Starbird Murphy and the World Outside (35 page)

“This will be hard to hear,” he continued. “We believe that Doug has been living in homeless shelters and taking drugs that may have deluded his thinking. We heard that Doug is a non-Believer now, spreading falsehoods about the Family. I fear he may be gone for good.” EARTH's eyes shone like wet rocks. He put a hand on my shoulder.

My conversation with Doug from the night before came echoing back—the gruffness in his voice and the desperation, the tobacco he smoked in a rolling paper, how haggard and unkempt he looked. He did say he had been living in a homeless shelter. Was my brother addicted to drugs? Is that why he said that Mars Wolf threatened to kill me? Did Doug invent that story to get me to leave the Family? I glanced down the table at Mars, who was spearing a piece of asparagus with a steak knife. He was smiling a greasy smile and talking to V, who didn't seem that interested in what he was saying.

“But why would he run away in the first place?” I asked. “He wasn't doing drugs on the Farm.”

EARTH looked down at his dinner plate. “Many nights I have blamed myself for that,” he said. “I don't think your brother was ready for such a challenging apprenticeship. The work was hard, and I was a demanding mentor. I'm not perfect, Starbird,” he said toward his plate.

I squeezed EARTH's hand. Who comforts EARTH when he's busy comforting all of us?

“I tried to make him an accountant when I should have let him be a boy. Doug was pretending he could handle all the work, but he started showing signs of stress, strange paranoia. He was having fantasies, conspiracy theories that I was stealing from the Family, that Mars was some sort of evil henchman. In the end, I think he just snapped.” EARTH shook his head sadly, picked up his fork, and put it down again.

I couldn't make eye contact with EARTH. He knew everything that Doug was saying. Doug, a paranoid drug addict? He wasn't acting normal when I saw him in the park. He was scaring me. But then, he was scared himself, hungry and homeless. After a minute, I managed to speak. “Can we help him?” I asked, tears interrupting the words.

EARTH's voice was dry. “No, my sweet girl. Doug is lost.”

 
 

“Thank you for coming together tonight, Family.” EARTH's voice radiated through the living room where twenty Family members had gathered for Story Night. From Beacon House, V, Cham, Europa, Kale, and Eris were there. Penniah and Adlai had brought Dathan and a starstruck Sapphira, and other Family members from Seattle had gathered to welcome EARTH back to town. A few who weren't even at the apple pressing came. By the time we were all seated, every chair in the house was in use, and most of the floor space on our rug, too. But Paul and Devin had yet to show up. Io was missing, too, since she had to work late at Red Light.

I sat next to EARTH in a chair from the dining room. Mars Wolf sat on his other side, with a large poster board cradled under his arm.

“I want to hear stories about everything that's happened to my Family since I left for my Mission.” EARTH stood in front of the windows as he talked, all heads looking up at him. “But first, I have an important story of my own.”

A thrill went through the room at the thought of EARTH telling a story. Sapphira squealed, causing everyone to laugh. Then the room became so quiet, someone might have told an ant walking across the carpet to stop making so much noise.

“Three years ago, I left to go on a Mission. I told you all that the Cosmos instructed me to go, but I didn't tell you everything the Cosmos said. Our Farm is destined to fail,” EARTH looked up toward the ceiling. He seemed so tall standing in the living room, and his words were haunting. “Our café will go bankrupt, too. The Cosmos told me that our businesses would barely survive five years, much less see us safely into the future.” The silence in the room turned tense. I could hear the refrigerator in the kitchen hum. A few people exchanged panicked glances.

“The Cosmos instructed me to leave my Family and journey into the wilderness, although it pained my heart every day to be away from you. I was told to go to California, and promised I would find a new paradise there. After these three long years, the Cosmos has provided. Behold, the California Mansion.”

At these words, Mars Wolf stood and revealed the image he was concealing on the poster board. He held it up over his head in front of the room and turned slowly so we could all see. It was an aerial photograph that showed a sprawling multistory house, with a white stone facade and circular driveway. The backyard held a swimming pool, tennis court, and a pond with a fountain. The only evidence of nature were some palm trees and several beds of flowers.

Gasping in surprise, hands clasped over their mouths, people seated on the rug got up on their knees and everyone leaned in closer. A few people stood up, blocking other people's views. “Fourteen bedrooms and plenty of space for a yurt village,” EARTH was saying. “The kitchen has restaurant-grade appliances, the living room has vaulted ceilings, and the basement is the same square footage as our barn. It even has an indoor movie theater and water pressure you won't believe.”

A few members laughed. One woman seated on the floor started to cry.

“And here is my most exciting news.” EARTH smiled. “Have a look at some of your new Family members.”

Mars turned over the poster board in his hands and revealed another photograph on the back. There were five young people, two men and three women, arms linked, sitting next to a bank of computers.

“These are the lost ones the Cosmos sent us looking for.” EARTH motioned toward the photo. “They have worked hard and shown themselves to be true Believers. They are ready to welcome you to California and train you all in the new Family business, information technology.”

V, who had been leaning against the archway to the dining room, disappeared into the kitchen. Other Family members turned to one another and began talking. I'll admit, the photo of the mansion was stunning, especially the bright sun that seemed to bathe the walls. From our crowded living room in Beacon House, where the rain was whipping itself against the windows in splatters, it was hard not to be swept away by the dream of California. But it was also hard to shake the feeling that something wasn't right. We weren't the kind of people who lived in mansions.

“What about farming, and being back to the land?” a Family member named Branches asked.

“I've been seeking out farmland near our Mansion where we can grow food to sustain ourselves. But small farming as a business is nearly impossible to maintain in this age. We must acknowledge the changes in the modern world, and the Cosmos has instructed me to build our future on computers.”

Some of the men in the group nodded, but many of the women looked uneasy.

“How will we find the money for this?” Adlai asked from his seat on the carpet.

“I'm glad you asked that, Brother,” said EARTH. “It's the reason I've come back to you now. It's time to sell the Farm and use the proceeds to finish payment on the Mansion.”

EARTH's words tore through me like a sword, cutting me right in two. The farmhouse, the chicken coop, the apple orchard? The back lot? What about Iron's cabin? What about Iron's ancestors? Would Iron be able to live there until he dug a hole near the fir trees to bury himself? I couldn't picture Iron in the California Mansion. I couldn't picture any of us there, except EARTH.

“Change can be difficult and frightening. When Moses led his people out of Egypt, they were terrified. But the faithful went with him, in search of the Promised Land. I have come back to ask this of my Family.” The room was no longer silent. Penniah and Adlai were whispering to each other. Other people were talking in small groups.

EARTH held up his hands for quiet. “Mars and I will go to the Farm tomorrow morning, with the faithful in tow, to hold a Translation and announce the plans to the Family. I hope you will all go with me.”

For some reason, my dumb mouth synthesized all my questions and concerns into one utterly inane query. “What about my chickens?”

EARTH looked almost startled for a second when my voice came at him from his elbow. He turned and stared at me, examining me for a moment in silence. Then he started to laugh, a big, full-bellied laugh.

“What a wonderful child! Starbird asked about the chickens. We'll get new chickens, with a larger coop, more sunlight, and fresh air in California.” Then he paused and looked at me. “But I don't think you will be working in the chicken coop anymore, Starbird. Stand up here, next to me. I have another announcement to make.”

I pushed myself out of my chair. I hadn't even processed EARTH's first announcement yet, and he was about to make a second.

“In honor of Starbird's work in organizing the apple pressing and helping the Family stay financially solvent during my absence, I am assigning her to a new placement.” EARTH paused and looked around the room. “Starbird will be working with me, in our offices in California on all things related to our new business. I will be grooming her for an important role in the future of our Family. She is uniquely suited for the job”—EARTH paused again and looked at me—“because Starbird is my daughter.”

 31 

T
he clamor inside my head was unreal. “Of course, that makes so much sense,” I heard someone say. “I can see it now, in the eyes,” said someone else. Sapphira broke free of Penniah's arms and ran over to me singing, “EARTH's your dad. EARTH's your dad,” and then Kale joined in, too.

EARTH did not draw me into his arms and hug me. Instead, he gave me a gentle push into the center of the room, where Family members could pat me on the shoulder, congratulate me, and clasp their hands to bow.

Europa said, “Starbird, how wonderful,” before turning away and stomping into the kitchen. Cham gave me a halfhearted bow. Venus was nowhere to be seen, but other Family members closed in to praise me. “She was such a strong leader during the apple pressing,” I heard Adlai say, “I'm not surprised to see this.”

This is what it feels like when all your dreams come true. There are twenty hands touching you, but you don't feel them. The congratulations swell into your heart the way seawater rushes into a sand castle when the tide comes in. And then the water leaves again, and your sand castle is flatter, looking a lot like sand.

“Thank you,” I said to the people around me, “thank you so much.” The congratulations continued until EARTH finally quieted everyone again and called for the true beginning of Story Night with a song.

 
 

I barely heard any of the festivities that followed.
EARTH is my father.
Those were the only words I heard ringing through every song and repeated in each story.
My father
sung to me in so many voices.

The last of the Family members left around ten. Europa bustled around cleaning up the living room. “V's coat is gone. I bet she went to spend the night with Devin again,” said Europa, shaking her head. “I can't believe she left me to clean up alone.”

“I'll help,” I said, moving the living room chairs back in place.

EARTH remained seated in the overstuffed armchair, talking quietly with Mars Wolf while we cleaned. Europa took a tray of tea mugs back to the kitchen, and I moved to follow her when EARTH said, “Let me speak with you for a moment. Alone.”

Mars Wolf exited the room, leaving me with a mug in each hand, staring awkwardly at the man who called himself my dad.

“Have a seat, Starbird.” EARTH motioned to the floor in front of him.

The only promise I'd made to Doug Fir was that I wouldn't talk with EARTH alone. But Doug was possibly a drug addict. And if EARTH was my father, then when Doug Fir insulted EARTH, was he insulting me? What bond is more important, father or brother?

I put down the mugs and walked over to EARTH, sitting down before him on the rug.

“Did you always suspect that I was your father?” EARTH looked down at me, his blue eyes dancing the way Ephraim's did.

I nodded. S
uspected and hoped
. “Why did you wait until now to tell me?”

“I will need my most trusted allies next to me during this next phase. Plus, you're old enough to bear children now, so you should know what genes you carry.” EARTH smiled and folded his hands in his lap. “Starbird, there were some payments that Ephraim was making each month before he went into the hospital. Do you know anything about that?”

It was a yes/no question. I couldn't tell a half-truth. I bobbed my head up and down,
yes.

“Yes. Europa told me you had been looking into the books at the café.”

How did Europa know that?

“Do you know who the payments were being made to?” he asked, still smiling.

“Arnold Muller,” I answered, “but I didn't know who that was. Until I figured out it was you.”

EARTH closed his eyes. “That was my Outside name,” he said. “Sometimes we have to use our Outside Names when we do business with Outsiders. Ephraim was making payments to help us purchase our Mansion, and we have made the down payment on what will be our new home. Do you see how necessary it is to the future of the Family? Do you see that we can't sustain ourselves just from our little Farm?”

It all sounded logical. Why shouldn't money from the Family's café be used to buy the Family's new house? And he was right. The Farm was failing, and we had to have a new plan. We were lucky EARTH was watching out for us. I nodded.

“Is there anything else you're curious about?” EARTH said.

“The new mansion, it belongs to all of us right? It wasn't just purchased in your name?” I regretted asking it immediately. I had been infected with Doug's paranoia. It wasn't my place to question.

The crow's feet around EARTH's eyes formed a series of tiny Vs. “Where did you get a question like that?”

“Nowhere,” I said too quickly. “I shouldn't have asked.”

EARTH studied me. “Of course it belongs to the Family,” he said without blinking. “Why would it be any other way?”

I let out a slow, even exhale. Then everything was settled. It would be sad to lose the Farm, but we would all be moving together. I was sure Family members would love to get out of the damp cold of the Northwest and go live in sunny California. Ursa wouldn't have to work in the chicken coop. Fern wouldn't have to bake all day in the kitchen. Iron could adapt to California, I told myself. All he needs is time. But Doug. What about Doug?

“Go on up to bed now, Starbird,” EARTH said. “Tomorrow's a big day.”

“Good night, EARTH,” I said, turning toward the staircase.

“Starbird,” he called to me, so that I turned back. “Call me father.”

“Good night, Father.”

 
 

It wasn't the alarm clock that woke me up. It was an arm shaking me. I was startled to open my eyes and see Mars Wolf.

“Quietly now,” he said. “EARTH needs you.”

I looked at Io's bed and saw her sleeping soundly. The clock said 2:30 a.m.

“In the middle of the night?” I pulled my blankets up to my neck, wishing I could just roll over.

“We're leaving for the Farm in the morning, so it has to be now.”

“I'll get dressed,” I said.

“Try not to wake anyone.”

I met Mars Wolf in the foyer, expecting EARTH to be with him. “EARTH is at the café,” Mars said. “He needs your help paying the bills for September.”