands ran down her and round behind her, settling on her bottom and pulling her hard to him.

‘Oh God, Nathan!’ she moaned. ‘I …’

But she couldn’t finish. She was afraid of the words that would come out, afraid that she might confess her love for him. Love? She loved him. As she looked down at him and felt his breath on her, she knew she loved him.

She heard a knocking from outside. They both froze. Someone was looking for Nathan. Another knock. They waited – and waited. Silence. Whoever it was had gone away, but it had broken the spell. They had got lost in each other, in their desire, but life had intruded sharply. They were at work. They were always at work.

Nathan looked up at her. ‘I don’t think it would be a good idea to get caught in here,’ he said.

Alexia laughed nervously. ‘No, not like last time.’

She bit her lip. She hadn’t meant to say it; the words just tumbled out of her mouth.

His eyes darkened.

She stammered to explain, to retract, retrace.

‘When I was stuck in here … When Tony and …’

Nathan breathed out. He was retreating now, still wrapped around her but moving away, emotionally.

‘When he was in here before …’

He pushed her away from him slightly so he could look at her, but he kept his hands on her.

‘I have to know, Alexia. I have to know about you and Tony.’

She flushed. ‘There’s nothing between us, nothing,’ she said. ‘He keeps trying to come on to me …’ Her words trailed away to nothing.

‘And that’s it?’ demanded Nathan. He looked at her. ‘You’ve never encouraged him or –?’

He didn’t elaborate, he didn’t have to. She knew what he meant.
Or let him push his tongue into your cunt and then almost fuck you?

She wanted to scream no. She had never encouraged him, or worse … But how could she? She couldn’t lie, she felt so raw, so open; she couldn’t bring herself to tell a blatant untruth. His eyes were fixed on her. She felt he could see into her, see right through her.

He registered her silence. His jaw set hard. He stood up suddenly, and moved her away from him.

‘This shouldn’t have happened!’ His voice was cold and hard.

She started to protest. ‘You don’t understand.’

But he would have none of it. ‘Oh, I understand, I understand very well. I shouldn’t be surprised. Not many women are immune to his charms, why should you be any different?’

The words rang through her like a rapier, straight to the heart.
Why should you be any different?

A moment ago she
was
different; she was someone Nathan desired. But now? Now, in a matter of seconds, she’d become just another notch on Tony’s bedpost.

‘I’m going to Wimbledon early. Order a car and be there for two.’

And with that, he grabbed his shirt and left. She heard him exit the outer office. He was gone.

She heaved a huge, wracking sob. She sat against the sill as her head swirled. She could still feel him on her breast, feel the wetness inside her. But a chill enveloped her now, a Siberian chill that made her shiver and shake.

She buttoned up her blouse and looked in the mirror. She was dishevelled. With shaking hands, she tidied up her hair and smoothed down her clothes. She took a huge, deep breath and left the bathroom. On her way to the door she saw his coffee cup. The coffee was cold.

The rest of the staff were arriving as Alexia got to her desk. She batted off morning greetings and enquiries about the trip with the best smile she could muster.

She willed herself to concentrate on her work. It was agonising. She combed through the details of the event at Wimbledon. A presentation about something or other; she wasn’t really interested. She just needed to work out where and what time they were going. Jim Brooker, the young tennis star and their latest client, was a guest, and he would surely be getting attention from various other guests. Nathan was his chaperone, and he would need his PA in tow. He would need
her
in tow.

Her heart sank as she realised there was really nothing for her to do, just stand around. She’d know no one. Talking to Nathan wouldn’t be an option. She closed her eyes and wondered how she could have so quickly made a mess of the opportunity life had given her, the opportunity Romy had created for her. Her new job, her new life was in tatters.

She’d done what Sonia told her to do; she’d taken a risk, a risk on love, on the man she wanted. But she’d lost. So close, but now further away than ever.

Alexia looked through the guest list. She knew there was little point. She was unlikely to find a name that would make any difference to her. They would all be strangers. Her eyes passed over a name and she stopped. Sonia Varma. Sonia was going to be there! Relief swept over her. Her newest friend and, strangely, her greatest confidante.

If only she could speak to her now; she needed to hear her soft voice, her gentle reassurances, her motherly advice.

She’d taken Sonia’s card at the hotel bar; it was in her bag somewhere. She grabbed her bag and fished around for it. There it was nestled in a pocket, a little piece of cardboard but a huge piece of comfort. She took it from her bag along with her mobile and went into one of the empty meeting rooms.

It’s only 8.45, she thought. But she was desperate. She tapped in the number.

‘Sonia Varma,’ said the familiar voice.

‘Sonia? It’s Alexia!’

‘Alexia, darling,’ she started in a cheery tone, but stopped. ‘What is it? What’s happened?’

‘Oh Sonia, I’ve messed it all up!’

Alexia recounted the whole story, even telling Sonia about how Tony had caught her when she was vulnerable, how he’d turned her on but she’d always batted him away, how Nathan had almost caught them. It all came pouring out.

‘Tony?’ Sonia sounded surprised.

‘Oh don’t! I know what it sounds like, but it isn’t like that, it really isn’t …’

‘It’s OK. Look, believe it or not, Alexia, I think I understand how you’ve ended up here.’

‘You do?’ Alexia couldn’t believe anyone understood. She could barely understand herself.

‘Yes, I think I do. I told you in the hotel, you remind me a lot of me when I was your age. You’re still finding your feet, in more ways than one. Tony sniffs out prey; he knows when he can get his own way, and he doesn’t show mercy. That would be pretty hard to resist when you’re low, when you’re confused, and – forgive me, Alexia – when you’re young.’

Alexia closed her eyes. Someone understands. The relief was like a giant exhalation. She felt the knot of tension in her stomach loosen a little.

‘Thank you, Sonia, thank you so much. You don’t know how much it means.’

‘Sssh now, don’t fret.’

‘But Nathan …’

‘Nathan nothing. We can sort that out. Are you going to be in Wimbledon later?’

‘Yes, yes, I am. With Nathan.’

‘OK I’ll see you there. And please don’t worry. These are growing pains, my dear, that’s all. We all go through them; it’s just that you seem to be having several growing spurts at once!’

Alexia laughed softly. Sonia was so kind, her humour so gentle.

‘I know. It’s exhausting.’

‘I bet it is.’ Sonia laughed too. ‘I’ll see you later. Just go and have a big mug of tea and keep yourself busy.’

‘I will.’

‘And stay away from Tony!’

Alexia laughed again.

‘Oh don’t worry. I’m going to be standing as far away from him as I can get.’

‘Bye, darling, see you later.’

Alexia put down her phone and breathed out again. She looked through the glass wall into the office. No one was paying any attention to her call.

The door opened silently as she stepped out of the meeting room and went back to her desk. Almost 9 a.m. Five hours till the car arrived. She sat down and opened her emails. She would bury herself in her work till it was time to go.

Chapter Thirteen

The building was so familiar. The green exterior of the All England Lawn Tennis Club, Wimbledon to most people, hoved into view.

Alexia’s driver had dropped her outside the gates, and she’d jostled her way up to the famous building amid the arriving guests. There were quite a few famous faces, some current and past British players and the usual tennis hangers-on from the world of show business.

The iconic ivy hanging from the façade fluttered in the cold winter breeze. Alexia put her head down and battled through to the door. Her name was on the list and she was ushered straight through. She looked at the announcement board: a presentation for services to tennis for a long past British hopeful who’d raised the national’s expectations for a brief period, then dashed them again in the face of crushing Continental superiority.

The champagne was already flowing. She wondered how Nathan ever kept his head bouncing from event to event on a sea of bubbly. But then he didn’t always keep his head. He hadn’t this morning. He had well and truly lost it this morning – for a while.

She felt a pang of fear and pain. Had she blown it, was it over? He’d wanted her, he’d said so. “God, Alexia, I want you …”

She shook herself. She had to be breezy, in control – but her mind had other ideas; it was on spin cycle. Was it just because she’d thrown herself at him? Any man would respond to that, wouldn’t he? It wouldn’t mean anything, wouldn’t mean she was special. The permutations fought and festered in her mind, pinning her down on the emotional rollercoaster she seemed to have been chained to for weeks now.

She wandered through the crowd, trying her best to smile. Men watched her go by, admiring the cool beauty, but she was oblivious to their attention.

There was a gaggle at one end of the room, clucking and cooing around a person she couldn’t see. She moved around to get a better look. Jim Brooker, their client. The new British hopeful, still only 19. He was young and fit but no pin-up. His skin was still slightly spotty; he hadn’t entirely left his teenage hormones behind. His body was toned, long-limbed, and just starting to grow into the serious masculinity of a top-flight sportsman.

But without his tennis fame he would never have attracted the type of attention he was revelling in now. Several good-looking girls, probably a few years older than him, were openly vying for his favour. And, to one side, was Nathan. He wasn’t with Jim, but she knew that he was keeping a discreet eye on his young charge.

He was talking to Sonia. The one person Alexia was relying on to keep her company and away from Nathan, and here she was, with him!

Sonia spotted her and waved her over. ‘Alexia!’

The ground seemed to sag beneath her, as if the floor had turned to rubber. Or was it her legs that were failing to support her?

Nathan didn’t turn. He should have turned; that’s what most people do when their companion spots a friend and beckons that friend to join them. He merely sipped his champagne. Alexia walked over to meet them and Sonia scooped her up and kissed her like a long-lost friend.

‘Darling, you look prettier than ever.’

Alexia murmured a thank you.

‘We were just discussing young Jim over there. With any luck he’s going to be a sensation in a few years. You a tennis fan?’

Sonia was a trooper. She was keeping the conversation light and fresh.

‘Yes, yes, I am …’

‘Good, I need some decent company at the Wimbledon championships this year. I normally get stuck with some hideous corporate tennis bore because I have to use the corporate tickets
you
give me.’

She poked Nathan playfully. He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. Sonia regarded him coolly. ‘I told you I might steal her away from you, Nathan – well, you can’t begrudge me her company for a few days in June, can you?’ She giggled.

Nathan smiled again, his professional smile.

‘Sonia, you know I always try and give you what you want …’

He still wasn’t looking at Alexia; he was looking everywhere but at her. He was obviously desperate to get away, to be far from her company.

‘Ladies, you obviously have things to talk about, and women’s conversations are usually hampered by the presence of a man, so I will tactfully withdraw and leave you to you feminine diversions.’

He gave an almost imperceptible bow of the head and moved away.

Alexia waited till she was sure he was out of earshot. ‘See, I told you he hates me now.’

‘No, he doesn’t.’ Sonia smiled knowingly; she looked at Nathan’s retreating figure. ‘I’d say quite the opposite.’

Sonia took her arm and turned her to face the crowd.

‘Look at these people, Alexia; these are the people he has to spend his days with now. Hangers-on, sports bores, corporate junket lovers, and jumped-up playground heroes who earn too much money and think the world should worship them for their talent.

‘Not forgetting the women who are only interested in one thing, of course – getting into the beds of the rich and famous or, failing that, getting into the beds of the
people
who can get them into the beds of the rich and famous. This isn’t Nathan. He’s good at it yes, he knows how to play this world – but he’s an army officer at heart. He’s a proper gentleman. And a proper gentleman needs a proper lady …’

Alexia looked at her. ‘Well, I’m not one of those any more, am I? Not after the way I’ve behaved.’

Sonia let out a laugh so loud she startled all the people standing close to them. Alexia blushed.

Lowering her voice, Sonia said, ‘Are you mad? So some playboy got you hot and bothered. So what? We’ve all done that – doesn’t make us the same as all these star-hunting bimbos!’

Alexia looked at Sonia. She wanted to believe her.

‘Sweetie, you’re a gorgeous girl, and you’re young. You should be able to feel sexual with whomsoever you want. That doesn’t make you easy, it makes you a woman. What matters to a man like Nathan is that you’re real – and that you’re honest. God knows he’s not an angel; he’s had his fair share, I’m sure. Look at him, how could he not?’

Alexia looked at him. Ramrod straight, tall, masculine, in control, with just a hint of imperfection in that slightly crooked nose. She tried not to imagine him with other women, but that was difficult, after the hotel. She told Sonia about Blondie.

‘Well, that doesn’t surprise me,’ said the older woman. ‘You wind him up and then he has nowhere to put all that pent-up lust. He is a man, not a saint.’

She spoke so much sense, Alexia wanted to believe her; she wanted desperately to believe her.

‘Oh God!’ exclaimed Sonia, suddenly.

‘What?’ Alexia looked up, and saw Tony’s blond head just above some of the other guests. ‘What’s he doing here? I didn’t know he was coming.’

‘Well, he’s here. If I were you, I‘d avoid him at all costs, especially if Nathan can see you.’

‘Oh bloody hell, you’re right. I’m going to the loo, I’ll come back and find you when I think it’s safe.’

‘OK. If I think he’s heading your way I’ll rugby-tackle him.’

‘Thank you,’ said Alexia and kissed Sonia’s cheek, ‘You’re a brick!’

Alexia sneaked behind a large group of people and found her way out of the room and down a maze of corridors, looking for the ladies’. She turned a corner into an empty corridor. She thought she had wandered too far and was about to turn back, when she heard some strange noises coming from one of the offices.

The door was ajar; she moved towards it and pushed it open. She found herself in a long room cluttered with temporary partitions stacked randomly at one end. It was obviously some kind of function room. She could hear the muffled noises from behind the partitions. She walked silently up to them and looked through the gap between two sections.

She could see stacks of chairs, the ubiquitous steel-framed variety used for conferences and weddings. One chair had been taken down and someone was sitting on it. It was Jim Brooker, and he wasn’t alone. One of the girls who’d been trying to attract his attention earlier was with him, a mini-skirted redhead, and she was kneeling on the floor.

Alexia had to suppress a laugh. She clasped her hand to her face to stop the noise exploding out of her.

Jim was sitting back in his chair, his legs splayed open with his trousers unzipped and his cock sticking up, stiff and waiting. He’d looked too young back in the other room, young and innocent. But clearly he wasn’t either.

The tennis player was no oil painting, but the redhead eyed his erection appreciatively. If she’s faking it, thought Alexia, she’s doing a really good job.

The girl moved forward on all fours like a hunting cat, keeping her eyes on his face the whole time. His expression was lascivious. Alexia stood rooted to the spot as the girl took him in her mouth, all the way in.

‘Yesssss!’ exclaimed Jim. ‘Oh fuck!’

He watched the girl’s head as she bobbed on his dick, licking and sucking for all she was worth. He was grinning; he already knew his fame would grant him special privileges, and this was one of them.

‘Play with your cunt!’ he ordered.

Alexia was stunned. Was he really only 19?

The girl put her hand up her short skirt and stuffed it into her panties. The two continued in this fashion; she sucking and rubbing, he sitting back, hands laced behind his head, watching as she pleasured him. He was loving the attention, and the power, but after a few minutes he got bored.

‘Get up!’ he demanded.

The girl pulled away from his crotch and put her finger in her mouth. She pouted artfully, as if he had taken away her favourite lollipop.

He patted his thighs as an instruction for her to sit on him. The girl giggled and smiled. She stood up and pulled down her panties. Alexia could see her well groomed pussy, just a tiny little red-haired landing strip. She’d come prepared. She pulled out a condom from somewhere and quickly used it to cover the glistening erection. Very prepared, thought Alexia. The redhead straddled Jim and watched his face as she lowered herself onto his cock.

‘Oh baby!’ she moaned.

Oh please! thought Alexia. How corny was that? Was he really fooled?

He had hold of her buttocks and he was sitting back like an Eastern potentate, enjoying one of his harem girls. The couple gasped and moaned in unison as she fucked him playfully.

‘I want to see your tits!’ he demanded.

The girl opened her blouse and undid her bra, which fastened at the front. She had clearly dressed with a plan. Her breasts jumped free and bounced like excited, pink-nosed puppies as she rose and fell on his lap with ever-increasing speed. The sight was almost comical, cartoon strip fucking.

Alexia wanted to leave but found she was rooted to the spot. How did this keep happening to her? She had turned into a voyeur, and not through design. This was the third time in as many weeks she’d watched other people having sex. Romy had told her the world she’d be entering if she took the job at the Fallon agency would be one she’d have to get used to
.
“They’re a fast crowd!” she’d warned. Alexia had no idea how fast, until now. She felt a pang of jealousy. Why did the whole world seem able to have uncomplicated sex? Everyone except her!

She watched the girl as she bounced on Jim’s cock. She felt herself getting turned on. It was a comical performance, true, but it was sex, and it was what Alexia needed, needed very badly. She couldn’t believe it, but she was getting wet as she watched the redhead grinding away.

The couple were close to coming. The girl seemed to be matching Jim’s groaning, to be reaching climax with him. Perfect timing or perfect play-acting?

And then they came. Him with a grunting, snorting, teeth-baring thrust, her with a girlie “oh you’re such an incredible lover I just can’t help myself”
aaaaahhhh
 …

What a performance, thought Alexia. He’s not falling for that, is he? But why should he care? He was 19 and a random gorgeous redhead had just bounced on his cock with barely an introduction. And now she’d ridden her tennis pro with gusto, she’d either be trying to make sure she’d be seen about town with him, or she’d be kissing and telling the tabloids.

The tabloids! Alexia panicked. Was this the kind of thing they were supposed to be protecting him against? How could they? The agency couldn’t stop him having sex. She thought about telling Nathan, but how could she?

The girl was getting off Jim’s lap and he was doing himself up. Alexia knew she had to get out quickly or be discovered, and she didn’t want
that
happening again.

She stole out of the room and shut the door quietly behind her. She was making her way back to the function room when she saw a horribly familiar figure coming towards her.

‘Avoiding me?’ asked Tony.

He was walking towards her and there was nowhere for her to go.

‘As it happens, yes!’ she said defiantly.

He caught up with her. ‘Now, that’s not very friendly, is it?

She sighed wearily, and shook her head. Behind her she heard the young tennis player talking quite loudly. She turned to see Jim and his redhead walking back to the presentation. Her lipstick was smudged and some of her hair was out of place. He looked perfectly calm. They walked past. Alexia could smell the sex.

Tony looked at her. ‘My God, you’ve a taste for it, haven’t you? Watching other people screw!’

‘Get lost, Tony.’ Alexia wanted to leave, but he had moved in front of her.

He kept his voice low, ‘Where were they fucking? Down there?’ He nodded in the direction the two had come from. ‘Well, it’s obviously a good spot. Why don’t
we
pick up where we left off?’

He moved in on her, trying to move her backwards. Alexia hissed at him, trying to free herself without raising her voice. The corridor was empty but they weren’t far from the reception.

‘I said leave me alone, Tony. Don’t you get it? I’m not interested!’

‘Come on, I know what you like.’

‘Stop it. I told you I don’t want you.’

‘Oh yes, you do, you know you do. Stop being such a prick tease’

‘Tony, no …’ She was trying to push him away, but he gripped her arm. Then she saw him fall away backwards as if he was on a long string that had suddenly been yanked. Nathan towered over him.