Sticks and Stones (8 page)

‘Huh! Doubt it.'

Olive stared at her and then glanced expressionlessly at Maddie before concentrating on the computer again, effectively terminating the conversation. Maddie took up a position at a monitor nearby and started entering some keywords for referrals. What she really wanted to do was wave a magic wand and mandate that both her client and the ex-partner attend a parenting course. But unfortunately she didn't have that power, so instead she printed off a few referrals in the hope that they would at least provide direction, and then added an information sheet about the local community legal centre, in the unlikely case her client ever wanted to revisit the parenting orders.

Fifteen minutes later, Maddie held the door open for her client to leave and watched as she joined an equally large woman on the footpath outside. They moved off, surprisingly graceful for their size. Maddie let the door swing closed and then flipped over the
Open
sign to officially signal the end of the working week. Olive and Lisbeth were attending to the last two clients so she began straightening the waiting room, piling the toys back into the basket and picking up pamphlets from the floor. She paused at the noticeboard before a small advertisement that she had already read at least a dozen times.

SUPPORT GROUP

This is an informal support group for any women who have
ever been abused by a partner. This includes physical, mental,
verbal and financial abuse. We can't promise miracles and none
of us are trained counsellors but we can lend a friendly ear and
sometimes it just helps to know that you're not alone.
Every Friday night @ 7.00pm
Ring 5420 5810

Ignoring the sudden fluttering of her stomach, Maddie reached out quickly and pulled the notice off the board, thrusting it deep into her pocket. Then she continued tidying, feeling rather audacious even though the act had been so minor. And probably unnecessary. In the back room the volunteers had now departed, leaving a double row of food parcels. Maddie sat down at a computer and called up the database, entering ‘parenting orders' as a keyword. She leant forward, skipping down the information until she reached the section on orders by consent. It only told her what she already knew, that they could lodge their own parenting plan without involving lawyers or even a court appearance, if they could come to an agreement.

‘Parenting orders, hey?' Lisbeth was peering over her shoulder. ‘Having problems?'

Maddie closed the page. ‘No. Just checking the information I gave my last client.'

‘Would have been better off giving her a calorie counter. Or a tread-mill. So that she's around long enough to see her kids grow up.'

‘Just as well
you
didn't see her then.' Olive came through and hung up her clipboard. She pushed past Lisbeth and started turning off lights. ‘Let's get out of here. I've had enough.'

They closed up quickly in a silence that Maddie welcomed, even if it was uncomfortable. Lisbeth said a terse goodbye at the back door and then Olive held Maddie back, hand clutching her sleeve, determined to vent. And to enlist her support for a planned approach to management the following week because
something
had to be done. Maddie nodded, although she found it hard to really care. It seemed bizarre that Olive and the others felt so deeply about the situation. And equally bizarre that only a few days ago she would have too.

After ten minutes Maddie finally freed herself, nodding agreement even as she backed away. She drove home marvelling at how priorities can shift in an instant. Now whether or not Lisbeth was suited to the job or just burnt out barely rated a second thought. Maddie turned into her street and saw a car parked by the kerb, feeling an immediate flush of disappointment when she realised it was Kim's. Nevertheless she waved as she coasted up the driveway and then smiled welcomingly as she watched her friend approach slowly over the damp lawn.

The two women were of a similar age and height, but that was where the similarities ended. Where Maddie sometimes felt characterised by the colour brown, Kim had blue eyes that shone against pale Scandinavian skin and long hair the colour of a milky omelette. An interior decorator by trade, she also had an eye for fashion and always dressed her slightly pear-shaped figure off beautifully in tailored pants. A touch of femininity was then added via a range of silk or chiffony-type shirts. This one was a lacy pink with bell sleeves that billowed over her hands.

Maddie got out of her car. ‘Hey there.'

‘Hey yourself.'

‘Got time for a coffee?'

Kim nodded. ‘But I can't stay too long. I have to pick up Ryan from after-school care and take him down to his father's place.'

Maddie could hear Guess scrabbling at the inside of the back door as she unlocked it and the dog shot through eagerly as it opened. Straight over to his favourite corner of the yard where he immediately went into a straining half-squat, staring back at them with wide eyes.

Kim laughed. ‘I think he wants some privacy.'

‘Well, if the grass gets any longer he won't have to worry!' Maddie led the way inside and dropped her bag down on the kitchen table. She lit the gas underneath the kettle and then went to check the answering machine. The little green light was blinking so, without a second thought, she pressed play. Sam's voice immediately filled the room.

Hey Mum, I'm ringing early today coz we're heading up to Yea in a minute to visit Gran and that lot. So I thought I'd ring now because . . . you know. Anyway, nothing much new. We cleaned out our rooms today and bagged all the old stuff up for charity. I found my old set of Yu-Gi-Oh cards! Remember those? Oh, and I passed on your message to Ashley, about you understanding and all that. I think she was relieved, but really she's too busy taking all the credit for things turning out so good with Dad and all. Hey, how's Guess? Is he missing us? Okay, that's about it then. Um, except we probably won't be back till Sunday afternoon now. Hope that's okay. I'll ring you tomorrow. Bye.

Maddie gave herself a moment to absorb the message, feeling a bit gut-shot by the news they wouldn't be back till Sunday, and then pushed it away as she turned around slowly to face Kim. They stared at each other silently for a little while before Kim finally spoke.

‘This is why you were a bit off on the phone the other day, isn't it?'

‘Yes.'

‘But I always thought your ex was out of the picture. Not interested.'

Maddie dropped her gaze and then crossed the room without answering and went over to the stove. Sunday was still four days away. The kettle was boiling now, hissing steam in short bursts towards the ceiling. She made two cups of coffee and brought them over to the table.

‘Maddie? What's going on?'

‘I may have left out a few details,' replied Maddie slowly, sitting down and wrapping her hands around her mug for warmth. ‘Like he
was
interested. Very interested.'

‘But then why didn't he contact you? Why didn't he ever see the kids?'

Maddie rotated her mug and then stared down at the expanding ripples. ‘Because he didn't know where they were.'

‘How can he not know where they were? Why didn't he just ring or something?'

‘Because he didn't have a phone number. Or an address. Or even –' Maddie looked up and held Kim's gaze. ‘Or even the names we were using now.'

Kim frowned but stayed silent as she registered the implications. Her eyes widened. ‘Hang on, you mean you . . .'

‘Yes.' Maddie leant forward, continuing rapidly. ‘But I had my reasons, you know. It's not like I just took them on a whim. I had no choice. None at all.'

‘Okay.' Kim paused and then took a deep breath, releasing it in a whoosh of air. ‘Wow.' She shook her head slowly. ‘But why? Not that I don't believe you had good reason, so I'll understand if you don't want to tell me but, well . . . Wow.'

‘Do you really mean that? That you don't need to know to believe me?'

‘Of course. God, Maddie, I've known you for what? Five years? Long enough to know that you're a pretty level-headed, sane sort of person. Certainly not the type to do a runner with the kids just because you happen to have nothing else on that weekend!'

Maddie gave a short bark of laughter. ‘Is there actually a type that does that?'

‘Probably not,' Kim smiled, stretching the moment until it bounced back looser. More relaxed.

‘His name is Jake,' said Maddie suddenly. ‘We separated just after our tenth anniversary and I moved into this little unit with the kids. Actually we had shared care. But that was when the problems really started. I mean, it hadn't been that great before but after . . . well, it was bad.' She hesitated, remembering. ‘Awful.'

‘Oh. Was he violent?'

Maddie nodded rather than saying it out loud. ‘And the thing is that the more I tried to pull away, the worse he got. Not just the physical stuff but the mental as well. All the threats, and not returning the kids, making complaints about me to the authorities, making copies of all my keys. One time he even broke in and left a dead bird on the kitchen table. Other times he came in the middle of the night and just watched me sleep.' Maddie closed her eyes momentarily and then opened them to stare intently at Kim. ‘I honestly,
honestly
, don't know how it would have ended up if I'd stayed. Because he was never going to give up. Never.'

Kim's eyes had widened. ‘God.'

‘He wasn't always like that,' said Maddie, suddenly feeling oddly defensive. Not just of Jake himself, but also of her choice of him as a partner. ‘Not that bad anyway. But towards the end, well, he was pretty . . . full on.'

Kim shook her head, as if trying to take this all in. ‘He must have been. For you to do . . . that.'

Maddie felt a swell of liquid guilt. ‘I wouldn't have, if there'd been any other choice. Because he really did love those kids, you know. In his own way. And he's missed out on so much.'

‘But what about the court system? Couldn't you have used that?'

Maddie laughed flatly, remembering how delighted Jake had been with that prospect. Where as the adversarial nature of the system just filled her with dread, for him it was like a welcome mat. Come in, sit down, enjoy.

‘Then counselling?' asked Kim, still frowning. ‘Or one of those parenting courses?'

‘He wouldn't have done it.'

‘But surely . . . well, if he knew what the alternative was?'

Maddie stared at Kim in silence for a few moments. ‘You think I did the wrong thing?'

‘Of course not!' Kim looked horrified. ‘Not at all! Please don't think that. For starters, I wasn't even there, so how can I judge?' She reached forward suddenly and put her hand over Maddie's. ‘I'm just trying to get a sense . . . it's just so huge, that's all. Like how did you do it? I mean, how does someone . . . do that?'

‘It wasn't easy.' Maddie was relieved to move on, away from the reasons. ‘And I was lucky that I had help, support. There was my sister, and also this wonderful little old lady next door. She was as gutsy as they come. Anyway, I told Jake I was moving back home, so that got him off my back for a few days. But oh, Kim . . .' Maddie went quiet as she pictured, not for the first time, how Jake must have been that Thursday night, coming home from work, expecting his family to be there. He had planned to take them out to dinner, to celebrate.

‘It must have been hard. For everyone.'

‘Yes. Especially because . . .' Maddie slipped her hand out from underneath Kim's and laid it over the top instead, holding it tight, to
make
her understand. ‘See, what people don't get is that I
loved
him. Very, very much. It was like there were two Jakes. The one who was an utter bastard, and the other one who was just wonderful. Everything I ever wanted. And even when I left, I still loved him. That Jake.
My
Jake.'

‘Yet you . . .'

Maddie let go of Kim's hand as she nodded. ‘Yes.'

‘Well, I've never been in that situation so I won't pretend to understand. It's easy for me to say I'd never . . . you know. When all
my
marriage did was peter out, so it was actually a relief by the time we acknowledged it was over. For both of us. I think we even helped each other pack!'

Maddie took a sip of coffee. ‘Well, we didn't quite do that. And I had to leave most of my stuff behind anyway. My sister cleaned everything out after I left.'

‘So how
did
you? Leave, that is.'

‘Oh, just zigzagged around the country for a bit to start with. Buses and trains because they don't need proof of name, but I also took our passports so Jake would maybe think we'd headed overseas. Anyway, we ended up in a refuge not far from here and they helped me set myself up, even got me the job at the community centre. The biggest problem was establishing the new names but it's amazing how you can get around things. Like you put the gas and electricity in your new name and then you can use the bills for ID. Things like that.'

‘But what about stuff like family payments from Centrelink? Or tax?'

‘Well, Centrelink wasn't worth the risk so I just did without. Tax was the only thing that I still used my old name for, but with the community centre as my home address. So if anyone had come snooping around we would have known.'

Kim leant forward. ‘So what's your name? Your
real
name?'

‘I'm afraid I didn't use much imagination,' Maddie smiled, mostly at herself. ‘My name's Matilda and everyone always called me Mattie. So I just made it Madeline, and went with Maddie instead.'

‘Well, that
is
disappointing! I was hoping for something with a tad of mystery about it. Mattie. Maddie. Hmm.'

‘Matilda,' he said, his voice thick with emotion. Whispering into her ear. ‘My little Waltzing Matilda.'