Statistic (6 page)

Caution meet wind. but there was one thing for sure now. I could never actually meet his guy in real life. I would be far too embarrassed to actually see him face-to-face after getting off for him on a web cam.

I lie down on my bed and position the camera so he can watch me seductively pull my panties down. His fist lazily starts pumping up and down his long thick shaft. Slowly working his erection while the other hand cups his balls. I let out a small gasp and immediately I feel dirty. But god it all feels so damn good at the same time. This is the first time I have watched a guy pleasure himself and the act itself is extremely erotic. Something about seeing exactly what he likes when he pleasures himself turns me on even more.

I wiggle my panties the rest of the way off, and toss them onto the floor next to the bed. The web cam has a full view of my glistening wet pussy. Freshly shaved as always. Wesley licks his lips as he watches and continues to stroke his cock up and down. I should feel self-conscious because no one, not even Colin has ever watched me pleasure myself. It is always something I would hide away in the bathroom and do when he couldn’t get me off.

My finger parts my pussy lips, and I slowly start rubbing my clit. Just like I do when I masturbate without an audience. I dip my middle finger inside and continue to work myself closer and closer to my own orgasm. I am so turned on just from watching Wesley, that I am already so close.

Wesley must be able to tell, as I increase my pace, his strokes get faster. We are both going to town on ourselves, bringing each other to the brink of pleasure without even laying a finger on the other person. It is hot. Sexy. Erotic. For a moment, I am so lost in the pleasure I am giving myself, that I close my eyes and forget about my onlooker. I let myself go and give in to the pleasure my body is feeling. One of my hands pinches my nipple as the other continues to rub on my wet pussy.

My orgasm begins to crash over me and my hand grabs at the bed sheets, while I bite on my lip trying to muffle my cries of pleasure, as the other hand milks out every last wave of pleasure my body will produce. When I look up at the screen once again, it is just in time to catch Wesley’s cock erupt in his own orgasm. Coating his stomach in thick streams of come. I lay my head back on the bed, embarrassed as hell, and turned on beyond anything I have ever felt before. It is such a torn feeling. Dirty, and completely satisfied. Oh, and confused as hell.

Instead of saying goodnight, I close my laptop interrupting our connection and pretend I didn’t just masturbate on web cam for one of the hottest guys I have ever seen.

The messages on Fish in the Sea continued. Some from polite men I would never talk to in real life. Yes, I have become that woman who simply wouldn’t reply to a message based on someone’s looks. Why string people along or even give them false hope that I would go out with them? Some of them are young men I am pretty sure I could have been their mother. Seriously, I know I am not that old, but my god, they are just so young. Some are just crude. But this entire experience really has taught me a lot about the male species. Lessons I probably could have lived without as well. And lessons I probably would have learned in high school if my world hadn’t revolved around Colin all that time.

I have kind of mourned what kind of life I could have had if I didn’t get and stay involved with him from so early in my life. But, I refuse to live my life with regrets anymore because there is one thing I know for sure and it is the fact that I would not have Liam today if my life didn’t play out exactly like it has.

I also decided to avoid Wesley at all costs.

After that night, I didn’t sign into Skype again. To say I was embarrassed that I had let myself go like that would have been an understatement. I continued to think about it repeatedly and instantly felt bad for what I did while my four year old was sleeping in the next room over. I felt dirty and used. But in the moment, I finally felt free. I guess it wasn’t much different from having sex with Colin when Liam was in the next room over. And I definitely wouldn’t be bringing any men back to my house, but the amount of thought I was putting into the situation as a whole was completely overwhelming.

Jeremy and Jackson had continued to make small talk on the website. Both were extremely respectful and down to earth, which, again, was refreshing. But right now, I just wasn’t comfortable enough to take the time to meet anyone new. Although, Jeremy had been awfully quiet.

So, instead of dwelling on it some more, I moved on. Looking for some more men to talk with and praying that my own lack of sex life wouldn’t land me in the same predicament it did with Wesley.

But, in true alpha male fashion, Wesley wouldn’t take no for an answer. I guess I should have felt flattered that after all we did over the computer… he was still interested in me at all. I should have been labeled a slut and cast away like so many other women before me. For a full week he has been begging me to at least have dinner with him. I finally broke down four days into his pursuit and agreed to have dinner with him. A friendly, no strings attached dinner with no expectations given the history of what we already did. I probably should have set some ground rules going into it, but I figured we were both adults… we could keep our hormones in check.

Plus, we would be in public.

I’ve easily become obsessive about checking my messages on Fish in the Sea though. I have to log in at least three times a day or I feel like I am missing out on something. It was like Facebook for those looking to meet new people instead of connecting with everyone you already know. Talking with these men was slowly becoming the highlight of my day. I just loved the attention it gave me because I finally felt wanted by someone. It sounds stupid since I have a date in an hour, but he is the one who threw in the whole no strings attached crap.

StrawberryMom,

I am new to this site, and just wanted to say hello.

- Kevin

Nope, I am pretty sure you are a serial killer that drives a Tony Danza van.

Whats good? Suck’n, fuckin’
or what?

-TJ

I should have given this one an A for effort. That is one hell of a pickup line. But if he had said that to me in person, I would have slapped him across the face.

Hello sexy,

I would love to bend you over and show you what a real man is.

-Roger

I am sure our definition of
real man
differs drastically.

Hey beautiful,

I’m sorry I went missing. I had to travel for work and I’m finally getting back after being in Europe for three weeks. I thought about you often and I hope you haven’t fallen madly in love with anyone yet. I would love to take you out sometime.

-Jeremy

Wow, I really thought he had completely forgotten about me. But, I guess life happens sometimes. I can be understanding, but I certainly won’t be casting the other men to the side. I still have two more dates lined up. I almost love this whole playing the field part of things. No strings attached. By no means am I a whore, hell I won’t even touch half of them. But, it has really kept the loneliness I have felt for the past year at bay. It helped to fill a void I didn’t realize I had all these years.

My head spins trying to keep everyone in line. My phone buzzes, distracting me from Jeremy’s message. I smile when I notice Brent texted me. His friendship means the world to me, seriously. We have become more of best friends than anything. Even getting our boys together to play on several occasions. I almost wish that things were different for us, that the spark we needed to feel was there. It is refreshing that we can really talk about just anything without there being expectations of hurting the other’s feelings, or not impressing them. It is comfortable.

Ready for your date?

I smile because not even any of the girls has taken the time out of their busy schedules to check in on my whole
getting back into the field
project. Jill is away for work, Callie is well… not really up to hear about the fun of dating when she is swollen and ready to pop, and Kim gives the worst dating advice in general so I just steer clear of her altogether. Yeah we have hung out, but it seems as though the topic of conversation always reverts back to what
they
are doing. It kind of sucks when you have friends like that. Maybe it is just time to move on from high school friends, and make some adult-real world friends?

For the most part. Nervous, but I contacted him first so I shouldn’t be.

Wesley is downright gorgeous, but completely unattached. He isn’t looking for another wife or more kids. Single fatherhood hasn’t been everything he planned for in life, but he clearly has still carved time out for fun. He is a player in every sense of the word. He has money and it shows through in every picture. Just the way he carries himself screams confidence; something I am not used to in my own life or in the men I have dated. But something about him just pulled me in. Then the night on Skype with me sealed the deal.

Truth be told, I had opened and closed his profile several times before breaking down and sending him a message which he quickly replied to. He is fun and cheeky. Has his shit together and would make an outstanding husband, if he ever decided to be a one woman kind of man.

Deep down, I know that will never happen though. This date is more of a whole put the voice, face, and personality together. We have interacted so much, but it has never been face-to-face. I think once I do get over that hurdle, I will be able to move on without the what ifs that have been taunting me to actually let down that wall and meet him.

You’re a catch, Aurora. He should be grateful to be taking you out.

Text me later and let me know how it goes.

My short black cocktail dress looks like something Julia Roberts would have worn in
Pretty Woman
and my hair rests on my shoulders as I press my lips together and blot my red lipstick. All ready for my night. And like that, I am on my way to another date in hopes of finding something more than I have with the other men I have wasted my time on thus far. But knowing this man isn’t my Prince Charming. He is just my Prince Freedom.

Wesley is so much hotter in person. I am fucking tempted to turn around and leave the restaurant before he sees me. Everything about Wesley screams
out of my league
. Just as I decide I am going to stand up this damn near perfect man and head for the exit, he waves in my direction. His lips part, exposing a perfect mega watt smile. His brown hair is flawlessly styled slightly to the side and his green eyes shine across the dimly lit eatery.
Maybe he won't notice all my imperfections in this light?
I can't help but let my beaten down ego get the best of me. Colin did a number on me. I shutter at the memory of all the words he would use to describe me.
Frigid, cold, heartless, frumpy, ugly, used.
The last one constantly standing out in my mind. Used. Used by him maybe. But not used like the whores he has chosen to run with now.

I shake the thoughts of Colin from my mind and slowly make my way through the sea of tables in this overpriced dining room, extremely careful not to trip on the sky high nude platform pumps I chose to go along with my cocktail dress. Just as I make my way to Wesley, he rises from his seat to greet me. I know he had told me in passing conversation that he is roughly six two, but next to my tiny five foot frame he is certainly intimidating. Even with the hooker-esque heels. But, the friendly air he has about him doesn't make me feel in danger. He makes me feel safe, even if we are still strangers. Strangers that have seen each other naked on the net.