Stiffs and Swine (17 page)

Overwhelmed by emotion, Felicity could only nod in response.

The supper club members said goodbye to Felicity and the dogs and wished them good luck at their show. “We’ll keep you in the loop,” James promised as they turned away.

“Thank you!” she waved as Vicar barked in excited accompaniment.

Bennett led the way as the foursome walked through the campground area and regrouped in front of a small lemonade stand.

“I don’t think she’s our killer,” Lindy said in a low voice.

“Me either, but we can’t cross Felicity off our list yet. She certainly had both motive and means. And she’s camped beside Jimmy before, so she might have known that he used a propane heater.” Lucy’s eyes scanned the crowd, though her gaze didn’t settle on a particular person. “Still, she doesn’t strike me as a calculating murderer. We’ll just move her name down to the bottom for now. Let’s go ahead and question the other barbecue teams next. And don’t forget to keep our eyes open for the pale guy James saw arguing with Jimmy. Who knows? He might even be on one of the teams.”

“Then we’d better split up,” James suggested. “There’s not much time left before their next category is due in to the judges.”

“Wait a sec.” Lucy held up a finger as though to stop her friends from moving forward. “If the other barbecue guys are anything like Jimmy, they’re not going to spill their guts to the two of us.” Lucy looked at Lindy. “You men might need to break the ice with them.”

“You’ve got a point there. Let’s have a gander at the team names again,” Bennett said, and the four friends quickly divided the teams between them. Lucy and James paired off and headed toward the cooking area. The first group they planned to talk to was the Adam’s Ribbers.

“Better let
me
take the lead with these gals,” Lucy said, her eyes sparkling in anticipation of prying information from the four women.

The teammates were all huddled around the grill, clearly engaged in a debate over which sauce to brush on the Cornish hens they had chosen as their entries in the Poultry category.

A plus-sized woman wearing a pink and white striped apron and a white golf visor slapped a pair of tongs against the top of her cooker and shouted, “No more fruit sauces, damn it! They’re not working!”

“But it’s just a
hint
of orange juice!” a woman dressed in a denim skirt and T-shirt reading
I Love Johnny Depp
argued.

“No. We’re goin’ with the spicy sauce this time,” stated a third woman in a firm but gentle voice. “Thelma’s got this sauce just right. It’s a winner for sure.”

“Men prefer spicy,” the fourth team member, a skinny redhead, declared and then noticed James standing near their grill. “Isn’t that right?” she asked him.

“I’m partial to spicy sauces over fruit sauces, yes,” he answered truthfully.

The woman in the Johnny Depp T-shirt said, “Hey! You were one of the brisket judges. Now that the contest is over, can you tell us what you thought of the mango sauce we entered in that category?”

“Well, I thought it was a bit too sweet and fruity to complement a piece of red meat.” James shrugged. “I’m sorry, ladies. I’m not trying to offend you, but if your friend Thelma’s made a spicy sauce, I’d go with that one.”

“Would you try it for us?” The Johnny Depp fan gave James and Lucy eager looks. “We’re using it on Cornish hens. Would you? Both of you?”

“Sure thing,” Lucy quickly agreed.

“I’m Zoe, by the way,” the girl said and then handed them each a paper plate bearing a half of a hen. Though still stuffed from their enormous late lunch, James and Lucy took a bite of Cornish hen, chewed thoughtfully, and then took a second bite in order to convince the ladies that their sauce was being carefully assessed.

Lucy set her plate down on the card table next to the grill. “It’s good.”

“But not great?” The woman in the striped apron gave Lucy a piercing look and then turned her sharp gaze on James.

“The spices are a bit too subtle for my taste. I think you need a bit more crushed red pepper,” he recommended. “But the texture is perfect. It’s real thick and savory. As soon as you get the spiciness factor down, I think you’ll have the perfect sauce.”

Thelma and Zoe beamed while the other Adam’s Ribbers thanked James and Lucy. “Can we get you some tea?” one of them asked. Lucy accepted and settled down at their card table, trying to appear as relaxed and casual as possible. James followed her lead.

“So who’s the one to beat in the Poultry category?” She directed her question at Zoe.

“The Tenderizers are good at everything.” Zoe frowned. “We could beat them in this category, we’re sure of it, but only if their team doesn’t get any extra help.”

“What do you mean?” Lucy gave Zoe a confused look. “Who would lend them a hand at this stage in the game?”

Thelma vigorously sprinkled several ingredients into a large bowl of barbecue sauce. “We heard a rumor that Jimmy Lang’s girlfriend was the one who came up with all his secret sauces, rubs, and mops. We also heard that two of the other teams were tryin’ to get her recipes from her.”

“You’d think they’d let the woman alone!” Zoe snorted in disgust. “Jimmy seemed like a nasty piece of work, but he was still her man. People can be such vultures.”

“Did you gals know Jimmy well?” Lucy asked evenly.

“No,” they answered simultaneously as they shook their heads.

“We’ve only been in one other contest with him and that was almost a year ago,” Zoe elaborated. “That was our first time cooking competitively, and we were too busy scrambling to get our entries in to pay him much mind.”

“Good thing we didn’t bother with him,” Thelma added with a huff. “I’d have had to smack that boy with the business end of my spatula if he carried on to our faces the way he did at the brisket contest yesterday. What a horse’s ass!” She dipped a spoon into the sauce and licked it. Grinning, she winked at James.

“Still, there are men like him all over the place,” one of the other women said with a shrug. “You gotta just ignore them and do your own thing, ya know? That’s how we all got together. We left jobs run by overbearing, butt-pinching jerk-offs. Now we own our own gourmet food market and do these contests as a hobby.” She raised her glass to her friends. “We’re havin’ a blast and we’re gettin’ better with every entry.”

The women exchanged high fives.

“Sounds like a lot of fun.” Lucy finished her tea and smiled at the women. “We’d best be on our way. Good luck to you all in the next contest.” She patted the grill lightly. “I think you’ve got a winner here.”

Thelma handed James a handwritten recipe. “Just in case we win, I want you to know what was in the sauce. Keep it hidden ’til the contest is over though.”

Surprised by Thelma’s generous gift, James blushed and thanked all four women.

“I don’t see any motive there,” Lucy commented as they headed for the next cook site. “They don’t need money and they weren’t really affected by Jimmy’s death.”

When James didn’t respond, she turned to look at him and realized that he had stopped walking. “What are you looking at?” she demanded and then fell silent.

Murphy Alistair had appeared from behind one of the RVs and was making her way toward James in quick strides. When she drew close to him, she dropped her briefcase carelessly on the ground and reached up to bring his face toward hers so she could kiss him on the lips.

“Poor you!” she whispered tenderly and held on to his shoulders. “I am so sorry about Gillian! How are you holding up?”

James gently extracted himself from the embrace but Murphy grasped his hand proprietarily. “I’m okay,” he responded, keeping his emotions guarded. “How did you find out about what happened?”

“You know I’ve got contacts all over the Valley. I received an e-mail from a colleague in Charlottesville about Jimmy Lang’s death and when I recognized that the murder had taken place in Hudsonville, I called my friend and found out that the victim had been killed here at the festival.” Her hazel eyes were filled with concern. “I had to come to see that you were all right.”

Unable to stop himself, James asked, “So you’re just here for me? Not to write a story about this?”

Murphy released his hand and picked her briefcase off the ground. “Well, I’ll cover the story, of course. Our readers would want to know about a fellow town member’s involvement in the case.”

“Are you referring to Gillian?” James tried to control his rising anger.

“To all of you, actually.” Murphy issued a curt nod of recognition to Lucy.

James took Murphy’s arm and pulled her several yards away from Lucy. “Look. You don’t know the full picture here. Gillian is innocent and she’s going through a lot emotionally right now. Once we get her name cleared and take her back home, she’s not going to want to see her name in print in the
Star
or hear people gossiping about her. She’s had
fellow
town members hurt her
in the past. You need to keep her out of your story.”

“I can’t leave out pertinent information like that. She’s half the story!” Murphy protested. “And people in Quincy’s Gap know her and will care deeply about how this whole thing unfolds for her.”

“Unfolds!”
James spluttered. “She’s not a piece of laundry! She’s my friend and a damned fine person!” He lowered his voice to a hissed whisper. “I’m warning you, Murphy, leave her name out of your piece.”

Murphy was stunned by his ferocity but she recovered quickly. “Why not tell me what’s going on in your words, then?”

“You’re unbelievable, you know that?” James snarled at her. “You’re not here for me at all! I’m secondary to this—the
big
story!” When Murphy didn’t deny this, he turned away from her in a fury. “I’ve got to go. Lucy and I are trying to do some
good
before Gillian has to spend the night in a jail cell.”

Grabbing his arm, Murphy pleaded with him. “I could help, too. When I interview people, I might find out information that would throw doubt on Gillian being a serious suspect.”

“That would finally put your prying ways to good use, then,” James snapped and then relented a fraction. “Let’s talk later, okay? I’m short on time.”

“And on kindness,” Murphy muttered stormily and stomped in the opposite direction.

“Let’s tackle the Tenderizers,” James growled when he reached Lucy’s side. “I’d love to have an excuse to take out my anger at Murphy on some smart-ass, beer-swigging, butt-scratching SOB.”

“I love it when you talk tough,” Lucy responded, feeling a surge of unexpected happiness.

Adam’s Ribbers’ Spicy Barbecue Sauce

An all-purpose sauce for use on ribs and steak, chicken, fish, and grilled vegetables.

1 tablespoon minced garlic

1 large onion, chopped

11⁄2 tablespoons olive oil

11⁄4 cups commercial chili sauce

1⁄3 cup tomato paste

1⁄4 cup Worcestershire sauce

1⁄4 cup red wine vinegar

11⁄2 teaspoons hot sauce (Thelma uses Tabasco)

1 tablespoon oregano

1⁄2 teaspoon crushed red pepper

1 tablespoon lemon juice

1⁄4 cup honey

Sauté the garlic and onion in olive oil for 5 minutes or until tender. Stir in the remaining ingredients and bring to a boil over medium-high heat. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 30 minutes. Remove from heat and brush on food while grilling. For an even spicier sauce, add more crushed red pepper.

If James and
Lucy hadn’t been so distracted by Murphy’s sudden appearance, they might have paid more attention to the noticeable lack of activity near the Tenderizer’s commercial-sized grill. Instead, they took a cursory glance around and then assumed that the team must be gathered inside one of the RVs parked nearby.

“This one’s the biggest,” Lucy said, jerking her thumb at the RV parked closest to the grill. She knocked lightly on the door, waited a moment, and then turned the knob.

As the door swung inward, James caught a glimpse of two horizontal figures on the camper’s pullout sofa. He saw a fleshy, tanned thigh, a flash of large, pale breasts, and the round, white plumpness of a man’s astonishingly hairy rump. It took both James and Lucy several seconds to realize that the many-limbed creature they were staring at was, in actuality, the entwined bodies of Jimmy’s girlfriend Hailey and a man James didn’t recognize.

“What the—!” the man shouted as he swiveled his head toward the open door.

Lucy turned around so abruptly that she lost her footing on the camper’s step and fell onto James, knocking him flat to the ground. They lay there for a moment, stunned by the fall, and then struggled to separate their entangled arms and legs. In their efforts to detach from one another, they bore a close resemblance to the couple inside the camper, except that James and Lucy were fully dressed.

By the time James stood and brushed loose grass and dirt from his soiled pants, Hailey had appeared at the camper’s doorway. Clutching on to the hand of a middle-aged man wearing a pair of faded jeans and an embarrassed grin, Hailey descended the two metal stairs. Her cheeks were spotted with red and her two-toned hair looked like an unraveled ball of yarn.

“Y’all ever heard of knockin’?” she demanded angrily, adjusting her low-cut T-shirt so that it barely covered the lacy cups of her turquoise bra. James couldn’t help but ogle the shifting flesh of Hailey’s breasts as she fiddled with her gossamer-thin cotton top. Finally, satisfied that the perfect amount of cleavage swelled at the base of her V-neck shirt, Hailey placed both hands beneath the shelf of her bosom and gave her breasts one last shove upward. James watched the two mounds ripple with the motion and then quickly dropped his eyes to his shoes.

“We did knock,” Lucy answered once she found her voice. “Sorry. I guess it wasn’t loud enough.”

“It sure wasn’t!” Hailey held up her hand and wiggled a magenta nail at James and Lucy. “And before you go judgin’ me, bein’ that Jimmy’s not even in the ground yet, I want you to know that Bob here is my
real
man. We’ve been together, well, at a distance-like, for almost a whole year now.”

The man stepped forward and held out his hand. “I recall y’all from the brisket judgin’. Damned endive.” His face darkened at the memory, but he shrugged it off with a forgiving grin. “Name’s Bob Barker. Not the game show host but the contractor with the most. Pleased to meet ya both.”

James attempted to comprehend Bob’s slogan, but since he couldn’t make any sense of it, he simply shook the man’s hand.

“I’ve just asked Hailey to marry me,” Bob said, smiling. He removed a black velvet box from his front pants pocket and opened it. “Cost me more than my first truck,” he told James and Lucy and wiggled the box in the sunlight so that its rays would illuminate the diamond solitaire. “But my Hailey’s worth it.”

“It’s beautiful,” Lucy said, her eyes riveted on the ring.

James glanced at Hailey. Though she gazed at the piece of jewelry with pride, he couldn’t help but wonder why the ring was still in its box and not on her finger.

“So why pretend to be with Jimmy if you and Bob have already been together for a year?” Lucy asked Hailey without breaking eye contact with the diamond.

“Well, I didn’t know if Bob was really gonna leave his old lady and get divorce papers, but he did. He showed me the papers with all that legal mumbo jumbo last night, after Jimmy fell asleep with that dumb ole heater on. That’s why I went ahead and spent the night with him. Bob, I mean. ’Cause I knew it was truly and all over with between Jimmy and me. I was gonna tell Jimmy about Bob and me this morning.” She paused and inspected her nails. “But I had some personal business to work out with him first.”

Before Lucy could demand what kind of business Hailey had to complete with Jimmy, Bob Barker took a step forward, as if to shield Hailey from further questioning. “I think Hailey’s been through enough, don’t y’all?” His tone left no room for reply. “She’s just gonna help me polish up the mop we’re usin’ on the Tenderizers’ chicken entry and then she’s gonna take a nice, long rest.”

Hailey frowned. “Don’t forget I’m gonna enter this category, too, Bob.” She stared at him defiantly. “I told you I was gonna let everyone see who the
real
Pitmaster is. This is
my
chance to shine, and I ain’t gonna pass up the chance to be the champion.”

Bob seemed prepared to argue, but then his scowl disappeared and he chuckled. “Sure, why not? After this competition, you’ll be Mrs. Bob Barker and you’ll be one of the Tenderizers.” He lowered his voice. “A behind-the-scenes member, of course, seein’ as we
are
a male team.” He rubbed Hailey’s lower back fondly. “We’re gonna win all over the country with you as our secret weapon.”

Hailey wasn’t pleased. “I don’t know that I wanna be any man’s secret weapon no more. I’m kinda tired of folks not knowin’ that I’m just as good as y’all when it comes to ’cue.”

As Bob’s eyes roamed around the campsite, he seemed to weigh his options. “Now don’t get yourself upset, darlin’,” he eventually cooed instead of addressing Hailey’s complaint. “Come on back inside and try our chipotle chicken mop and then we can talk some more
in private
about when we’re gonna tie the knot.”

Hailey glanced at Bob, clearly in no rush to taste the Tenderizers’ mop. “You go on. I’ll be just a sec. I wanna have a smoke, and I know you don’t like the smell of cigarettes inside the camper.”

Hesitating again, as though fearful that his future authority as the dominant partner was already being put to the test, Bob scrutinized James and Lucy. He appeared to come to the decision that they posed no threat to his relationship with Hailey. Donning a smile, he shook their hands again and said, “I hope y’all come to see the results of the Poultry category. It’s gonna be neck and neck between me and my lovely fiancée here.”

After the camper door clicked shut, Hailey walked off toward the edge of the campsite, pulling a pack of Virginia Slims from her pocket. She shook a cigarette loose from the packet but made no attempt to light it.

“That’s a heck of a gorgeous ring Bob bought you. Have you accepted his proposal?” Lucy inquired while pretending to casually study the cauliflower-shaped clouds overhead.

“Not yet.” Hailey also turned her face skyward, her cigarette dangling limply from her right hand. “I’ve had some man bossin’ me about my whole life. First Daddy, then a druggie boyfriend, then Jimmy. It might be nice just to be on my own for a bit.”

“Do you have a job back in Fort Worth?” James asked and immediately realized that he sounded like a chump for implying that Hailey would need something to fulfill her if she didn’t marry Bob Barker.

“Not really.” Hailey wasn’t offended by his question. “I spent most of my time doin’ church stuff and cleanin’ and cookin’ for Jimmy.” She flicked her eyes at James. “Now that he’s gone, I don’t wanna cook and clean for anyone else.”

“I don’t blame you.” James hoped he sounded sympathetic.

Lucy observed Hailey closely. “Did you tell Sheriff Jones about you and Bob?”

“She don’t know about the ring, but she knows we were knockin’ boots when someone taped the vents shut so as to kill Jimmy. The sheriff lady told me that the tapin’ must have happened ’bout midnight. I reckon it takes a long time for that propane stuff to kill someone Jimmy’s size.” Her eyes misted. “’Least he died peaceful and had shared his confession with me. We’d had a big tussle earlier that day, about that redhead and why he’s been hid—” She cut herself off and stared intently at Lucy. “Why are you askin’ so many questions, anyhow?”

“Because the woman under suspicion is not only innocent, but she’s a dear friend of ours,” Lucy answered tersely. “Did Jimmy tell you anything at all about Gillian?”

“The redhead who said Jimmy killed her man is your friend?” Hailey looked away quickly. “Jimmy just said somethin’ about a truck accident. He didn’t hurt anybody on purpose though.”

“Yes, he did. In fact, that’s why Jimmy spent fifteen years in prison,” Lucy informed her gently. “He was convicted of vehicular manslaughter, Hailey. Jimmy ran into Gillian’s husband with his truck … deliberately.”

Hailey’s face drained of all color and she touched the dove tattoo on her bosom. “Sweet Jesus!” She gazed off into the distance, her eyes narrowed. “That son of a bitch lied to me! He said he was in jail for dealin’ drugs.”

“Well, Jimmy was high
and
drunk when he drove over Gillian’s husband, so there
were
drugs involved, but he wasn’t in jail for dealing,” Lucy said softly.

Hailey snapped her cigarette in half. “He promised he was givin’ me his full confession. His hand was on my Bible! That bastard!” Her pupils grew small with rage. “He lied to me about
so
many things! Why he was in jail, about his
amazin’
cookin’ skills, his secret hidin’ places for cas—” She suddenly stopped her tirade and issued an insincere chuckle. “I guess I made the right decision to wait for Bob to get divorced. At least he don’t lie. He’s a gentleman, I’ll tell ya. He never even laid a hand on me ’til last night ’cause it wouldn’t have been right in the eyes of the Lord.”

Ignoring Hailey’s list of Bob’s finer attributes, Lucy continued her interrogation. “You told the sheriff that Gillian was
inside
your RV when you returned to the vehicle after, ah, spending time with Bob last night. But Gillian
wasn’t
inside, was she?” Lucy moved closer to Hailey and stood as tall as possible. She put her hands on her hips and planted her feet shoulder-width apart. Her blue eyes bored into Hailey’s. “She was sitting on the camper steps. Isn’t that right?”

Hailey looked everywhere but at Lucy. “It was real early, okay? Maybe I got confused about the details.”

Lucy’s hand shot out like a snake and grabbed Hailey’s plump arm. “You’d better get clear on the facts
really
fast. If my friend has to spend the night in jail because you found it
convenient
to say she was inside the camper instead of
outside
, then I am going to hound you for the rest of your time here.” Lucy shook Hailey’s arm. “Do you understand what I’m saying? I’ll be by your side, hanging on you like a leech. I’ll be so close to you that we’re going to breathe the same air. Get the picture?” Lucy inhaled deeply to emphasize her point. “How do you think
Bob
will enjoy this? Just the three of us, together every second for the rest of this festival?”

Hailey cast James a glance of appeal, but James folded his arms across his chest and tried to look as menacing as possible. It was difficult for him to tear his gaze from Lucy. He wanted to freeze time, to simply stand and drink in the sight of her. With her bright blue eyes ablaze and the sun illuminating her hair and creamy, smooth skin, James couldn’t help his heart from swelling with affection as he glanced between her and Hailey, who seemed to have shrunk in size while Lucy seemed colossal, like a goddess in pursuit of the truth.