Stay With Me (26 page)

“I don’t know how to thank you,” Fred said.
“Both of you.”

By the hungry look in his eyes, he wanted to
do more than thank Suzanne. Sarah cleared her throat. She needed
Fred out of the room and out of town. “Fred, I’m really tired. I’d
be happy to step out into the hall for a minute but I’d really
appreciate getting to sleep as soon as possible.”

“Of course,” he said.

Sarah closed the door behind her and walked
to the railing. She wasn’t surprised when Freedom joined her.

“Freedom knows something,” he said.

“What?”

“Dority’s back in town.”

“Did he come here?”

“If he had, he’d be a dead man right now.
Freedom is ready for him this time. Freedom ain’t going to let him
harm Miss Suzanne or you. Freedom ain’t never known two such
delightful women.”

She was delightful. How nice. “I saw him with
George.”

Freedom drew his eyebrows together. “That
don’t sound right.”

“I saw it. Why do you say that?”

“George don’t seem like Dority’s type.”

“How can you tell? He never says a word to
anybody. Just acts like he’ll bite your head off if you try to talk
to him.”

“George didn’t bite Freedom’s head off.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Freedom don’t sleep much. I like to walk at
night. Quiet as a mouse. Nobody even knows I’m there. One night, in
the middle of the night, Freedom almost stumbles over George as
he’s coming out of the jail. An empty jail. Deputy Lewis wasn’t
even there. When George saw Freedom, he looked real surprised. He
didn’t try to explain or nothing. He just looked at Freedom for the
longest spell and then walked past.”

“What do you think he was doing there?”

“Maybe just trying to find a place to sleep.
Freedom knows what that’s like. Freedom never said a word to
anybody about seeing him there. A couple days later, Freedom saw
George walking down the street. George looked Freedom right in the
eye and smiled. Not many people smile at Freedom. Definitely not
men like Dority.”

“Dority?” Fred stood just outside the room
door, his head cocked to one side. “What’s this about Dority? Is he
back in town?”

“Heavens no,” Sarah said. “Do you think I’d
be standing here talking to Freedom about hot water if Dority had
returned.”

“I’m sure I heard Freedom say his name.”

“No, sir. I said majority. The majority of
the time Freedom don’t have a fire going this late at night but I
just knew Miss Sarah would want a bath.”

She owed Freedom a really great lunch.

“Have a good trip, Fred,” she said. “Don’t
worry about the children.”

***

Sarah waited until Fred walked out the front
door before slipping into the room. Suzanne set on the bed. Traces
of tears lingered on her cheeks.

“It’s harder than I thought,” she said, “to
tell him goodbye.”

“I’m sorry if I interrupted something
tonight.”

Suzanne shook her head. “I’m not going to bed
him again. If I did, I might not get on that stage. A month from
now I’d be in the same situation I’m in now.”

“And what’s that?”

“Loving him and knowing nothing can come of
it. Closing my eyes every time another man lies on top of me so
that I can pretend it’s Fred.”

Sarah said down on the edge of the bed and
reached for Suzanne’s hand. “It didn’t exactly look like the two of
you were saying goodbye.”

“I know. It seems like every good intention
either one of us has goes up in smoke the minute we’re alone.”

“That’s a problem. You’re going to have to
deal with it eventually. But tonight, we’ve got a more immediate
problem. Dority’s back in town.”

Suzanne’s eyes flicked to the door, like she
expected Dority to break it down. “He was at the saloon?”

“No. I saw him talking to George, near
Hooper’s Mercantile.”

“Do you think,” Suzanne asked, her eyes
bigger than usual, “that he’s coming for me?”

“I don’t know,” Sarah said.

“I’m glad you didn’t say anything to
Fred.”

“He’d go after him. He’s a big man but I
can’t help but think Dority and George would get the best of
him.”

“He’s got those sweet children to think of.
He needs to stay strong and healthy for them.”

“Maybe we should go to Deputy Lewis,” Sarah
said.

Suzanne hissed. “He won’t do anything. The
man’s afraid of his own shadow.”

Sarah stood up, walked over to the window,
and looked out into the dark night, lit only by the sporadic dirty
yellow glow of hanging lanterns. “Then there’s no one to help us,”
she said.

“There’s John,” Suzanne said.

Sarah felt the chill run down her spine. She
couldn’t shake the memory of John lying battered and bruised in his
bed, a chunk out of his skull. She’d been half-crazy with
worry.

And that was before she loved him.

She would leave loving him. She’d accepted
that. The least she could do is leave him whole.

She heard Suzanne get up off the bed. She
wasn’t startled when the woman wrapped her arm around Sarah’s
shoulder. Neither one of them said anything for a minute.

“I know,” Suzanne spoke softly, “why it can
never work out between Fred and me. I don’t understand what’s
keeping you and John apart.”

About a hundred years
. “It’s
complicated,” Sarah said.

“Everything is,” Suzanne said. “I know you
were married to his brother. He’s dead. You and John are
alive.”

“It’s not that easy.” Sarah pulled away from
Suzanne.

Suzanne lifted both hands in the air. “I’m
sorry, Sarah. I have no right to judge.”

Sarah smiled at her friend. “We’re a pair,
aren’t we?”

“I’m grateful to you, Sarah. You’ve helped me
so much. I want you to know something.”

“What’s that?”

“There’s no need to be afraid. I won’t let
Dority win. I’ve spent most of my life letting men win, letting men
take something from me. I’m not going to let it happen again.”

Sarah woke up with gritty eyes and a
throbbing headache, unhappy that the soft mattress and cool sheets
hadn’t brought her any comfort from the ugly vision of Dority and
George enjoying a cigarette together.

Suzanne, saying she felt better, had insisted
that they trade off sleeping on the floor. Sarah, after arguing
about it for ten minutes, had reluctantly crawled into the narrow
bed. When she had managed to doze off, she’d awakened hours later,
only to find Suzanne not sleeping on the floor but rather, wide
awake, sitting in the chair. Resting securely across her lap was
the rifle Freedom had brought them just before they’d turned down
the light the night before.

She’d looked ever bit like a woman ready and
able to kill.

“Good morning,” Sarah said. She flexed her
toes and stretched her body. “Did you sleep at all?”

“There will be time to sleep later,” Suzanne
said. “I’m going to get washed—”

A knock on the door interrupted her. With
solid confidence, Suzanne raised her gun.

“Miss Suzanne. Miss Sarah. I brought you some
breakfast.”

Suzanne lowered the gun.

“Thanks, Freedom,” Sarah said. “Just a
minute.”

“No need to hurry. Freedom will leave it
outside your door.”

They heard the clink of a tray on the wooden
floor. Sarah started to swing her legs over the bed.

“Let me,” Suzanne said, standing up. “You’ve
been waiting on me long enough.”

Both women were quiet as they ate the bread
and oatmeal Freedom had brought them. Then Suzanne left for
Hooper’s and Sarah walked to the livery stable and paid the man
part of George’s twenty dollars to rent a horse for the day.

The trip to John’s took longer than she
expected. She had to walk her horse most of the way. When she tried
to trot, it seemed like her teeth might shake loose. She’d been
willing to risk a gallop, anything that might smooth out the ride,
but the horse had other ideas, his days of galloping apparently
over.

She heard Morton before she saw him. The dog
barreled over the hill and proceeded to run circles around her
horse, who didn’t even seem to notice. When John poked his head out
of the barn a minute later, she gave him a little wave.

He stared at her. Then he looked down, rubbed
his forehead like he had a very bad headache, then looked up
again.

What the heck? She got off her horse and
stooped to pet Morton. The dog immediately stopped barking and
flopped flat over onto his back, giving her free access to his
white tummy. She rubbed, never taking her eyes off John, who hadn’t
moved an inch away from the barn door.

“Is this a bad time?” she yelled.

He didn’t respond.

This was going to be worse than she expected.
She gathered her nerve, stood up, and walked toward him. Morton
fell into step next to her.

“You look a little pale,” she said, when she
got close enough to get a good look at him.

He took his hat off and slapped it against
his leg. “I thought I dreamed you,” he said. His pale face took on
a pink hue. “I was thinking about you,” he said.

Oh, my goodness. She could feel the heat rise
in her own face. “I don’t understand,” she said.

He shrugged. “I haven’t stopped thinking
about you since I left you at your hotel. I haven’t stopped
thinking about kissing you. It’s that simple.”

That wasn’t simple at all. It was complicated
and messy and it made her want to yell with joy and weep with
despair. “John, please. Don’t make more of this than what it is.
I’m here to help Fred.”

“Fred?” He frowned at her. “What happened to
Fred?”

“Nothing has happened to him. Fred came to
see Suzanne last night.”

“You didn’t say anything to him about our
conversations about Suzanne?”

“Of course not,” she said.

John nodded, looking satisfied. “He’s a
lovesick fool.”

“You’re right. Anyway, he left town early
this morning to go meet his sister in Cheyenne. He’s only planning
to be gone a few days and he had intended to ask Mrs. Warner to
watch the children.”

“Sour-as-a-pickle, Mrs. Warner?”

“The same. Suzanne and I didn’t like the
sounds of that. So we volunteered. Fred’s worried that the children
will tear up our room at the hotel.”

“He’s probably right.”

“I told him we could stay at his house.”

John shook his head. “Not alone, you can’t.
It’s not safe.”

“That’s what Fred said. So, I told him I
thought you’d be willing to have the children, Suzanne and me stay
here. How do you feel about houseguests?”

“You’re coming back here?”

He asked it casual enough. If she hadn’t seen
the pinched white of his fingers, where he clenched the brim of his
cowboy hat, she’d have thought it didn’t matter to him.

“Only if it’s okay with you,” she said.

“Fred knows he can ask anytime,” John
said.

“You don’t mind?”

“I love those children like they were my
own.”

So, he didn’t intend to answer the question.
“He doesn’t want to bother anyone.”

“No bother. How are you going to get the
children over here?”

Sarah looked at her horse. He’d barely been
able to carry her. Three children would bring him to his knees. “I
don’t know,” she said.

“I’ll hitch up the wagon. That way they can
bring a few things back.”

He turned back toward the barn. She stopped
him with a touch to his arm. “Thank you, John. I mean it. I know
this is a surprise. I’m sure Fred will really appreciate this.”

“I’m not doing this for Fred.”

“Oh. Well, then the children.”

“I’m not that noble, Sarah.”

“What do you mean?”

“You don’t get it, do you?”

A little voice, in the back of her head, told
her to walk away. “Get what?”

He slapped his cowboy hat back on his head.
“I’m not going to pretend that I’m not glad to see you. If that
makes you uncomfortable, that’s too bad.”

It made her heart thump. That was pretty darn
uncomfortable.

“So, if you see a smile on my face, you can
tell yourself that I’m happy to help a friend and his children. Or,
you can tell yourself that it’s because it’s a sunny April day and
spring flowers are everywhere. You go ahead. But in your heart,
understand this. I’m smiling because you’re here.”

Her heart stopped thumping and started
racing. “Oh,” she said.

John cocked his head. “Oh? Is that the best
you can do?”

She nodded. “Oh, boy.”

He smiled at her.

“Oh, boy, I think I’m in trouble,” she
added.

He winked at her, grabbed her hand, and
pulled her toward the barn. “Shut your mouth, Sarah. Flies are
going to get in.”

***

Helen had already fed Thomas and Missy. She
stood at the table, washing the dishes in a metal pan.

She looked at Sarah. “Pa told me you were
coming. He didn’t say anything about Mr. Beckett. I don’t see the
reason. We’re not babies,” she said.

She sounded tough and she had her upper lip
curled up in a way no eight-year-old should have been able to
manage. Sarah, however, didn’t miss the look of pure relief in her
eyes.

“I’m hoping,” John said, not missing a beat.
“I’m hoping that you’ll leave tending the children to Sarah and
help me in the barn. I’ve got some cows close to birthing and I
know you’re a big help to your pa at those times.”

Helen’s eyes lit up. “Did he tell you
that?”

“You bet. How else would I know?”

Helen nodded. “I suppose we could go.” She
looked at Sarah. “Missy likes you well enough. She’s been
practicing those words.”

John’s head snapped up. “Words? Missy
talked?”

Shoot. She’d made sure Fred wouldn’t share
her secret. She hadn’t counted on Helen spilling the beans.

“Finger words,” Helen said. “Sarah taught her
some kind of secret code.”