Starbird Murphy and the World Outside (39 page)

EARTH looked as if a specter had entered the Sanctuary, declaring itself to be alive. “Doug?” he said to the ghost.

“Doug?” my mother called, turning around. She stood up and stepped on people as she pushed her way through the congregation toward my brother.

“You knew, didn't you, EARTH, that Mars drove me off in the middle of the night? That he tried to do the same thing to Starbird?” Doug kept his eyes trained on EARTH's even as Fern collapsed into his arms, sobbing on his shoulder and clutching him.

EARTH looked from Doug to me. Some horror seemed to be occurring to him. But when he spoke, he said, “Praise the Cosmos for this miracle! Our prodigal son has returned to us at the hour of our greatest transformation.” He held both arms out toward Doug. “We know you've been through many trials on the Outside. But you've come back to let us heal you. Welcome home, Douglas Fir!”

As EARTH was talking, Mars Wolf had been inching closer to the door at the north end of the Sanctuary again. That's when I saw that Sun and the others had entered the barn after Doug. They stood in the crowd behind him.

A few women said, “Welcome, Douglas,” and “Welcome home,” but the tension in the room was unbroken.

“I was driven off the Farm,” said Doug. “when I was just sixteen. I lived in homeless shelters. I was hungry and scared and stolen from. I had to hitchhike all the way back to the Farm, and I'm standing here because I want to know if
you
knew.” Doug held an arm out toward EARTH, his finger pointed, his hand shaking.

Despite EARTH's obvious surprise at seeing Doug, EARTH never looked at Mars Wolf.

“Let Fern Moon take you to the Farm house and feed you,” said EARTH. “We can talk about everything when you are rested.”

“Doug deserves answers.” Sun pushed into the crowd and crossed his arms. “Mars Wolf needs to tell us what he did.”

The sun had now fully risen outside, a rare sunny morning in the early fall. Beams of light shone through the window of the hayloft and illuminated Mars Wolf standing amid the congregation in the barn. It was like turning over a rock and seeing the bugs that live in the darkness underneath. Mars looked like he wanted to scurry back underground.

“He ran away,” Mars said, his voice thin and angry. “I had nothing to do with it.”

“What about last night when you tried to drive away Starbird?” said Doug.

“I offered to drive her to the café to see EARTH,” said Mars, tucking his long, dark hair behind both ears.

“You're lying,” I said.

“You're the liar!” he yelled. “I serve EARTH,” Mars spat at me, “not you.”

EARTH held up his hands for quiet. He kept them raised until everyone was still. “Mars Wolf, are these accusations true?”

The veil hiding Mars Wolf's fury fell away. “Are you questioning
me
?” he said, bewildered. His greasy hair hung limp in the sunlight, and the cord on his robes was pulled tight around his thin figure.

“Do these young ones accuse you rightly?” said EARTH again, crossing his arms in front of him.

“I have done everything I was instructed to do,” stammered Mars. “You know that. You know that.”

“I never instructed you to do these things,” said EARTH. “From where do you claim to be getting your instruction?”

Mars looked confused. His eyes darted around at the congregation, then back to EARTH. “I was your first Believer. You named me after the planet next to you,” he began. Mars seemed small, then, not dangerous but feeble.

“Mars Wolf, you must leave this Family,” said EARTH. A stunned silence reached every corner of the barn.

“What?” Mars whispered, clutching the cord on his robe.

“You have transgressed against Family, including my natural daughter, and the Cosmos instructs me to banish you from our company. You might return some day after restitution is paid.”

“You can't. I did nothing wrong. I have nothing. Where would I go? You can't!” Mars looked around at the congregation. No one spoke for him.

“You can leave in the truck you drove here, but take nothing else,” said EARTH, majestic and commanding in the light of the sun. He motioned to Adam and another man who went to Mars, each taking him by an arm.

“I'll apologize.” Mars pulled away and tried to walk toward EARTH, but Adam stopped him. “I'll make amends. I can't be sent away.”

“As you sow, so shall you reap,” said EARTH.

“I can't survive out there,” Mars pleaded. “Doug, I'm sorry. Starbird, I'm sorry!” He turned toward me. I felt a pang of sympathy.

“The Cosmos has spoken. You must leave,” said EARTH.

“You planned this,” Mars growled, suddenly furious and finding his strength. He struggled with Adam and the other man holding him. “He orchestrated this.” He said to all of us gathered. “He's the one who told me to do it!” The men pulled Mars toward the back door of the barn. “Ask him about the bank accounts!” he yelled. “Ask him about Arnold Muller!”

Mars was dragged out of the Sanctuary by the two men, and we could hear his yelling grow more distant as he went.

That's when Sun spoken again. “Yeah, EARTH, tell us about Arnold Muller.”

EARTH was like a rooster surrounded by foxes. A part of me wanted to defend him, wanted to run to his side and beg them to stop. But I needed to know what he would say next. I had to hear it from him.

“I have used my Outside name to raise funds for the purchase of the Mansion. It's nothing more nefarious than that,” he said calmly.

“Really,” said Doug. “Because I've seen the bank statements and it looks like you own money and property under the name Arnold Muller.”

“Do not insult me by using that name in my Sanctuary,” EARTH said, his voice gathering power in his lowest register. “I will not be questioned in my own house or scolded like a
dog
. I've given my life to you.”

“You didn't give it to me when you kicked me out at sixteen,” said Sun.

“Do you think I did all this for myself?” said EARTH, his voice audibly trembling with anger. He turned around and squared his shoulders to Sun's. The resemblance was stunning. “You have the nerve to act like this was all for me?” He paused and stood straighter, seeming to grow again in height. He took two steps closer to Sun. “Do you think it's easy keeping a Family of two hundred people fed, loved, and safe for forty years? Do you think that's a simple thing? Do you think I haven't had a life of sleepless nights and bank accounts and court cases to keep this Family together, while they were all free to eat and love each other and never touch money? Who do you think had to touch the money and risk corruption? Everything we needed for forty years, I found it. I found Beacon House, the Farm, the café. Do you think that the Outsiders don't dog our every step, don't hang over us like a cloud? Do you think you could do it?” EARTH paused, glaring at Sun. “And my own son questions my every motive. The person I needed beside me the most.”

Sun's face turned red. His voice came out sounding small, like a boy's. “You should have been my dad. You should have been Arnold Muller.”

“STOP USING THAT NAME!” EARTH's fury hit the barn like a flash flood. I took several steps back. “Do you think I
need
any of you?” He turned to address us all. “Do you think I couldn't go to California on my own? With my skills, you don't think I could have everything? I am giving you the CHANCE to come with me, to ride on my coattails, and you offer me questions and doubt? ANY OF YOU who wants to leave me and join the wide, desperate world of non-Believers should go. GO NOW! GET OUT!” EARTH pointed furiously at the door. His white hair was alive and his fury gained him even more in size. He was huge in the middle of the stage, and I was tiny and quiet and terrified.

“I guess we could argue about the will of the Cosmos all day.” It was Iron's reasoned voice that snaked through the crowd and bit the stage. “But EARTH can't tell anyone to get off this property, because the future of the Farm won't be decided by the board of directors' meeting today. Gamma and I already filed the paperwork. Ownership of this place will be decided by the courts.”

 33 

T
alk erupted from every corner of the barn, but it quieted when Iron spoke again.

“There are laws protecting people who aren't in their sane minds when they change their will. My mother signed away the farm when she was consumed with grief. If it's given back to me, I'll let any of you who wants to stay live here and work the farm,” he said. His arms were crossed and he barely moved when he spoke. It was like he was standing on the deck of a ship in the storm, braced against the roiling sea.

EARTH's gaze landed on Gamma, who had been quiet. I saw fury in his eyes that I had never seen there before. “You went to Outsiders.” His voice dripped with disgust. “You went to lawyers.”

“The Farm and café have been mismanaged.” Gamma stood in front of the room and crossed her arms in front of her tiny frame. Her gray hair was in messy curls on her head. “The Family,” she went on, glancing at EARTH, “has never had a head for business. And there was borrowing against the value of the Farm that wasn't approved by the board.”

“What are you talking about?” Neptune Fox stood up. “Who borrowed against the Farm?”

“Arnold Muller,” Gamma said.

“Stop saying that name!” Saturn screamed. Then she walked toward Gamma, still yelling, berating her inches from her face. Bithiah turned to Iron and slung a stream of insults in his direction. Sun defended Iron by going after Bithiah, and then everyone was yelling.

Family members pointed fingers, demanded answers. Children started crying, and several people tried to make their way toward the exit. Europa was toe-to-toe with Doug Fir, who had Fern Moon backing him up. At the head of it all, standing on the edge of the stage looking out over the Family he had founded, was EARTH. And standing next to EARTH was me.

 
 

“Look at all you've achieved, Starbird,” said EARTH, motioning to the chaos in front of us.

“This isn't what I wanted.” Watching the Family pitted against one another, I felt like my own heart was ripping in two.
What have I done?

“Forty years I've kept us together, and you managed to break us up in one morning.” His voice was caustic, accusatory, not fatherly.

“You didn't keep
all
of us together,” I said.

“If one person, a malcontent, a disruptive element, threatened the preservation of the whole group, what would you do?” he said.

“I don't know,” I said. “But I know I wouldn't drive a kid off in the middle of the night and abandon him with nothing.”

The look that flashed over EARTH's face was difficult to name. It was a mix of recognition, remembrance, and regret. There was no self-righteousness left. There was sadness. Mars was telling the truth. EARTH had known.

“Are you really my father?” I asked.

“If I am, then both of my children have turned against me.”

“You didn't answer my question.”

EARTH looked at me, smiled sadly, didn't respond.

“You told everyone you were my father. Why?”

“Look at you up here on the stage, so fierce, so destined for leadership. Don't you feel like my daughter? Haven't you always wanted it?”

EARTH's blue eyes went past all my defenses, looked right into my heart.

“I did want it,” I said, “my whole life. But I don't now.”

The fighting continued around us in the barn while EARTH looked at me. “Family.” EARTH's voice was a raindrop in a thunderstorm. He still watched me. “Family,” he tried again, turning to the room, raising his hands and shaking them. Then, “FAMILY!” His voice shook the beams of the old barn until they rattled.

The room took a few minutes to quiet. But, eventually, even Saturn silenced her fury.

“We shame our love for one another with this viciousness,” EARTH said, the last word hitting like a whip. A mix of shame and defiance was visible on all the faces. Many arms were crossed and only a few people were still sitting. “I never wanted to see us torn to pieces.” He sounded tired, like he had been carrying something heavy and was finally setting it down. “Our Family has had no luck in business. Valuing love over money has made life”—he looked around on the stage below him—“difficult for us in the World Outside. Maybe that's my fault.”

Saturn Salt whispered, “No, no it's not,” clinging to another Family member from Canada.

“I was twenty-six years old, and I had a wife and a child. I had been working as a salesman, living in a house, chasing money, chasing new things to buy. My name was Arnold Muller and I thought,
This can't be all there is to life. This can't be what life is about
.”

For the first time ever, EARTH looked old to me. From where I stood on his right, his spine seemed to curve slightly toward the ground, and I felt that someone should offer him a chair. We had nothing but pillows.

“When I first heard the voice of the Cosmos, it was like a whisper riding the wind. It was sad and sweet and soothing. It comforted me. It told me that the Universe is not a cold, unfeeling place; it has shape and intelligence. I don't know why it chose to speak to me, or if it speaks to all of us if we listen. But when I started telling people what the Cosmos said, they wanted me to tell them more. I didn't ask people to join me; they asked me if they could join.”

“I opened my home. I opened my marriage. Everything I did was for the Family. And I haven't done everything right. Maybe I made choices that were . . . harsh, but I did it for us. Everything I did was to keep us together.” EARTH's head dropped toward his chest. He was hurting. I could feel it.

“Don't let our Family end like this,” he said, and swept his hands in a low arc around the room. “We've loved each other for so long.”

People turned back toward the dais, and some who had been standing sat again. My resolve broke into pieces and I sank down onto the stage, too. This couldn't be the end, could it?

“Since Iron John and Gamma have filed their paperwork and taken our Family into the courts, there's no point in fighting over their right to do it.” EARTH smoothed down his robes and adjusted his rope belt. “Instead, we will declare our allegiances and decide our fates. The Sanctuary is now divided in two. All true Believers who wish to follow the Cosmos and go with me to California or remain with our Family in Canada should move to the right side of the Sanctuary. All brothers and sisters who wish to stay and work the Farm with Iron should move to the left. I see no other way.”

There were a few scattered protests. One woman yelled, “Don't break up the Family! Gamma, stop this.”

A few others claimed, “We shouldn't have to choose” or “Love holds us together.”

But several people walked quickly to one side of the barn, many having already chosen a side.

Iron, of course, walked to the left, followed protectively by Paul and Devin. Fern was clutching Doug Fir like she thought he might disappear again. They both followed Iron. Seta, Venus, and her father, Mercury, joined them, too.

Saturn Salt went to the right side of the room, her hands clasped in front of her body and her chin raised. She looked tense, like a snake coiling to strike. Adam went to her side, along with Bithiah, Neptune Fox, and Europa, holding Eris and leading Kale. Eve walked slowly, holding her round belly as she went, motioning for Ursa and Pavo to join her. I watched Ursa drag her feet to the group on the right side of the barn, looking back at Iron as she went, then looking up at me. She grabbed Pavo's hand and held it against her worn skirt. I had to pinch the inside of my arm to keep myself from running to her. Was this a terrible dream?

There were still many people in the middle of the room. Gamma went to Adeona, the woman EARTH had rescued off the street in Spokane. They stood whispering together in the center of the floor, and touching arms, before Gamma, shaking her head, walked over to stand with Iron. Adeona went to the right side of the room and stood near Eve.

Cham seemed to hang back, watching the events unfold, studying each line of people. He finally went to EARTH's side, standing next to Europa.

Caelum was locked in a heated discussion with Indus and Lyra. Several times Lyra grabbed her braids or punched Indus on the arm. Finally, she backed away from the group in a tearful run and darted across the room to EARTH's side. She tossed herself dramatically into Cham's arms and started sobbing.

Indus threw up his hands and followed Caelum to Iron John's side of the room.

Sun stood near the south door with his arms folded, staring at his mother, Uranus Peak, who seemed to be frozen in her spot on the rug. She finally melted, dropping her head toward her lap, before standing and walking slowly toward EARTH's side. She never looked at Sun, but Sun watched her go like she was the only person in the room. His eyes followed her all the way across the Sanctuary, and I was sure he would go to her and try to drag her to his side. But he didn't. He made his way toward Iron's group, where Seta put her arm around his waist and kept it there.

The remaining Family members took their sides, most of them heading toward EARTH's half of the room. Then Adeona suddenly broke free from her place near Eve and moved to the middle of the room. She stood looking at EARTH from the floor of the Sanctuary and put her hands together at her heart before hurrying over to Iron's side and folding into Gamma's arms.