Strong (Kindred #1) (35 page)

I
lead him down the hall and into my room.

Our room.

Seeing as he’s barely slept in his actual room since we moved in. I stop when I reach the bed and just look at him. It’s like seeing him for the very first time, only now I can fully appreciate just how beautiful Carter Manning is. His chocolate brown eyes that have had me captivated since the very first time I met him, all those months ago.

“Can I help you?”

I look up and into a pair of brown eyes, the kind of eyes that would be described as chocolatey, yeah, he is chocolate alright. I skim my eyes down his body and inwardly sigh, hot, melted, orgasmic chocolate and he wants to help me? Well sure.

“What with exactly?” I ask him.

“Anything. I’m good at most things.”

His messy yet perfect mop of brown hair that just begs to have my fingers run through it. His all American smile that makes my knees feel like they might give way any second. His nose, in perfect proportion to his face and his lips, the lips I’ll be kissing for the rest of my life. My stomach gives an excited jolt at that thought and I lean in, pressing my mouth to his. His left hand makes its way up to my neck and wraps around, just holding me there. Slowly, his thumbs make small circles on my neck.

“Feel this?” he asks dropping his forehead to mine.

“This?” I breathe against his lips that I feel are trembling under mine.

“What you do to me, what you make me feel,” he presses one more kiss to my lips before he pulls back. “I don’t think you realise what you make me feel, how you’re everything to me. That this, is more than I ever dreamed it would be, more than I ever thought I would have.”

“I do, Carter. I do,” I tell him, running my hands over his stomach which tenses under my fingertips. “You’re the one thing that’s kept me living all these months. Some people may say someone is the reason they’re living, but you really are. There were times when I wanted to give up, times I hurt so much I couldn’t ever imagine a time when I didn’t. It was you that made me fight.”

He takes a deep breath and reaches for my hand. We stand together, each taking some deep breaths, both of us trying to calm our racing hearts and get a hold on the overwhelming feelings I know we both feel.

“I want to make love to you, I want to join our bodies in the best way possible, but I only want to do this, if it’s what you want too.” he tells me.

“I want this more than you can ever know, I want it with every single part of me and the biggest and most important part, is my heart.”

“God, I love you, you know that?” he smiles.

“I know that. I love you too. I’m sorry it’s taken so long for me to admit it, to trust that I do have a future and that my future is with you.”

“It doesn’t matter now, everything was so muddled before. It’s clear now and that’s all that matters.” he smiles before kissing me again.

“I knew I loved you, even from the beginning,” I murmur against his lips. “I fell for you the minute you flashed me that all American smile of yours.”

“My smile?” he grins, pulling back.

“And your eyes, they’re like the deepest, chocolate brown I’ve ever seen.”

“They’re the same as Jack’s.”

“No,” I kiss his neck. “They’re really not.”

“I fell for you in that red dress,” he breathes. “Every time I saw a flash of red, even now, my heartbeat accelerates and I’m flooded with the memory of you walking across the room, the split showing your brown leg that seemed to go on forever, when you walked.”

“You in your suit,” I remember, closing my eyes. “You looked incredibly gorgeous, I enjoyed having you sit next to me during dinner entirely too much.”

“I knew I was sitting next to you,” he grins, moving back and reaching down for my hands. “I saw Jack and Josie… Well… Let’s not get into that… They told me and I couldn’t wait to sit down.”

“That night, that’s when I fell in love with you and I didn’t even realise it. We spent the night talking, you made me hot chocolate and when I had to say goodnight, or good morning to you,” I grin remembering we didn’t go to bed that night. “I prayed it wouldn’t be the last time I got to stay up all night with you.”

He doesn’t speak, he just moves my hands to the back of his neck and steps closer, bringing our bodies together. We’re still fully clothed but it’s the most delicious feeling in the entire world. He’s firm and soft at the same time, he’s warm and he smells utterly delicious. I feel guilty having these thoughts, then I remember, I’ve admitted how I feel, I’ve told Carter I love him, these feelings are not only allowed, they’re encouraged.

“Can I…” I lose my nerve and close my eyes.

Everything seems such a big deal with Carter, after the many times I’ve pulled him close, just to push him away in the morning, I want him to have no doubt that this is what I want.

What I’ll always want.

“Can you?”

“Can I undress you?” I whisper.

“Yes,” he smiles. “Yes.”

My hands shake as I bring them from around his neck and to the top button of his navy blue shirt, the button that rests in the hollow of his throat, the hollow I’ve dreamed of kissing. When I release, I do just that, I lean closer and press a kiss there, he groans low and deep in the back of his throat and I curl my toes into the carpet beneath my feet. His eyes are hooded as I slowly release each button, revealing inch by perfect inch of his body to my hungry eyes. I’ve seen him without a shirt so many times, I’ve been pressed up against his skin many times too, but this is different.

“You’re perfect.” I tell him, as I push his shirt off his shoulders and to the floor.

“So are you, can I?”

“Yes.”

I turn around so Carter can lower the zipper on my dress, I feel his fingers brush the naked skin of my back as he lowers the zip and I inhale, an electric like current running up my spine and to the tips of my fingers and toes. My knees almost give way when I feel his lips on me, kissing a soft trail from the bottom of my spine to just between my shoulder blades.

“Step out of it.”

I do as he asks, stepping out of the blue dress and discarding it to the floor. I turn around and face him and I can’t help the flip my stomach does at seeing him look at me. His gaze lingers on my breasts for a fraction of a second longer before he pulls his gaze away to look me in the eyes again.

“You’re so beautiful, will you come here?” he holds out his hand and I take it, letting him pull me to him and then it happens.

Our bare bodies connect and we both groan at the feeling.

Bare skin on bare skin, warm, soft to firm.

I don’t think I’ve ever felt anything so unbelievable in my life.

When Carter’s mouth captures mine, I lose myself to his kiss, with tentative movements, I move my lips against his, I caress his tongue when he boldly slips it inside my mouth. When his hands grip my hips, I slip my hands between us and find his belt, unbuckling it and pulling it free from his trousers. He moves back a little and pushes them off his hips, stepping out of them. We’re all hands and mouths then, neither of us able to get close enough to one another. His hands are firmer, more sure, mine are less bold and I notice, still shaking. He notices too and pulls back.

“Are you okay?” he whispers, kissing my knuckles. “We don’t have to do this.”

“Yes, we do. I want to, I just… It feels like a really big deal, Carter. I’ve never felt like this about anyone before.”

“It’s okay, we’ll go slow.”

I walk us both back to the bed and lay down, crawling backwards as Carter climbs over me. I unclasp my bra and throw it to the floor as he pushes his boxer briefs off his hips to join it. All that remains are my knickers and I realise why I’m in no hurry to remove them.

They’re hiding the scar.

Once they go, I’ll be exposed and vulnerable.

“You’re beautiful, I adore every inch of you, you don’t have to worry.”

He understands, without me having to tell him. He removes them and quickly fills their absence with kisses, trailing his soft lips over every inch of the sensitive skin above my pubic bones and across one hip to the other. The act is so intimate, so gentle, it has tears filling my eyes before I can stop them. Worried Carter will think he’s doing something wrong, that I don’t want this, I blink them away and when I look back to him, he’s watching me, a small smile on his face.

“It’s okay.”

“I know.” I half sob. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why—”

“You don’t have to explain, it’s okay, I know.”

Carter crawls up so he’s holding himself over me, we just look at each other, like we can’t quite believe that this is happening.

After all this time, after everything that’s happened.

I’ve never felt like this about anyone. It’s not just a physical attraction, it’s much, much deeper than that. I can spend all day with him and yet, when it comes to falling asleep, I miss him, I lay there thinking of all the time I’m missing out on sharing with him. Sleep just seems too pointless when I could be spending that time with Carter.

That’s how this came about, Carter sleeping in my room. At first, it was because I couldn’t get out of bed on my own, but when I got stronger, when I didn’t need him to help me anymore, he still slept next to me, peaceful and content. I discovered, we always have something touching, sometimes it’s only our fingers, but the feeling of having him with me gives me more comfort, more peace than anything ever has or could.

Life is strange, how can something so beautiful come out of the ugliest of things? How can I have found the one person I’m supposed to be with in my darkest time? Whoever sent Carter to me, I want to thank them, I want to tell them that without Carter by my side, I would have given up, I would have let the disease ravage my body, I would have given up when all I could feel was pain.

He is the light I need.

The warmth I feel.

He is my strength.

My best friend and now he’s my lover.

My everything.

“Make love to me, Carter.” I whisper.

“I love you.” he murmurs back before he kisses me.

“I love you too.” I whisper back.

When I wake up next to Carmen a few hours later, for a few brief seconds, I expect her to push me away, to tell me this isn’t what she wants. Then I realise that isn’t going to happen, that last night changed everything. I watch her sleep and everything inside me fills with the most profound happiness. Last night, we both confessed how we feel, both took the first step into the unknown, it wasn’t scary, it was right. I reach for my phone and silently take a photo of her sleeping, the light from the lamps beside the bed casting the most perfect golden glow around her.

There aren’t words for how I feel right now, it’s just feelings, feelings I think I’ve waited my whole life to feel. Everything in my life before seems meaningless and insignificant compared to how I feel when I’m with Carmen. I understand how Jack and Harry feel now, I understand why they don’t see any other women, because when you’ve found the one who completes you, no one else matters. As I’m watching her, her eyes flutter open and a soft, sleepy smile tugs at her lips.

“You know it’s creepy to watch someone sleep?”

“Get used to it, I’ve been doing it since the very first time we shared a bed and you’ve never realised.”

“Are you okay?”

“I’m better than okay,” I reach out and caress her cheek with my thumb. “Are you?”

“I’m completely and utterly happy right now, everything feels right, I feel… Beyond happy and safe.”

“Good.”

“Why are you so far away?”

“I’m right next to you.” I chuckle.

“I know but we’re not snuggling, can we please snuggle?”

Who am I to say no?

I roll closer and pull her warm, soft, naked body to mine. The heat radiating from her has my body coming to life and I feel her grin against my chest.

“I think naked snuggles with you are my most favourite thing in the world.” she yawns.

“I know they’re mine,” I pull her a little tighter to me. “You’re tired, sleep.”

I kiss the top of her head and within minutes she’s breathing softly, fast asleep.