Stay as Sweet as You Are (15 page)

‘Yer must have a bleedin’ good imagination,’ Elsie snorted, ‘’cos your feller doesn’t look a bit like Tyrone Power. Even if yer met the pair of them together, down an entry on a dark night, yer couldn’t make that mistake.’

‘I wouldn’t want to, smart arse.’ Peg’s hackles rose. ‘I’m quite content with my feller the way he is. At least he’s not cross-eyed, like some poor buggers.’

Elsie hitched her bosom until it was nearly touching her chin. ‘I hope ye’re not insinuating that my feller’s cross-eyed?’

‘I’m not saying anything, not a dickie-bird. Except,’ Peg waved a hand casually, ‘if the cap fits, wear it.’

Bob raised his brows at Kate. ‘Elsie’s husband doesn’t squint, does he?’

Kate smiled as she shook her head. ‘When will yer learn not to believe a word Peg or Elsie say? They make these things up for something to talk about. I’ll bet any money that Peg was in bed sound asleep at half ten last night, and it wasn’t the kids that woke her, it was the alarm clock. Elsie goes along with her for a laugh, and yer’ve got to admit they do brighten things up.’

Billy closed the hinged lid of his carry-out box and moved it so he could rest his elbows on the table. ‘The truth is, Peg’s husband is nicer-looking than Tyrone Power. He’s a good
bloke, too, and a ruddy good husband. As for Elsie’s feller, he’s as quiet as a mouse. The most easygoing man yer’ll ever meet. He never gets in a temper or raises his voice. She calls him Tiger, but he’s a tiger that never roars.’

‘How d’yer know all this, Billy?’ Bob asked.

‘Well, I don’t live far from them, do I? And I meet them in the pub now and again on a Saturday night, when I take my one out for a drink. And yer can take it from me, after a few jars, Peg and Elsie have the pub up. I think the landlord should give them their drinks free, because they’re more entertaining than going to the flicks.’

‘I’m afraid I can’t think of anything to make yer laugh, Billy, but will a fairy cake do instead?’ Bob tore the bag open and pushed it across to Kate. ‘Ladies first.’

‘Ooh, lovely!’ Kate picked one with pink icing on the top. ‘Yer shouldn’t have bothered, but thanks all the same.’

Billy licked his lips. ‘I’ll have the lemon one.’

Elsie’s eyes never missed a trick, and they didn’t miss this. ‘Ay, Bob Mellor, yer lousy nit! What have they got that we haven’t?’

Bob shrugged his shoulders and held out his open palms. ‘Sorry, Elsie, but I’m not made of money. If I was I’d have mugged all of yer to cream cakes.’

‘Aye, and pigs might fly.’ Elsie reached down into her bag and brought out a small parcel wrapped in newspaper. With a jerk of her head, and a quivering of her bosom, she placed it on the table. ‘Well, smarty pants, ye’re not the only one with a surprise. I’ve brought one as well.’

Peg was intrigued. ‘I love surprises, girl. What is it?’

‘Guess.’

‘Give us a clue, then. Can yer eat it?’

Elsie’s whole body shook with laughter. ‘Aye, I suppose yer could. But yer’d have to be bleedin’ hungry, though.’

‘Oh, I’ve lost interest now,’ Peg said. ‘If yer can’t eat it, it’s not much good to us.’ Then her mouth widened. ‘I know, yer’ve brought yer false teeth.’

Now Elsie, who was the proud possessor of healthy white teeth, got on her high horse. ‘Ye’re too clever for yer own bleedin’ good, you are, Mrs Know-it-all. Well, for your information, that,’ she pointed to the parcel, ‘is me proof.’

Interest flared in Peg’s eyes. ‘Proof of what?’

‘What I’ve been telling yer about the goings-on in our street. None of yer would believe me, so I’ve brought yer proof.’

‘Yer milkman must be very small if he fits in that,’ Billy laughed. ‘Mind you, he might have worn himself down to that size.’

‘Ho, ho, ho, very funny.’ Elsie rolled her eyes upwards. ‘None of yer have got an ounce of bleedin’ sense in yer heads.’

‘Well, it certainly ain’t the horse,’ Peg said. ‘Unless yer’ve brought a piece of his tail.’

‘Near enough.’ Elsie’s expression was haughty. ‘It’s a piece of his manure.’

Faces showed their horror as mouths stopped chewing and sandwiches were whipped from the table. ‘You filthy cow!’ Peg moved as far away from her friend as she could. ‘What the hell d’yer think ye’re messing at? Yer’ve put us all off our food now.’ She pointed to the offending parcel. ‘Get that filth out to the toilet and flush it down the pan.’

Her face as innocent as a baby’s, Elsie said, ‘Oh, yer can’t flush coal down the lavvy, girl, it’ll block it up. Yer own common sense should tell yer that.’

Silence reigned as Peg held her head in her hands. ‘And to think I bleedin’ well fell for it. Me what’s known yer all these years, and I fell for a trick like that. I want me head testing.’

Kate grinned across at Bob. ‘See what I mean?’

‘I certainly do. From now on I’ll take everything they say with a pinch of salt.’

Billy was chuckling. ‘It was dead funny, though, wasn’t it? Mind you, I’m glad I’d eaten that cake. Somehow manure and cake just don’t go together.’

Titch was standing at the front door when Bob came down the street. ‘Just the man I’ve been waiting for. Can yer come in for a few minutes, Bob?’

‘Yeah, sure,’ Bob said, following him into the house. ‘I’ve no heavy date on, me diary is empty.’

Aggie grinned when she saw him. ‘Are yer bragging or complaining, Bob?’

‘Neither, Aggie. I’ve got no social life to brag about and complaining doesn’t get yer anywhere.’

‘Well, sit down, son, and make yerself at home. I want to ask yer something, and I hope ye’re agreeable. As yer know, young Jack leaves school a week today, and the day after it’s Lucy’s birthday. I was wondering if yer’d let me have a little party for them? Just the two Pollard boys and Lucy and her friend, Rhoda. I’d be tickled pink to do it, so I hope yer’ll agree and make an old lady happy.’

Bob looked at Titch and winked. ‘Who’s the old lady she’s on about?’

‘Whenever me ma wants anything, she piles the years on to get sympathy. Yer’d better humour her or she’ll bawl her eyes out.’

‘I think it’s a cracking idea and I know Lucy would be thrilled to bits. But wouldn’t yer be putting yerself to a lot of trouble and expense?’

Aggie’s eyes were twinkling. ‘It wouldn’t be any trouble, it would be a pleasure. And my beloved son is footing the bill. He wanted to buy me something, and I said the thing I’d like best would be to see the kids enjoying themselves. Irene knows, but I’ve asked her not to tell the boys yet. I want it to be a surprise. So, can Lucy come?’

‘Of course she can. I think it’s very kind of yer and yer have my thanks.’

‘Good.’ Aggie sat back in her rocking chair and rested her clasped hands on her lap. ‘Now Titch has got something to say.’

Bob feigned surprise. ‘Let me guess. He’s getting married.’

‘If the day ever comes when I tell yer I’m getting wed, that’s the day yer’ll know I’ve lost me marbles. And I want yer to promise yer’ll send for the men in white coats and have me certified insane,’ Titch said, crossing his long legs. ‘Anyway, back to business. I don’t see why the kids should have all the fun. So I’ve suggested asking Irene and George, and you and Ruby. How does that strike yer?’

‘It’s fine by me, I’d be delighted to come. But I can’t speak for Ruby, I’m afraid.’

‘Will you ask her? Or d’yer think it would be better coming from me or me ma? A secondhand invitation isn’t very polite, is it? She might be put out if she thought we couldn’t be bothered asking her.’

‘It’s up to you, but yer know what Ruby’s like. I’ll mention it to her when I go in, then by the time you ask her, she’ll have had time to think about it.’

‘You do that, son,’ Aggie said. ‘Then I’ll make a point of giving her a knock tomorrow. But don’t forget, I don’t want Lucy to know.’

‘I won’t breathe a word.’ Bob stood up. ‘Yer’ve been very kind to Lucy over the years, and don’t think I haven’t noticed or appreciated it.’

‘It would be hard not to like or be kind to her, Bob,’ Aggie told him. ‘She’s a little angel, is Lucy, and yer should be proud of her.’

‘Oh, I am, Aggie, make no mistake about that. She makes my life worth living.’ Bob headed for the door. ‘I’ll get home now and have a word with Ruby before Lucy gets in from school. Will we see yer in the pub tomorrow night?’

‘Not me,’ Titch said. ‘I’m going into town for a night out with some of me mates off the ship. We usually do a round of the pubs, so I’ll probably roll home in the early hours of the morning.’

‘Well, enjoy yerself. I’ll see yer, Aggie.’

‘Ta-ra, Bob, see yer tomorrow.’

As Bob let himself in, he wondered what his wife’s reception would be to the invitation. She couldn’t stand the neighbours, but that was nothing new. Ruby hadn’t a good word to say about anyone. Except her mates, of course. Invisible mates Bob had heard plenty about, but never seen.

‘Ye’re late today. I had a pot of tea made for yer and it’ll be cold by now.’ Ruby planned to be pleasant from now on. The week after next she should start getting the extra five bob back in her housekeeping, so it was in her interest to keep her nose clean. ‘I’ll make yer a fresh brew.’

There was a surprised look on Bob’s face as he watched her walk through to the kitchen. She seemed to be in a happy frame of mind today. Usually he didn’t even get an acknowledgement, never mind the offer of a fresh pot of tea. Perhaps she’d come round to thinking he was right, and life would be much easier if they could at least be polite with each other. He hoped so, for everyone’s sake.

Ruby came through from the kitchen with two cups and saucers. As she set them on the table, she said, ‘It won’t be long, I’ll just let it mash for a few minutes.’

‘There’s no hurry.’ Bob flopped into his chair and stretched his legs. He was never going to get her in a better mood, so perhaps now was a good time to say what he had to. ‘I’ve been talking to Titch and Aggie, and they’ve invited us up there next Saturday.’ He saw her face change and went on quickly before she had time to say anything: ‘Aggie’s having a little celebration tea-party for Jack’s leaving school, and as it’s Lucy’s birthday, she asked if we’d let her go. And her friend, Rhoda. I said yes, of course, because I know Lucy would be over the moon.’

Ruby huffed. ‘I’m not going to no kids’ tea-party, so yer can forget it.’

‘We haven’t been invited to the tea-party.’ Bob was determined not to lose his patience. ‘Titch wants us to go along later, with Irene and George.’

‘Oh, I might have known the queer one would be in on it. It wouldn’t be a bleedin’ show without Punch.’

Bob’s sigh was deep. ‘Ruby, you are my wife and we’ve been invited as a married couple. Can we not, for once, act like one? I’m asking you to come for my sake, and for Lucy’s. Remember, it’s our daughter’s birthday. Let’s not spoil it for her.’

‘Oh no, we mustn’t do anything to spoil Lucy’s day. It doesn’t matter about what
I
want as long as she’s happy. Well, I’ll not set foot over the door of any of them to please her or anyone else. I don’t want to go, and I’m not going. That’s all there is to it.’

‘Then we’ll have the birthday party here and invite our friends and neighbours. If you don’t want to go to them, I’ll bring them to you.’ Bob knew there was no possibility of this, but he wanted to shake his wife into some sort of action.

Ruby looked at him as though he’d gone mad. ‘Some hope you’ve got. If yer think I’m going to run around after that lot, yer’ve got another think coming.’ Then that hard-boiled look came to her face. ‘And where d’yer think the money’s coming from for yer grand idea?’

‘I wouldn’t be able to get Lucy’s coat for her birthday, she’d have to wait a few more weeks.’ Bob saw the flash of anger in her eyes and knew his words had hit the mark. ‘She wouldn’t be upset – she’d rather have a party.’

You sly bugger, Ruby was thinking. That’s my five bob a week you’re talking about. My extra ciggie and beer money. But she wasn’t going to give in so easily, she’d give him a run for his money. ‘Anyway, they wouldn’t miss me if I didn’t go because they don’t really want me. If they did they’d have asked me themselves, instead of making you the messenger boy. You go on yer own and they won’t even know I’m not there.’

‘Not true! Aggie’s coming down tomorrow to ask yer. Oh, and don’t forget, Lucy’s not to be told.’

Ruby was blazing inside. If she made a big deal out of it
and refused point blank to go, she’d be cutting off her nose to spite her face. It would take Bob at least six weeks to save up the money for Lucy’s coat, and that meant being the poor relation amongst her friends for all that time. Having one drink to their two, and waiting for them to offer her a cigarette because she didn’t have enough to go round. So even though she couldn’t stand the thought of spending a couple of hours in the company of the Pollards and the McBrides, the alternative was even worse. There was five bob a week at stake here, and for that money she’d sup with the devil himself if need be. But she had one more try to turn things in her favour. ‘Why can’t we all go to the pub? It would be a damn sight more lively than sitting in the McBrides’ twiddling our fingers.’

‘Because Irene won’t go to the pub and Aggie wouldn’t dream of leaving her out. Besides, they’ve been good enough to ask us and it would be an insult to refuse. So it’s up to you. We accept their invitation or we ask them here.’ Bob could read her like a book and knew he was on safe ground. Otherwise he’d never have mentioned it because he wouldn’t let Lucy down for the world. She’d been looking forward so much to getting a new coat. ‘I could tell them you would like to have your daughter’s party in her own house, and they are welcome to come.’

‘Oh, I’ll go with yer, then, because I’m not having them here, that’s a dead cert. But I’m going under duress, and if there’s any snide remarks or dirty looks, I’ll be out of that house like a shot. I won’t stay around to be insulted.’

‘Ruby, yer ask for everything yer get. If you’re not pleasant with people, yer can’t expect them to fawn over yer. Give a smile and yer’ll get one back. Crack a joke and yer’ll get one back. Give a sneer or a dirty look, and that’s what yer’ll get back. Life is what yer make it, but your trouble is, yer can’t be bothered. If there’s nothing in it for you, then yer don’t want to know.’