Star League 3 (2 page)

The film director Ben Beaumont walks towards me with a frown on his face. ‘You know, Roger, I don't remember reading any of what just happened in the script, and I should know, I wrote it!'

‘I was improvising!'

‘Well, every time you improvise it puts us further behind in our schedule. This is only the first scene of
Zombie vs. Werewolf
. We've still got to film the rest of the thing!'

‘I don't want to keep filming this with him,' says Connor. As soon as the Paralysis Potion wears off completely he transforms back into his human form and rubs the spot where my foot kicked him. ‘He doesn't stick to the script. I was supposed to win that fight!'

‘You're right, Connor, that did get out of hand,' I say, sniggering.

‘Enough with the stupid jokes!' he shouts.

‘Hey, guys, break it up,' says Ben. ‘You've got to start sticking to the script, Roger, or we'll never get the filming finished on time.'

‘But …'

‘No buts. Next time learn your lines!'

I shrug. ‘Sure, whatever.' I reach into my pocket for some gum but come up empty. ‘I've gotta go, I'm all out of Braynes.'

I head towards the studio kitchen with Ben's words ringing in my ears. I don't know why those guys are so serious all the time. Somebody needs to teach them how to lighten up. I mean, it's just a movie, right? It wasn't like we were really fighting bad guys.

I search in the massive pantry, pulling out my enormous recipe book from its hiding place. This book is ancient – you won't find any instructions
on how to make chocolate cake in here. It's the recipe book for all my magic potions, handed down to me by my father, who's a witchdoctor.

He was the one who saved me when I fell into a pit of quicksand in the Amazon rainforest. Let's just say it didn't end well, but thanks to Dad's Zombification Potion he brought me back to life as a zombie, new and improved!

Now I can make all my limbs drop off like a crash-test dummy. But there's definitely a downside to being undead. Eventually my body starts to freeze up and go as stiff as, well, a corpse. Then parts of me begin to crumble off without me controlling them. That's why I have to take my Loosifying Juice, so my body stays nice and loose and I can pop my parts back on.

Of course, too much Loosifying Juice and I get too loose. It's the same deal as when I don't get enough – arms and legs falling off all over the place, so I have to get the dose just right to stay
nice and limber. It's tough being a zombie!

I check the recipe for the Loosifying Juice. ‘One dash of swamp juice, a teaspoon of rubber essence …' I rummage around in the pantry for my stash of ingredients, then I double check the recipe. ‘Uh, wait, was that a teaspoon of swamp juice or rubber essence?'

Even though I've made the potion a million times before, I can never remember how to make it. Dad says I have a bad memory because I don't listen, but I think it's because I'm a zombie and my brains have turned to mush.

Either way, I'd be done for if I didn't have my recipe book. Ben Beaumont keeps telling me to make a copy, just in case, but between fighting crime with the Star League and playing practical jokes on Connor, who's got the time?

I make sure I have the exact dosage and squirt it into the middle of my favourite Braynes Gum. That way whenever I chew Braynes I get my dose of
Loosifying Juice and the taste of swamp juice isn't so bad!

I'm about to put my recipe book back when I start to get the feeling I'm not alone. I turn and notice a lady standing in the shadows. When she steps forward I can see her eyes are outlined in dark eyeliner and she's wearing a golden crown in the shape of a snake. She reminds me of an Egyptian princess from a movie.

‘Are you Roger Romero?' she asks.

‘Why, are you a fan or something? Because autographs are ten dollars a pop.'

‘A fan? You could say that. My name is Nefertina.'

‘Well, uh, you're not really supposed to be in here, Nefertina. Can I help you with anything?'

She nods. ‘You can help me by staying put and keeping your mouth shut while I help myself to your recipe book!'

‘Huh?' I've barely got time to blink, let alone
yell for help. She leaps forward and knocks me to the ground. Then she starts to wind a long white bandage around my body, including my mouth. In a few seconds I'm bound up as tightly as a bug in a spider's web.

‘Thanks for making this so easy!' she says with an evil grin. She reaches over and grabs my recipe book. I struggle against the bandages but I'm not going anywhere any time soon.

Nefertina throws back her head and laughs. ‘You seem a bit tied up at the moment, so I'll bid you farewell.'

Cackling, she leaves the kitchen, carrying my recipe book under one arm.

What do you do when you've just been tied up and your ancient potion recipe book has been stolen? I try shouting for help, but because of the bandages over my mouth it just comes out like, ‘Mmmmmmppphhh!'

Plan B … that would be fine if I had one! I start to panic. Okay, Roger, I tell myself, don't fall apart. Then I freeze. That's it! How could I not have thought of it before? I take a deep breath, close my eyes, and …

DONK! The world spins as my head falls off and hits the floor, followed shortly by my hands, arms, shoulders, legs and feet. The bandages unravel until finally I'm free. But now comes the hard part – putting myself back together again.

I've just reattached my foot to my leg and I'm working on connecting my leg to my body when I hear the kitchen door swing open. I freeze. What if Nefertina has come back to finish off the job?

‘We leave you alone for two minutes and you completely go to pieces!'

I relax at the sound of the voice. I'd know it anywhere since I've heard it in so many movies. It's Jay Casey: film star, stunt genius and leader of the Star League.

‘Ha ha,' I say, rolling my eyes. ‘Can you give me a hand here?'

‘Sure!' says Leigh Faunus, a red-headed girl who can talk to animals. She picks up one of my hands and her monkey, Chu, waddles over with the other one. ‘Have two!'

‘What happened here?' asks Connor.

‘I was minding my own business when this lady calling herself Nefertina stole my recipe book!'

‘Your recipe book?' asks Asuka Kuro. Her face
is covered by her ninja hood, but I can tell she's frowning. ‘So what's the big deal? Now you can't bake cupcakes or something?'

‘I believe Roger is referring to his magical potion recipe book,' hums Sam in his robotic voice. ‘Is that correct?'

‘Spot on, Bot-boy!' I say. ‘We need to find her and get it back or I'm going to drop off – literally! If I can't make more Loosifying Juice, my body parts will start to fall off for good.'

‘Okay, any idea where she was heading?' asks Jay. I shake my head sadly. I've got enough Braynes Gum to last me for a couple of hours, but what am I supposed to do when I run out? I've got to find Nefertina and get my book back, but how?

Suddenly I hear a sound from around the corner. Someone is pawing through the kitchen! I bet it's Nefertina back to steal my ingredients! I whip out one of my Itching Fit Mixtures and get ready to throw it at the shadowy shape scrounging
around in the fridge. The vial flies through the air and smashes right next to the intruder.

‘Gotcha!' I shout as the orange liquid splashes onto the figure.

‘AAARRRRGGGHHH!' shrieks a voice that sounds very unladylike.

Uh-oh!

‘Ben!' I say, recognising the director at last. ‘I'm sorry, I thought you were Nefertina!'

‘Nefer-who?' he asks, scratching all over furiously.

‘Nefertina, the woman who stole my recipe book!' I quickly explain it all to Ben, who keeps on scratching. When I finish talking Ben looks worried, and I think it's to do with more than just the itching potion.

‘Actually, I was just on my way to tell you that a report came in from GALACTIC.' We all gather around to hear Ben's news. ‘The museum has reported a theft. They're missing six mummies
from their collection and have no leads. I thought it sounded like a case for the Star League, but now I wonder if this Nefertina is somehow involved.'

‘It sounds like it,' says Jay. ‘We'll get right on it!'

‘Great, just one more question,' asks Ben, scratching his leg. ‘Is there a cure for this itching potion?'

‘Yep, sure is!' I say. ‘But the recipe is in the book.'

Ben goes a bit green in the face. ‘Get that book back. Quickly.'