Stricken Desire (19 page)

“Well that’s nice to know. Gee thanks doc.
Yeah go get the damn probe and let’s do this thing.”

My life has turned from bad to worse in the
matter of minutes.

“Okay but you will need to take off your
underwear. You can keep on the dress but I will have to an internal
ultrasound.”

He ducks out.

I slump back against the back of the table
lift my hips slide off my blue panties and toss them on the floor.
I could care less about them right about now. Less than five
minutes pass and in comes my doctor. Along with Linda the nurse.
Maybe he’s scared of me. I am quite intimidating when I fly off the
handle and I am on the cusp. I can feel it. Too much stress in too
short of time.

Linda opens the stirrups again and I put my
heels into the holders.

Linda comes around and stands closest to the
wall and offers her hand. “I know this can be scary to do alone. I
just heard and thought you might need some support.”

What a sweet woman!

“Thanks” I grin solemnly and take her
hand.

“Okay Emily I am going to insert this.” He
shows me this long white probe. “I will insert it a little bit in
and it will help me see the baby. You will see the baby on this
screen.” He points to the monitor. “Linda or I will explain what
you see when you do. It won’t look like much. This far along and we
might not even have a heartbeat yet. But I just want to make sure
this isn’t an ectopic pregnancy because with your condition it’s
common.”

That’s why I like my doc he explains
everything and his voice is always gentle and sweet.

“I’ll be okay doc just do it. I need to see
if this is happening to me.”

He inserts the probe with a condom over it
and some jelly for lubrication. At least it’s warm. He tilts it up
and moves it until I can see my uterus on the screen. It’s in 2D so
it looks like a bunch of white matter to me with two black holes
and two little circle things inside those black holes. I’ve never
watched inside my body before it’s kind of cool. Not much to see
though.

He looks up at me and presses the button the
machine a few times. Then he glances at Linda and has yet to say a
word.

“Is something wrong with the baby?” I ask.
Staring at the screen I have no idea what I am looking at to be
honest. I’m not a doctor and the baby isn’t big enough to have arms
and legs yet.

Linda holds one of my hands with both of hers
and squeezes then nods to the doc, something is up.

“Emily see that?” he points to one black hole
with a little circle thingy in it.

“Yeah.”

“Do you see that?” he points to the opposite
one.

I nod and look between my doc and my nurse to
tell me what the fuck is going on here. Do I have a tumor or
something?

“Sweetie” Linda chimes in. “Those are your
Babies.”

I stare at the screen and look back at her
confused.

“Babies? As in plural? Not just one?”

“Yes, Emily you are pregnant with twins and
you’re just like we thought at just about five weeks. And if you
look close enough to the screen you can see a little flickering.
That’s their hearts beating. In a few weeks we’ll be able to pick
them up on Doppler and you’ll be able to hear them.” My doctor says
calmly.

I think I am going to be sick. Not just one
baby but I am having two! Two little Johnathan Strikers. Babies
with a man I am never going to be with. My life is shit in a
fucking handbag.

“Emily are you okay? You don’t look so good.”
Linda says and rubs her hand along the side of my face. The doctor
removes the probe.

“I… I… I think I might get sick.” I cover my
mouth I can feel it coming.

My doctor acts fast and snatches up and
closest thing, a trash can and I sit up legs still in stirrups and
throw up heaving my entire breakfast and my coffee into the trash
bin. I sit up when I finally finish and Linda has a wetted paper
towel for me to wipe my mouth with. I take it and clean myself
up.

“Sorry.”

“It’s completely understandable you’re in
shock. I would be too if I was in your shoes. Thinking my whole
life I probably won’t be able to have a baby and now ending up
being pregnant with two.” Linda says with a soft reassuring
smile.

“Yep that’s the understatement of the year.”
I chuckle anxiously and toss the towel in the trash and sit up
removing my heels from the stirrups.

“Emily do you have any questions for us?” My
doctor asks softly.

“A few if that’s okay.”

“Of course it is.” He says and I know he
means it.

“When are my babies due? Am I going to be
okay with carrying them to term with this little body of mine and
my condition? And what am I to stop doing immediately so I don’t
harm them? I will read books and lots of them and take any pills
you want. But I need to know those things right away.”

He chuckles. “Ok slow down. You’re due March
twenty-ninth but I am sure you will go a lot sooner than that.
Twins almost always do. If you’re going to be able to use me as
your doctor I will gladly help but if not I can work alongside
another doctor to get you safely through this pregnancy but we
don’t need to worry about that right now. As for carrying the
twins. You should be fine. Your condition might mean you experience
a little more pain and discomfort and you should be able to carry
them like any other woman. Although your body could be a problem
but there is no research to show that being shorter makes carrying
babies harder. It’s a person to person basis. We will just keep a
close eye on you. That’s all. You will start to show rather quickly
though because of your size and the fact that you are carrying
twins. So maternity clothes will be a must in the next ten weeks
give or take. As long as you aren’t a drinker or do street drugs
you’ll be fine heath wise. I know you don’t smoke so that’s not a
factor. Don’t take any ibuprofen based products. Stick to
acetaminophen only, like Tylenol. Your mom’s a nurse she can go
over all this more with you. It’s not as hard as it sounds.” He
smiles.

“Ok.” I look down and cover my hand over my
belly. Two babies are living inside of me right now. “Thanks doc
and thanks Linda.” I smile or try to.

“Take this script to the pharmacy and get it
filled it’s just prenatal vitamins and if you need anything for
nausea don’t hesitate to call and ask. “ He hands me a slip of
paper and four sonogram pictures of my little back dots.

I leave in shock, listen to some Toby Keith
on the local radio station. Pick up my prenatal vitamins and read
the booklet the doctor gave me while I wait. I pull up outside my
parent’s house and sit inside the truck for twenty minutes debating
if I should go in or not.

For the rest of the day I lay in my bed. My
mom is at work for half a day my dad is going to be home for dinner
and I lay on my back and stare at the ceiling tracing Justin’s face
with my eyes over and over. My baby’s pictures are in my hand. I
can’t believe I am going to be a mom. A single mom. I never thought
I’d be a mom. I can’t be sad about this. I am so scared. But I
don’t regret it. Maybe this what was meant to be? I was meant to
sleep with a male whore so I could get pregnant with twins? Two
little rockers are living in my tummy. Poor kids I feel sorry for
them already. I don’t have a musical bone in my body. Well at least
their uncle Stacy does. That sounds so weird Uncle Stacy. But
that’s what he’ll be the fun, loving, bisexual uncle. And my mom
and dad will make fantastic grandparents.

I have been laying here for probably three
hours and I can’t stop wondering when I should tell them. Maybe I
should wait. But if I do and they find out some other way like
Linda blabbing to my mom at work. She’ll be so angry with me. So I
don’t have a choice but to tell them all tonight at dinner. I guess
that’s the smartest choice as any.

“Em are you up there?” I hear my mom
yell.

“Yeah Mom I’m here.” I yell back.

“Come downstairs dinners about ready and
Stacy just got back.”

Oh yeah! Stacy spent the whole day with his
mom. Maybe I shouldn’t dump this news on him. I’ll just wait and
see how he looks to decide. I collect my baby’s pictures, my
booklet and tuck it back into my old purse and take it downstairs
with me. I don’t have any pockets on this dress so the big reveal
with have to happen with the help of my purse.

I meet them all downstairs. My dad is now
home.

“Hey shorty. I’ve missed you.” He picks me up
from his giant six four stature and bear hugs me. Oh, dad don’t hug
any harder you might hurt the babies. That’s ridiculous sounding
but I’m a mom now. I have a right to be protective.

“I missed you too daddy.” I kiss his cheek
and he sets me back onto the floor in my bare feet.

“Come on and dig in guys.” My mom calls from
the kitchen.

I follow behind my dad and Stacy is already
sitting down at the table and he looks good. Shit! Who am I
kidding? He looks fantastic. But he always looks that way even if
he’s not showered for two days and has been outside working. Not
sure where he gets his sexiness from but he has enough for five
people.

“Lasagna and garlic bread mom this looks
delicious.” I look over the spread. My mom the wonderful cook. Now
that I did pick up from her.

We serve ourselves and the room is quiet. I
think we are all on edge to hear about Stacy’s visit with his
mom.

“Ok... guys. Sheesh, don’t pull my arm off or
anything.” Stacy says with a smirk. “The visit went fine. Better
than fine in some ways. My mom was nicer than normal and she still
remembers me and what’s she’s done and she spent half of the day
apologizing. I think without all the alcohol and drugs in her
system she has finally had time to reflect on my childhood and she
seemed sad about it. She even surprised me when she asked to see
you.” He nods at me our eyes locked into each other’s.

“Oh yeah? Well that’s fantastic.” I fork a
pile of lasagna into my mouth. The cheese and meat is so
delectable. It tastes better than I remember. Probably has
something to do with the fact I am now carrying two babies. I don’t
think that’ll ever sink in.

“I’m happy about it. Helped close a few
painful memories away I guess you could say.”

“I am so glad you and your mother are getting
along now Stacy. It’s always been hard on you. But just remember we
are your family and if ever need us for anything don’t hesitate to
ask.” My mom says. Always the hospitable sweet woman.

“Thanks guys… so how was the docs today?”
Stacy prompts obviously trying to get off the topic of his
mother.

“Fine.” I mutter and bite into a piece of
bread. Oh this butter and garlic and salt is divine. I lick my
fingers. My mom eyes me like I have two heads. So sue me mom I love
your cooking.

“Did the doctors have anything to say about
your condition?” my mom asks.

“Her condition?” Stacy chimes in. Oh not
another fucking thing to deal with. I never told him about my
problem which doesn’t seem like so much of a problem now.

“Yeah Em’s Endometriosis.”

“Her what?” he asks his voice is full of
confusion and misunderstanding.

It’s a big word I guess to try to say let
alone understand.

“Don’t you know?” she glances at me puzzled.
“Emily was diagnosed eight years ago with it. It means she has next
to no chance of getting pregnant ever. Tissue grows where it
shouldn’t inside her body and causes infertility. Her case is
advanced according to Dr. Shells.” I am seriously beginning to
think we might need to check his credentials. “The last time she
was in there they were worried she could only keep her uterus maybe
two or three more years before they’d have to remove it and all the
tissue.”

He looks at me and his eyes widen.

“It isn’t as bad as it sounds Stacy.” I
add.

“And I don’t know about this why?” he sounds
hurt.

“It’s my female parts. It’s not generally a
common topic of our conversations. I didn’t think it was a big
deal. It’s part of who I am. I can’t change it and it’s not life
threatening.”

“Ok… But you can’t have children and you
didn’t think that was something I should know?” he scowls.

I choke on my spit and pick up my glass of
water and sip on it.

“That’s not the case anymore.” I murmur under
my breath.

I reach down and pull my purse up from the
floor and into my lap so I can show the babies pictures around when
the time comes. The time is coming I can feel it. I am so nervous
my heart is pounding in my chest.

“What did you say?” my mom asks.

I unzip my purse and snatch up the pictures
and the pamphlet.

“I don’t have infertility problems like the
doctor thought. Is what I meant to say.” I gently lay the sonogram
pictures and the booklet in the middle of the table.

My mom, dad and Stacy all lean in and peer at
the booklet that’s lying on top of the photos.

“What’s that?” my mom looks at it and back at
me and the pile again. Her voice is soft and filled with
concern.

Man my dad is quiet he hasn’t barely said two
words all night. This is so not like him.

“That.” I jam my finger on the booklet. “Is
what the doctor gave to me today after my exam and tests. And
those.” I slide the sonogram photos out from under the booklet.
“Are pictures of your grandchildren.”

Everyone eyes widen large and all mouths drop
open simultaneously. Hey, at least I wasn’t the only one in shock
when this happened. They have each other for support I had a doctor
and a nurse and I am the one this is happening too.

“Come again?” my mom asks slowly and Stacy
and my father are as still as statues.

“I am pregnant. With twins. Five weeks
along.” I blurt with my cup to my mouth. Then I take a sip.