Still Mine (21 page)

Hurt edged her words and she hated the weakness. Pain slashed through her determination, making it impossible to remain so close to him. She left the desk she was currently assigned to and walked past the silent team working on Ruby. The sun was beginning its reign of blazing terror for the day as she moved away from the cover of the hangar.

Major Nolan Durant stepped into her path, stopping in front of her. Lifting her chin, she faced the hard reality of his displeasure. Cold fury coated his face as he considered her.

“You appear to have a problem with the chain of command, Deputy.”

The reprimand in his voice unleashed her temper. “What did you think, Durant? That you big strong men are the only ones who need to keep your commitments?”

Stepping back so that she could stare at his face better, she lifted her hand when he moved to close the gap.

“Oh, please. Save the intimidation tactics for someone you can impress. I’m not swallowing it.”

“How did you make contact with your boss?” His eyes flashed with determination so bright it was nearly blinding. “Where’s the hole?”

“I mailed a letter.” Surprise registered on his face. “A good old-fashioned letter, handwritten. No word processor to keep a record, no email password required.”

The major took a long breath before aiming a hard look at her. “Well, it worked, your boss is inbound. With unknowns about to descend onto my post, that places your ass on the line. To my way of thinking.”

Durant obviously agreed with Paul on the issue but she wasn’t taking it. There was no way she would ever roll over and just play house cat.

“What’s wrong, Durant? Pissed off that I won’t just duck behind you and live the rest of my days as a bitch?”

Creases appeared between his eyebrows as he tried to follow her logic.

“That’s right, I said bitch. You know, you give it some attention, take it for a run, feed it, make sure it’s got water and gets mounted when in heat. A bitch, a pet that enhances your genius project leader’s life. Keeping him settled and focused.”

The sound of incoming helicopters filled the air as Durant narrowed his eyes. Moving closer, she tipped her head back to make sure she could see his expression.

“Tell you what, Durant. I’ll agree with you, if you tell me that you’d be content hiding behind someone else’s back when your butt was on the line.”

His eyes widened as she saw a glimpse of his clenched teeth.

“Go on, just say it. ‘I’d hide.’” She scoffed at him. “You’d fucking tell anyone who tried to push you into a safe house to go to hell and pass the ammunition on their way out the door. I may be a female but I am not helpless. Maybe if you and all your superiors would stop telling me what I can’t do, I just might surprise you with how much I get done.”

“And your husband?”

The major’s voice was soft now, digging into her emotions.

“Marriage is a partnership, at least to me it is.”

And she wasn’t negotiating on that. It was all or nothing. Sharing the joys and sorrows, not following three steps behind. Her heart filled with pain so hard it almost buckled her knees. Ducking around the major, she hissed when he grabbed her wrist and stopped her.

“I see your point, but I warned you too.” He swept her body with his gaze, lingering for a moment on her right ankle. “Sit.”

“Why?” She didn’t bother to ask if she’d heard him correctly. The man was in his commanding element. He wanted her tail on the tarmac and he didn’t look like explanations were in his plan.

“Do it now or I’m going to put you down.”

The noise from her boss’s inbound bird bolstered her confidence. Stepping back, she eyed the major, intent on keeping out of his range for the time it took for Ross Locke to land. “You’ll just have to wait until I get done reporting in to my superior.”

“Not a chance.” He pulled her arm around his body, placing his shoulder against her back as he knelt. She ended up on the tarmac in two seconds as the pressure on her arm increased, her resistance transforming it into pain.

“Keeping you alive is my responsibility, ma’am.” He released her wrist the second her belly made contact with the surface of the asphalt. The smell of hot tar filled her nose. She gasped when the man sat right over her body, trapping one leg between his thighs.

“So, you’re going to be tagged just like an endangered species.” Her pant leg was yanked up her calf as she pushed against the ground. It was a useless effort. Nolan never missed a beat as he shoved her sock down and clasped her bare ankle.

“Don’t doubt that you are being hunted. The happiness part is between you and your spouse.” He clamped something around her ankle.

Standing, he watched her flip over and push her body upwards with a snarl.

“What is this thing?”

He lifted an eyebrow at her tone. “Insurance. You invited a whole bunch of unknowns into my command. You’re not the only one with trust issues.”

Three helicopters came into view, the shield of the marshals office clear in the morning sun. They hovered gracefully as the noise level rose to a point where conversation became impossible. Heavily armed men filed out onto the landing zone, crouching behind whatever cover they found.

“You attract rats, Deputy, and it’s my job to exterminate them.”

With a final fuming glare at Durant, she started moving towards her team. Her emotions were torn. It was a conflict she hadn’t anticipated when she’d mailed that letter, but she wasn’t going to nurse her hurt. The gun tucked into her belt was hard and real. The lover who had shared her bed last night more specter than man. He’d dissipated into her dreams before. She couldn’t build a life on that. It hurt but she wouldn’t be the young bride who had trusted so blindly. Not again. Once was more than enough. Being adrift had left its scars by forcing her to grow up. The pain searing through her heart was just another step in the evolution of girl to woman.

It had to be.

Chapter Ten

Ross Locke didn’t come alone. All three helicopters were filled with deputies. He swept the area and found her instantly but stood in place as the third group of men joined him.

Her breath got stuck in her throat for a second as she watched Cal Rutten take up the lead. Her boss’s superior was an unexpected arrival. Durant blocked their path, the noise of the winding-down rotors masking the conversation between the two men.

A hard hand gripped her belt.

“You’ve managed to build an interesting life for yourself, Jo.” Paul’s voice was low but edged with emotion. She turned to look at him because she heard pain in that gruff tone.

“Ruby isn’t exactly something to be ashamed of either.”

His black eyes snapped but there was also a spark of pride in them. “Yeah, we are rather well matched. My mistake was not noticing that six years ago.”

He stepped in front of her, blocking her view of her team. “I’m sorry I hurt you.”

Her throat tightened up as she stared into the eyes of the man she’d fallen in love with. One corner of his mouth curved up as he watched her.

“I guess you could return to your position on that warrant squad.” He reached out and stroked her cheek with two fingers. “Or stay here and have that baby.”

Her response was lost in a battle of emotion against logic. He left the choice hanging between them as she caught sight of the two soldiers nearest to her. The high-powered rifles and body armor told her that the civilian rules didn’t apply here. They watched her, not the action on the tarmac. The skin on the back of her neck tingled as she felt the strap around her ankle. A hand cupped her chin, raising her face back to her husband’s. A shudder shook her as she witnessed the blazing determination in his eyes.

“Hate me for deceiving you, Jo, but last night we loved.” The fingers around her chin tightened slightly. “That’s worth every moment of conflict to me. Think about that. Those hours we spent pressed against each other. You never let anyone touch you like that because you know what it feels like when love is included. Sex isn’t enough between us but making love is something worth struggling to keep.”

“Love has to be freely given, Paul. You can’t imprison it.”

He released her jaw, stroking his fingers across her cheek. Her breath rasped because sensation broke her concentration. Satisfaction flickered across his eyes as she jumped away from his touch.

“No, honey. Love is a predator that doesn’t give its victims any chance. Your love is as uncontrollable as mine.” He looked over his shoulder and frowned. “You want the choice, Jo? All right. I’m asking you to stay.”

He leaned down so that his words were kept between them. “Please.”

His arm snaked around her waist, gripping her hip as she looked in front of her to find Richard Tait glaring at them. Paul straightened, turning to stare at her fellow deputy. Tait returned the look, facing off with her husband. Her gaze roamed over the prime picture Richard made and her body rejected him.

It was instant and undeniable. The sort of thing that happened when you kissed a man and it felt like your lips had just touched your brother’s. That zip of revulsion that snaked through your belly.

Paul broke the eye contact with Tait, moving his attention back to her.

“You’ll never be happy with him, Jo.”

“And I will be with you?” Jerking out of his hold, Jo couldn’t stop the plea from edging her words. “You’re right, I love you so much it’s a part of me. But I woke up alone and it scared me, Paul. I wasn’t sure if I’d see you or not.”

“Trust takes time, Jo. I’ll grant you that.”

Her temper flared in the face of his words. Not sure what she wanted, she turned away from him to meet her boss, Nolan’s men trailing her as the deputies behind Ross Locke kept their expressions tight and their hands hooked into their belts near their pistols. Tension flooded the tarmac as Rutten offered her an amused look.

“Deputy Benate. How interesting to meet you.” Rutten’s gaze shifted to the two men watching her. “It seems your past has caught up with you.”

“Her future is what I’d like to discuss.” Ross Locke glared at Nolan without a hint of negotiation. It was the same thing she’d witnessed in Paul’s eyes. The moment tore at her because neither man wanted to hear that she chose the other.

But she would have to decide. Casting a glance back at her husband, she looked at the confident stance, his body at ease among the military element that surrounded him. The marshals office helicopters looked pathetic among the armored aircraft keeping them company on the tarmac. As well, the deputies with their chest harnesses were no competition for the camouflage body armor adorning the soldiers greeting them. Their handguns mere toys when standing next to the high-powered rifles.

She felt like she was perched on the fence between both worlds. Once she lost her balance, it was a long drop onto whichever side she fell towards. Once there, the wall would be too high to see over, blocking the other option from her sight, much less any interaction.

“This is a secured post. You will accompany my men.”

Nolan Durant cut a smooth gesture towards his men and they fell into step around the deputies.

“Valda mentioned that.” Ross Locke considered the major as he stepped up beside Jo. “But I never leave a man behind. This is my deputy.”

Nolan wasn’t impressed. He stood ramrod straight, his face a tight study in control. “The general might have granted you permission to enter my airspace but you do not have any authority to remove a civilian under my protective custody.”

Rutten stepped forward, a smooth smile on his lips.

“Well, we’ll just have to see what the general has to say about that. I’m sure we can all come to an agreement that has Deputy Benate’s best interests at heart.”

Jo suddenly noticed just how Rutten held the position he did. With bullshit expertise. Exactly like a politician. He was smooth and polished, each word delivered in a nonthreatening tone that soothed the male pride surrounding him.

Nolan raised an eyebrow. “You brought three loaded birds to talk?”

“We don’t get the chance to fire up the airpower very often.” Rutten flashed another savvy grin at the major. “Have to savor the ones we get. Fact is, Deputy Benate has been a huge asset to the department. Your little appropriation of her ruffled a lot of feathers. I could have filled six aircraft. I’m sure you can understand her teammates’ concern. Every badge is family.”

Nolan’s gaze shifted to her, the first hint of leniency entering his eyes. “We’ll talk. But only because you’ve got a good point. I don’t leave men behind either.”

Rutten clasped his hands together and smiled. “Good, good, we’ll get this all ironed out.”

Rutten reached out to clasp a hand on her shoulder, aiming that sunny expression at her. It didn’t ring sincere, though. A quick glance at her boss told a much different story. Ross Locke wasn’t comfortable. He kept his attention moving, never remaining in one place. It was something she was accustomed to when they were in the field. He always hoped for the best but fully expected the worst.

The muscles across her back tightened as she enjoyed the weight of her weapon where it was tucked into her belt at the center of her back. She’d shrugged into a long-sleeved shirt that was hanging open like a jacket just because all the men working on Ruby wore long sleeves. Working in the hangar with bare arms was chilly. At the moment she was grateful for the shirt tail. Her gun was hidden and she took solace in knowing that she held one advantage. There were too many unknown faces among the deputies and she found herself sharing Nolan’s frustration.

Keeping things tight was an excellent way to control rats. But now, they had sixteen new arrivals and she only trusted two of them.

Terrible odds when the chip resting on the table was her own life.

Paul watched her for the rest of the afternoon. Jo’s current workstation was on the floor of the hangar where Ruby was housed. Hard data sat in her mainframe, waiting to be shifted and organized into tables that would make it useable for reports. Thousands of angle readings and drag calculations that had been collected while the aircraft was in flight. The onboard computer measured one hundred and twenty-five points along the silver skin of the plane. Each of those sensors snapped a reading twice a minute which resulted in the mountain of numbers she was shoveling into computer folders. While considered classified, there was no way anyone might memorize the rows of numbers so the job was hers. With her shuffling numbers, the true scientists were free to analyze the reports that were already compiled.