Stink: The Incredible Shrinking Kid (4 page)

“You killed Newton!” cried Stink. “The state amphibian of New Hampshire. My class pet. My homework!”

Stink ran to his room. He threw himself facedown on the bed.

Newton was gone. Gone, gon
er,
gon
est.
All that was left of Stink’s class pet was his not-boring newt skin.

Stink gave the newt skin a place of honor on his desk. Right next to his gold Sacagawea dollar, his state quarters, and his French cootie catcher.

The newt skin just sat there. Lonely. Empty. Dead.

Deader than a doorknob.

Stink decided to do his homework. Homework always made him feel better.

Stink drew a still life of the newt skin for art class. He read a poem called “Who Has Seen the Wind?” He wrote one called “Who Has Seen the Newt?” and he used all his homework phrases in sentences.

Judy came up to his room. “I’m sorry, Stink,” she said. “I’m super-duper sorry. But I bet Newton slipped right down the pipes and on down to the river before I even flipped the switch.”

Stink put down his pencil. “You think?”

“Newton is having the time of his life. Think of it like
Stuart Little.
He’s probably sailing down the river right now on a raft, having a big, fat, newt adventure.”

“What am I going to tell Mrs. Dempster? And my class?”

“They’ll understand. It’s all part of the life cycle, Stink.”

“The garbage disposal is NOT part of the life cycle!” said Stink.

Stink finished his homework. He wrote the last entry in his journal.

Sunday 5:21 NEWTON GOES DOWN THE DRAIN

On Monday morning, when Stink told Mrs. D. about the G.D.I. (Garbage Disposal Incident), she said, “Let’s just tell the class Newton ran away. It’ll be our little secret.” She wasn’t even mad. She told Stink she was going back to New Hampshire for Presidents’ Day weekend, and she could get another newt.

Class 2D wrote stories about the adventures they thought Newton was having in the big, wide world. Webster wrote about Newton joining a baseball team called the Newt York Yankees. Sophie of the Elves wrote about a magic kingdom where Princess Salamandra was under an evil spell and a newt in shining armor came to rescue her. And Stink wrote about Newton sailing down the river on a raft to Legoland and riding the roller coaster.

The stories made everybody feel much better. Especially Stink. Mrs. D. even told Stink he could keep Newton’s skin. As in, for real. For good. For
ever.

Mrs. Dempster talked about Presidents’ Day for the rest of the week. Stink’s class made cotton-ball portraits of George Washington. They made milk-carton-and-pretzel-stick log cabins in honor of Abraham Lincoln. Everybody said how tall Abe was. How tall his hat was. Tall, tall, tall. They acted like Abraham Lincoln was a giant.

“What’s so great about living in a log cabin?” Stink asked Webster.

“Lincoln carved his math problems on the walls, right in the logs.”

“He should have gotten in trouble for writing on the walls!” Stink said.

All week, nobody said a word about Stink’s favorite president, James Madison. Not one peep. James Madison had a birthday, too. March 16.

Mrs. Dempster told the class, “Okay, 2D. Homework is on the board.”

“I know! I know!” said Calvin. “Presidents’ Day means you see flags.”

“It means we don’t have school on Monday,” said Webster.

“It means you can buy stuff on sale, because presidents are on money,” said Heather S.

“Let’s not give away all our ideas,” said Mrs. D. “I want everybody to write one page about what Presidents’ Day means to
you.
”

“Can we draw something, too?” asked Lucy.

“Can we write a poem?” asked Sophie of the Elves.

“Can we dress up?” asked Stink.

“Yes, yes, and yes,” his teacher said. “But I still want my one page.”

Stink took out his Big Head book of presidents. He flipped to the best president ever. President number four, James Madison.

Stink and James Madison were a lot alike. James Madison was from Virginia. Stink was from Virginia. James Madison had the name James. Stink had the name James! James Madison wore pants. Stink wore pants! Same-same!

More people should know about James Madison. They should have a statue of James Madison in the park. Or carve his head on the side of Mt. Trashmore. They should sing about him in the state song.

That gave Stink an idea. A great big Presidents’ Day idea.

All the way home from school, Stink made up words for the state song. He sang it to the tune of
Frère Jacques.
He sang it for Mom. He sang it for Dad.

“Ja-ames Mad-i-son
Ja-ames Mad-i-son
Num-ber four, num-ber four
Changed his hair to white
Wrote the Bill of Rights
Ding, dang, dong
We love you.”

“That’s great!” said Mom. “I don’t think we have a Virginia state song.”

“There’s a state bird. And a state flower,” said Dad.

“And a Virginia state quarter,” said Judy.

State quarter! Of course! Lincoln was on a penny. Washington was on a dollar. James Madison should be on the Virginia state quarter!

“Can I use your smelly markers?” Stink asked Judy.

“No,” said Judy. “You never put the caps back on.”

“Newton,” said Stink. “N-E-W-T-O-N. Poor little newt.
GRRRRRRR.
” Stink made a garbage disposal noise.

“Oh, go ahead,” said Judy. “But that’s IT. I’m not going to let you keep pulling a NEWTON on me!”

Stink sniffed a grape marker. He sniffed a blueberry marker. He sniffed a black licorice marker.
Yum, yum!

He drew an outline of James Madison’s head. On either side of it, he drew a quill pen and a number 4. Below it he wrote
E Pluribus Constitution.

Then he wrote a letter to the governor.