Stripping Asjiah I (19 page)

“Ahh!” Stacey screamed out in pain as LT bit her nipples.
“Tell me who his connect is.”
“I...I don’t know.”

Grabbing her by the waist LT put her on the floor and bent her over the counter.
“Ahh!!! LT stop, I said I don’t know.”
With one hand around her neck, LT used his other hand to guide his dick into her ass. “I bet Angel doesn’t fuck you like this, does he?” “Stop! LT Stop!” Trying to get out of his grasp, Stacey clinched her sphincter muscles hoping he would slip out of her.
“Okay bitch, stop crying. I didn’t really want the ass anyway, your pussy is much better.” Forcing himself back inside of her LT started humping again.

“Ooh shit, I’m about to bust Stacey, can I cum in you ma?”
“No, no, please don’t.”

“You better tell me what I want to know then. I don’t know how long I can hold back.”
“I don’t know anything, I swear.”
16

“Wrong answer.” LT picked up his pace to insinuate his ejaculation. “Wait!”
LT stopped moving long enough to hear her out.

“Angel goes to Chicago on the 15th of each month to re-up. I don’t know who his connect is, I swear that’s all I know.” Covered in sweat, Stacey hoped LT wouldn’t cum in her. What had she done? Why did she let him in the house? Angel could walk in the door at any minute. A sudden rush of heat filled her body as LT pulled out of her. She knew what he had done but she didn’t want to believe it. To have sex with him was one thing but to let this nigga go inside of her raw was another. He wasn’t just some random dude off the block, even if he was, that wouldn’t make it any better, but he was Angel’s family; his cousin.

“Damn Stacey, I know I said I wasn’t going to cum in you but that shit was feeling so good on my head, I couldn’t pull out. Now I know why Angel keeps you on lock down.”

“Get the fuck outta my house!” Close to tears Stacey reached into the drawer and grabbed the .38 out of the drawer.
“Whoa, you gone shoot me now? After I dicked you down, you draw a gun on me?” Laughing LT walked towards Stacey.
The small handgun made a clicking noise as she took the safety off. “I said get out!”
“Fuck you bitch; I got what I came for anyway.”

Stacey tried to keep her hand from shaking as she watched LT walk out the door. She waited about 30 seconds before running to the door and locking it behind him. Crying softly to herself she wondered if Angel would believe her if she told him what happened. After all, blood was thicker than water. Little did she know, Angel didn’t live by that saying.

ChApTER TWENTy-sIx

“Ooh shit! Go slow. Go slow. Spit on the head for me.” Angel placed his hand on the back of the girls head as she carefully followed his instructions. “Get that shit wet.”

“Mmmm.” The girl deep throated Angel while humming causing a vibrating sensation along his shaft.
“Yeah like that. Do that shit bitch! Stroke that shit so you can taste this cum!”
The girl bobbed up and down helping him reach his climax. “Agh…sh…shit! Taste…this…shit!” Angel pulled her hair as he exploded into her mouth. “Fuck!”
Sitting up she wiped the corners of her mouth and pulled the visor down to reapply her lip gloss.
“That shit was worth every penny!” Reaching into his pocket he tossed a roll of money at her.
She licked her index finger and thumb and began counting the bills. “20, 40, 60, 80…”
“Bitch it’s all there! 500 like you said and I’ll give you the other four stacks when you do what I asked you to do.”
19
“Why me?”
“Cause no one will suspect it. Just be a good little girl and do what daddy said.” Angel pinched the girl’s nipples making her squirm in pain.

“Guess you need to hurry home to that young bitch Stacey before she gets worried.” She licked her lips and slid her hand down his pants. “I bet she don’t suck yo shit like I do.”

Whispering in his ear she felt his dick become erect again. She bit his earlobe and released his swollen head.
“Don’t worry about what Stacey does, just worry about what the fuck I just asked you to do.”
“Don’t get mad, you know it’s true.” Flipping the visor back up, the girl zipped her jacket and got out of the truck.
Angel watched as the moon illuminated Keyshia’s silhouette enveloping her in the night.

ChApTER TWENTy-sEvEN

6/18/2000

I don’t know if heaven has a special mailbox for angel’s but I need someone to talk to so I’m writing this to you anyway. So much has happened and I feel like my world is spiraling out of control. I got my test results from the doctor and luckily they were all negative. Amidst everything that’s happening I’m trying to stay afloat and keep my head above water but the harder I fight, the more the current pulls me under. Don’t they tell you not to panic or struggle when you’re drowning? Maybe I should just relax and allow the water to invade my lungs. What is death like? Do you really see a bright light that beckons you to cross over to the other side? What do Angel’s really look like? When do you get your wings? Do they sprout out of your back? Do they really play harps?

I’m sure death has to be better than the hell that we’re living in. I still have nightmares. I still feel him touching me. Sometimes I wake up thinking I’m going to see him standing over my bed masturbating or some shit. Do you think I’m going to hell for what I did to him? Do you think you can ask God to forgive me? I’d ask him myself but I’m not sure I’m really sorry. I’m not going to lie and say I feel remorse for my actions because I don’t.

Half the time I’m not sure I believe in God. How can I have faith in something or someone that has allowed all this fucked up shit to happen to me? How can I call him my savior when he didn’t save you? When he didn’t save me from being raped or Angel from being beat? How can I expect him to save me when there are kids starving in Africa or being sold as sex slaves in Mexico? What kind of God lets that happen? They tell you to pray and to have faith but half of the people in the church are the biggest hypocrites. Sister so and so is sleeping with this Deacon, or Pastor so and so is trying to tell you how to raise your kids when his son is a queer. All the while he’s fucking one of the chicks in the choir. How does that work?

I found out LT was behind the robbery. My own fuckin’ cousin. Is this really the family you left us with? My uncle raped me and now my cousin is trying to kill my brother. LT better hope Angel doesn’t get a hold of him; if he does then he might as well chalk it. Every time I think I’m getting over one thing something else happens. To make matters worse your mother thinks I had something to do with it. She let Sam get in her ear and start talking crazy about how I set the whole thing up. When CJ came to get me she had the audacity to question him. What is wrong with these people? They all need a hobby, isn’t there a bingo hall they can go to or something? They have nothing better to do than sit around and come up with all of these half ass stories of how I’m some kind of anti-Christ. This shit is ridiculous. I see the hatred in Marie’s eyes every time she looks at me. Instead of embracing me as your child, her grandchild, she looks at me like a killer.

I don’t remember the last time one of them asked me if I wanted to come and see you. I swear they act like you never existed. I understand everyone has their own ways of dealing with death and what not but they have just totally disregarded you. I asked Aunt Vicki to take me to see you the other day and this bitch told me that she doesn’t want to go up there because she can’t deal with it. Was she serious? I get that she is your sister, I really do but what does she think I’m going through and I’m your child? What does she think I deal with on a regular basis? She can’t deal with it?

I sometimes think back to when all of this happened and they had us picking out your casket. I didn’t know what I was doing; I was only 8 years old. Honestly, if I could go back and do it all over again I would’ve had you placed in a mausoleum rather than buried in the dirt with fucking worms and other kinds of nasty shit. But they didn’t explain any of that to us. Instead they made all these decisions on their own without any regard to what Angel and I wanted. And now they won’t even give you the proper respect by coming to see you. Shit

Stripping Asjiah

is real sweet until something happens to one of them and the shoe is on the other foot.

I thought I would be able to coast through the summer until I left for Atlanta but I feel like I’m constantly looking over my shoulder. Angel’s decisions are reckless, he doesn’t care about anything. We reacted to your death in completely different ways. He’s nothing like the little boy he once was in California. His lifestyle is beginning to affect me and those closest to him. If these gun happy niggas can’t get to him, who do you think they’re going to come after next? Hardheaded as ever you can’t tell him shit. He’s blinded by greed and has developed tunnel- vision; all he sees is money. He walks around the hood like Al Pacino or some shit, the difference is that Angel’s not an actor and when these niggas out here say its light’s out, there isn’t a director standing by to yell “cut”.

CJ is the only family I have right now and I’m afraid I’m pushing him away. He’s been so patient, so attentive; but I’m starting to feel like he’s suffocating me. I think he still feels guilty over that shit that went down with Corey. It’s hard to tell if he’s being sincere or if he’s just trying to clear his conscience. That’s when you know shit is bad, when you’re unable to tell who is who. Despite what happened I gave him head. For the first time in my 17 years I sucked a dick. I would’ve thought that giving him oral sex; or doing anything with him physically would’ve been out of the question after I found out about him and Corey but I suppose that wasn’t the case. I could complain about it forever and hold a grudge but where would that get me? He’s a dude and dude’s cheat, especially if they aren’t getting what they want from home. So I could continue to cry over spilled milk or go by another gallon. Shit or get off the toilet, feel me? I shouldn’t want to do anything after being raped but what am I supposed to do crawl under a fucking rock and die? I don’t know; I tend to ignore the bad things and act as if they never happened. Disassociation Syndrome, I think that’s what psychologist call it, I’m sure it isn’t healthy but if I really sat back and allowed my reality to set in, I would go fucking insane.

My best-friend is now one of these sluts you see on Tiny’s Big Adventures, or Round and Brown or some other hood ass porn site. I heard she’s pushing a new Maxima. I still can’t believe she thought I would get on the bandwagon with her. Crabs, herpes or any other nasty shit like that is not the business. I only got one coochie and I’m not tryna get my shit worn out before I’m 25. It took me two years before I gave CJ head and we still haven’t had sex, so what makes her think that I would be all gun ho’ to spread my legs for one of these want to be thug, RTA catching lames?

A lot of times I think about what my life would be like if you were still here, if none of this ever happened. Would I still recognize myself when I look in the mirror or would it be someone else staring back at me? My eyes are a lot colder, more distant; they don’t have the same sparkle in them that innocence brings to a child. I’ve seen too much and my eyes are a reflection of that.

I got a letter from my father. He had to mail it to grandmamee because you know Marie would have a fit if it came here. I haven’t read it yet, afraid of what it may or may not say. Not sure if I care what it says. I’m sure he only wrote me because I didn’t accept his call. What is he going to apologize? How do you apologize for killing my mother? How do you apologize for ruining your kid’s lives? Someone told me that he only got fifteen years. How does that happen?

I’m not sure if I would feel better if he was sentenced to death then that would mean I would lose both of my parents. It’s almost like I already have anyway, it’s not like he’s around to raise us. Angel doesn’t even want to talk to him let along hear his name. He said that if he ever sees him he is going to rip his heart out with his bare hands and feed it to the dog.

I’ve thought about writing him but how do you start a letter to someone who is the cause of all this shit? “Dear dad, Uncle Cash raped me, so me and Angel killed him. Thanks for killing mommy, by the way don’t drop the soap.”

“Asjiah c’mon let’s go.” CJ stood up and grabbed our bags.
Now boarding flight 218 to Miami.
“That’s us; do you want anything before we leave?”

I closed my journal and placed it back in the Gucci book bag CJ bought me. “No, I’m just ready to go.” Yawning I took our carry-on bags and grabbed his hand.

“What were you writing?”
“Huh? Oh, um nothing, I was just clearing my head.” I handed the flight attendant our boarding passes as we walked through the terminal. “Anything in there about me?” Placing our bags in the overhead CJ waited for me to take the window seat.

“Maybe.”
He reached around me and fastened my seat belt then gently bit my chin. “Safety first.”

15

ChApTER TWENTy-EIGhT

“You know how Mac come through on the club tip/Everybody real deep on that thug shit/Cop Cris’ spray the club on that thug shit/”

“Aww this is my song!” Tasha ran onto the crowded dance floor as the music flooded the room. The Long Islands had her feeling tipsy causing her movements to be more loose and fluid.