Stay With Me (28 page)

“Good. Thanks.” He rubbed a hand over his
whiskered chin.

She set the basket on the ground. The way the
two of them were dancing around each other, the eggs would surely
get broken sooner or later. “Look, John. This is awkward for both
of us. I shouldn’t have come back to the ranch. I don’t know what I
was thinking. I’m sorry.”

He shook his head. “Things got a little
heated up last night. It’s nobody’s fault. It won’t happen
again.”

“How do you know?” she asked, wondering if
relief or disappointment caused the empty feeling in her
stomach.

“I’m not going to let it,” he said.

“Is it as simple as that?”

He shrugged. “I’m going to pack up some
lunch. I’ll be in the north pasture most of the day. If you need
anything, use the gun I keep behind the door. Shoot it twice,
quick-like, in the air. I can hear that from where I’ll be.”

“Will you be home for supper?”

“I’ll need to come back for the night chores.
I’ll grab something quick. I’ve got some work to do in the barn.
I’ll take care of that after supper.”

In other words, he intended to avoid her. It
was probably for the best. “Sounds like a plan. If I don’t see you
again today, I’ll catch you tomorrow. Fred thought he’d be back by
noon. Suzanne and I’ll leave for town after that.”

“I imagine his sister might want to spend a
few minutes with Suzanne.”

“I’m not sure Fred will tell her about
Suzanne.”

“He won’t need to. All she’ll have to do is
see how Fred looks at her and she’s going to know he’s
smitten.”

Did she look at John that way? Could just
anyone see that she’d lost her heart to this man? “If Fred intends
to pursue Suzanne, you might want to tell him not to wait too long.
She intends to get on the stage with me on Wednesday.”

“Wednesday,” he repeated.

She could see the strong muscles in his neck
move as he swallowed.

“Yeah, Wednesday.”

John nodded. He looked over her shoulder, his
eyes not focused. “I’m guessing he knows what day the stage
leaves.”

“I’m guessing so,” she said.

He shifted his glance and looked her right in
the eye. “If I think about it,” he said, his tone deliberately
casual, “I’ll remind him. I expect I’ll be pretty busy for the next
couple days.”

Busy breaking her heart.

“Yeah, me too,” she said. She bent down and
picked up her eggs. She needed to get back inside before she did
something incredibly stupid like cry in front of him.

She got twenty feet before he stopped
her.

“Sarah,” he said.

She didn’t turn around. “Yes.”

“I’m sorry about the things I said last
night. I had no right to be cruel.”

She sucked in her breath and held it.

“Sarah, I’m glad you came back. I’m glad I
got the chance to know you.”

She couldn’t stop the tears that ran down her
cheeks.

“And, Sarah,” he said. “I’m never going to
forget you.”

It was the last six words that broke her
heart.

On Sunday morning, Sarah arrived at the
church before Pastor Dan had had a chance to put his robes on. He
sat in the first pew, one leg crossed over the other, papers spread
out around him.

She clenched her sheet music to her breast.
“Pastor Dan?”

He looked up and smiled at her. “Morning,
Sarah. You caught me making a few last minute adjustments.”

“From your mouth to God’s ears,” she
said.

He laughed. “Something like that. You’re here
early. Church doesn’t start for another hour.”

“I know. I couldn’t sleep.”

“I understand Fred and his sister got in
safely yesterday.”

“Yes. They arrived by noon. She’s a lovely
woman. Very friendly.”

“I’m sure. I look forward to meeting her
today.”

“I think Fred might have told her about
Suzanne.”

“Really?” He put down his pencil. “Why do you
think that?”

“I could just tell by the way she looked at
Suzanne.”

“Like she was judging her?”

“Oh, no. She didn’t look at her in a mean
way. She just seemed curious.”

“That’s a good sign,” Pastor Dan said,
gathering up his papers. “If he can talk about it to someone he
trusts, it means he’s one step closer to coming to terms with it.
How did Suzanne react?”

“She didn’t say much about it, but I’m pretty
sure she noticed it.”

“Did you both return to the hotel last
night?”

“Yes.” She didn’t elaborate. It probably
wasn’t necessary for him to know that Suzanne, with some feeble
excuse about it being easier to sleep if they each had a bed, had
asked Morton Turnip for two rooms. In the middle of the night,
Sarah had heard a soft knock on Suzanne’s door and the gentle
murmur of Fred’s voice. Later, when the unmistakable sounds of a
woman’s and a man’s pleasure had seeped through the thin walls,
she’d simply pulled the pillow over her head, burrowed under the
blanket for good measure, and counted sheep.

“Nervous?” Pastor Dan asked.

“No. I think you should be, though. The good
folks of Cedarbrook may run you out of town on a rail once they see
me at the piano.”

Pastor Dan rubbed his hands together. “I’ve
told everyone I can think of that you’re playing the piano.”

“You must have a death wish.”

He winked at her. “Preachers like to play to
a full house.” He spread his arms wide. “Welcome to my stage,
Sarah.”

“If this is going to be an opera, I’m a
little worried about the inevitable death scene. It might be my
own.”

“Your God will not desert you, Sarah.”

“Once again, from your lips to God’s ears.
What time should I start playing?”

“Church starts at ten. Perhaps twenty minutes
before that. You’ve got plenty of time to join me for a cup of
coffee.”

“Thanks for the offer but I think I’ll stick
around here. Maybe send up a few prayers of my own.”

“As you wish. I’ll see you soon.”

Sarah watched the small man with the big
heart walk out the door. She sat in the first pew.

It’s me again, God. I’ve had a busy couple of
days since we last talked.

She got up and walked over to the stained
glass window. She ran the tip of her index finger through the dust
that had gathered at the edge.
A few days ago I told you that I
had a thing for John Beckett. Well, against my better judgment,
I’ve fallen in love with him.

She drew a heart in the dust. Then she bent
down and with one quick puff of breath, she scattered the dust.
Only the tip of the heart remained.
I have to go back. I don’t
have a choice.

She walked over to the piano, sat on the
bench, leaned forward, and rested her forehead against the polished
wood.
Send him someone else, God. I don’t want him to be
alone.

She wiped away the tear that leaked from her
closed eyes.
I can’t even believe I’m saying this. He needs a
wife and children. He’ll be such a great dad.

Sniffing, she sat up straight and ran her
fingers across the ivory keys.
I’ve got just one more request.
I’m going to hurt him when I go. I don’t know how to avoid that.
Heal him, God. Take away his pain.

“Sarah?”

She jerked her hands off the keys. John stood
in the back of the church.

“What are you doing here?” she asked.

He shrugged, looking too innocent. “It’s
Sunday. Isn’t that the day people go to church?”

“When is the last time you’ve been inside a
church?”

He tapped his chin. “When Missy got baptized.
Fred and Franny wanted me there.”

“You can’t stay,” Sarah said. Nobody would be
baptized today unless Mrs. Beckett tried to drown her.

“Why not?”

“I…I get nervous playing the piano in front
of people I know.”

He shook his head at her. “I’ve been in the
saloon when you played. You didn’t get nervous.”

“Church is different. Besides, there’s no
room,” she said, grasping for straws. “Everyone has assigned seats.
You’ll be bumping somebody out of their prayerful place.”

“I’ll stand in the back.”

Great. He’d have a bird’s eye view when his
mother rushed the alter and strangled her.

She so did not want to come between John and
his mother. She’d caused the man enough pain. “This is not a good
idea.”

He shrugged and leaned against the wall.

She swallowed. “Don’t say I didn’t warn
you.”

“Warn me about what?” Pastor Dan, his robe
half unbuttoned, came around the corner. When he saw John in the
back of the room, he stopped.

“John,” he said, “I haven’t seen you in
church lately.”

“It’s been a while,” John said.

Sarah had no doubt that Pastor Dan knew
exactly how long it had been since John had been to church.

“What’s the occasion today?” Pastor Dan
asked.

John gave Pastor Dan a small smile. “Can’t a
man get close to his God without having to explain himself?”

Pastor Dan shook his head. “Not you. Not in
my church.”

John didn’t say anything for a long minute.
When he did, Sarah’s felt a sharp pain in her chest, as if the
point of the tiny heart she’d left on the windowsill had poked
her.

“I thought Sarah might need me.”

He’d come because she might need him.

Oh, God. Forget what I said earlier. Don’t
send someone else for him. Find a way to let me stay.

“God will watch over Sarah,” Pastor Dan
said.

“I’ll just be around in case He needs any
help,” John said.

“I’m sure He appreciates that.” Pastor Dan,
his long robe dragging on the ground, walked up the aisle.
“Whatever the reason, I’m grateful to the good Lord for bringing
you back.”

The church door opened and a stream of cool
April air whipped through the church, lifting the edges of Sarah’s
sheet music. Myron and Rosie Brickstone walked in. Myron looked at
his shoes and Rosie frowned at Sarah.

“I guess its show time,” Sarah said.

Pastor Dan smiled wide, showing all his
yellowed teeth. “Have a seat, John.”

“I’ll stand if it’s all the same to you,”
John said, moving toward the back of the church.

Pastor Dan shrugged. “God’s voice will reach
you either way.”

Myron and Rosie took the front pew on the
right side of the aisle. Sarah resisted the urge to wave at them.
She started playing “Amazing Grace”.

Within minutes, Mrs. Beckett entered. Sarah
thought the wind seemed positively warm in comparison to the look
the older woman gave her. Sarah kept one eye focused on her music
and with the other, watched John’s mother grab at her chest when
she saw her son standing watch in the back corner of the room.

Mrs. Beckett looked from John to Sarah and
back to John again. John gave his mother a guarded nod. In return,
Mrs. Beckett stuck her nose in the air and took a seat behind the
Brickstones.

Next came Deputy Lewis and his wife, Lana.
They slid into the pew next to Mrs. Beckett. When Toby and Harietta
Ryan came in, dragging their four children, each looking surlier
than the last, Sarah wasn’t surprised to see them take the next
pew.

She sent up a prayer of thanks when Fred, his
sister, and his three children came in. He parked his family on the
left side of the aisle, directly across from the Brickstones. It
took only minutes before Alice and Charles Hooper came in. Charles
started to sit behind the Ryans but Alice tugged on his sleeve,
guiding him into the pew behind Fred. Charles rolled his eyes but
let himself be pulled.

Thomas Jefferson came next and slid in next
to the Hoopers. When Freedom arrived, he took a place directly
behind Thomas Jefferson.

The Hatfields and the McCoys. Everybody was
choosing sides. If she hadn’t been the chip they were fighting
about, it would have been hilarious. Now it was just darn
uncomfortable. She couldn’t wait for the morning to end.
Talk
fast, Pastor Dan
.

Within five minutes, others filtered in until
the pews were all full. As Sarah played her last notes and Pastor
Dan took his spot at the pulpit, she realized that the preacher had
gotten his wish. He would play to a full house.

And when he said his first word, she knew the
man had been born to be a star. He intended to enjoy every minute
of the lead role.

“Sin. S. I. N. One word. One syllable. Three
simple letters.”

He stared at his flock, letting his glance
settle on each wayward sheep. “Simple, yes. But nevertheless, a
heavy burden. A burden on our hearts and our souls. A burden that
prevents us from our ultimate glory, sitting at the right hand of
our heavenly Father.”

Mrs. Beckett plucked at the tight neckline of
her white blouse. Fred bowed his head and stared at his big
hands.

“To lessen our burden, we must admit our sin.
Before God and before others.”

Toby Ryan stared at Sarah, his eyes filled
with hostility, his fingers doing a nervous dance on the pew in
front of him.

“Who wants to be first? Who wants to be the
first to stand up and admit their sin before God and their
neighbors, to ask forgiveness from both?”

Rosie Brickman pulled out a handkerchief and
started coughing into it. No one else moved, not even an inch.

Pastor Dan tapped a finger against his pursed
lips. “I see. Well, perhaps it would be easiest if we start by
separating the sinners from the non-sinners. Those of you without
sin, take a step forward now.”

Myron Brickstone’s eye started to twitch and
Toby Ryan’s wife turned to stare at her husband. Fred turned a
brilliant shade of pink.

“What? Surely there must be one of us without
sin?” Pastor Dan stopped tapping on his mouth and started tapping
his finger against his bible. Sarah thought she saw John’s mouth
twitch, like a smile threatened to break free at any moment.