Stranger and Stranger (19 page)

Mom semidiscreetly crumpled up the construction paper crowns she had probably expected to give us after a tied game, and tried to make me feel better by blaming the pain/self-hypnosis/medication. But the truth is that EVILONE WON. Evil one. Evil won. Unbelievable.

I really thought I was onto something big when I discovered, the night of our canyon hike, that EvilOne didn’t have all the same memories I have. And in hindsight, it’s not that it was a bad idea to use this against her in a game of “This Is Your Life” Jeopardy. It’s just that, as it turns out, she is more of an expert than I am on being me.

I did at least prove to her, to Mom, and to myself that EvilOne has no knowledge of the following important events in the Life of Emily Strange:

1. That time when Great-Aunt Millie got herself trapped in the water pipes, and all the faucets screamed when anyone turned them on.
   
2. That time she lost some psychic weight, or something, and kept sinking through the floors. She would even sink right through you if you didn’t keep a lookout. And how we had to get a ghostbuster to paint the attic floor with this special paint that ghosts can’t go through. And how we had to lie to him about there being an actual ghost in the house or he’d try to exterminate her. Yeah, that was awesome.
   
3. Names of 3 of the towns Mom and I have lived in.
   
4. Names of 7 alternative tunings I’ve invented for the electric guitar.
   
5. Names of ANY of the 77 inventions I have patented.
   
6. Name of Zenith’s cat back in Blandindulle. And that was only last month!!!
   
7. Name of the shifty thief back in Yaktown who taught me the basics of lock-picking.
   
8. Name of the lock-picking maneuver I used to break into said shifty thief’s home and steal back Mom’s pearl necklace.
   
9. The stories behind how I got each of my cats.
   
10. What I used in the duplicator to finally get it working.
    
11. Names of 7 of our 12 (known) dead great-aunts.
    
12. How I managed to animate a few dead bird parts to make Raven.
    
13. How I collected a bunch of black jackal spiders, milked
    their venom, and administered it to myself, slowly over time, in order to build up an immunity.
    

Unfortunately, EvilOne has proven that I do not recall the following:

1. The name I gave the skateboard trick I used to win last year’s Teen Shred Invitational.
   
2. The name of pretty much any skateboard trick ever made up by anyone.
   
3. The atomic weight of yttrium. Nor its oxidation state.
   
4. How to use an interferometer for basic plasma diagnostics.
   
5. The formula for calculating terminal velocity.
   
6. The story behind the phrase “nothing but a thin broth” and why it makes Patti and EvilOne laugh so hard.
   
7. What the so-called “dark code” is or what it does.
   
8. The name of the merry prankster who taught me the basics of booby-trapping.
   
9. The type of booby trap I used to prove my tactical superiority to said prankster.
   
10. How to use an X-10 switch to turn lights on and off…in other people’s homes.
    
11. Names of 5 common household items that can be used as explosives.
    
12. Names of 4 of the towns Mom and I have lived in.
    
13. Exactly why it is we move so often. (They still haven’t told me. Am not happy.)
    

Later

As I should have expected, losing that Jeopardy game is having more consequences than just lower self-esteem. EvilOne is being an insufferable troll about the whole thing. She is referring to me as “the fake one,” kicking me in the cast whenever possible, and sitting around staring at me, tapping her chin in an unsettling way, as if lost in thought as to the best way to destroy me.

Man. I want SO MUCH to be the Real Emily, but the evidence isn’t pointing to it. On the other hand, surely the Real Emily would know about Great-Aunt Millie??? Not to mention all the other stuff I know that EvilOne doesn’t. Obviously, we are not Velveteen Rabbits, and the issue is a little more complex than just Real vs. Fake.

I wish I could tell what is going on in EvilOne’s head right now, especially her thoughts re: destroying me. I mean, I was drugged, immobile, and Ravenless for several days, yet there were no murder attempts. I wonder what has changed. Has she decided there might be some value to keeping me around? I know it’s not in me to kill EvilOne. Our skateboarding skills (just to touch on the tip of things) would be
lost forever. Am
assuming
hoping she feels the same on her side. May need to play the guitar more often while she’s around, just to remind her of my virtuo-spasticality.

Later—2.00 a.m

I am going to sneak out of the house and work on my sewer mural. Have missed the outdoors, the sewers, and art-style self-therapy quite a bit. I could use a little boost in my opinion of myself right about now. Hope all is well down there. Oh clapjacks, hope Binary Larry did not get his mind scrambled too badly by the Manifesto! That kid was already fairly loony.

Must remember to be extra watchful for booby traps when I get back.

Later

Took the bus out to the sewer, pulled off that nasty cast, and painted, painted, painted until the lovely crazy swirly dreamy splendor took my mind off the failed Jeopardy game, my possible fakeness, and the evil of the EvilOne.

Binary Larry was there, which surprised me, since it was way past his bedtime. And he WAS a little more loony than normal, but mostly it seemed like he had just woken up. That, and he was maybe more impressed with my mural than he had a right to be.

Our conversation went a little something like this:

B
INARY
L
ARRY
: Oh, man, wow, I mean, yeah, so groggin.

M
E
: Hmm.

BL: Yeah, I’m serious, it reminds me of that crazy thing they showed at Town Hall.

M
E
: Wha—what are you talking about?

BL: You don’t know? The ribbon-cutting ceremony? Those flyers? The free candy?

M
E
: Oh, right. Uh, did you go?

BL: Ghuhff! You think I’d be standing around talking to you if I went?

M
E
: That bad, huh?

BL: Oh yeah, man, I mean, all my friends are in the psych ward now. PooDog, Dirtbike, Mushroom, Treehole, Biscuit…but my mom was making me do yard work at the time, so, yeah.

M
E
: So, why do you say my painting reminds you of it?

BL: Oh, I don’t know, I guess it’s because it looks just like those clips they’re showing on TV all the time now.

M
E
: WHAT? Why are they doing that?

BL: Oh…you know…

M
E
: WHAT????? Spill it, you.

BL: You KNOW…that whole…thing.

GAHHHH!!!! Binary Larry is not QUITE as difficult
to talk to as Raven, but he’s blipping close! It would drive me straight bonkers to record our entire conversation, but safe to say, I grilled him for a while, then released him when it was obvious he was too sleep-deprived to stay on topic. I got the following sinister facts and town gossip out of him:

1. There is indeed a major investigation of the Manifesto under way, and every townsperson suspected of the slightest artistic inclination has been hauled into the police station and thoroughly harassed.
   
2. Since no one has the smallest scrap of information, everyone has been giving the police the names of other artistic folks in exchange for their freedom.
   
3. Binary Larry was ratted out by his own art teacher. He was at the station for 5 hours before his mom pitched enough of a fit to get him released.
   
4. I am YARBING lucky that BL has a sweet spot for me and did not breathe a word about me to the police. (So he swears, anyway.)
   
5. Am also very lucky that no other living soul knows about my incriminating sewer mural.
   
6. So many of the Silifordville townspeople have gone stark guano crazy that food supplies are running low, stores are going out of business, and basic services (like water and power) are in danger of being cut off. Don’t I watch the news?
   
7. The police are taxed to their limits what with loony control and artist interrogation, so everyone who still has their wits about them is doing their best to take advantage of the situation.
   
8. For example, burglaries have jumped 567%.
   
9. And vandalism, up 789%.
   
10. And looting…well, there’s been 7 cases. Up from 0.
    
11. And criminals from neighboring towns have started moving in. In fact, 2 rival gangs from nearby Centerville (the Ratts and the 12th Street Toughs—man, they could use some coaching on those names) have scheduled a contest to see how many cars they can put out of commission by knifing tires. (Rough kids, but very environmentally minded.)
    
12. There are only a few teens left in town who still have their sanity. Those few have seized the day and scheduled a huge (and completely unauthorized) skate rally for 11 days from now. Underage skate rats will be flooding in from all over the state.
    
13. And rumors are flying that higher authorities (FBI, CIA, SMERSH, Bureau 13) are being called in.