Stolen Innocence (29 page)

For he shall run and leap on Zion’s streets of gold.

Eye hath not seen nor ear hath heard the glory he shall know.

We love him so

His body will then be renewed, restored as in his youth

His handmaidens shall be increased and great will be his seed

His people shall rejoice in him

The story tell again

The Lord has worked a miracle

Our prophet has been healed.

Some of Rulon’s wives had even been given baby cribs to keep in their rooms as an incentive to stay pure for Uncle Rulon’s imminent rebirth, when he would begin to create offspring again.

Until that could happen, Uncle Warren had been standing in and assuming the care of Uncle Rulon’s family. For years, Uncle Rulon’s wives had been conditioned to go to Warren—not their husband—with any and all concerns. Whether it was about the household or even their own personal feelings and life, they were required to check in with Warren regularly and keep him apprised of what they were doing and where they were going. Some of the women had even confided in Warren about female medical concerns such as endometriosis. They were required to spell out in detail everything that they were experiencing, before they could be granted Warren’s permission to see a doctor.

These intrusions by Warren only alienated Kassandra further from him. She told me that she and Warren never saw eye to eye, and she used every opportunity to circumvent him and deal directly with Uncle Rulon. When she wanted permission for something, she tried to ask her husband and not Warren. Her actions aggravated Warren, and he never missed a chance to reprimand her. As Rulon grew feebler, Warren’s invasions only escalated, eventually becoming unavoidable and impacting her life in frustrating ways. Whereas before he’d been a nuisance, now his interest was inescapable and his constant monitoring and control followed her wherever she went. In response, Kassandra grew more independent, frequently disobeying many things, including the curfew that Warren had imposed on all the wives.

With Rulon’s health failing, most of the prophet’s young wives spent the summer of 2002 at home praying for his renewal. They all dreamed of the days when they could start to produce children with Rulon—even going so far as to sew baby clothes in anticipation. But Kassandra wanted nothing to do with that. She continued to leave the compound whenever possible, and she’d been caught sneaking out on several occasions. Unbeknownst to Uncle Warren, Kassandra had begun a friendship with a young FLDS member named Ryan Musser, who was actually one of Rulon’s grandsons. They shared a close, secret bond, and her trust in him gave her an outlet for her bottled-up emotions. Ryan was the one person whom she felt she could confide in without the threat of her words being reported back to Warren.

Photographic Insert

I was my mother’s eleventh child of her eventual fourteen, and we were close from the moment I was born.

As I grew up, Dad started calling me Goldilocks because of my long blond hair and how I skipped around the house.

Though I had many older sisters, the closest in age was seven years older than me. As a result, I grew up spending a lot of my time with my brothers.

Our annual camping trips offered a chance for many of my siblings to spend time together. In the vast spaces of the wilderness, we could roam freely without the secrecy of our normal lives.

My parents always tried to expose us to classical music even though we were in the FLDS. Here I am performing with my brothers and sisters in a violin recital in Salt Lake City.

FLDS members must wear church-sanctioned clothes at all times, even in warmer weather. The Utah summers could be brutal in our ankle-length Pioneer dresses, and for the boys constantly running around in collared shirts was incredibly uncomfortable. I’m in the front row on the left.

This photo of Dad, his three wives, and his younger children was taken in 1996. My mother stands behind Dad.

This photo was taken on Pioneer Day down in Short Creek when some of my sisters and I were in the Dancing Girls troop. I’m standing second from the right.

This picture of me and my father was taken at Alta Academy shortly before I was baptized in its basement “baptismal vault.”