Stepbrother With Benefits 11 (3 page)

I hurry and pull the worm out, then open my eyes.  Don't look.  Don't look at the worm in your fingers.  I drape the worm over the hook and it just kind of hangs there, unassuming.

"I don't think that's how it works," my mom says.

"It's on the hook," I point out to her.  It really is!

"Yes, but what happens when you put it in the water?  It's not just going to stay on the hook, is it?"

"Oh, um..."

"Ashley, we're hopeless," my mom says.  "Do you just want to go swimming instead?"

"We can't quit!" I tell her.  "Mom, this is serious.  We're supposed to be fishing.  Also, we don't even have bathing suits."

She shrugs.  "So?  You're wearing underwear, aren't you?  It's not like anyone else is here.  It's practically the same thing."

I stare at her.  "What?  Are you being serious?"

"What do you mean?  Of course I am.  It's not like I haven't seen you in your underwear before.  You were traipsing around upstairs just running out of Ethan's room in your bra and panties the other day, so don't even try to act like you don't have a wild streak.  It's only swimming, too."

"Mom, someone else could come.  I'm not going swimming in my underwear."

"Fine!  Then we have to figure out how to go fishing," she says.

"I really don't think this is an either-or kind of situation.  We can, um..."

I look around, trying to figure out what else we can do.  Honestly, I have no idea.  There's a lake, and that's about it.  We can go back to the campsite, but it's not like that's a whole lot better.

"What if you tie it around the hook?" my mom offers.

"Like a knot?  Tie the worm in a  knot?"

"Yes, exactly."

"Um..."  I stare at the worm.  It does look long enough for me to tie it in a knot around the hook, so...

I give it a try, and it's just horrible.  First off, shortly after she said that, the worm wriggled off the hook and fell to the ground.  Second, as soon as I pick it back up, it starts squirming, and it doesn't ever stop squirming.  Worms squirm.  A lot.  Ugh.

I manage to tie it in a knot around the hook, but then the worm starts to squirm and wriggle and untie itself.  What the heck, worm?

"What if we just throw the hook in the water and pretend to fish?" I ask my mom.  "That's really the important part, right?  Even if you don't catch anything, fishing is supposed to be relaxing, so..."

"Oh!  Oh, that's a good idea.  I knew I could count on you," my mom says.

I quickly dump the worm back in its bucket and close the lid.  My mom and I head to the edge of the lake and prepare to pretend to fish.  We... um... so... the hooks are in the water, sort of.  They don't go very far.  We really didn't think this through all that well.  They're in, though!  We're fishing.  Does it matter how far away the hooks are if we don't even have bait?  I don't think so, but I really don't know, because I'm not sure what the rules are for pretend fishing.

We sit down next to the lake and bask in the glow of our fishing prowess.  The water washes up the shore, lapping across the rocky sand.

"Is everything alright?" my mom asks suddenly.

"Um, what do you mean?" I counter.

"With you and Ethan?" my mom says.  "Have you two been able to talk at all?"

"Sort of?" I say.  I don't know how to explain this.  "We talked in the car on the ride here, and um... last night in the tent.  We talked a little this morning, too.  I guess it is hard.  There's not a lot of privacy here."

"I know," my mom says.  "It's supposed to be fun, but if you aren't having fun you can tell me, you know?"

"It's not that it's not fun, but..."

I don't know.  I'm not sure what to tell her.  I would tell her if I could, but I just don't know what to say.

"I can pretend to be sick if you want," my mom says.  "Then we can go back home early."

"Mom..."

"I'm just saying," she says.

"I know, and I appreciate it, but..."  I hesitate, not sure if I should tell her this, except why not?  "Ethan is going to tell his dad," I say.

"When?" she asks.

"Now?  Um... I don't know exactly when, but he said he would tell him while they're hiking, so probably he'll know by the time they come back."

"Oh my," my mom says.  The way she says it makes me nervous.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"What?  Oh, nothing."

"Mom, seriously, what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong.  I'm just wondering how this is going to go."

"What do you mean you're wondering how this is going to go?  It's going to go fine!"  I think it is.  I really hope so.  "...Right?"

"I'm sure it'll be fine," she says.  "I was talking with Ethan's father last night and it wasn't anything too serious, but he did mention how he thinks Ethan is lashing out a little more lately and maybe he needs to have a talk with him about that.  I tried to say it was probably nothing and Ethan's an adult now, but you know how his father can be."

"Um... and you didn't think you should tell us this?"

"If Ethan is lashing out, it's because of you, honey, so really, I think everything is going to be fine if him and his father talk."

"I guess..." I say.  For a second I'm not sure what else to say, so I stay silent.  "Mom, do they hate each other?  I know they talk, but I don't know if they like each other."

"Of course they don't hate each other, Ashley.  It's just complicated, that's all.  They're men.  You know how it is?"

I don't know how it is, actually, but I decide not to say anything.

"We need to help them," I tell her.  "Whatever happens when they come back, we need to help them.  If Ethan's dad is mad, then we need to all talk until they aren't mad anymore.  I know that Ethan and his dad don't really talk much, but I don't care.  They can't be mad at each other, not about this.  It's going to be too hard if they get upset about it and get angry with each other."

My mom grins, an excited glimmer in her eyes.  "What do you have in mind?"

"Um... I don't know.  I didn't think that far ahead."

"Campfire cuddling," my mom says.  "And storytelling.  We can all talk about what we've been up to for the past year.  I know you and I talk on the phone all the time, so we probably already know what we've been doing, but Ethan doesn't talk to his father much, so it'll be a chance for them to open up.  But also we'll be seeing each other in a new light, and if I'm cuddling with your stepfather at one side of the campfire and you're cuddling with Ethan at the other, we can all look into each other's eyes and really see what's going on.  What do you think?"

"I think it's a nice idea," I say.  "I like it.  If they don't want to talk about what they've been up to, we could tell stories, too.  Ghost stories, maybe?"

"With s'mores, of course," my mom says, extremely serious, nodding.

"Of course!" I tell her, laughing.

"I think it'll work," she says, nodding again.  "Like a double date, I guess, but also acknowledging each other.  I acknowledge you, Ashley!  Ethan, too."

I laugh at the way she says it.  "Thanks?"

"So what else have you been up to?" she says.  "When you and Ethan came back from the bathroom, you two looked a little strange.  Did something happen?"

"Oh, um..."

Before I can say anything, someone comes up behind us.  "Uh... Ashley?"

Oh my God, it's Caleb.  Why is he here?

"Um... hi, Caleb?" I say, offering him a small wave.

"I saw a note at your campsite when I came to find you and it said you'd be here, so..."

"Hi, Caleb!" my mom says, waving excitedly at him.

"Hi," he says, sort of smiling and looking anxious at the same time.

"Here," my mom says.  "Come sit with us.  We're fishing."

"We're not actually fishing," I say, mumbling.  "We didn't know how to put the worms on our hooks."

"Do you want me to show you?" Caleb asks, eager.  "It's not that hard.  Here, uh, where are your worms?"

My mom points to the bucket of worms behind us, just sitting there on the ground.  Caleb goes to get it, then joins us.

This is weird.  And awkward.  I'm not sure what I'm going to say to Caleb.  I guess it's not so bad since it's just me and my mom here?  She already knows, so...

"Ashley, I don't mean to, uh... in front of your mom... but..."

"What?" my mom asks, concerned.  "Is something wrong, you two?"

"Um..." I say, unsure what else to say.

"Er... well..."  Caleb pauses after that.

I think that's going to be it and he won't say anything, but... nope...

I have no fucking clue where we are, and I'm pretty sure my dad doesn't, either.  Neither of us is willing to admit this, though.  I mean, fuck, maybe he does know?  He had a good point before, too.  Just because I don't recognize a damn thing around us, doesn't mean we're lost or anything.  The lake should be to the right, so if we just turn that way, we'll be fine.

Just ignore the fact that we don't have a compass or anything.  Also the fact that we haven't exactly been going in a straight line this entire time.  How the fuck do you walk in a straight line in the middle of the woods?  I guess you can try, but good luck with that.

We can probably just turn around, though.  We know where we came from, so it's not like we can't just go back that way.  Yeah, that's it.  We're fine.  It's cool...

"So tell me about this girl you're dating," my dad says, kind of serious but friendly.

"Yeah, she's cool," I say.  That's it.  Not sure I want to say more yet.  Better not to incriminate myself when I finally tell him the truth.

"Who is she?" he says.  "Do I know her?"

Shit.  "Uh, maybe?"

"It's not one of Ashley's friends, is it?" my dad asks.

How the fuck do I even have this conversation?  Someone help me out here, please, because I have no clue what I'm doing right now.

"Kind of?" I say.  Ashley's probably friends with herself, right?  Sure, let's go with that.  "It's complicated."

"How long have you been dating her?" my dad asks.  "Does she have a name?  Give me something to work with here, Ethan."

He laughs, and I guess it is kind of funny.  I'm being vague as fuck, but there's a damn good reason for it.  I guess I could just come out and tell him right now, but I'm still not sure how to do it.  You can say it's as easy as just saying it, but for me it's not that easy.  I'm fine with doing everything else, but this shit is hard for me.

"Just uh... alright, well, you're going to think this is stupid, but we had a kind of friends with benefits situation at first, right?"  Yeah, this is true.  Mostly true.  Stepbrother with benefits, but whatever.  "Yeah, so, it kind of escalated and now we're dating.  It's only been, uh... not that long.  A little more than a week, but I really like this girl."

My dad laughs.  "Fair enough.  I'm glad.  Really, I know what you're probably thinking, but I'm glad you're finally taking a step in the right direction.  I know I don't say this much, but I really am proud of you, Ethan.  You've grown a lot.  We've had some tough times, but..."

Yeah, that's it.  My dad and I don't really talk, and when we do talk, it's a lot of trailing off and sort of implying shit, but we don't ever say it.  We don't know how to say it.

We've had some tough times, but honestly we're just two really shitty people who fuck things up constantly and who the fuck knows how we found people who stay with us?  I don't even know if Ashley's going to stay with me, but I don't want to fuck it up this time.  My dad's found a good thing with Ashley's mom, but he's pissed off more than his fair share of people, too.  Not in dating, but in other aspects of his life.

Yeah, well...

"Do you remember the first time we came here?" I ask him.

He gives me a weird look, then nods.  "Yeah, I do."

"That was bad, huh?"

He doesn't say anything, just waits and listens.

"I know we don't talk about this kind of thing much, but I still know it was bad.  I guess we got over it a little, but I was so angry with you, and I think you were angry with me.  I—"

"Ethan, we don't have to talk about this," he says, kind of curt, not mean or rude, but I can tell he doesn't want to talk about it.

"Yeah, I know we don't, but I want to," I tell him.

"I'm not exactly proud of what happened back then," he says.  "When your mother passed away, I just... I had  a hard time coping.  I loved her so much, Ethan.  I love your stepmom, too, but it's different.  I don't want you to think that I'm replacing your mother with Ashley's mom or anything like that."

"Listen," I say.  "Stop.  I don't think that.  I just want to talk about this, alright?"

I don't know why.  It's weird, because I don't think I actually want to talk about this.  It's a hard conversation to have, but it's kind of like I'm procrastinating and if I have this hard conversation, it'll be easier than having the even harder conversation about me dating Ashley.  I know I still have to have that one, but I feel like if I can just have this one first, then the other will be easier, and maybe it'll work out better?

I'm pretty sure this is the most fucked up idea I've ever had, but I'm not exactly known for my good ideas.

"I really like Ashley's mom.  I like Ashley a lot, too.  I'm not good at this emotional heartfelt conversation shit or whatever.  I just want to tell you that I was really hurt back then, and I get why you were hurt, too, but I feel like maybe it would have been easier if we could have just been hurt together instead of apart."

"I know," my dad says, which surprises me.  "I've thought about it a lot.  I wasn't really there for you.  I tried sometimes, and I tried to pull myself out of it, but every single time I looked at you, I remembered her.  I still do, you know?  Sometimes I close my eyes, and when I open them I see you and her again, almost as if no time has passed at all and we're all back together.  It's like the last ten years of my life were a dream, and I've finally woken up.  I can see her pushing you on the swings, and you laughing and yelling for her to push you faster and higher.  I remember her telling you not to jump off the swing, but you always did.  She'd rush over and yell you, but you'd both be laughing."