Stubborn Love (23 page)

Today, 6:43pm – Mia

As I wake up, I realise
I’m lying in Jared’s arms. They are wrapped tightly around me, just like they
always used to be and his scent is surrounding me, filling me, it’s the only
thing I’m breathing in. My face is buried in his neck, his skin is warm against
my lips and I can feel the steady beat of his heart under my hand as it rests
against his chest. He is sleeping, but he is holding me. I have finally told
him everything and now, I never want to let him go, ever again.

I keep my eyes closed; too
scared to open them and discover this is only a dream again. Lying here with
Jared only proves to me just how much I have missed him. More than I ever knew,
more than I ever let myself believe. Much more than I ever let myself feel. I
can’t believe I ever thought I could push him
away, that
I ever thought I could just stop loving him.

Even when I stopped coming
out here, it didn’t help. In fact it only made things worse, as the memory of
him and of us only grew. Sometimes when I’d call Luke, I could actually hear
Jared in the background, talking or laughing. Hearing that, I’d try and
convince myself that I’d done the right thing, that he was okay, he was over me,
and moving on. But then the few times I’d come out to visit, it was clear that
he hadn’t, it was obvious he was hurting just as much as I was, even if he
never realised I was feeling the same way.

So now, when I find myself
finally unburdened from the secrets and the lies I had to tell. When I find
myself instead, wrapped in his arms as though none of this past year has
happened, or maybe all of it has and it’s been forgotten, I just don’t want to
wake up. I don’t want to wake up and discover it’s not true. But the smell of
him and the feel of him against me, wrapped around me, somehow
convinces
my brain that it must be.

So I take a chance and I
open my eyes. And when I do, I discover the beautiful bliss is no longer just a
dream, but is now my reality.

I slowly move my head so
it’s resting on Jared’s shoulder, and the first thing I notice is the bare
patch of skin between his t-shirt, which has risen up, and his boxers. I see
the trail of hair that starts at his belly button and disappears below his
waistband. I see my fingers reach out and slowly trace it.

Jared’s hand catches my
fingers as they reach his boxers. I shift and look up. He still has his eyes
closed, but there is the tiniest trace of a smile on his face now as he lifts
my hand to his mouth and kisses each of my fingertips. My heart melts at his
touch and I keep my eyes on his face, watch as he kisses my fingers one by one,
starting at my thumb, and moving across to my little finger, before he kisses
his way back to my thumb again.

He is here, he is real and
I really am lying in his arms. I can’t even begin to describe what’s going on
inside my head, my heart,
my
soul right now. To feel
his hard, warm body against mine, his lips on my skin, to see that smile on his
beautiful mouth.

I lift myself up on one
elbow so I can look at him properly. Jared’s eyes slowly open now and focus on
me. We stare silently at each other and his tiny smile stays in place as he
watches me.

I see my fingers reach out
and brush back the hair that has fallen in his eyes. It is so much longer, but
the memory of running my fingers through it, just like I’m doing now, is still
crystal clear.

“Hey you,” I whisper,
never taking my eyes off his.

Jared’s hand reaches up
and slides into my hair, gently pulling my head down so my lips rest lightly
against his. My fragile heart starts pounding in my chest and it feels like
it’s going to burst out of there any second now. I haven’t kissed him in what
feels like forever and even though we aren’t exactly kissing now, it’s the
first time my lips have touched his in months.

“Hey yourself,” he
whispers against them before he kisses me in a way that literally makes me melt
into a puddle against him. I lose complete control, letting out a soft moan as
his lips, which are pressed so softly against mine, slowly start to move
against them. His tongue, ever so gently, touches my lips, urging them to part
and let him in. Our legs are tangled together now, my feet sliding over his as
I start to feel myself come undone, his kisses slowly erasing everything. My
heart is pounding in my chest, my stomach has fallen to the floor and my entire
body feels like it would be floating away if it weren’t wrapped in his arms.

“Jared…” I moan, my voice
a whisper in the silence of his room.

“Do you really still love
me?” he whispers, his mouth barely leaving mine.

“Still love you?” I ask,
confused. “Jared, I
never
stopped
loving you,” I tell him, before
lowering my body all the way on to his and deepening the kiss, my hands sliding
into his hair now.

Jared groans, his arms
tightening around me. “Then nothing else matters, because I never stopped
loving you either, Mia.”

I pull back for the
briefest second and watch as his eyes open again. I stare into their clear blue
depths, looking for the truth. I want him back; I’ve never wanted anything so
badly in all my life. He looks at me now like he wants the same. He’s telling
me that he loves me, and his arms are wrapped around me, his lips were just on
mine. I run my fingers lightly down his cheek and watch as he smiles at my
touch.

“No?” I whisper.

He smiles at me now, his
eyes shining as he says, “Fuck no, never. Nothing else matters Mia, nothing but
us.”

I laugh now, my heart
practically exploding at the words he chooses to use.
Us.
He wants it; he wants
us
back. A single word escapes my mouth before I lower my lips back to his and we
both stop talking.

“Good.”

His kisses are exactly
what I need right now and I savour each and every one of them as I push my body
against his. I can feel his hands holding me to him, his fingers tightening
against me.

“Mia,” he breathes out.
“I’ve missed you so much baby,
so much
.”

My eyes open and I watch
as he kisses me. His words stab right into my healing heart, and even though I
am exactly where I want to be, I’m scared. Scared about whether this is real,
whether it’s truly happening, whether he really does forgive me. Yes we’ve
talked and he held me as I bawled my eyes out. But then we fell asleep and
right now, we’ve woken up and it’s like the past year hasn’t happened, as
though it’s all been erased by sleep. And even though everything about him and
being here in his arms is so very familiar, it all feels incredibly brand new
at the same time. And I’m terrified of losing it; I’m scared about where we go
from here.

Jared’s eyes open and I
know I have to ask him.

“Does this really mean I
can have you back?”

His fingers slide under my
t-shirt, tracing lines against my skin. “You never lost me in the first place,
baby,” he says, pulling me all the way on top of him now.

I never lost him, but can
I have him back. Can I really have him back after everything I did to him? Can
he ever really forgive me?

“But I let you go Jared. I
pushed you away,” I whisper, tears threatening to fall once again. “I want you
back, but how can you ever possibly forgive me for what I did?”

Jared’s hands leave my
back and move so they are cradling my face now. He looks up at me with so much
love; it’s almost painful. “I’m all yours baby,” he says, pressing kisses all
over my face now. “There’s nothing to forgive, you couldn’t get rid of me if
you tried.”

And this time, the sob and
the tears do escape. He’s mine; I’ve got him back. I’ve got him back and the
relief, the happiness, that floods through me, it’s so much more than I ever
expected.

I have him back.

Jared is mine again.

Today, 7:05pm – Jared

Mia’s body feels amazing
pressed against mine. It’s unbelievable how much I’ve missed this, missed her.
For nearly a year, I’ve been aching to have Mia again. And right now, I am
bursting with want, with wanting to have her again. But I don’t want to fuck
this up and I don’t want this moment to go too fast.

“Mia,” I breathe out
between kisses. “I’ve missed you so much baby,
so much
.”

I open my eyes and find
her watching me again. She looks so scared as she asks, “Does this really mean
I can have you back?”

I slide my hands up under
her t-shirt, tracing her spine all the way to her bra strap. My fingers run
over the clasp and I want to undo it, but I don’t. “You never lost me in the
first place, baby,” I tell her, pulling her on top of me.

Mia’s body moves against
mine so she’s lying completely on top of me. I feel all of her weight pressing
against me, from my chest to my feet. I want to feel all of her body, its
warmth and her skin, against mine. I want to be inside her and feel every
single part of her. Her hands are on my face, her elbows on either side of my
head as she stares down at me.

“But I let you go Jared,”
she whispers, her eyes glistening again. “I pushed you away. I want you back,
but how can you ever possibly forgive me for what I did?”

I pull her face to mine,
kiss her lips, her cheeks, her nose, knowing now, that there’s nothing to
forgive, not with her. And although I’m still fucking pissed at all of the
misunderstandings, at her not telling me any of this sooner, I know deep down,
it’s not her I’m angry at. There’s only one person I blame for this, but I
refuse to let him ruin this moment. Not now, not ever again.

“I’m all yours baby,” I
say truthfully, kissing her face. “There’s nothing to forgive, you couldn’t get
rid of me if you tried.”

Mia lets out a sob at my
words and I silence it with a kiss on her mouth now, rolling us over so she
lies beneath me and my body is covering hers.

“I’m sorry Jared. I’m so
sorry,” she whispers.

I open my eyes and see she
is crying again. I lean down and kiss away her tears, each one, slowly putting
my broken heart back together again. I’m getting her back and this time I’m
keeping her. This time, I am never letting her go.

“
Shhh
,
baby, it’s okay,” I tell her, kissing her tears as they fall.

“It’s not,” she says,
crying harder now. “Nothing about what I did is okay Jared. And I’m so sorry,
I’m so fucking sorry.”

I kiss her lips, silencing
the words before I whisper, “Mia, please don’t cry. It’s okay, I’m here and I love
you and I’m not going anywhere and I’ll never let anyone hurt you.”

“I can’t lose you Jared, I
don’t want to lose you anymore.”

I kiss her again. “You
won’t baby, I promise. I’m never letting you go, okay? We’ll work this all out,
you never have to worry about us, ever again, okay?”

I feel her head nod at my
words. I mean it; I mean every single one of them. I am not going to give her
up and I am not going to let her go. And more than that, I’m not going to let
anything; the distance, her guilt or her
fuckhead
father, ruin anything. She deserves to be happy and I want to make her happy. I
want to make us work, regardless of how hard it is. Mia asks me again and I
answer her, “Yes” and then I am kissing her, not letting her speak anymore.

With every kiss I give
her, I’m letting her know it’s okay now.

With every kiss we share,
we are finding our way back to where we once were.

With every kiss she gives
me, all of the hurt and anger and grief I was feeling, slowly starts to
disappear.

I don’t ever want to stop
kissing her. Kissing her again feels amazing
;
better
than I ever remembered it. I don’t even want to think about how all of this is
going to work out this time. None of the problems of Luke, the band, or Mia
living in Chicago, have been fixed. And her
fuckhead
father is obviously still an issue and I have absolutely no idea what I can do
about him. All I know is we have finally talked. Finally, Mia has told me the
truth, told me all of the things she’s been hiding.

It feels like a new
beginning, each new kiss is a new beginning and a new start for us. I’m hanging
on to it, hanging on really fucking tight this time. Because no matter how this
works out, how we face the issues I know are all still there, I am never
fucking letting her go. Ever. Again.

“Mia,” I whisper, in
between kisses. “I love you baby, I love you so much.”

I feel her smile against
my lips, hear her words whispered back to me. “I love you too Jared, I love
you, I love you, I love you.”

And that’s all I need to
hear, because no matter what, no matter what else happens, if Mia loves me and
I love her, we will find a way to make it work.

Today, 7:30pm – Mia

We kiss for what feels
like forever. The feel of Jared’s lips on mine again is the most amazing
feeling in the world and I never want to stop kissing him. I am no longer
crying because with every kiss he gives me, he replaces a tiny piece of my
broken heart.

With every new kiss, my
heart is being put back together again.

With every new kiss, I am
being forgiven.

With every new kiss, I am
getting back the man that I love.

I never want him to stop
kissing me.

“What time do you need to
leave tonight?” I suddenly ask, remembering a conversation from yesterday.

Jared smiles down at me.
“I don’t care, Mia.”

I laugh and kiss him
again, pulling his body, which is lying on mine, even closer.
The beautiful weight of him, pushing me into the bed.
I can
feel how turned on he is and I subtly push my hips into his, pulling a low
groan from deep inside him.

“But it’s a big show
tonight,” I get out between kisses. “You need to do this show, you can’t be
late.”

“I need to do
you
, Mia,” Jared whispers against my
lips, stopping my heart and killing all other thoughts except for that, from my
mind.

He kisses me again, harder
this time.

“Jared…” I moan into his
mouth.

“
Mmmm
,”
is all he says as his lips leave mine and start a slow trail down my
neck.
When he reaches my shoulder, he gently pulls my
t-shirt to the side, kissing and biting the bare skin he reveals. I push my
hips into his again, wanting him to go faster, needing him to touch me all
over.

“Do you need something
baby?” he asks, looking down at me. There’s a tiny, sexy smile on his mouth
right now because he knows
exactly
what I need.

“You know I do,” I breathe
out. “I need
you
, Jared, a million
times over. And I need you now…please now.”

Jared laughs a little as
his tongue ever so slowly licks from the hollow at the base of my neck, all the
way down my chest; just like it did the very first time he kissed me. “A
million times over huh, is that a challenge baby?” he asks, his mouth still
moving against my skin.

I laugh, my hands tired of
waiting and going down to the bottom of his t-shirt and pulling it up. His
mouth leaves my body as I lift his shirt over his head, and I smile at him.
“Think you’re up for it?” I ask, remembering our game.

Jared’s hand slides under
my body and around my waist. “You know it Mia, anytime, anywhere,” he answers.

I’m laughing again,
happier than I’ve been in a long time. “So,” I say, pushing his boxers down his
legs in one quick move. “That’s a yes?”

Jared half rolls off me
laughing, his hands on the waistband of my sweats. “That baby, is a fuck yes,”
he says. And then without any preamble, he pushes them down and off my legs. My
t-shirt is next, followed quickly by the bra I’m still wearing underneath it,
both of which get thrown across his room somewhere.

As his mouth finds its
ways back to my skin, his lips pressing everywhere, I cry out at the sensations
that flood my body. God, how I’ve missed this, missed him. The feel of his warm
mouth on me, the touch of his skin against mine, I’ve been craving it for so long
now.

“Jared,” I moan, taking my
hands from his back only long enough to push my panties down and off. We are
now both completely naked and as much as I desperately need him, I have a
sudden overwhelming urge to slow this down.
To really savour
him and all that I’ve missed this past year.
So I slide my hands up his
back and to his shoulders, pushing him all the way off me so he falls onto his
back next to me. As I roll onto my side, he looks up at me, a confused
expression on his face.

“I love this,” I say quietly,
my fingers trailing from his hipbone to his chest, where they gently tug at the
ring that is now threaded through his left nipple. “And, I’ve been wanting to
do this all day,” I add on, smiling as I lower my head and gently take the ring
into my mouth, sucking and tugging on it until Jared is moaning beneath me.

“Mia,” he groans, taking
my hand from his chest. “That’s not the only one baby,” he says, guiding me
lower.

My heart nearly stops in
my chest when I discover, literally first hand, what else he got pierced. I
immediately lift my head in shock, looking down to confirm exactly what it is;
I think I’m holding in my hands now.

Oh God, he has.

I can’t believe I didn’t
notice it earlier when he pulled the towel off in front of me. Holy shit, I can’t
even imagine what that must have felt like, what it will feel like. My stomach
flips and somewhere deep inside of me, an ache starts to build.

“Didn’t that hurt?” I ask
him, turning back to look him in the eye.

He says nothing, just nods
at me.

“Why?” I ask, wondering if
he knows what I’m asking about.

I watch as he swallows,
before answering. “I needed something, anything, some other kind of pain and
distraction to help take away the pain of losing you,” he says quietly.

My heart literally stops
in my chest at what he’s saying to me, at the lengths he was forced to go to,
just to deal with the shit I made him go through. I feel like I’m going to
start crying again, and it must be obvious I am, because Jared’s hand comes up
and cups my cheek, his thumb gently stroking away any tears that might already
be falling.

“It’s okay Mia,” he
whispers to me. “There are advantages to it apparently.” He’s smiling at me now
and it’s so goddamn sexy I can almost forget all of the pain I’ve caused him.

“It feels good?” I ask.

“I wouldn’t know,” he
answers. “It’s never been tried out.”

“What?” He can’t possibly
be saying what I think he is.

His hand, which was on my
cheek, slides into my hair, brushing it back from my face. As he cups the back
of my neck and gently pulls me towards him, I hear his whispered words.
“There’s been no one else since you, Mia. No one at all.”

A sob escapes my chest and
I silence it by crushing my lips to his. Jared’s hand is firm on the back of my
neck, holding me to him as though he has no intention of ever letting me go.

If only he knew.

I roll onto his chest, so
our bodies are touching from our mouths to our feet. My legs fall between his
and I am so desperate for him. I hear Jared growl at my movements and the next
thing I know, I am lying on my back and he is hovering over me. As he reaches
for his bedside drawer, probably to grab a condom, I put my hand on his chest and
stop him.

“Jared.”

He looks at me, his
outstretched arm frozen in place.

“I haven’t either,” I tell
him. “I haven’t and I’m still on the pill and I want you and I really want
this,” I continue, sliding my hand between us so I can show him exactly what
I’m talking about. Jared’s eyes close as I lift my head and put my lips to his
ear. “I want you.”

“Mia,” he growls at me
before his mouth crushes mine in a kiss that is so much more than just a kiss.
It’s a kiss that is months of pent up anger and loneliness and regret and
sadness and want. It is a kiss that is full of love, and lust, and need. It is
a kiss of forever.

I pull him on top of me;
pull him exactly where I need him to be. As he pushes inside me, both of us let
out low groans. God, he feels so good, amazing.

“Mia,” he moans again.
“You feel amazing, so fucking amazing.”

I smile, because it’s the
exact same thing he said to me the first time we ever slept together.

“Uh huh,” is all I’m able
to get out though.

I wrap my arms around his
back as Jared slowly starts to move. One of his arms slides under my neck,
holding me as his other hand cups my cheek. He kisses me continuously, as
though he never wants to stop, and right now, I know exactly how he feels.

We start off slow, a
silent agreement that this is how we both want it, but somewhere along the way,
our bodies start to move faster, urgently, as though slow is no longer enough.
All of the wasted time apart, the misunderstandings and my own stupidity and
cowardice,
drive us together
,
drive
us into each other
. My back arches towards him, pressing my body into
his, as a million different sensations course through me. Every single touch of
his fingers on my skin sends tiny electric shocks down my spine, igniting me. I
want him; I want him so badly right now.

And God,
that piercing.
Holy shit.

“Jared,” I moan. “Please.”
I want more of it, more of him. He groans into my mouth as he starts to drive
into me, harder and harder. I can feel my body tensing; it is wound so tight it
feels like it’s going to snap, as though I’m ready to explode. I’m holding on,
desperate to get there with him, wanting us to get there together.

“Mia,” he moans once more
and as I feel his whole body tense, I finally let go. We both cry out at the
same time as we both finally get exactly what we’ve needed, what we’ve wanted,
for so long now.

And it feels unbelievable.