Submit and Surrender (27 page)

Rough. Hard. Deep.

His hands invaded every inch of her while the fire roared behind him, his fingers tracing gentle lines, then pinching. Squeezing, kneading, then slapping. Every change, every sensation, driving her higher, further and further away from the ability to worry about the future.

This was about giving her her release. This man knew exactly what he was doing.

This man…

Adra groaned as his hand settled between her legs, stroking her absently while he kept eye contact.

This man was the end of her.

“I’ve never used this ring before,” he said, his mouth hovering inches away from hers while his fingers stroked her the soaked fabric of her underwear. “I had it put it in just after I met you. I’ve always wanted to see you in it.”

Adra opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. There were fleeting thoughts of all the time they’d wasted, of all the nights she’d spent wanting him, of all—

And he put them all to bed with another kiss.

“I love you, Adra,” Ford said. “You are
mine
. Do you understand?”

“Yes,” she panted. “Oh God, yes.”

“Say it.”

Adra closed her eyes, and sighed as she felt the left strap of her dress pull to the side. It all seemed so clear when she was like this, bound, on the verge of subspace, her body thrumming with pleasure. It was all so simple it almost made her want to laugh.

“I’m yours,” Adra said. “Always have been.”

Then she opened her eyes.

“And you’re mine,” she said.

Ford paused, his eyes locked with hers. He smiled. Then he pulled a pocketknife out of his pocket and cut away her dress.

Adra gasped as it fell to the ground.

Ford let his fingers trail down her naked torso, dallying over her nipple, teasing down her abdomen, until he reached the thin fabric of her underwear. He never broke eye contact.

And then he cut her last remaining piece of clothing away.

“Mine,” he said.

That was when Adra started to slip away.

She loved that feeling. Loved it and knew it well, that moment when she started to fall
up
, somehow, into subspace. Only this time, it was different. This time, as she watched Ford go back to the cabana to retrieve a bag of toys, as she felt the warmth of the fire on her bare skin, as she simply waited to fall fully into submission…she did it all with her heart, too. It wasn’t locked off; it wasn’t hidden away so that her mind and body could go on a little temporary vacation.

It was all of her.

He had all of her.

And he knew it. He had her, and he loved her.

She knew because of the way he whispered to her as he dragged the tails of the flogger over her exposed skin. The things he murmured in her ear from behind as he penetrated her, briefly, with the handle and told her to hold it in place, one hand slapping her ass, the other holding her head still, his fingers in her mouth while she moaned. The way he never broke contact, not once, the way he orchestrated her every sensation, her every feeling, her every emotion. The way he knew when she was highest, when he’d filled her with so much sensation that she was ready to burst.

All of it, all of it made it impossible for her to be anything other than his. For her to keep even the last, most frightened parts of her safe and separate. He owned all of her. And when he’d shown her that, he released her legs, lifted them over his shoulders, looked her in the eye, and slid slowly into her.

“Mine,” he said again, and her head dropped forward to his while he moved inside her, waiting helplessly for the mind-obliterating orgasm that he’d built inside her.

She didn’t really have words for the rest.

He filled her, completely. He owned her, completely. He was hers, completely.

And for the first time in her life, Adra really let herself go.

She didn’t really come back to reality until he had taken her down and carried her, limp and exhausted, to the Jacuzzi. And she didn’t know how long they spent in the hot, bubbling salt water before she was cogent again. But she did know he refused to let go of her.

He had her in his arms, on his lap with her back to him, kind of floating, the way you do in a Jacuzzi. Adra laid her head on his shoulder and just let the aftershocks ripple through her, wondering if she’d ever really come down from this.

Probably not.

Definitely not, if he kept moving his hands over her thighs like that.

“Did you think I was done with you?” he said into her ear.

Neither of them really cared when Adra lost her phone. In retrospect, Ford wished he’d cared. He’d just been so happy to have Adra to himself for an entire long weekend that he didn’t give a crap about anything else.

Anyway, it turned out that carrying your woman to the backyard, tying her up, teasing her to the point of delirium and then making love to her until neither of you could stand up without ever dropping into the house to drop your stuff off was an excellent way to lose a phone.

Neither of them even noticed for a few days, and when they did, it didn’t matter. Adra was fucking incredible. He had watched her go back and forth from blissful to frightened, from serene to scared—and he got it now. It wasn’t just her family and her past experiences; it was that the stakes were so damn high. Falling in love always felt like winning big, but when it was with your best friend, you were all in. They were both risking it all.

He could see it haunted her even though she was happy. Sometimes she’d look at him with those big doe eyes and he’d see all those fears, clear as day, and that was his cue to step in. And he made a point of it: he would never not be there for her. Hell, he couldn’t get enough of her anyway.

It was one of those times, lying out by the pool at night, Adra on his chest pretending she hadn’t just tensed up, that he decided to push her.

“Adra, what are you afraid will happen?”

She sighed.

“I don’t know.”

“Bullshit,” he said, and he hauled them both up so he could see her face—and more importantly so that she could see his face.

“Look at me,” he said. “I’m not going anywhere. I love you.”

She smiled at him. “Drama queen.”

“Watch it,” he growled, his hands on her ass. He let her run her fingers through his hair for a while, and just watched her.

“I’m serious, Adra,” he said finally. “If you believe one thing…”

“I know,” she said, and she touched his face.

He believed her. She did know. But that didn’t stop it from feeling too big to handle.

So they took it slow.

And it was fucking wonderful.

And it wasn’t until Sunday that Roman finally called Ford.

“My wife wants to know if she should be worried that Adra hasn’t answered her phone in two days,” Roman said.

“Adra is…very well,” Ford said, smiling at the beautiful woman who was currently destroying his kitchen. She’d caught the end of a
Top Chef
marathon and she’d been inspired.

Then Ford remembered who he was talking to.

“Wait, is the baby coming?” Ford asked. “She’d kill me if we missed the birth of your kid.”

“You haven’t yet, unless something has changed in the last five minutes.”

“Well, tell Lola not to worry. We’re just fine.”

“She wants to come to dinner.”

“Shouldn’t she be—”

“Ford,” Roman said, his voice only slightly strained. “My very pregnant wife wants to come to dinner, and she wants to see her friend. So she is coming to dinner. And even if you have to get Adra down from an overly complicated suspension harness, she will be at dinner so that my wife can talk to her.”

Ford laughed. He knew all about the impending stress of fatherhood, in a screwed up way, and what it was like having this great big responsibility and not being able to
do
anything in the meantime. Just waiting drove most men crazy. Roman had found something he could make happen, so it was going to damn well happen. The poor bastard.

“Done,” Ford said.

“Thank you.”

“Anytime.”

And as Ford went to go tell Adra that she could either make an overly ambitious meal for four instead of two, or she could order from a three-star restaurant and just put it on some plates and he’d never tell, he made a mental note to look for her phone.

***

Dinner was mostly a chance for Lola to gloat.

“I
knew
it!” she said. “Oh man, I
knew
it, knew it, knew it!”

“Knew what?” Ford said innocently.

“I’d kick you under the table if I could reach,” Lola said.

Ford laughed, but he was watching Adra to see if any of this spooked her. It didn’t. She looked…she looked wonderful. She looked dazed by how wonderful everything was.

Hell, so was he.

Which set off his Dom sense a little bit. Nothing was ever so perfect or so easy. But he ignored it.

Of course he fucking ignored it. He couldn’t take his eyes off of Adra for more than a few seconds.

“Ok, I’m just saying maybe next time listen to me and save yourselves the angst,” Lola said. “Where’s food?”

“Please, the angst was the best part,” Adra joked. “And food is…complicated.”

“Tell me there’s food,” Lola said.

“Tell her there’s food,” Roman repeated.

“No, there’s food, it’s just…”

Ford couldn’t help from laughing.

“The appetizer came out ok,” he said. Which it sort of had. She had “plated” it forty-five minutes ago and it was kind of sad and droopy looking, and Ford never had the heart to ask what it actually was, but it did actually exist.

Adra had dumped the main course before he ever got a chance to see it and then she’d informed him that they would never speak of it again.

“Hush,” she said to him, smiling.

“We ordered delivery,” Ford said. “Should be here any second.”

“
You
ordered delivery,” Adra said. “Did you ever find my phone?”

They both smiled at each other, remembering how it was lost.

“Yeah, it’s dead,” Ford said. He’d found it in the bushes lining the walk from the drive to the back yard, but he’d forgotten about it as Roman and Lola arrived. “Let me plug it in.”

He thought about that later. If he’d used the charger in his bedroom instead of the one in the living room, would it have made a difference? Would it have made it seem less urgent, given Adra more time, made it less of an overall clusterfuck?

They’d only just torn into the Chinese food when Adra’s phone sucked up enough juice to turn itself on. And that’s when the notifications started.

That distinctive little
ping
went off just once at first.

“That message is from me,” Lola said. “Probably the next five, too.”

They’d all laughed, and then laughed again when Adra’s phone kept pinging. It was kind of hard to pinpoint the moment when it stopped being funny, but it was Lola who put it into words.

“There is no way I called you that many times,” she said.

Ford watched the anxiety start to seep into Adra’s expression. They’d had a few days cut off from the rest of the world, and it had been almost perfect. But that wasn’t real life.

Whatever was happening right now: that was about to be real life.

Wordlessly, Ford got up from the table and walked over to Adra. He knew what she was thinking: Charlie. Or some other version of disaster. Part of Adra was always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“C’mon,” he said. “It’s gonna drive you crazy.”

He took her hand and walked with her over to her phone where it was charging in the next room.

“I feel ridiculous,” Adra said, laughing slightly at herself as she picked up the phone. “I just have such a bad feeling, you know? I mean, obviously, it’s…”

She trailed off.

Ford felt it like a punch to the gut. Her face—all the joy went out of it.

“Adra, what’s wrong?”

“I have to go,” she said.

“Charlie?” he said.

Adra nodded sadly. “I have to go.”

~ * ~ * ~

The drive down to San Diego was miserable. Adra kept thinking about one thing: Ford’s face when she told him she had to leave, and that she had to go alone.

She’d guessed he’d known it was kind of bullshit. Not entirely; she really didn’t think that Nicole and the boys would benefit from having a stranger show up in the middle of all this, even if he was her stranger. But the truth was that wasn’t why she’d insisted on going by herself. And she didn’t entirely figure out why she’d done that until she actually got there.

In the meantime, she thought about Ford’s face. And she thought about how unimaginably happy she’d been in the past few days, how she’d felt things she never, ever let herself believe she’d get to feel. And how what was so terrifying about that wasn’t that she was afraid Ford would leave—when he told her he wouldn’t ever leave her, she’d almost wanted to laugh, because it was like telling her the sky was blue. She had more faith in Ford than she’d ever had in anyone in her life.