Stanton Adore (6 page)

“What’s your name pretty lady?” he says while he rolls his hips, obviously trying to be sexy. Huh what the? Oh buzz of baldy. I’m trying to prick tease here and you’re cramping my style. I smile, shake my head and hold my hand up to Bridge to signify getting a drink, she nods in relief. We make it to the bar in a fit of giggles, Joshua is talking to Ben and another man I don’t know and Adrian is standing alone. We get our drinks and amble over to him.

“What’s so funny?” He asks over his wine glass.

I shake my head and Bridget smiles. “Natasha is the ultimate dance floor idiot magnet.” I shake my head and throw a piece of ice at her. “Shut up” I giggle.

“No seriously, Adrian you have no idea,” she puts her hand on his forearm. “Every time we are out Natasha gets some crazy disaster stalking her on the dance floor.”

Adrian rolls his eyes at her. “I’m sure she gets some pretty hot ones as well.”

I smile at him. Adrian’s gay.

“Yeah she does, she’s a guy magnet.”

“Shut up, I am not” I stammer.

“Are too,” she giggles into her glass.

“No one that matters,” I smile.

“Oh really?” Adrian smiles to me and raises his eyebrows. “So who matters?” My eyes fly to him and I take a gulp of my champagne, he gives me a cheeky smile and a wink, he knows exactly what he’s doing, he is trying to find out info. He very slowly looks at Josh so my eyes follow his line of vision. I look up and see Joshua staring at me. Bridget is right, he is looking at me like he wants to eat me. I glance back to Adrian who winks at me and raises his champagne glass. I look to the ground and smile self-consciously, I think he knows everything. Oh crap, I hope he doesn’t know everything. But why would Josh tell him? It was so long ago, unless he’s affected like me? Maybe he’s embarrassed. I can’t help but like Adrian. He’s a cheeky son of a bitch though, fancy milking me for info. I don’t know what to say next without revealing anything and a dance track comes on that I love so I grab both Adrian and Bridge by the hands.

“Come on, we’re dancing.”

Oh boy, I’m feeling very tipsy. The champagne is going to my head big time, stop drinking Tash I chastise myself. Adrian is a great dancer, I don’t know why I didn’t see it before. He is so obviously gay. Way too beautiful to be hetro. Josh is still watching me like a predator. I feel like I’m on the discovery channel. Every now and then I watch his tongue lick his bottom lip and I’m finding it very difficult not to dance slutty, when all I really want to do is walk over and dry hump his leg. Getting lost in the alcohol fog I start to lose my inhibitions and dance freely. I run both of my hands from my breasts, down my sides to my behind and circle it slowly, while I watch him in the mirror. Direct hit. Josh tenses his jaw and cracks his neck to the left, he’s aroused. It seems I’m not the only one who is quickly losing my inhibitions. The song finishes and Rhianna’s voice rings out

Shine bright like a diamond

OOHH I love this song. Suddenly Joshua cuts through the circle, grabs my hand and pulls me into the back corner.

“We’re dancing,” he snaps, he turns around while still pulling my by the hand and my body slams into his,
oh shit

Shine bright like a diamond

He turns me quickly so that his back is to the crowd, he’s a lot taller than me so I am totally shielded from everybody

Fine lights in the beautiful sea, I choose to be happy. You and I, you and I we’re like diamonds in the sky

He places his two hands on my behind and pulls me close to him, his eyes not leaving mine. I’m like putty in his dominate hands. I tentatively put my hands around his neck, unable to breath, unable to look away from his searing stare. We move our hips slowly in sink to the rhythmic beat, my heart is about to jump from my chest. He pulls his hands tighter into me, pulling me against his large erection. His gaze drops down to my breasts that are pushed up against his chest and looks back up into my eyes, giving me the best come fuck me look I have ever seen. Instinctively my eyes close, his breathing too has come to a halt. Dear god. He smells divine

So shine bright tonight
You and I, we’re beautiful like diamonds in the sky

I can’t help it, I gently stroke my fingers down the back of his neck and he gives me a slow seductive smile. He lip sinks the next few lines of the song, he must like it too. He knows the words

You’re a shooting star I see, a vision of ecstasy
When you hold me I’m alive
We’re like diamonds in the sky

My heart beat reaches a peak as our slow seductive rhythm follows the beat of the music, his hands move lower and follow the curve of my bottom. He clenches his jaw and pulls me up for a deeper connection to his engorged manhood. I can feel his pulse through his pants. Second by second I am losing all coherent thought. He’s taking me over, the power he has over my body is now more evident than ever. I bring my hand and place it tenderly on Joshua’s cheek. He closes his eyes in reverence and brings his mouth down to my neck, instinctively rubbing his lips down its length. Once again I am blessed with him grabbing my behind, this time he doesn’t hold back and he grinds himself into me. My core starts to throb as I feel a rush of moisture to my most sensitive area. He feels so good. Slowly he raises his face and runs his teeth along my jaw, breathing heavily into my neck, my mouth opens as my head throws back. I think I’m going to come right here, right now,
shit.
Our breathing is heavy and we are completely lost in the moment. A moment I’ve waited so long for, and he’s here, he’s here with me. He feels it too. Very slowly I raise my face and look into Josh’s dilated eyes, willing him to kiss me, his eyes drop to my mouth, his chest rising as he struggles to control his breathing. Very slowly he bows his head.

Margaret Stanton is standing in the corner near the bar, her eyes fixed firmly on her son and her niece in the far corner of the dance floor. She’s radiating with anger as if a red glow could be seen around her. Her unmatched beauty and social standing can’t help her with this. She’s warned him, time and again, she even warned him just this very morning to keep away from this girl. She is way past angry, she is furious. She swirls her red around in her wine glass as she glares at the dance floor. James Brennan her husband’s best friend and business partner is standing next to her. He gestures to the dance floor with his hand as he takes a sip of his scotch, he glares at her as he talks into his short tumbler.

“I told you to handle this.”

“Do you think I haven’t tried?” She snaps, her eyes shooting back to the dance floor as Joshua once again pulls Natasha against his hips.

“I’m warning you Margaret, I won’t play your stupid little games.” He rolls his shoulders. “Put a stop to it or I will.”

She takes a sip of her red as hatred drips from her lips and raises one eyebrow. “Don’t threaten me James, I’m not the one who will lose everything.”

He plasters a fake smile as someone walks past them, nodding his head as a greeting. “Keep telling yourself that, Margaret” he sneers. “You have more to lose than me, Joshua for one. Do you think he will respect you once he knows?” he whispers.

She narrows her eyes. “Keep your voice down!” she snaps. “He will never know, over my dead body will he ever find out.”

“The only way this will be revealed is if this pathetic little lust story on the dance floor continues. Stop it now.” His voice drips with contempt, she swallows the large lump in her throat and glances back to the dance floor to catch Joshua run his lips down Natasha’s throat.

“Good god,” she snaps. “This is worse than I imagined.” She rubs her forehead. She gestures to Cameron who comes over with Scott immediately. “Go out on that dance floor and ask Joshua what the hell he thinks he’s doing.” Cameron looks around the dance floor to see Josh running his teeth along Natasha’s jaw, while grinding his hips into hers.

“Shit,” Cam mutters. Margaret goes to walk off but James grabs her by the arm.

“I’m warning you Margaret, take care of this or I will.”

She throws him a fake smile worthy of an Oscar nomination, and lifts her chin.

“Don’t threaten me James, you won’t like me when I’m angry. Stay away from my family, especially Joshua. This is your first and final warning.”

Joshua and I are totally lost in the moment, a moment I’ve waited for so long, and he’s here, he’s here with me, he feels it too. Very slowly I raise my face and look into Josh’s dilated eyes, willing him to kiss me, he tenderly looks at my mouth and bows his head. Our lips touch. Immediately the electricity between us jolts me and awakens my senses. Senses that have laid dormant for seven long years. I’m lost, I’ll do anything he wants.

“Josh, fucking cool it.” We are snapped back to reality by Cameron, Joshua’s little brother on the dance floor. Fuck
, fuck,
what are we doing
, shit
we immediately step back from each other. Josh looks at Cam who gestures to the side of the dance floor where Scott the groom is glaring at both Joshua and I. Immediately I want to die, we both quickly scan the room to see who has witnessed our loss of control. I look at Joshua and the horrified look on his face mirrors mine. I practically run to the ladies, oh my god, who saw that? What the hell am I doing? I make it to the Ladies but as soon as I get there I burst into tears, unable to control my stress at being so stupid. My heart still racing, my body aching from the loss of his. I start to pace while shaking my hands, shit, shit, shit, holy fuck what was that? I burst into a cubicle and sit on the toilet with my face in my hands. I’m a disgrace. Perspiration seeps from my pores.
Oh my god
. All alone in the cubicle I start to sob, so close but so far.

Joshua storms off the dance floor and barges into the first door he sees to the right, the kitchen. Luckily the kitchen staff have already gone for the night. He needs to get away from the other guests, he’s too worked up, too angry with himself.

“Fucking hell,” he yells as he punches the stainless steel bench. He starts to pace, rubbing his hands through his hair. Adrian and Ben gingerly walk in after him, unsure what to say. This is a shock to their system, they have both been with Joshua a long time and this is uncharted waters to them.

“Joshua calm down,” Adrian quietly comforts.

“Calm down?” he yells. “Calm down, it’s a bit fucking late for that. I shouldn’t of fucking come, I knew this would happen.” Adrian and Ben frown at each other.

“Why do you say that?”

“How bad was it?” he looks to his two friends.

“What do you mean? Frowns Adrian.

“How bad did it look?”

Ben smiles and nods, “Pretty fucking bad.”

Adrian pipes up, “If it makes you feel any better, she lost control too.”

Joshua looks at his friend, “Where is she, I need to see her.”

Adrian widens his eyes, “I think you’ve done enough damage for one night?”

“Just go and fucking find her,” he yells. “If I want your opinion, I will fucking ask for it.”

The door bangs open and Scott storms in. “I fucking warned you,” he yells.

Joshua hangs his head, “I know,” he answers in a defeated voice.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” he screams at Joshua. “What if Dad saw that?”

“I know. Fuck,” Joshua whispers and rubs both hands through his hair, he links his fingers on both hands together on top of his head and blows out a breath. “I… I lost my head.”

“I know!” Scott yells. “Find it, or leave. Seriously my fucking wedding, are you kidding, do you have any idea of the carnage if someone had of seen that?”

“I know I’m sorry.” Scott scowls and looks down at Joshua’s obvious erection, he shakes his head in disgust and storms out. Josh blows out a breath with his hands linked on top of his head, he looks to Ben and Adrian and shakes his head. They both stare at him, shocked to the core. They have never seen him like this before. He never touches anyone in public. He rearranges his groin.

Suddenly the kitchen door bursts open. Oh shit, it’s Brock. He’s radiating atomic anger, he points at Joshua and yells

“You fucking prick!” He grabs Joshua by the suit lapels and slams him up against the fridge. With his forearm across his throat, he pulls him out and slams him back into the fridge. “What the fuck was that Stanton?” he yells. Joshua doesn’t answer and he doesn’t fight back, he’s bigger than Brock, if he wanted to, he could end this now. Ben goes to move in but Joshua shakes his head at him. “Mind telling me why the fuck your dry fucking my sister on the dance floor?” Joshua bites his bottom lip and glares at Brock, “Answer me fucker!” he yells. “She’s not a slut Stanton” he yells.

Joshua narrows his eyes. “I fucking know that,” he snaps.

“No you don’t, you just treated her like one.” Joshua closes his eyes and drops his head. Brock slams his head again. “I know the dirty sluts you’re used to Stanton, and believe me, she is so far out of your league it’s not even funny.”

Joshua narrows his eyes, he glares at Brock as his anger escalates. “Back the fuck off Brock!” he yells and twists his arms to get out of his hold, he pushes Brock who comes back with another push.

Ben steps in. “Stop it you two, enough already.” Both men stare at each other breathing heavily, their fists clenched at their sides.

Brock points his finger in Joshua’s face. “The sooner you fuck off back to America the better. I’m warning you. If you go near her again, you’re a dead man.”

“Go fuck yourself!” Joshua sneers. “I’ll do what I want.” Brock storms out of the kitchen. All three men stay silent, Josh kicks the bin in frustration. Adrian’s eyes are the size of saucers.

“So, I’m guessing he’s the restraining order,” Ben whispers.

Joshua shakes his head, “No he’s just a parking cop.”

“If he’s a parking cop who in the hell is the restraining order?”

Joshua turns to face his friends.

“My mother.”

Chapter 4

There is only
one thing worse than waking with a hangover. Hazy images of yourself from the night before. I look around the room to try and get my bearings. That’s right, I’m in my hotel room alone. I trudge to the bathroom and stare in the mirror at the ugly raccoon looking back at me. The ugly raccoon who does a great impersonation of a dog on heat, on dance floors at weddings. I cringe as the memory of last night comes forth to my foggy brain. I pinch the bridge of my nose, shit. What came over me? I put my head in my hands, why in the hell did I drink last night? He must think I’m a total scrubber. I couldn’t have appeared any easier if I tried. I feel like shit this morning. Hopefully he was drunk. Then he won’t remember me making a total fool of myself. One minute we were dancing, the next thing, kissing. I tap my forehead as I remember and smile
, what am I smiling about
? A knock bangs on the door, unfortunately I know exactly who it is. I frown again as my brain hits my skull knock, knock, knock.

“Alright I’m coming, I’m coming.” I open the door to a cranky looking Bridget, she smiles a plastered on smile.

“What happened to you last night?” I turn, walk over to the jug and flick it on. Coffee will help me with this conversation. I’m not in the mood for this shit. I stand with my back to her trying to look busy, if I look her in the eye she will know without a doubt I’m lying.

“I must have eaten something and I couldn’t stop vomiting. I didn’t want to interrupt your night so I just got a cab.” She stays silent as she listens to my explanation.

“Do you want coffee?” I ask, hoping she bought the burb of lies I have just sent her way. “It was a nice wedding wasn’t it? The bride looked gorgeous didn’t she?” I’m babbling and talking way too fast. “What time did you get home?” I ask as I turn to face her armed with my caffeine.

“I went out with the Stanton boys, we went clubbing.”

I nod staying silent.

“Do you have something to tell me?” she asks with a raised brow.

“No, why do you say that?”

“I don’t know if you noticed, I was at the wedding yesterday.” She rips her hair down from its bun with such force it’s a wonder she doesn’t scalp herself.

“Yes, I know,” I mutter.

“And. I was on the dance floor last night.” Dread fills my stomach. “I’m waiting,” she continues to scowl at me.

“Why do you think I have something to tell you?”

“Because the Stanton boys all know what’s going on.”

“What?” I snap. “How do you know?”

“When I was with them last night, I came back from the Bar and they were talking about you and Joshua.” Holy crap, my eyes are the size of saucers.

“What did they say?” My heart rate doubles as I hold my breath.

She holds up her hand. “Tell me what’s going on.”

“Was Joshua with you?” I ask, secretly hoping she has some info for me, something I can cling onto, anything?

“No, he left after the dirty dancing affair as well.” I put my face into my hands. “Cameron said I should ask you about it. He seemed shocked that I didn’t know.”

“Know what?” I whisper my eyes wide.

“You tell me!” She yells.

“Oh god, this is terrible.” I wail.

“Tell me,” she urges. Again another knock, thank heavens for Mums impeccable timing.

“Come in,” I yell a little too fast. Bridget scowls at me. I smile as I open the door.

“Hi honey are you feeling better? I wish you came and got me last night. You didn’t need to catch a cab on your own. Why didn’t you just find me instead of texting me?”

“Yes, why is that Natasha. It’s very unlike you?” Bridget scowls at me as she folds her arms in front of her.

“Come on we have breakfast at the Stanton’s.” I am so not going there. How do I get out of this?

“I still don’t feel well. I can’t come Mum, sorry. I don’t want to risk throwing up in public or on Margaret for that matter.” The thought tickles my fancy and I stifle a smile.

Bridget narrows her eyes at me. “I bet,” she snaps. Mum gives me a reassuring smile that only a mother can give.

“No worries. It’s a shame though, we never catch up with them, never mind, next time.” She rubs my arm and heads over to the lift entrance calling from the hall for Bridget to hurry up.

“When we get home we are meeting Abbie at Oscars and I want the fucking truth,” she pokes me hard in the chest.

“Oww, ok.” I whisper trying desperately to get rid of her, I do wide eyes to her to signify my distaste for this conversation. I dread the impending conversation, my stomach dry reaches just thinking about it. I’m not stretching the truth too far actually, vomiting could be in the very soon foreseeable future. This is a total nightmare, I want desperately to go to breakfast to see him. I need to see him. It’s a need not a want. I want to see his face after last night but I can’t risk seeing Scott his brother. I am so embarrassed. I wish I had a vision of what last night looked like, did I look like the instigator? Was I the instigator? Did he reciprocate my desire? Or did I imagine it? For the next three hours I act like the total loser I am. I down load Rihanna’s Diamonds track and listen to it on repeat while lying on my bed staring at the ceiling, only leaving the bed to dry reach into the toilet every now and then. I reminisce dancing with him last night, the feel of his unrestrained strength under my hands and the divine smell of him. Hmm, the way he bit my neck, I get goose bumps just thinking about it. His want for me, his pure maleness………… that’s not even a word? I can’t help but smile, my god he sure does, shine bright like a diamond that is. He’s still got it and worse than that, I still want it. Joshua Stanton is too beautiful for words.

6.00pm Oscars.

Bridget hasn’t talked to me all day other than tell me Joshua didn’t show for breakfast with his family. We are waiting for Abbie to arrive sipping our coffee in silence. I don’t know why she’s pissed off, I’m the one everyone is talking about. I just wish I knew what they were saying.

Abbie finally turns up in a rush and obvious fluster. “Hi, what in the hell is the crisis meeting about?” She unloads all the crap from her bag, looking for her wallet. “Is it TC have you heard anything?” Her eyes search mine. “Has she made a move on him?”

“No nothing like that,” I answer. “How would we know anyway?”

“What’s so bloody urgent then? I am going on a date tonight.”

“Who with?” We both say in tandem.

“Tristan, Army guy,” we all smile. I think she likes him.

Bridget sits back. “Natasha has something to tell us,” she folds her arms in front of her. God she plays the bitch well.

“You do?” Abbie smiles, her face questioning and eyebrows raised.

“Uumm,” I don’t look either of them in the eye.

Bridget points her spoon at me. “Enough of this shit. Out with it.”

Abbie looks between both of us. “What the hell is going on?” Obviously shocked at bitch Bridget’s venom. My moment of truth has arrived and I am about to be judged by the two people who mean the most to me. They are important. Their opinion matters, it really matters. I blow out a long and steadying breath as I try to calm my nerves.

“I………I………… had a steamy month long sexual affair with Joshua when I was seventeen.” I say it in a rush to get the words out.

“What the fuck!” Abbie spits out. I stay silent as I see the colour drip from their faces, my eyes flick between them. “Hang on, back up” Abbie is confused, she holds up her hand in a stop signal. “Your cousin?” she asks mortified.

“Yes,” I nod.

“The gorgeous one,” I nod again.

“What. You slept with him?” I nod. “Your cousin,” she repeats as she frowns. “More than once?” I nod. “How many times?” Abbie is in total shock, I shrug my shoulders. “How many times?” she repeats.

“Four or five times,” I answer.

She puts her hand on her chest. “Oh thank god.”

“Every day for a month,” I finish my sentence.

“Fuck off,” Bridget snaps. We both look to her, she has been blissfully silent up until this point. “You slept with Joshua four or five times a day for a month? When was this?”

“On holiday before he went away.”

“Where was I?”

“You were in England with Jenna,” she nods as she processes the information. I can almost see her brain ticking.

“And last night was the first time you’ve seen each other since.” Once again I nod. “How do we not know this?” Bridget asks, the hurt in her voice cuts me. I’m a bad friend who keeps secrets.

“Bridget I’m sorry, I couldn’t tell anyone I’m ashamed.” Abbie has her hands in front of her mouth like she’s praying.

“Hang on,” Bridge whispers, “How old were you?”

“Seventeen,” I answer knowing for certain what the next question is going to be.

“Don’t tell me,” Abbie whispers eyes wide.

I nod, “Yes, I lost my virginity to him.”

“Fuck off,” Bridget snaps again.

“Were you his first?” Bridget’s hands are running through her hair.

“No, he had slept with lots of girls before me.”

“Shit. This is fucked up Tash,” Bridget whispers.

“I know” I give a weak smile and nod. “I think”…………I stay silent………… ”I think.”

“What?” Bridget snaps as she sips her coffee. Her patience is running thin………”I think I’m in love with him.”

“Fuck off,” Bridget snaps as she chokes on her coffee.

“Will you stop saying that?”

“Well then, stop shocking me.”

“Why do you think that?” Abbie looks like she is going to vomit, her face screwed up. She’s holding her stomach.

“Because………… Because,” they are both leaning in toward me, on the edge of their seats. Bridget is biting her thumb nail. “I think I’m in love with him because I haven’t………… I haven’t”…………

“You haven’t what?” Abbie snaps.

“I haven’t slept with anyone since.” They both stare at me like I have just grown two heads, their eyes bulge from their sockets. I sit back, and god what a relief, that was cathartic.

“You haven’t had sex in seven years?” I nod and give a sheepish smile. I wish I had a camera. They are speechless, the look of total horror on their face makes me giggle.

“How is that possible, you’ve had heaps of boyfriends? You’ve even had two marriage proposals.”

I shrug. “I told them I was waiting for marriage. Obviously I kept them sexually satisfied in other ways but you know what? The only reason they proposed to me was they thought I would be good marriage material since I wasn’t easy.”

“They believed you?” They are both mortified. Abbie looks up at me and starts to giggle.

“What’s funny?” Bridget smiles.

“Her,” she points to me, “she is.” Bridget looks at me and starts to giggle as well.

“What’s funny?” I laugh.

“You’re a fucking Psychologist who treats messed up people all day and you’re more fucked up than the rest of us. You’re the world’s biggest prick teaser.” I laugh and nod.

“Yes, I suppose.”

“Oh my god!” Bridget holds her hands up to her face. “Tash this is like frigging Bold and the Beautiful. You do know that, right?” I nod.

“So what, you’ve been in contact with him all along?”

“No, not a word. Remember Josh nearly didn’t go to America because he met a girl in Sydney?” Bridget nods.

“That was me.” She gasps, eyes wide and puts her hands up to her mouth.

“No way.” I nod again.

“If you haven’t been in contact, what’s with the celibacy?” I shrug as I chew over her question.

“It hasn’t been on purpose. Every time I’m with a man I think I’m going to go through with it but when it comes close, I can’t do it. I feel like I’m cheating on him and to be fair, the guys don’t really get me hot for it.”

“Shit,” Abbie whispers, “This is a fucking crisis meeting if I ever saw one.”

I smile. “I know.”

“Okay let’s rehash,” Abbie takes charge of the crisis meeting with her spoon pointing. “So you were in love with Joshua.”

I nod, “Correct.”

“And last night was the first time you have seen each other since.”

I nod again, “Correct.”

“And what happened?” she looks to Bridget who is still biting her thumbnail she hunches her shoulders.

“I think he still is attracted to her. No actually, I know he is still attracted to her, he was watching her like a serial killer stalking his next victim.” I can’t help the broad smile from appearing on my face.

Abbie looks back to me. “And this is good is it?” I hunch my shoulders and nod. “So are you still attracted to him?”

I nod again. “Yes, seriously.”

“What happened at the wedding?” she looks between Abbie and me.

“We danced.”

“Dirty danced,” Bridget adds.

“And then we kissed.”

“Kissed,” she repeats. “In front of your family?”

“Yes it wasn’t planned, I was just so turned on. He makes me crazy, I forgot where I was.” She pinches her lips while assessing the situation, deep in thought.

“So it’s physical then?”

I nod, “I think so. I lose all coherent thought when he is anywhere near me, he just has this way. I don’t know, I can’t explain it. His body talks to mine.”

“What so, he’s like, dominant?”

I nod. “Totally and he’s seriously fucking hot, so it’s a lethal combo. The way he touches me, it’s like he will die if he doesn’t have me. He consumes me, I feel like I can’t breathe. Like I was meant to please him, to hold him.”

Her eyes widen. “Hmm,” she’s thinking, “has he called you today?” I pull my phone out of my bag and check it for the hundredth time today.

“No,” I answer flatly while looking at the screen.

“Does he have your number?”

“I don’t know,” I answer.

“What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know, I have to get some closure, I know that for sure I can’t move on until I can get him out of my head.”

“Is that what you want? To move on.”

“Yes. We can’t have a future together. I know that. We both know that, but there was something still there, I felt it and I know he did too. He forgot where he was as well, but I need to finish this for once and for all. I’m sick of this longing from a distance shit.” We sit in silence.

“This is heavy shit Natasha,” Bridget whispers.