Starting Now (31 page)

“Has Ava’s grandmother accepted the truth that Ava’s pregnant?” Libby asked.

“Not yet.”

Well, Mrs. Carmichael would be facing facts soon enough.

“Can you help Ava with the … adoption?”

“What I can do,” Libby said, “is refer her to an agency.” She’d thought the social worker might have brought up the subject, but now she realized that the woman wouldn’t be able to do that until after Ava’s condition had been confirmed.

“How much will that cost?” Casey had her hand on her wallet, ready to take out the cash and pay Libby a retainer.

“Actually, that service is free.”

“Free?”

“Referrals are free,” Libby emphasized. She was touched by Casey’s resourcefulness.

“Oh.” The teenager’s shoulders relaxed, as though she was relieved.

“I can make a list of phone numbers for Ava or even make the calls myself on her behalf.”

Casey nodded. “I think it would be best if you made the calls; Ava feels it’s best for someone else …” She hesitated, and then added, “to take the baby.”

Libby was relieved by Ava’s decision. She realized it must have been a difficult choice for the young teenager. As Libby and Ava talked regularly, she was surprised Ava had asked Casey to approach her about this, especially in light of the fact that they’d even discussed Ava’s options concerning the baby.

“How’s Ava doing?” Libby asked. She’d talked to her the day before, but Casey might have an entirely different perspective.

“Okay, I guess, although she doesn’t leave the house now. She says you’ve brought her books and yarn and stuff and … and I think that’s great. Ava needs you.”

It was funny that Casey should say that, because Libby was thinking how much pleasure she got in helping the teenager. Ava reminded
Libby of herself at that age—uncertain, lonely, and lost. They talked quite a bit about what it meant to be without a mother. Libby hoped to encourage Ava.

“Ava trusts you. She’s hoping …” Casey looked away and didn’t finish the sentence.

“What is she hoping?” Libby asked.

Casey squared her shoulders. “When Ava said she wanted to give her baby up for adoption she also said she felt odd giving her baby to strangers.”

“I agree that it’s a difficult decision.” But certainly it was the right one. The teen was little more than a child herself. Taking on the responsibility of raising a baby was beyond Ava’s emotional and mental capabilities, Libby believed.

“It was hard for her.”

“I know.” Libby would phone Ava again in the morning and together the two of them could go over the list of adoption agencies. “I’ll talk to Ava about this myself,” Libby promised. “She doesn’t need to worry about her baby. She’ll have the opportunity to read over the profiles of the families looking to adopt. The social worker will help her and she can actually choose the family.”

“She can choose herself?” Casey’s eyes brightened. “That’s great, because she already has someone in mind.”

Ava hadn’t mentioned this to Libby. “Really?”

Casey beamed at her. “Can you call her?”

“You mean right now?”

The girl nodded.

“Is she expecting my call?” Libby didn’t want to risk the possibility of Ava’s grandmother picking up the phone.

“She was hoping you would call. She asked me to talk to you first about the adoption because she was a little afraid of what you’d say.”

That was odd, because Libby had tried to steer her in that direction as much as possible. The choice had to be Ava’s, but Libby felt it was important for the girl to understand everything that would be involved if she decided to raise the baby on her own.

Casey stared pointedly at the phone. Libby reached for it and
punched in Ava’s number. She must have been sitting right next to the phone because she picked up on the first ring.

“Hello,” came her tentative greeting.

“Ava, it’s Libby.”

“Is Casey with you?”

“She is.”

“Did she talk to you about the adoption?”

“She did,” Libby assured her.

“What do you think?” She sounded so tense, so uncertain, which was understandable, Libby supposed.

“I think that’s a wise decision for you and your baby.”

“Oh, thank you,” Ava breathed, and it sounded as if she was about to burst into tears. “I was afraid, you know, that being single you wouldn’t want my baby.”

“Want your baby? Me? You’re talking about
me
adopting the baby?” Oh my.

“Yes,” Ava breathed.

“Ava, there are any number of families who are eager for an infant. Remember how we talked about this? Some couples have waited years for the opportunity to adopt a child.”

“You did tell me that, but I don’t want just anyone to have my baby.”

This wasn’t making any sense.

“They’re strangers,” Ava insisted. “I want my baby to go to a good home, to someone I know will love her. I think of the baby as a her because I want a girl more than I want a boy.”

“Anyone who adopts your baby will love her,” Libby promised.

“Would you?” Ava asked.

The question gave Libby pause, and she realized in a sudden rush of emotion that she already did. “Yes,” she whispered and she sincerely meant it. She would love Ava’s baby.

“Then I want
you
to adopt my baby.”

The words should have rocked Libby’s world, turned it upside down. But after the initial shock of it, Libby realized they hadn’t. She remembered holding the Wilson baby and thinking that the baby
could have been hers. The rush of regrets that had overcome her in those few moments had multiplied a dozen times when she’d realized that Baby Wilson was her ex-husband’s son.

“You want
me
to adopt your child?” Libby asked, to be sure she understood Ava’s wishes.

“Yes, you. I know you’ll love her. I know you’d be a good mother because … because you’ve been such a good friend to me. You’ve been like a mother to me. I … trust you more than I do anyone else in the world, even more than my grandmother. Please, say you’ll adopt my baby, Libby. Please.”

Libby didn’t know how to answer Ava. The idea of raising Ava’s child was obviously a huge thing to contemplate. Her first impulse was to explain how impossible it would be for her, especially at this juncture in her life. The objection barely surfaced before it quickly dissipated. On the surface of things this was an idea that made no sense. She was just starting up her own law firm and would need to devote her energies in that direction.

But slowly, gradually, her thinking came around to the place her heart had gone immediately. This baby belonged with her. She would love Ava’s child and build her life around this baby.

Phillip phoned Sunday morning to ask if she’d like to take a drive up to Paradise on Mount Rainier. In all the years Libby had lived in the Seattle area she’d never once visited the national park or been to the lodge there, although she’d heard great things. Phillip told her he’d booked lunch reservations for them and that he thought it was time they talked. Libby agreed. The ride would give them privacy to
discuss in more detail what had happened between them and how they wanted to move forward.

Instead they discussed Ava.

“You’re sure about this adoption idea?” Phillip pressed when Libby admitted she was leaning toward raising this child as her own.

“Yes … and no.”

Phillip chuckled. “Sounds like you really haven’t decided yet.”

“I have,” she countered, and smiling added, “at least for now.” Then, because she felt she needed to explain, she said, “One of the lessons I’ve learned this year has been that getting a life really means developing relationships. It’s more than joining a bowling league or working out at the gym. It’s about opening up my life and my heart to others.”

“A baby?”

“A very special baby. It started the moment I held the Wilson boy. I realized that under different circumstances he could have been my son with Joe. My heart felt that need, that desire for a child, but deeper than any other emotion, the need for a family. When I learned the infant in my arms was actually Joe’s son … it felt as if my entire world had imploded. That day was pivotal for me.”

Phillip reached for her hand. He kept his eyes on the road, but the tightness of his grip told her he’d been affected, too.

“From that moment forward I started to build my own family. Now I have the opportunity to add a child to my life. I realize sacrifices will need to be made, but I’m willing to make them. Ava’s baby will give me purpose beyond my work, and will help broaden my world. And I want to give this baby a home, and love.” Already her heart was linked with Ava’s child. It was almost as if this was meant to be.

“Is there room in that assembled family for growth sometime down the road?” Phillip asked. He briefly took his gaze off the narrow, twisting mountain road.

Her mind spun, and responded with a question of her own. “Would you like there to be?”

“Very much,” he admitted.

Libby sighed.

They spent a wonderful day together. After a leisurely lunch at the lodge they hiked the trails leading up to the tree line, resting in a meadow filled with blooming wildflowers. They kissed and held hands on the trail on the way back to the car. As Phillip drove back to Seattle, Libby realized anew how much she wanted this incredible man to be part of the family she had formed for herself.

On Monday morning Libby felt great. She was on her way back to her apartment after her regular morning workout, eager to shower and change clothes in order to get to her office. She wasn’t in a rush, though, the way Robin always was, the way she’d been at one time herself.

Libby had to give her friend credit. The truth was, Robin didn’t appear as driven as she had in months past, either. Libby wondered if those changes had been inspired by what was happening in her own life. She certainly wasn’t the same woman who’d walked out of the law offices of Burkhart, Smith & Crandall last March. And frankly, Libby was glad of it. She’d gotten the butterfly tattoo on a lark and yet it had come to symbolize the profound changes taking place within her. It had come to represent the faith she had in herself to be a whole person and not just a driven attorney who used work as an excuse to avoid emotional entanglements.

Thinking back on those months, all her fumbling around in an effort to find herself, Libby realized that her old life was nothing like the new one and that was fine by her. Like the butterfly on the small of her back, she was undergoing her own metamorphosis. The fact that she didn’t have any pressing cases didn’t send her into a tizzy of worry. Clients would come with time. It felt good to be back in a groove, although that groove remained pretty shallow at the moment.

Another huge change was about to take place in her life. She’d discussed the adoption with both Phillip and Robin. They had listened and then asked serious questions that had caused her confidence
to waver a bit. Caught up in all the possibilities, Libby hadn’t been thinking clearly. Yet she still felt a deep sense of peace that this was the right decision.

“What about day care? Would you hire a nanny?” Robin had asked.

Libby knew she’d need to find someone and fairly quickly. She’d do her best to keep the baby with her for the first few months, she’d told Robin.

“You can’t be serious,” her friend countered. “You’re going to bring the baby to the office and try to work at the same time? Are you out of your mind?”

Libby quickly revised her plans. Robin was right. She couldn’t work and care for the baby at the office. She’d need to make provisions for day care.

“What about a father’s influence?” Phillip had asked, giving her pause.

“There are plenty of single mothers in the world.”

“A baby needs a father.”

“Well, things don’t always work out the way we want,” she argued, but deep down she worried Phillip was right, especially in light of the fact that the adoption agencies were crowded with applications from married couples hungry for a family.

Regardless, Libby planned to schedule a couple of preliminary interviews with possible day-care facilities. She would keep the baby with her as much as possible when she wasn’t at the office. There was also the matter of making her home ready for the baby. Robin had promised to help her shop.

As she exited the elevator, keys in hand, Libby found Ava sitting on the carpet outside her front door.

“Ava?” She called out the girl’s name and hurried to the teenager’s side. “What’s wrong?” Weeks earlier she’d given Ava her address and phone number and told the young teen to come to her if she ever needed help.

Ava clenched her stomach. “It hurts, Libby, it hurts real bad.”

The girl was in labor.

It was too soon, although maybe not. Libby couldn’t be sure because Ava hadn’t even been to the doctor yet.

This had been one of Libby’s biggest fears—that the baby would arrive before Ava had had any prenatal care.

Fighting off panic, Libby’s hands trembled as she unlocked her front door and led Ava inside. Once in the front door, Ava yelped in pain and water gushed from between her legs.

As calmly as she could, Libby hurried to her phone and dialed 911. She had to get the girl to the hospital. Next she contacted Phillip.