Starbound (25 page)

“Seth?” she squeaked. A sob shook her bare shoulders.

I braced a hand on the doorframe, unable to meet her gaze. “I can’t, Kats.” And then I turned and raced down the stairs. The sound of her weeping followed me outside. I wasn’t sure I would ever be able to get it out of my head. I was living a nightmare.

I got outside without being detected by the parentals. It was early, and I assumed they were still in bed. That would have been all kinds of awkward considering… The air was lukewarm, but it could do nothing to chase the cold that had made an everlasting home inside me. Looking up at the partly dark, partly sunny sky, I didn’t know whether to scream or rage. How could this have happened?

The curse was activated, and I could hear it laughing in my head.
I’ve got you in my clutches now
, it sneered.

Sliding behind the steering wheel, I thundered the engine to life and hit the gas. I made it two blocks before I had to pull over. My hands shook. My heart was thrashing against my chest. With an all-consuming frenzy, I slammed my hands down onto the steering wheel. I gripped it until my knuckles turned white.

I was numb.

In my numbness, I drove. And drove. No destination in mind, just as much space and distance as I could put between Kat and me. But no matter how far and how long I drove, that suffocating feeling never left. The pressure in my chest never let up. If anything, it got worse.

I dialed her number so many times and hung up that the keys were worn and beginning to fade. There wasn’t enough groveling or apologies in the universe to make up for how I had reacted. Kat had just issued our death sentences, but there was no way I would let her become consumed with guilt. This whole damn thing was my fault.

If I had been stronger…

If I hadn’t already bound myself to her…

If. If. If. I was drowning in ifs.

***

The next morning rolled around.

I never thought the sun would come up. Last night I had not slept a wink. How could I? My mind raced with thoughts of Kat dying—of the curse whispering, gloating in my ear. I spent the whole night staring at the inside of my wrist, poised on edge. I barely blinked, afraid I would miss
it
.

The curse had been activated, I didn’t doubt that, but we didn’t know the timeframe at which it would devour her. Did she have a month, a week, a day, or God forbid…hours? The only thing I was sure of was that the marks that linked us together would disappear. When Kat left this realm, the connection we had forged would dissolve. I knew that as soon as those black stars faded, Kat would too.

I couldn’t take my eyes off them.

By the time I arrived at school, I was a total basket case. My eyes searched for Kat, needing to see her, speak to her before classes started. I might get all tongue-tied trying to apologize for acting like an ass, but I had to try to make her understand. It wasn’t her. It wasn’t what we did. It was the thought of losing her that had me losing my cool.

In my search for Kat, Zeke found me instead. “What’s wrong? You look like utter shit,” he stated. Just like my best friend to not beat around the mulberry bush.

I gave him a drool look. “If you had the kind of last thirty-six hours I had, you would look like hell, too.”

He twirled a pencil between his fingers. “The curse?”

“Worse.”

“How much worse can it get?”

I lifted a brow.

The pencil clattered to the floor. “You didn’t?”

Silence.

His fingers dived into his already messy blond hair. “Jesus Christ, Seth. What happened?”

My head hit the white wall behind me with a thump. “Things got out of hand,” I said with my eyes closed.

Zeke joined me on the wall, his book bag slipping off his shoulders as he processed the news. “How is she?” he finally asked.

Goose bumps prickled at the back of my neck, and I felt my magick hum to the surface, flowing through my blood. Opening my eyes, I saw her, and for the first time since I had left her house, I was able to breathe easier. “See for yourself.”

Kat strolled down the hall, looking like a burst of sunshine. Her glossy curls bounced on her shoulders, and a small smile touched the corner of her lips at something Claudia said. The need to go to her steamrolled me.

“Um, I hate to state the obvious…but Katia looks damn good for someone who is dying.” Zeke said the exact thing I was thinking.

I scowled. “I know. It’s freaking me out.”

“What gives?”

His guess was as good as mine. “Beats me,” I muttered.

Katia

I still couldn’t believe that Seth had left me with no explanation, just an “I can’t” and
poof
he was gone, while I bawled my eyes out for the next hour. Collins had wandered into my room, and I knew that I needed to pull my shit together for her, or she would spaz. I didn’t want to worry her, not yet.

What was the point?

So far nothing had happened. I felt the same. Actually, I felt like a freaking rock star, but I wasn’t getting my hopes up. I didn’t want to go about this curse naïve and like an asshat. Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice…oops, I’m dead.

Later that night, when I found myself alone, the tears started again. How could I have been so stupid? Why hadn’t I listened to Seth? He probably hated me. And really, who could blame him? Hell, he couldn’t even stand the sight of me and had left like his butt was on fire. It wasn’t just me I had doomed. Seth would eventually wither away and die. That was how this starbound stuff worked. Once I had passed on, his heart, over time, would stop. The elders say that they die of heartbreak.

I would kill Seth.

The thought of Seth dying was like a bullet to my heart.

“Kats.” His voice pierced my soul.

I knew he had been staring at me since I turned the corner with Claudia. My entire body came alive, purring with magick. Now that we were starbound it linked our flesh, our hearts, our spirits, our power, and our souls. His presence would always entice some kind of reaction inside me.

I braced myself, before spinning around to face him. “Seth.”

He cast a sideways glance at Zeke, who just stood there, gaping at me. “Zeke,” Seth mumbled under his breath.

“Oh. Is that supposed to be my cue to leave?” Zeke’s sky-blue eyes held mine. “Before I scramble, I just want to tell you that I love you, Katia.”

Oh crap. Now he’d done it. Seth had told him. It was written all over Zeke’s face. Sadness and grief were pouring off him. I could feel my throat closing, and the last thing I wanted to do today was shed another useless tear. He engulfed me a bear hug. “And now I will go, because Seth’s dark scowl is unnerving me. I really don’t want a black eye before first period,” he said, leaving on a lighter note.

I let out a small, emotion-clogged chuckle. Now alone with Seth, I was afraid to look him in the eye, so I stared at my black wedges. I didn’t want to see condemnation in his emerald eyes. I couldn’t take it. My heart would crack all over again. And that would just plain suck.

Seth shoved his hands in his pockets. “Kats, look at me.”

I shook my head, my hair hiding my face.

His finger curled under my chin, lifting my eyes to his. “I’m sorry. I should never have left like that. I should never have left at all.”

I wrinkled my nose. “Why did you?” The question had occupied my mind ever since.

His jaw clenched. “Mostly because I was scared, and extremely pissed off at myself.”

“You can’t just leave when things get tough.” I shifted on my feet. “It was my fault, Seth.”

His fingers imprisoned my chin again, keeping my face lifted to his. Reluctantly I glanced up from under my lashes. Lush green eyes held my attention. “Never. We did this together. You and me.” He weaved our fingers together, and a blue spark flared on contact.

Words escaped me, and luckily, I didn’t have to find any. The bell rang over our heads, and I jumped. His hand tightened in mine, and he gave me a weak smirk.

Maybe we had done this together, but I was the one who pushed. I was the restless one who couldn’t just let things be, who always had to have more. It was a hard lesson to learn, and we both were going to pay the ultimate price.

***

A week came and went.

Seth walked on eggshells around me, as if he was afraid I would tumble to my death at any moment. He was driving me up a wall. I just wanted him to treat me like he always had. I was still the same girl; there was just a ticking bomb on my life.

The only upside was he kissed me every chance he got. He held my hand during the passing periods. All the little things normal boyfriends do with their girlfriends. We even went on a date. Stop the presses. A real, bonafide date. It was the sweetest date I’d ever been on.

A night alone in front of his fireplace, eating takeout and talking about anything as long as neither of us mentioned the words
death
and
curse
. I will always remember the way his face looked shadowed in the dark with the flickering flames lighting up his eyes. The smells of firewood and his skin and the sound of his laugh will be tattooed in my memory.

He couldn’t have given me a better ending to this life.

It wasn’t until the end of the second week that I started to feel the first inklings that something was off. Little things at first, a normal person would chuck it up as a bad day, but I wasn’t normal by any standard, not even for a nixie.

Harper was rambling on about something Claudia had said earlier that got under her skin. I swear playing referee for these two was exhausting in itself. Only half listening, I had no idea what Harper was actually bitching about. I mean, I had some serious crap on my mind. Couldn’t she see that?

Then I stumbled.

It would have been embarrassing if I had just tripped over my own feet, or something equally as humiliating, but it wasn’t. At first I thought nothing of it, but as the day dragged on, so did my body—drag, that is. I started to feel just the tiniest prickle burning inside me. It grew. And grew as the hours passed, weakening me. By ninth period, I was zonked. My eyes could hardly stay open, and I was lightheaded, swaying on my feet. It didn’t take a genius to know that the curse was working its magick, zigzagging and picking away at me from the inside. I didn’t know how long I had, but with each passing hour—minute—I knew that my days were numbered.

Pressing a hand to my locker to steady myself, I sucked in a long breath, finding my bearings.

I had to tell my parents.

No more long sleeve shirts to hide the marks.

No more lies about feeling just fine.

Just the cold hard truth.

I was dying.

And, as if to solidify the fact, the first black star on my wrist vanished. My heart stopped.

Only four more to go…

Chapter 25

Katia

This curse was kicking my butt from here to kingdom come.

When my parents arrived home from work, I was laying on the couch with drooping eyes, waiting for them. It took most of my strength to keep them open while I waited. Mom took one look at my fading color and she knew, which was sort of was a blessing. At least then I didn’t have to form the words. I still got all tongue-tied admitting that I was biting the dust.

I mean, who wouldn’t when telling their parents that you were dying?

In my head it had sounded so much simpler.

Me: Mom. Dad. Seth and I might have done something bad. Real bad. You know the talk about the birds and the bees…well, things we a little too far and…

Mom: What!

Dad: Are you insane?

Me: It just happened. We didn’t plan it.

Mom: How could you be so reckless?

Unfortunately, inside my head didn’t come close to the real thing. Emotions played big factors in making it harder.

“Oh, Katia, tell me you didn’t?” Mom pleaded. The fear in her expression made my stomach clench.

I sat up on the couch, tugging the covers up to my chin. Never had I needed my mommy more. My entire body was an iceberg, freezing and unstable. All I could do was nod.

She sunk onto the edge of the couch beside me. Dad’s back hit the wall with a stunned expression. I felt like I had disappointed them in the biggest screw up of my life.

Mom’s hand shook as she reached out, tucking a stray curl behind my ear. “I’m not even going to ask how.” She inhaled deeply, like what she had to say was a struggle for her to get out. I knew the feeling all too well. “Your father and I knew this day might come, but we prayed—” Her voice hitched. “We’ve had seventeen years to prepare, but it doesn’t dull the pain; that’s for sure.” Her hand covered her heart as if she could stop the pain from slicing it into ribbons.

My father remained speechless propped against the wall. It was the only thing keeping him on his feet. His face looked about as pale as I imagined mine did. I hated that I was causing them grief, and it was only going to get worse. “I’m so sorry,” I whispered, tears gathering in my eyes. I felt like that was all I had done the last few days—cry and apologize.

Before the tears could fall down my cheeks, I was engulfed in my mother’s arms. I buried a sob into her shoulder, unable to control the emotional outburst. A few wet sniffles from both of us and my dad joined the hug. There was water collecting at the corners of his eyes. Strong arms wrapped around us, holding us together. He had the kind of arms you could lean on and would always be there to catch you when you fell. Dependable. Solid. Tough.

I lost track of time. The one thing I didn’t have much of. I couldn’t bring myself to leave their presence—physically or emotionally. They brought a steady calm to the violent storm brewing inside me, and I wanted to hold on to that feeling for as long as possible. Telling my parents had been difficult, if not downright tear-jerking. I had known they were going to be upset, but nothing prepared me for their sorrow. Losing their first-born was an emotional pill to swallow.